diff --git a/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2.dm b/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2.dm
index 2147157dd72..b666467c7a3 100644
--- a/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2.dm
+++ b/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2.dm
@@ -71,15 +71,8 @@
 			var/list/objs = list()
 
 			for(var/type in select_types)
-				var/char = copytext(type, 1, 2)
-
-				if(char == "/" || char == "*")
-					for(var/from in from_objs)
-						objs += SDQL_get_all(type, from)
-						CHECK_TICK
-
-				else if(char == "'" || char == "\"")
-					objs += locate(copytext(type, 2, length(type)))
+				objs += SDQL_get_all(type, from_objs)
+				CHECK_TICK
 
 			if("where" in query_tree)
 				var/objs_temp = objs
@@ -91,19 +84,8 @@
 
 			switch(query_tree[1])
 				if("call")
-					var/list/call_list = query_tree["call"]
-					var/list/args_list = query_tree["args"]
-
 					for(var/datum/d in objs)
-						var/list/new_args = list()
-						for(var/a in args_list)
-							new_args += SDQL_expression(d,a)
-						for(var/v in call_list)
-							if(copytext(v,1,8) == "global.")
-								v = "/proc/[copytext(v,8)]"
-								SDQL_callproc_global(v,new_args)
-							else
-								SDQL_callproc(d, v, new_args)
+						SDQL_var(d, query_tree["call"][1], source = d)
 						CHECK_TICK
 
 				if("delete")
@@ -231,30 +213,15 @@
 
 /proc/SDQL_from_objs(list/tree)
 	if("world" in tree)
-		return list(world)
-
-	var/list/out = list()
-
-	for(var/type in tree)
-		var/char = copytext(type, 1, 2)
-
-		if(char == "/")
-			out += SDQL_get_all(type, world)
-
-		else if(char == "'" || char == "\"")
-			out += locate(copytext(type, 2, length(type)))
-
-	return out
-
+		return world
+	return SDQL_expression(world, tree)
 
 /proc/SDQL_get_all(type, location)
 	var/list/out = list()
 
-	if(type == "*")
-		for(var/datum/d in location)
-			out += d
-
-		return out
+// If only a single object got returned, wrap it into a list so the for loops run on it.
+	if(!islist(location) && location != world)
+		location = list(location)
 
 	type = text2path(type)
 	var/typecache = typecacheof(type)
@@ -394,21 +361,32 @@
 
 	else if(expression[i] == "\[")
 		var/list/expressions_list = expression[++i]
-		var/list/val2 = list()
+		val = list()
 		for(var/list/expression_list in expressions_list)
-			val2[++val2.len] = SDQL_expression(object, expression_list)
-		val = val2
+			var/result = SDQL_expression(object, expression_list)
+			var/assoc
+			if(expressions_list[expression_list] != null)
+				assoc = SDQL_expression(object, expressions_list[expression_list])
+			if(assoc != null)
+				// Need to insert the key like this to prevent duplicate keys fucking up.
+				var/list/dummy = list()
+				dummy[result] = assoc
+				result = dummy
+			val += result
 	else
-		val = SDQL_var(object, expression, i)
+		val = SDQL_var(object, expression, i, object)
 		i = expression.len
 
 	return list("val" = val, "i" = i)
 
-/proc/SDQL_var(datum/object, list/expression, start = 1)
+/proc/SDQL_var(datum/object, list/expression, start = 1, source)
 	var/v
-	if(expression[start] in object.vars)
-		v = object.vars[expression[start]]
-	else if(expression[start] == "{" && start < expression.len)
+	var/static/list/exclude = list("usr", "src", "marked", "global")
+	var/long = start < expression.len
+	if(object == world && long && expression[start + 1] == ".")
+		to_chat(usr, "Sorry, but global variables are not supported at the moment.")
+		return null
+	else if(expression [start] == "{" && long)
 		if(lowertext(copytext(expression[start + 1], 1, 3)) != "0x")
 			to_chat(usr, "<span class='danger'>Invalid pointer syntax: [expression[start + 1]]</span>")
 			return null
@@ -417,28 +395,55 @@
 			to_chat(usr, "<span class='danger'>Invalid pointer: [expression[start + 1]]</span>")
 			return null
 		start++
-	else
+	else if((!long || expression[start + 1] == ".") && (expression[start] in object.vars))
+		v = object.vars[expression[start]]
+	else if(long && expression[start + 1] == ":" && hascall(object, expression[start]))
+		v = expression[start]
+	else if(!long || expression[start + 1] == ".")
 		switch(expression[start])
 			if("usr")
 				v = usr
 			if("src")
-				v = object
+				v = source
 			if("marked")
 				if(usr.client && usr.client.holder && usr.client.holder.marked_datum)
 					v = usr.client.holder.marked_datum
 				else
 					return null
+			if("global")
+				v = world
 			else
 				return null
-	if(start < expression.len && expression[start + 1] == ".")
-		return SDQL_var(v, expression[start + 2])
-	else
-		return v
+	else if(object == world) // Shitty ass hack kill me.
+		v = expression[start]
+	if(long)
+		if(expression[start + 1] == ".")
+			return SDQL_var(v, expression[start + 2], source = source)
+		else if(expression[start + 1] == ":")
+			return SDQL_function(object, v, expression[start + 2], source)
+		else if(expression[start + 1] == "\[" && islist(v))
+			var/list/L = v
+			var/index = SDQL_expression(source, expression[start + 2])
+			if(isnum(index) && (!IsInteger(index) || L.len < index))
+				to_chat(usr, "<span class='danger'>Invalid list index: [index]</span>")
+				return null
+			return L[index]
+	return v
+
+/proc/SDQL_function(var/datum/object, var/procname, var/list/arguments, source)
+	set waitfor = FALSE
+	var/list/new_args = list()
+	for(var/arg in arguments)
+		new_args += SDQL_expression(source, arg)
+	if(object == world) // Global proc.
+		procname = "/proc/[procname]"
+		return call(procname)(arglist(new_args))
+	return call(object, procname)(arglist(new_args)) // Spawn in case the function sleeps.
 
 /proc/SDQL2_tokenize(query_text)
 
 	var/list/whitespace = list(" ", "\n", "\t")
-	var/list/single = list("(", ")", ",", "+", "-", ".", ";", "{", "}", "\[", "]")
+	var/list/single = list("(", ")", ",", "+", "-", ".", ";", "{", "}", "\[", "]", ":")
 	var/list/multi = list(
 					"=" = list("", "="),
 					"<" = list("", "=", ">"),
diff --git a/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2_parser.dm b/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2_parser.dm
index 3692b9633df..61945f1dde7 100644
--- a/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2_parser.dm
+++ b/code/modules/admin/verbs/SDQL2/SDQL_2_parser.dm
@@ -116,18 +116,7 @@
 	i = select_list(i + 1, select)
 	node += "select"
 	node["select"] = select
-	var/list/from = list()
-	if(tokenl(i) in list("from", "in"))
-		i = from_list(i + 1, from)
-	else
-		from += "world"
-	node += "from"
-	node["from"] = from
-	if(tokenl(i) == "where")
-		var/list/where = list()
-		i = bool_expression(i + 1, where)
-		node += "where"
-		node["where"] = where
+	selectors(i, node)
 	return i
 
 //delete_query:	'DELETE' select_list [('FROM' | 'IN') from_list] ['WHERE' bool_expression]
@@ -136,18 +125,7 @@
 	i = select_list(i + 1, select)
 	node += "delete"
 	node["delete"] = select
-	var/list/from = list()
-	if(tokenl(i) in list("from", "in"))
-		i = from_list(i + 1, from)
-	else
-		from += "world"
-	node += "from"
-	node["from"] = from
-	if(tokenl(i) == "where")
-		var/list/where = list()
-		i = bool_expression(i + 1, where)
-		node += "where"
-		node["where"] = where
+	selectors(i, node)
 	return i
 
 //update_query:	'UPDATE' select_list [('FROM' | 'IN') from_list] 'SET' assignments ['WHERE' bool_expression]
@@ -156,52 +134,28 @@
 	i = select_list(i + 1, select)
 	node += "update"
 	node["update"] = select
-	var/list/from = list()
-	if(tokenl(i) in list("from", "in"))
-		i = from_list(i + 1, from)
-	else
-		from += "world"
-	node += "from"
-	node["from"] = from
 	if(tokenl(i) != "set")
 		i = parse_error("UPDATE has misplaced SET")
 	var/list/set_assignments = list()
 	i = assignments(i + 1, set_assignments)
 	node += "set"
 	node["set"] = set_assignments
-	if(tokenl(i) == "where")
-		var/list/where = list()
-		i = bool_expression(i + 1, where)
-		node += "where"
-		node["where"] = where
+	selectors(i, node)
 	return i
 
 //call_query:	'CALL' call_function ['ON' select_list [('FROM' | 'IN') from_list] ['WHERE' bool_expression]]
 /datum/SDQL_parser/proc/call_query(i, list/node)
 	var/list/func = list()
-	var/list/arguments = list()
-	i = call_function(i + 1, func, arguments)
+	i = variable(i + 1, func) // Yes technically does anything variable() matches but I don't care, if admins fuck up this badly then they shouldn't be allowed near SDQL.
 	node += "call"
 	node["call"] = func
-	node["args"] = arguments
 	if(tokenl(i) != "on")
 		return i
 	var/list/select = list()
 	i = select_list(i + 1, select)
 	node += "on"
 	node["on"] = select
-	var/list/from = list()
-	if(tokenl(i) in list("from", "in"))
-		i = from_list(i + 1, from)
-	else
-		from += "world"
-	node += "from"
-	node["from"] = from
-	if(tokenl(i) == "where")
-		var/list/where = list()
-		i = bool_expression(i + 1, where)
-		node += "where"
-		node["where"] = where
+	selectors(i, node)
 	return i
 
 //select_list:	select_item [',' select_list]
@@ -211,13 +165,6 @@
 		i = select_list(i + 1, node)
 	return i
 
-//from_list:	from_item [',' from_list]
-/datum/SDQL_parser/proc/from_list(i, list/node)
-	i = from_item(i, node)
-	if(token(i) == ",")
-		i = from_list(i + 1, node)
-	return i
-
 //assignments:	assignment, [',' assignments]
 /datum/SDQL_parser/proc/assignments(i, list/node)
 	i = assignment(i, node)
@@ -236,13 +183,33 @@
 		i = object_type(i, node)
 	return i
 
+// Standardized method for handling the IN/FROM and WHERE options.
+/datum/SDQL_parser/proc/selectors(i, list/node)
+	while (token(i))
+		var/tok = tokenl(i)
+		if(tok in list("from", "in"))
+			var/list/from = list()
+			i = from_item(i + 1, from)
+			node["from"] = from
+			continue
+		if(tok == "where")
+			var/list/where = list()
+			i = bool_expression(i + 1, where)
+			node["where"] = where
+			continue
+		parse_error("Expected either FROM, IN or WHERE token, found [token(i)] instead.")
+		return i + 1
+	if(!node.Find("from"))
+		node["from"] = list("world")
+	return i
+
 //from_item:	'world' | object_type
 /datum/SDQL_parser/proc/from_item(i, list/node)
 	if(token(i) == "world")
 		node += "world"
 		i++
 	else
-		i = object_type(i, node)
+		i = expression(i, node)
 	return i
 
 //bool_expression:	expression [bool_operator bool_expression]
@@ -280,6 +247,19 @@
 	if(token(i + 1) == ".")
 		L += "."
 		i = variable(i + 2, L)
+	else if(token(i + 1) == "(") // OH BOY PROC
+		var/list/arguments = list()
+		i = call_function(i, null, arguments)
+		L += ":"
+		L[++L.len] = arguments
+	else if(token(i + 1) == "\[")
+		var/list/expression = list()
+		i = expression(i + 2, expression)
+		if (token(i) != "]")
+			parse_error("Missing ] at the end of list access.")
+		L += "\["
+		L[++L.len] = expression
+		i++
 	else
 		i++
 	return i
@@ -291,17 +271,36 @@
 		return i + 1
 	node += token(i)
 	var/list/expression_list = list()
-	if(token(i + 1) != "]")
+	i++
+	if(token(i) != "]")
 		var/list/temp_expression_list = list()
+		var/tok
 		do
-			i = expression(i + 1, temp_expression_list)
-			if(token(i) == ",")
+			tok = token(i)
+			if(tok == "," || tok == ":")
+				if(temp_expression_list == null)
+					parse_error("Found ',' or ':' without expression in an array.")
+					return i + 1
 				expression_list[++expression_list.len] = temp_expression_list
-				temp_expression_list = list()
+				temp_expression_list = null
+				if(tok == ":")
+					temp_expression_list = list()
+					i = expression(i + 1, temp_expression_list)
+					expression_list[expression_list[expression_list.len]] = temp_expression_list
+					temp_expression_list = null
+					tok = token(i)
+					if(tok != ",")
+						if(tok == "]")
+							break
+						parse_error("Expected ',' or ']' after array assoc value, but found '[token(i)]'")
+						return i
+ 				i++
+ 				continue
+			temp_expression_list = list()
+			i = expression(i, temp_expression_list)
 		while(token(i) && token(i) != "]")
-		expression_list[++expression_list.len] = temp_expression_list
-	else
-		i++
+		if(temp_expression_list)
+			expression_list[++expression_list.len] = temp_expression_list
 	node[++node.len] = expression_list
 	return i + 1