Hello once again, my lovely listeners.
This is Canyon City Radio, here on 83.3 MHz.
We're looking at another hot day our here in the Wasteland, with temperatures reaching the low fifties.
So if yoou're still alive out there, wear a hat. No sense in getting MORE cancer, right?
/Bzzzt-.../
I'm Azkohi Vihnmes, here in lovely Canyon City. For those just tuning in, this is Canyon City Radio, the best and only news source in the Wasteland.
No sense in playing around with it - let's have some news.
The Gawgaryn bands west of old Kopesk seem to be gathering, so if you're headed out in that direction I suggest some new travel plans.
A little siro told me they're planning a pretty major operation. Who knows? Maybe they'll get lucky.
Izweski forces have been marshalling near Camp Integrity lately - hey, if you're listening, go take care of those Gawgaryn I just mentioned.
/Hzzt-...brr../
Here's something that sounds like a conspiracy. There are Skrell out in the Wasteland, in pretty high numbers.
Now I know some of you might be thinking hey, bet they have some good stuff, right? But get this, I'm hearing they're here to help.
I know, right? Crazy. Word's going out about Skrell handing out food, medicine - so if you se a weird alien out there, maybe talk first, shoot later. Just a heads-up.
I know we've all heard 'humanitarian' promises before - the Izweski, the humans, Hephaestus - pretty much everyone wants to talk, pretty much no one wants to help.
Maybe this time's different? Word of advice, though - I know a guy from Ouerea, familiar with some of those Skrell guns, and they hit hard. Don't go picking any fights you can't win - except my Guwandi friends out there. You're gonna do that anyway.
/Kzzt...hkk-/
This one goes out to my good friend Vhariz Vihnmes, now three years gone. I know I said he was bound for Guzari, didn't expect the fool to go wandering off there. If you're out there, Vhariz - we all miss you.
[RANDOMNOTE] Strange is the night where flowers bloom [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Strange a city, turned a tomb [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Strange that song, which brings our doom [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] The song of lost Guzari [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] E'er north where sun does never shine [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Travakh's cold grasp untouched by time [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Is where it lies, but heed this rhyme [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Stay far from cold Guzari [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] For ancient lords did speak a curse [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Of rage before the dying earth [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] As fire came down, the whispers birthed [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Horrors of old Guzari [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] The city sleeps, beneath the snows [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Where mortal feet may never go [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] But still it calls now, even so [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] The lure of sweet Guzari [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] So hear me friend, and hear me well [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Not just a song, this tale I tell [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Many ignored, and many fell [RANDOMNOTE]
[RANDOMNOTE] Now lost to Dead Guzari [RANDOMNOTE]
That was 'The Ballad of Dead Guzari', by a lovely bard here in Canyon City.
/Hrrrkt.../
Welcome back, listeners to 83.3 - Canyon City Radio!
As always this is Azkohi Vihnmes, keeping you in the loop no matter how bad the news is.
Don't like it? Turn it off.
News from way out near the Queendom this time - shout out to all you lovely ladies. If you're ever in Canyon City, come say hi. First drink's on me.
Who likes fire? If you raised your hand, jumped up, or started chanting - then odds are pretty good you're one of that Si'akh crowd.
Hear you guys have been getting some real coverage lately - just so long as you don't set the station on fire, all good with me.
This new flame church business? Let me tell you, the Church down in Skalamar is far from happy. Now, knowing them, it'll take five years to make a decision, so you're probably fine.
Still, if you're out at this temple, or in the Queendom, might want to keep your claws sharp. Never know when some bounty hunter type might try his luck.
Speaking of bounty hunters, old Izaku's been offering more and more money for someone to bring him Si'akh's head - though if you're thinking about taking it, word of advice. Notorious cheapskate, not to mention mad as a fish in the desert. Find a better employer.
/Kzzt-.../
You folks out there ever seen a xsain? Some of you might have, round Integrity way - but I mean one of the big ones. The ones they use for war.
Course you haven't, you're still breathing!
But rumor has been going round that some Klex- Kuhla- you know who I mean, the xsain.
Some project of theirs got hit by Gawgaryn out north of Thos'kar. And the big bugs were far from happy.
Reclaimer friend of mine from out that way says that they dropped in a xsain as tall as three Sinta, that breathed fire all over them!
Now, he likes to hit the koko. But still, we know those Gawgaryn have been real quiet lately. So perhaps there's a lesson to be learned here.
Xsain business is weird, and messing with it might get you killed. No disrespect to my Mi'kuetz friends out there. You lot are all right.
Speaking of Mi'kuetz, I got one of them in to fix my radio the other day - so our signal is stronger than ever!
We all know life in the Wasteland is hard, folks, believe me - so why not keep listening? Make our radioactive desert into a little more of a radioactive home.
/Zzht-.../
Folks, no jokes for today. You heard of Kseok Gawgaryn? Big-shot raider, down near the Zazalais.
Apparently this guy was getting hungry, decided to torch a Vihnmes inn to make of with its food. Most of my clanmates there got away. Most.
So congratulations, Kseok Gawgaryn, you've won the Canyon City Radio grand prize - a ten-gallon bounty on your miserable hide.
That's right. Ten gallons of clean, fresh, water, to whoever delivers this coward dead or alive to my establishment here in Canyon City.
Last I heard he was riding up towards Mudki - so load those guns and sharpen those blades, listeners. Payment on delivery.
Oh, and for any other Gawgaryn listening? Take this to heart if you're thinking about messing with the Vihnmes.
That's all for today, listeners - remember, a little common sense goes a long way out here.
/Kzzzh-.../
Hello again listeners, and welcome back to Canyon City Radio.
I'm your host, Azkohi Vihnmes, here with the weather - hot, radioactive, sandy. Same as ever.
A band of mercenaries set out from Canyon City the other day - Freewater types, you know the kind.
Apparently, some Hegemony lordling wants to find out what's in Fallen Mountain, and put together an expedition.
If you're in the area, they should have made it by now, and those guys had some quality gear. Feel free to help yourselves to the corpses.
Remember, when everyone in the Wasteland's left a place unsalvaged? Probably a good reason.
In other words, it seems this humanitarian thing's not just all talk.
The other day, listeners, and by mine and your spirits I'm not spinning a tale here - a Skrell spaceship touched down, right here in Canyon City!
I know, I know! Thought I needed to lay off the xuizi, but there they were, must have been ten of the ghazkii warbling like no one's business.
Had some weird-looking xsain with them, too - blue, not green or yellow like the usual crowd. I ddn't know they came in different colors like that.
Naturally, we were all rattled - but then one of them comes out jabbering in some human language, and the militia had to spend nearly an hour finding someone who spoke Tau Ceti Basic - yours truly, by the way.
Turns out, they were there to help - with a load of Hephaestus aquaponics equipment that I'd have bet the Hegemon's head was a mirage.
They're still here, getting the stuff set up - all right sorts, even if I can't stop worrying they're gonna try read my mind.
Still, apparently we should be able to have a good fishery set up with all these machines - so consider this a shout out to the ghazkii.
Anyone who helps out the Canyon is a friend of the Vihnmes, and the clan-mothers are fully with me on that one. Any Skrell out there in the Wasteland, congratulations - you drink free at Vihnmes establishments. Food still costs, though. We're not a charity.
/Zzzzt-.../
Hello again, all my lovely Wasteland friends.
It's me, Azkohi Vihnmes, broadcasting from sunny Canyon City.
Got a little news here, if that's something you lot would be interested in. Let's see...
Now, I know when I talk about Hephaestus you all start molting, but bear with me here.
Apparently, old Yukal T'zakal's having his guild work with the Skrell on this 'help out the wasteland' project.
So, maybe they're not all bad. None of them have bought drinks from me yet, though, so I'm still putting them below the Skrell.
Today's broadcast is sponsored by - nah, I'm just quoting a limerick at you. Who'd want to sponsor this dump?
Well, aside from the proud and ancient Clan Vihnmes, anyway. Our inns are some of the safest places in the Wasteland - if you die, your money back!
/Krrzh-.../
Now, some more surprising news - heard there are all sorts of aliens wandering round the Wasteland.
Mining operations or something, shutles coming down from orbit. Apparently, there's this S.C.C ship here, part of the whole humanitarian thing.
Surprised Hephaestus - put the knives down, folks - let them in. Guess this is a big project.
That's all for now, friends - but keep those radios tuned to 83.3, Canyon City Radio!
The best, the fastest and most importantly, the only news outlet in the Wasteland!
As always, take care out there, people - this is Azkohi Vihnmes, signing off.
/Zzzzt-.../