diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/traits.dm b/code/__DEFINES/traits.dm
index 8e7b7ba2a81..a23705f3906 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/traits.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/traits.dm
@@ -129,7 +129,6 @@ Remember to update _globalvars/traits.dm if you're adding/removing/renaming trai
 #define TRAIT_HUSK				"husk"
 #define TRAIT_BADDNA			"baddna"
 #define TRAIT_CLUMSY			"clumsy"
-#define TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE			"clownlike" //for those creatures that are related to clowns, but not necessarily clumsy
 #define TRAIT_CHUNKYFINGERS		"chunkyfingers" //means that you can't use weapons with normal trigger guards.
 #define TRAIT_DUMB				"dumb"
 #define TRAIT_ADVANCEDTOOLUSER	"advancedtooluser" //Whether a mob is dexterous enough to use machines and certain items or not.
@@ -204,7 +203,6 @@ Remember to update _globalvars/traits.dm if you're adding/removing/renaming trai
 #define	TRAIT_STRONG_GRABBER	"strong_grabber"
 #define	TRAIT_MAGIC_CHOKE		"magic_choke"
 #define TRAIT_SOOTHED_THROAT    "soothed-throat"
-#define TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM "law-enforcement-metabolism"
 #define TRAIT_BOOZE_SLIDER      "booze-slider"
 #define TRAIT_QUICK_CARRY		"quick-carry"
 #define TRAIT_QUICKER_CARRY		"quicker-carry"
@@ -249,6 +247,27 @@ Remember to update _globalvars/traits.dm if you're adding/removing/renaming trai
 // Being close enough to the supermatter makes it heal at higher temperatures
 // and emit less heat. Present on /mob or /datum/mind
 #define TRAIT_SUPERMATTER_SOOTHER "supermatter_soother"
+/*
+* Trait granted by various security jobs, and checked by [/obj/item/food/donut]
+* When present in the mob's mind, they will always love donuts.
+*/
+#define TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER "donut_lover"
+
+// METABOLISMS
+// Various jobs on the station have historically had better reactions
+// to various drinks and foodstuffs. Security liking donuts is a classic
+// example. Through years of training/abuse, their livers have taken
+// a liking to those substances. Steal a sec officer's liver, eat donuts good.
+
+// These traits are applied to /obj/item/organ/liver
+#define TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM "law_enforcement_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_CULINARY_METABOLISM "culinary_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM "comedy_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM "medical_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_GREYTIDE_METABOLISM "greytide_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM "engineer_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM "royal_metabolism"
+#define TRAIT_PRETENDER_ROYAL_METABOLISM "pretender_royal_metabolism"
 
 // If present on a mob or mobmind, allows them to "suplex" an immovable rod
 // turning it into a glorified potted plant, and giving them an
@@ -263,6 +282,7 @@ Remember to update _globalvars/traits.dm if you're adding/removing/renaming trai
 #define TRAIT_LIGHTBULB_REMOVER "lightbulb_remover"
 #define TRAIT_KNOW_CYBORG_WIRES "know_cyborg_wires"
 #define TRAIT_KNOW_ENGI_WIRES "know_engi_wires"
+#define TRAIT_ENTRAILS_READER "entrails_reader"
 
 ///Movement type traits for movables. See elements/movetype_handler.dm
 #define TRAIT_MOVE_GROUND		"move_ground"
@@ -458,3 +478,6 @@ Remember to update _globalvars/traits.dm if you're adding/removing/renaming trai
 /// Trait granted by [/mob/living/silicon/robot]
 /// Traits applied to a silicon mob by their module.
 #define MODULE_TRAIT "module_trait"
+
+/// Trait from [/datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop]
+#define CLOWNOP_TRAIT "clownop"
diff --git a/code/_globalvars/traits.dm b/code/_globalvars/traits.dm
index 4826bc566e3..925a80b6148 100644
--- a/code/_globalvars/traits.dm
+++ b/code/_globalvars/traits.dm
@@ -22,7 +22,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(traits_by_type, list(
 		"TRAIT_HUSK" = TRAIT_HUSK,
 		"TRAIT_BADDNA" = TRAIT_BADDNA,
 		"TRAIT_CLUMSY" = TRAIT_CLUMSY,
-		"TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE" = TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE,
 		"TRAIT_CHUNKYFINGERS" = TRAIT_CHUNKYFINGERS,
 		"TRAIT_DUMB" = TRAIT_DUMB,
 		"TRAIT_ADVANCEDTOOLUSER" = TRAIT_ADVANCEDTOOLUSER,
diff --git a/code/datums/components/squeak.dm b/code/datums/components/squeak.dm
index 546e29b14e9..d1b2a19b88f 100644
--- a/code/datums/components/squeak.dm
+++ b/code/datums/components/squeak.dm
@@ -39,6 +39,10 @@
 		else if(isstructure(parent))
 			RegisterSignal(parent, COMSIG_ATOM_ATTACK_HAND, .proc/use_squeak)
 
+	if(istype(parent, /obj/item/organ/liver))
+		// Liver squeaking is depending on them functioning like a clown's liver
+		RegisterSignal(parent, SIGNAL_REMOVETRAIT(TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM), .proc/on_comedy_metabolism_removal)
+
 	override_squeak_sounds = custom_sounds
 	if(chance_override)
 		squeak_chance = chance_override
@@ -116,3 +120,8 @@
 	//If the dir changes it means we're going through a bend in the pipes, let's pretend we bumped the wall
 	if(old_dir != new_dir)
 		play_squeak()
+
+/datum/component/squeak/proc/on_comedy_metabolism_removal(datum/source, trait)
+	SIGNAL_HANDLER
+
+	qdel(src)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/clown_items.dm b/code/game/objects/items/clown_items.dm
index ba7bc8e384f..92e0530f262 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/clown_items.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/clown_items.dm
@@ -171,7 +171,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/bikehorn
 	name = "bike horn"
-	desc = "A horn off of a bicycle."
+	desc = "A horn off of a bicycle. Rumour has it that they're made from recycled clowns."
 	icon = 'icons/obj/items_and_weapons.dmi'
 	icon_state = "bike_horn"
 	inhand_icon_state = "bike_horn"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/food/pastries.dm b/code/game/objects/items/food/pastries.dm
index f6ded74284f..844bf5eb124 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/food/pastries.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/food/pastries.dm
@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@
 
 ///Override for checkliked in edible component, because all cops LOVE donuts
 /obj/item/food/donut/proc/check_liked(fraction, mob/living/carbon/human/H)
-	if(HAS_TRAIT(H.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM) && !HAS_TRAIT(H, TRAIT_AGEUSIA))
+	if(!HAS_TRAIT(H, TRAIT_AGEUSIA) && H.mind && HAS_TRAIT(H.mind, TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER))
 		return FOOD_LIKED
 
 //Use this donut ingame
diff --git a/code/modules/antagonists/nukeop/clownop.dm b/code/modules/antagonists/nukeop/clownop.dm
index 0c671502cc8..57c24772354 100644
--- a/code/modules/antagonists/nukeop/clownop.dm
+++ b/code/modules/antagonists/nukeop/clownop.dm
@@ -5,22 +5,28 @@
 	antagpanel_category = "ClownOp"
 	nukeop_outfit = /datum/outfit/syndicate/clownop
 
-/datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop
-	name = "Clown Operative Leader"
-	roundend_category = "clown operatives"
-	antagpanel_category = "ClownOp"
-	nukeop_outfit = /datum/outfit/syndicate/clownop/leader
-	challengeitem = /obj/item/nuclear_challenge/clownops
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop/admin_add(datum/mind/new_owner,mob/admin)
+	new_owner.assigned_role = "Clown Operative"
+	new_owner.add_antag_datum(src)
+	message_admins("[key_name_admin(admin)] has clown op'ed [key_name_admin(new_owner)].")
+	log_admin("[key_name(admin)] has clown op'ed [key_name(new_owner)].")
 
 /datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop/apply_innate_effects(mob/living/mob_override)
+	. = ..()
 	var/mob/living/L = owner.current || mob_override
-	ADD_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, "clownop")
-	ADD_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE, "clownop")
+	ADD_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
 
 /datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop/remove_innate_effects(mob/living/mob_override)
 	var/mob/living/L = owner.current || mob_override
-	REMOVE_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, "clownop")
-	REMOVE_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE, "clownop")
+	REMOVE_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
+	return ..()
+
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop/equip_op()
+	. = ..()
+	var/mob/living/current_mob = owner.current
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = current_mob.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver)
+		ADD_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
 
 /datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop/give_alias()
 	title = pick("Head Honker", "Slipmaster", "Clown King", "Honkbearer")
@@ -29,8 +35,26 @@
 	else
 		owner.current.real_name = "Syndicate [title]"
 
-/datum/antagonist/nukeop/clownop/admin_add(datum/mind/new_owner,mob/admin)
-	new_owner.assigned_role = "Clown Operative"
-	new_owner.add_antag_datum(src)
-	message_admins("[key_name_admin(admin)] has clown op'ed [key_name_admin(new_owner)].")
-	log_admin("[key_name(admin)] has clown op'ed [key_name(new_owner)].")
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop
+	name = "Clown Operative Leader"
+	roundend_category = "clown operatives"
+	antagpanel_category = "ClownOp"
+	nukeop_outfit = /datum/outfit/syndicate/clownop/leader
+	challengeitem = /obj/item/nuclear_challenge/clownops
+
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop/apply_innate_effects(mob/living/mob_override)
+	. = ..()
+	var/mob/living/L = owner.current || mob_override
+	ADD_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
+
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop/remove_innate_effects(mob/living/mob_override)
+	var/mob/living/L = owner.current || mob_override
+	REMOVE_TRAIT(L, TRAIT_NAIVE, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
+	return ..()
+
+/datum/antagonist/nukeop/leader/clownop/equip_op()
+	. = ..()
+	var/mob/living/L = owner.current
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = L.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver)
+		ADD_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM, CLOWNOP_TRAIT)
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
index a3d967d7cb6..a55fec7cc7d 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
@@ -61,6 +61,9 @@
 
 	var/list/mind_traits // Traits added to the mind of the mob assigned this job
 
+	///Lazylist of traits added to the liver of the mob assigned this job (used for the classic "cops heal from donuts" reaction, among others)
+	var/list/liver_traits = null
+
 	var/display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_DEFAULT
 
 	var/bounty_types = CIV_JOB_BASIC
@@ -87,6 +90,12 @@
 		for(var/t in mind_traits)
 			ADD_TRAIT(H.mind, t, JOB_TRAIT)
 
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = H.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+
+	if(liver)
+		for(var/t in liver_traits)
+			ADD_TRAIT(liver, t, JOB_TRAIT)
+
 	var/list/roundstart_experience
 
 	if(!ishuman(H))
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
index c66c2617ad3..366f1ca94e0 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
@@ -13,6 +13,9 @@ Assistant
 	outfit = /datum/outfit/job/assistant
 	antag_rep = 7
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_ASSISTANT // Get a job. Job reassignment changes your paycheck now. Get over it.
+
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_GREYTIDE_METABOLISM)
+
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_CIV
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_ASSISTANT
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/atmospheric_technician.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/atmospheric_technician.dm
index 98a2a627494..4102410e73e 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/atmospheric_technician.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/atmospheric_technician.dm
@@ -16,6 +16,9 @@
 	minimal_access = list(ACCESS_ATMOSPHERICS, ACCESS_MAINT_TUNNELS, ACCESS_AUX_BASE, ACCESS_CONSTRUCTION, ACCESS_MECH_ENGINE, ACCESS_MINERAL_STOREROOM)
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_ENG
+
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_ATMOSPHERIC_TECHNICIAN
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_ENG
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/captain.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/captain.dm
index de67ddb3a2d..bacc99fcaec 100755
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/captain.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/captain.dm
@@ -20,6 +20,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_COMMAND
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SEC
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_CAPTAIN
 
 /datum/job/captain/get_access()
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chaplain.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chaplain.dm
index 9d09f88b50e..e7ae010b185 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chaplain.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chaplain.dm
@@ -129,6 +129,8 @@
 		/obj/item/camera/spooky = 1
 		)
 
+	skillchips = list(/obj/item/skillchip/entrails_reader)
+
 	backpack = /obj/item/storage/backpack/cultpack
 	satchel = /obj/item/storage/backpack/cultpack
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chemist.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chemist.dm
index b051ecd0916..a9eaac62c4e 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chemist.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chemist.dm
@@ -16,6 +16,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_MED
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_CHEMIST
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_CHEM
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_engineer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_engineer.dm
index 1260ea982ec..38d0ad62345 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_engineer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_engineer.dm
@@ -27,6 +27,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_COMMAND
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_ENG
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM, TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_CHIEF_ENGINEER
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_ENG
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_medical_officer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_medical_officer.dm
index e0e1d00d33e..e798268d1fb 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_medical_officer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/chief_medical_officer.dm
@@ -25,6 +25,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_COMMAND
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_MED
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM, TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_CHIEF_MEDICAL_OFFICER
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_MED
 
@@ -43,6 +45,8 @@
 	suit_store = /obj/item/flashlight/pen/paramedic
 	backpack_contents = list(/obj/item/melee/classic_baton/telescopic=1, /obj/item/modular_computer/tablet/preset/advanced/command=1)
 
+	skillchips = list(/obj/item/skillchip/entrails_reader)
+
 	backpack = /obj/item/storage/backpack/medic
 	satchel = /obj/item/storage/backpack/satchel/med
 	duffelbag = /obj/item/storage/backpack/duffelbag/med
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
index 244d49b00d3..58931876949 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
@@ -14,6 +14,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MINIMAL
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SRV
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_CLOWN
 
 
@@ -55,7 +57,6 @@
 
 	H.fully_replace_character_name(H.real_name, pick(GLOB.clown_names)) //rename the mob AFTER they're equipped so their ID gets updated properly.
 	ADD_TRAIT(H, TRAIT_NAIVE, JOB_TRAIT)
-	ADD_TRAIT(H, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE, JOB_TRAIT)
 	H.dna.add_mutation(CLOWNMUT)
 	for(var/datum/mutation/human/clumsy/M in H.dna.mutations)
 		M.mutadone_proof = TRUE
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
index 06c852e68eb..e669e185d0a 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
@@ -15,6 +15,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_EASY
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SRV
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_CULINARY_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_COOK
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_CHEF
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/detective.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/detective.dm
index 0c14fe34287..9808d091cb9 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/detective.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/detective.dm
@@ -17,7 +17,9 @@
 	minimal_access = list(ACCESS_SEC_DOORS, ACCESS_FORENSICS_LOCKERS, ACCESS_MORGUE, ACCESS_MAINT_TUNNELS, ACCESS_MECH_SECURITY, ACCESS_COURT, ACCESS_BRIG, ACCESS_WEAPONS, ACCESS_MINERAL_STOREROOM)
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SEC
-	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
+
+	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER)
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
 
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_DETECTIVE
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_personnel.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_personnel.dm
index e800f1b03f0..33e4071fd8a 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_personnel.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_personnel.dm
@@ -34,6 +34,8 @@
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SRV
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_RANDOM
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_HEAD_OF_PERSONNEL
 
 /datum/outfit/job/hop
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_security.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_security.dm
index 0595c9c25d0..d399578b204 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_security.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/head_of_security.dm
@@ -15,7 +15,9 @@
 	exp_type_department = EXP_TYPE_SECURITY
 
 	outfit = /datum/outfit/job/hos
-	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
+
+	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER)
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM, TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
 
 	access = list(ACCESS_SECURITY, ACCESS_SEC_DOORS, ACCESS_BRIG, ACCESS_ARMORY, ACCESS_COURT, ACCESS_WEAPONS, ACCESS_MECH_SECURITY,
 					ACCESS_FORENSICS_LOCKERS, ACCESS_MORGUE, ACCESS_MAINT_TUNNELS, ACCESS_ALL_PERSONAL_LOCKERS, ACCESS_AUX_BASE,
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
index a576a55c60e..edf1f0e360b 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
@@ -14,7 +14,9 @@
 	minimal_access = list(ACCESS_LAWYER, ACCESS_COURT, ACCESS_SEC_DOORS)
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_EASY
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SRV
-	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
+
+	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER)
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
 
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_LAWYER
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/medical_doctor.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/medical_doctor.dm
index 27000068f62..846d9007770 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/medical_doctor.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/medical_doctor.dm
@@ -14,6 +14,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_MED
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_MEDICAL_DOCTOR
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_MED
 
@@ -34,4 +36,6 @@
 	duffelbag = /obj/item/storage/backpack/duffelbag/med
 	box = /obj/item/storage/box/survival/medical
 
+	skillchips = list(/obj/item/skillchip/entrails_reader)
+
 	chameleon_extras = /obj/item/gun/syringe
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/paramedic.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/paramedic.dm
index b271864279d..856be186225 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/paramedic.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/paramedic.dm
@@ -16,6 +16,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_MED
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_PARAMEDIC
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_MED
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/psychologist.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/psychologist.dm
index 434ce3a2a8d..507842a65d5 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/psychologist.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/psychologist.dm
@@ -14,6 +14,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SRV
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_PSYCHOLOGIST
 
 /datum/outfit/job/psychologist
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/quartermaster.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/quartermaster.dm
index 94cc106df27..93489b29b20 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/quartermaster.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/quartermaster.dm
@@ -15,6 +15,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_CAR
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_PRETENDER_ROYAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_QUARTERMASTER
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_RANDOM
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/security_officer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/security_officer.dm
index 7dce915fd5d..f079fd13022 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/security_officer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/security_officer.dm
@@ -17,7 +17,9 @@
 	minimal_access = list(ACCESS_SECURITY, ACCESS_SEC_DOORS, ACCESS_BRIG, ACCESS_COURT, ACCESS_WEAPONS, ACCESS_MECH_SECURITY, ACCESS_MINERAL_STOREROOM) // See /datum/job/officer/get_access()
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_HARD
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SEC
-	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
+
+	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER)
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
 
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_SECURITY_OFFICER
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_SEC
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/station_engineer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/station_engineer.dm
index 9122dfe296f..736474a7bf4 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/station_engineer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/station_engineer.dm
@@ -18,6 +18,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_ENG
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_STATION_ENGINEER
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_ENG
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/virologist.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/virologist.dm
index 28bf1319ba9..9063b72038d 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/virologist.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/virologist.dm
@@ -16,6 +16,8 @@
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_MEDIUM
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_MED
 
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)
+
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_VIROLOGIST
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_VIRO
 
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/warden.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/warden.dm
index 9eb1bc03936..3c33ff0629f 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/warden.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/warden.dm
@@ -17,7 +17,9 @@
 	minimal_access = list(ACCESS_SECURITY, ACCESS_SEC_DOORS, ACCESS_BRIG, ACCESS_ARMORY, ACCESS_MECH_SECURITY, ACCESS_COURT, ACCESS_WEAPONS, ACCESS_MINERAL_STOREROOM) // See /datum/job/warden/get_access()
 	paycheck = PAYCHECK_HARD
 	paycheck_department = ACCOUNT_SEC
-	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
+
+	mind_traits = list(TRAIT_DONUT_LOVER)
+	liver_traits = list(TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM)
 
 	display_order = JOB_DISPLAY_ORDER_WARDEN
 	bounty_types = CIV_JOB_SEC
diff --git a/code/modules/library/skill_learning/skillchip.dm b/code/modules/library/skill_learning/skillchip.dm
index 60de99294b7..3c9c965ffef 100644
--- a/code/modules/library/skill_learning/skillchip.dm
+++ b/code/modules/library/skill_learning/skillchip.dm
@@ -424,3 +424,12 @@
 	skill_icon = "save"
 	activate_message = "<span class='notice'>You feel your mind automatically verifying long serial numbers on disk shaped objects.</span>"
 	deactivate_message = "<span class='notice'>The innate recognition of absurdly long disk-related serial numbers fades from your mind.</span>"
+
+/obj/item/skillchip/entrails_reader
+	name = "3NTR41LS skillchip"
+	auto_traits = list(TRAIT_ENTRAILS_READER)
+	skill_name = "Entrails Reader"
+	skill_description = "Be able to learn about a person's life, by looking at their internal organs. Not to be confused with looking into the future."
+	skill_icon = "lungs"
+	activate_message = "<span class='notice'>You feel that you know a lot about interpreting organs.</span>"
+	deactivate_message = "<span class='notice'>Knowledge of liver damage, heart strain and lung scars fades from your mind.</span>"
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/golems.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/golems.dm
index 62160eb5e25..d4e63eec819 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/golems.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/golems.dm
@@ -532,7 +532,20 @@
 	id = "bananium golem"
 	fixed_mut_color = "ff0"
 	say_mod = "honks"
-	inherent_traits = list(TRAIT_RESISTHEAT,TRAIT_NOBREATH,TRAIT_RESISTCOLD,TRAIT_RESISTHIGHPRESSURE,TRAIT_RESISTLOWPRESSURE,TRAIT_NOFIRE,TRAIT_CHUNKYFINGERS, TRAIT_CLUMSY, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE, TRAIT_RADIMMUNE,TRAIT_GENELESS,TRAIT_PIERCEIMMUNE,TRAIT_NODISMEMBER)
+	inherent_traits = list(
+		TRAIT_RESISTHEAT,
+		TRAIT_NOBREATH,
+		TRAIT_RESISTCOLD,
+		TRAIT_RESISTHIGHPRESSURE,
+		TRAIT_RESISTLOWPRESSURE,
+		TRAIT_NOFIRE,
+		TRAIT_CHUNKYFINGERS,
+		TRAIT_CLUMSY,
+		TRAIT_RADIMMUNE,
+		TRAIT_GENELESS,
+		TRAIT_PIERCEIMMUNE,
+		TRAIT_NODISMEMBER,
+	)
 	punchdamagelow = 0
 	punchdamagehigh = 1
 	punchstunthreshold = 2 //Harmless and can't stun
@@ -554,11 +567,18 @@
 	last_banana = world.time
 	last_honk = world.time
 	RegisterSignal(C, COMSIG_MOB_SAY, .proc/handle_speech)
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = C.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver)
+		ADD_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM, SPECIES_TRAIT)
 
 /datum/species/golem/bananium/on_species_loss(mob/living/carbon/C)
 	. = ..()
 	UnregisterSignal(C, COMSIG_MOB_SAY)
 
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = C.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver)
+		REMOVE_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM, SPECIES_TRAIT)
+
 /datum/species/golem/bananium/random_name(gender,unique,lastname)
 	var/clown_name = pick(GLOB.clown_names)
 	var/golem_name = "[uppertext(clown_name)]"
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol_reagents.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol_reagents.dm
index 77a67546dec..411c611cd79 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol_reagents.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol_reagents.dm
@@ -302,7 +302,7 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/bilk/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	if(M.getBruteLoss() && prob(10))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1)
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1)
 		. = 1
 	return ..() || .
 
@@ -455,9 +455,10 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 	glass_desc = "You've really hit rock bottom now... your liver packed its bags and left last night."
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/hooch/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if(M.mind && M.mind.assigned_role == "Assistant")
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1)
-		. = 1
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_GREYTIDE_METABOLISM))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
+		. = TRUE
 	return ..() || .
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/ale
@@ -593,7 +594,9 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 	glass_desc = "A simple, yet superb mixture of Vodka and orange juice. Just the thing for the tired engineer."
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/screwdrivercocktail/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if(M.mind && (M.mind.assigned_role in GLOB.engineering_positions)) //Engineers lose radiation poisoning at a massive rate.
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM))
+		// Engineers lose radiation poisoning at a massive rate.
 		M.radiation = max(M.radiation - 25, 0)
 	return ..()
 
@@ -707,14 +710,18 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/beepsky_smash/on_mob_metabolize(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	if(HAS_TRAIT(M, TRAIT_ALCOHOL_TOLERANCE))
 		metabolization_rate = 0.8
-	if(M.mind != null && !HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+	// if you don't have a liver, or your liver isn't an officer's liver
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(!liver || !HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
 		B = new()
 		M.gain_trauma(B, TRAUMA_RESILIENCE_ABSOLUTE)
 	..()
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/beepsky_smash/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	M.Jitter(2)
-	if(M.mind != null && HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	// if you don't have a liver, or your liver isn't an officer's liver
+	if(!liver || !HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
 		M.adjustStaminaLoss(-10, 0)
 		if(prob(20))
 			new /datum/hallucination/items_other(M)
@@ -729,7 +736,9 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 	return ..()
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/beepsky_smash/overdose_start(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if(M.mind != null && !HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	// if you don't have a liver, or your liver isn't an officer's liver
+	if(!liver || !HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
 		M.gain_trauma(/datum/brain_trauma/mild/phobia/security, TRAUMA_RESILIENCE_BASIC)
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/irish_cream
@@ -1203,9 +1212,10 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 	glass_desc = "A drink from Clown Heaven."
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/bananahonk/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if((ishuman(M) && HAS_TRAIT(M, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE)) || ismonkey(M))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1)
-		. = 1
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if((liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM)) || ismonkey(M))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
+		. = TRUE
 	return ..() || .
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/silencer
@@ -1545,8 +1555,9 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/quadruple_sec/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	//Securidrink in line with the Screwdriver for engineers or Nothing for mimes
-	if(M.mind != null && HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1, 1)
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
 		M.adjustBruteLoss(-2,0)
 		. = 1
 	return ..()
@@ -1564,8 +1575,9 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/quintuple_sec/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	//Securidrink in line with the Screwdriver for engineers or Nothing for mimes but STRONG..
-	if(M.mind != null && HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(2,2,2)
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 2, burn = 2, stamina = 2)
 		M.adjustBruteLoss(-5,0)
 		M.adjustOxyLoss(-5,0)
 		M.adjustFireLoss(-5,0)
@@ -2055,7 +2067,7 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/wizz_fizz/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	//A healing drink similar to Quadruple Sec, Ling Stings, and Screwdrivers for the Wizznerds; the check is consistent with the changeling sting
 	if(M?.mind?.has_antag_datum(/datum/antagonist/wizard))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1,1)
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1, stamina = 1)
 		M.adjustOxyLoss(-1,0)
 		M.adjustToxLoss(-1,0)
 	return ..()
@@ -2149,7 +2161,7 @@ All effects don't start immediately, but rather get worse over time; the rate is
 
 				if(N.age > 969) //Best not let people get older than this or i might incur G-ds wrath
 					M.visible_message("<span class='notice'>[M] becomes older than any man should be.. and crumbles into dust!</span>")
-					M.dust(0,1,0)
+					M.dust(just_ash = FALSE, drop_items = TRUE, force = FALSE)
 
 	return ..()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/drink_reagents.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/drink_reagents.dm
index c90dde33d7d..6e0bb7c6e37 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/drink_reagents.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/drink_reagents.dm
@@ -127,9 +127,10 @@
 	glass_desc = "The raw essence of a banana. HONK."
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/banana/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if((ishuman(M) && HAS_TRAIT(M, TRAIT_CLOWNLIKE)) || ismonkey(M))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1, 0)
-		. = 1
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if((liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM)) || ismonkey(M))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
+		. = TRUE
 	..()
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/nothing
@@ -685,7 +686,9 @@
 	M.adjustToxLoss(-0.5, 0)
 	M.adjustOxyLoss(-0.5, 0)
 	if(M.nutrition && (M.nutrition - 2 > 0))
-		if(!(M.mind && (M.mind.assigned_role in GLOB.medical_positions))) //Drains the nutrition of the holder. Not medical doctors though, since it's the Doctor's Delight!
+		var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+		if(!(HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM)))
+			// Drains the nutrition of the holder. Not medical doctors though, since it's the Doctor's Delight!
 			M.adjust_nutrition(-2)
 	..()
 	. = 1
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/food_reagents.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/food_reagents.dm
index 641553df215..d271c351845 100755
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/food_reagents.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/food_reagents.dm
@@ -57,7 +57,7 @@
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/nutriment/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	if(prob(50))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute_heal,burn_heal, 0)
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = brute_heal, burn = burn_heal)
 		. = 1
 	..()
 
@@ -428,11 +428,11 @@
 			to_chat(M, "<span class='danger'>You can't get the scent of garlic out of your nose! You can barely think...</span>")
 			M.Paralyze(10)
 			M.Jitter(10)
-	else if(ishuman(M))
-		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = M
-		if(H.job == "Cook")
+	else
+		var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+		if(liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_CULINARY_METABOLISM))
 			if(prob(20)) //stays in the system much longer than sprinkles/banana juice, so heals slower to partially compensate
-				H.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1, 0)
+				M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
 				. = 1
 	..()
 
@@ -443,8 +443,9 @@
 	taste_description = "childhood whimsy"
 
 /datum/reagent/consumable/sprinkles/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
-	if(M.mind && HAS_TRAIT(M.mind, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
-		M.heal_bodypart_damage(1,1, 0)
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver && HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+		M.heal_bodypart_damage(brute = 1, burn = 1)
 		. = 1
 	..()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/other_reagents.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/other_reagents.dm
index d0520401ddc..6055aefbbe5 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/other_reagents.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/other_reagents.dm
@@ -1677,15 +1677,17 @@
 
 /datum/reagent/carpet/royal/on_mob_life(mob/living/carbon/M)
 	. = ..()
-	if(!M.mind?.assigned_role)
-		return
-	switch(M.mind.assigned_role)
-		if("Chief Medical Officer", "Captain", "Chief Engineer", "Research Director", "Head of Personnel")
+	var/obj/item/organ/liver/liver = M.getorganslot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
+	if(liver)
+		// Heads of staff and the captain have a "royal metabolism"
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM))
 			if(prob(10))
 				to_chat(M, "You feel like royalty.")
 			if(prob(5))
 				M.say(pick("Peasants..","This carpet is worth more than your contracts!","I could fire you at any time..."), forced = "royal carpet")
-		if("Quartermaster")
+
+		// The quartermaster, as a semi-head, has a "pretender royal" metabolism
+		else if(HAS_TRAIT(liver, TRAIT_PRETENDER_ROYAL_METABOLISM))
 			if(prob(15))
 				to_chat(M, "You feel like an impostor...")
 
@@ -2126,9 +2128,6 @@
 	description = "A colorless liquid that suppresses violence in its subjects. Cheaper to synthesize than normal Pax, but wears off faster."
 	metabolization_rate = 1.5 * REAGENTS_METABOLISM
 
-/datum/reagent/peaceborg
-	can_synth = FALSE
-
 /datum/reagent/peaceborg/confuse
 	name = "Dizzying Solution"
 	description = "Makes the target off balance and dizzy"
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
index 509334c1fdc..5d44c045121 100755
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
@@ -21,6 +21,53 @@
 	var/toxLethality = LIVER_DEFAULT_TOX_LETHALITY//affects how much damage toxins do to the liver
 	var/filterToxins = TRUE //whether to filter toxins
 
+/obj/item/organ/liver/Initialize()
+	. = ..()
+	// If the liver handles foods like a clown, it honks like a bike horn
+	// Don't think about it too much.
+	RegisterSignal(src, SIGNAL_ADDTRAIT(TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM), .proc/on_add_comedy_metabolism)
+
+/* Signal handler for the liver gaining the TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM trait
+ *
+ * Adds the "squeak" component, so clown livers will act just like their
+ * bike horns, and honk when you hit them with things, or throw them
+ * against things, or step on them.
+ *
+ * The removal of the component, if this liver loses that trait, is handled
+ * by the component itself.
+ */
+/obj/item/organ/liver/proc/on_add_comedy_metabolism()
+	SIGNAL_HANDLER
+
+	// Are clown "bike" horns made from the livers of ex-clowns?
+	// Would that make the clown more or less likely to honk it
+	AddComponent(/datum/component/squeak, list('sound/items/bikehorn.ogg'=1), 50, falloff_exponent = 20)
+
+/obj/item/organ/liver/examine(mob/user)
+	. = ..()
+
+	if(HAS_TRAIT(user, TRAIT_ENTRAILS_READER) || (user.mind && HAS_TRAIT(user.mind, TRAIT_ENTRAILS_READER)) || isobserver(user))
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_LAW_ENFORCEMENT_METABOLISM))
+			. += "Fatty deposits and sprinkle residue, imply that this is the liver of someone in <em>security</em>."
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_CULINARY_METABOLISM))
+			. += "The high iron content and slight smell of garlic, implies that this is the liver of a <em>cook</em>."
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_COMEDY_METABOLISM))
+			. += "A smell of bananas, a slippery sheen and <span class='clown'>honking</span> when depressed, implies that this is the liver of a <em>clown</em>."
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_MEDICAL_METABOLISM))
+			. += "Marks of stress and a faint whiff of medicinal alcohol, imply that this is the liver of a <em>medical worker</em>."
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_GREYTIDE_METABOLISM))
+			. += "Greyer than most with electrical burn marks, this is the liver of an <em>assistant</em>."
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_ENGINEER_METABOLISM))
+			. += "Signs of radiation exposure and space adaption, implies that this is the liver of an <em>engineer</em>."
+
+		// royal trumps pretender royal
+		if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_ROYAL_METABOLISM))
+			. += "A rich diet of luxury food, suppleness from soft beds, implies that this is the liver of a <em>head of staff</em>."
+		else if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_PRETENDER_ROYAL_METABOLISM))
+			. += "A diet of imitation caviar, and signs of insomnia, implies that this is the liver of <em>someone who wants to be a head of staff</em>."
+
+
+
 #define HAS_SILENT_TOXIN 0 //don't provide a feedback message if this is the only toxin present
 #define HAS_NO_TOXIN 1
 #define HAS_PAINFUL_TOXIN 2