diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/mobs.dm b/code/__DEFINES/mobs.dm
index 1063a5c2a18..53475ad8109 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/mobs.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/mobs.dm
@@ -120,6 +120,7 @@
 #define SPECIES_NIGHTMARE "nightmare"
 #define SPECIES_MONKEY "monkey"
 #define SPECIES_MONKEY_FREAK "monkey_freak"
+#define SPECIES_MONKEY_HOLODECK "monkey_holodeck"
 #define SPECIES_MONKEY_HUMAN_LEGGED "monkey_human_legged"
 #define SPECIES_MOTH "moth"
 #define SPECIES_MUSHROOM "mush"
diff --git a/code/modules/holodeck/holo_effect.dm b/code/modules/holodeck/holo_effect.dm
index a8d51c87728..76b3d320774 100644
--- a/code/modules/holodeck/holo_effect.dm
+++ b/code/modules/holodeck/holo_effect.dm
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@
 	mobtype = /mob/living/basic/bee/toxin
 
 /obj/effect/holodeck_effect/mobspawner/monkey
-	mobtype = /mob/living/simple_animal/holodeck_monkey
+	mobtype = /mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/holodeck
 
 /obj/effect/holodeck_effect/mobspawner/penguin
 	mobtype = /mob/living/basic/pet/penguin/emperor/neuter
diff --git a/code/modules/holodeck/mobs.dm b/code/modules/holodeck/mobs.dm
deleted file mode 100644
index 7a7e7c22d9e..00000000000
--- a/code/modules/holodeck/mobs.dm
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,23 +0,0 @@
-/*
-	Mobs
-*/
-
-/mob/living/simple_animal/holodeck_monkey
-	name = "monkey"
-	desc = "A holographic creature fond of bananas."
-	icon = 'icons/mob/human/human.dmi'
-	icon_state = "monkey"
-	icon_living = "monkey"
-	icon_dead = "monkey_dead"
-	speak_emote = list("chimpers")
-	emote_hear = list("chimpers.")
-	emote_see = list("scratches.", "looks around.")
-	speak_chance = 1
-	turns_per_move = 2
-	butcher_results = list()
-	response_help_continuous = "pets"
-	response_help_simple = "pet"
-	response_disarm_continuous = "pushes aside"
-	response_disarm_simple = "push aside"
-	response_harm_continuous = "kicks"
-	response_harm_simple = "kick"
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/basic/space_fauna/revenant/revenant_harvest.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/basic/space_fauna/revenant/revenant_harvest.dm
index b8bb05db484..c162ecf2c21 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/basic/space_fauna/revenant/revenant_harvest.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/basic/space_fauna/revenant/revenant_harvest.dm
@@ -14,6 +14,10 @@
 		to_chat(src, span_revenwarning("You are already siphoning the essence of a soul!"))
 		return FALSE
 
+	if(target.flags_1 & HOLOGRAM_1)
+		target.balloon_alert(src, "doesn't possess a soul!") // it's a machine generated visual
+		return
+
 	draining = TRUE
 	var/value_to_return = harvest_soul(target)
 	if(!value_to_return)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
index fc6933ea611..f68c39771e2 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@
 	///only used by humans.
 	var/obj/item/clothing/ears = null
 
-	/// Carbon
+	/// Carbon, you should really only be accessing this through has_dna() but it's your life
 	var/datum/dna/dna = null
 	///last mind to control this mob, for blood-based cloning
 	var/datum/mind/last_mind = null
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/monkey.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/monkey.dm
index db8f2f4f1e3..76bf7cc5288 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/monkey.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/monkey.dm
@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@
 	ai_controller = /datum/ai_controller/monkey
 	faction = list(FACTION_NEUTRAL, FACTION_MONKEY)
 
-/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/Initialize(mapload, cubespawned=FALSE, mob/spawner)
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/Initialize(mapload, cubespawned = FALSE, mob/spawner)
 	if (cubespawned)
 		var/cap = CONFIG_GET(number/monkeycap)
 		if (LAZYLEN(SSmobs.cubemonkeys) > cap)
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 /mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/angry
 	ai_controller = /datum/ai_controller/monkey/angry
 
-/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/angry/Initialize(mapload)
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/angry/Initialize(mapload, cubespawned = FALSE, mob/spawner)
 	. = ..()
 	if(prob(10))
 		INVOKE_ASYNC(src, PROC_REF(give_ape_escape_helmet))
@@ -32,6 +32,20 @@
 	equip_to_slot_or_del(helmet, ITEM_SLOT_HEAD)
 	helmet.attack_self(src) // todo encapsulate toggle
 
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/holodeck
+	race = /datum/species/monkey/holodeck
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/holodeck/spawn_gibs() // no blood and no gibs
+	return
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/holodeck/has_dna()
+	return null
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/holodeck/create_bodyparts(list/overrides) // done like this in case people add more limbs to monkeys or something
+	. = ..()
+	for(var/obj/item/bodypart/limb as anything in bodyparts)
+		limb.bodypart_flags |= BODYPART_UNREMOVABLE // no farming organs or limbs from these fellers. get a monkey cube
+
 GLOBAL_DATUM(the_one_and_only_punpun, /mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/punpun)
 
 /mob/living/carbon/human/species/monkey/punpun
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/monkeys.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/monkeys.dm
index 81861d381a0..d4cd075407f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/monkeys.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/monkeys.dm
@@ -192,4 +192,31 @@
 /obj/item/organ/internal/brain/primate/get_attacking_limb(mob/living/carbon/human/target)
 	return owner.get_bodypart(BODY_ZONE_HEAD)
 
+/// Virtual monkeys that crave virtual bananas. Everything about them is ephemeral (except that bite).
+/datum/species/monkey/holodeck
+	id = SPECIES_MONKEY_HOLODECK
+	knife_butcher_results = list()
+	meat = null
+	skinned_type = null
+	inherent_traits = list(
+		TRAIT_GENELESS,
+		TRAIT_GUN_NATURAL,
+		TRAIT_NO_AUGMENTS,
+		TRAIT_NO_BLOOD_OVERLAY,
+		TRAIT_NO_DNA_COPY,
+		TRAIT_NO_UNDERWEAR,
+		TRAIT_NO_ZOMBIFY,
+		TRAIT_NOBLOOD,
+		TRAIT_NOHUNGER,
+		TRAIT_VENTCRAWLER_NUDE,
+	)
+	bodypart_overrides = list(
+		BODY_ZONE_L_ARM = /obj/item/bodypart/arm/left/monkey,
+		BODY_ZONE_R_ARM = /obj/item/bodypart/arm/right/monkey,
+		BODY_ZONE_HEAD = /obj/item/bodypart/head/monkey,
+		BODY_ZONE_L_LEG = /obj/item/bodypart/leg/left/monkey,
+		BODY_ZONE_R_LEG = /obj/item/bodypart/leg/right/monkey,
+		BODY_ZONE_CHEST = /obj/item/bodypart/chest/monkey,
+	)
+
 #undef MONKEY_SPEC_ATTACK_BITE_MISS_CHANCE
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/life.dm
index f3b03cdab35..66948253d9e 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/life.dm
@@ -711,7 +711,7 @@
 ///Check to see if we have the liver, if not automatically gives you last-stage effects of lacking a liver.
 
 /mob/living/carbon/proc/handle_liver(seconds_per_tick, times_fired)
-	if(!dna)
+	if(isnull(has_dna()))
 		return
 
 	var/obj/item/organ/internal/liver/liver = get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/slime/powers.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/slime/powers.dm
index 01197efc8ed..9e858d4f02d 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/slime/powers.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/slime/powers.dm
@@ -64,6 +64,10 @@
 	if(issilicon(meal) || meal.mob_biotypes & MOB_ROBOTIC)
 		return FALSE
 
+	if(meal.flags_1 & HOLOGRAM_1)
+		meal.balloon_alert(src, "no life energy!")
+		return FALSE
+
 	if(isanimal(meal))
 		var/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_meal = meal
 		if(simple_meal.damage_coeff[TOX] <= 0 && simple_meal.damage_coeff[BRUTE] <= 0) //The creature wouldn't take any damage, it must be too weird even for us.
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/bodyparts/dismemberment.dm b/code/modules/surgery/bodyparts/dismemberment.dm
index 5a7343f8a0b..e863341eb43 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/bodyparts/dismemberment.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/bodyparts/dismemberment.dm
@@ -86,6 +86,8 @@
 		. += cavity_item
 		cavity_item = null
 
+	return .
+
 ///limb removal. The "special" argument is used for swapping a limb with a new one without the effects of losing a limb kicking in.
 /obj/item/bodypart/proc/drop_limb(special, dismembered)
 	if(!owner)
diff --git a/code/modules/unit_tests/screenshots/screenshot_humanoids__datum_species_monkey_holodeck.png b/code/modules/unit_tests/screenshots/screenshot_humanoids__datum_species_monkey_holodeck.png
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..e0d02f4302f
Binary files /dev/null and b/code/modules/unit_tests/screenshots/screenshot_humanoids__datum_species_monkey_holodeck.png differ
diff --git a/code/modules/unit_tests/simple_animal_freeze.dm b/code/modules/unit_tests/simple_animal_freeze.dm
index 6b233b30799..a3da7e205b8 100644
--- a/code/modules/unit_tests/simple_animal_freeze.dm
+++ b/code/modules/unit_tests/simple_animal_freeze.dm
@@ -41,7 +41,6 @@
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/drone/snowflake/bardrone,
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/drone/syndrone,
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/drone/syndrone/badass,
-		/mob/living/simple_animal/holodeck_monkey,
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile,
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/alien,
 		/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/alien/drone,
diff --git a/tgstation.dme b/tgstation.dme
index 191164ad6eb..2a4ce643b3e 100644
--- a/tgstation.dme
+++ b/tgstation.dme
@@ -3924,7 +3924,6 @@
 #include "code\modules\holodeck\holo_effect.dm"
 #include "code\modules\holodeck\holodeck_map_templates.dm"
 #include "code\modules\holodeck\items.dm"
-#include "code\modules\holodeck\mobs.dm"
 #include "code\modules\holodeck\turfs.dm"
 #include "code\modules\hydroponics\biogenerator.dm"
 #include "code\modules\hydroponics\bouquets.dm"