diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/subsystems.dm b/code/__DEFINES/subsystems.dm
index b92cce82d07..c425f6e40fb 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/subsystems.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/subsystems.dm
@@ -260,7 +260,7 @@
 #define SSAIR_SUPERCONDUCTIVITY 7
 #define SSAIR_PROCESS_ATOMS 8
 
-//Pipeline rebuild helper defines, these suck but it'll do for now
+//Pipeline rebuild helper defines, these suck but it'll do for now //Fools you actually merged it
 #define SSAIR_REBUILD_PIPELINE 1
 #define SSAIR_REBUILD_QUEUE 2
 
@@ -269,6 +269,25 @@
 #define SSEXPLOSIONS_TURFS 2
 #define SSEXPLOSIONS_THROWS 3
 
+// Wardrobe subsystem tasks
+#define SSWARDROBE_STOCK 1
+#define SSWARDROBE_INSPECT 2
+
+//Wardrobe cache metadata indexes
+#define WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT 1
+#define WARDROBE_CACHE_LAST_INSPECT 2
+#define WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_INSERT 3
+#define WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_REMOVAL 4
+
+//Wardrobe preloaded stock indexes
+#define WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS 1
+#define WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_INSERT 2
+#define WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_REMOVAL 3
+
+//Wardrobe callback master list indexes
+#define WARDROBE_CALLBACK_INSERT 1
+#define WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE 2
+
 // Subsystem delta times or tickrates, in seconds. I.e, how many seconds in between each process() call for objects being processed by that subsystem.
 // Only use these defines if you want to access some other objects processing delta_time, otherwise use the delta_time that is sent as a parameter to process()
 #define SSFLUIDS_DT (SSfluids.wait/10)
diff --git a/code/controllers/subsystem/wardrobe.dm b/code/controllers/subsystem/wardrobe.dm
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..55ab24c3d69
--- /dev/null
+++ b/code/controllers/subsystem/wardrobe.dm
@@ -0,0 +1,358 @@
+/// This subsystem strives to make loading large amounts of select objects as smooth at execution as possible
+/// It preloads a set of types to store, and caches them until requested
+/// Doesn't catch everything mind, this is intentional. There's many types that expect to either
+/// A: Not sit in a list for 2 hours, or B: have extra context passed into them, or for their parent to be their location
+/// You should absolutely not spam this system, it will break things in new and wonderful ways
+/// S close enough for government work though.
+/// Fuck you goonstation
+SUBSYSTEM_DEF(wardrobe)
+	name = "Wardrobe"
+	wait = 10 // This is more like a queue then anything else
+	flags = SS_BACKGROUND
+	runlevels = RUNLEVEL_LOBBY | RUNLEVELS_DEFAULT // We're going to fill up our cache while players sit in the lobby
+	/// How much to cache outfit items
+	/// Multiplier, 2 would mean cache enough items to stock 1 of each preloaded order twice, etc
+	var/cache_intensity = 2
+	/// How many more then the template of a type are we allowed to have before we delete applicants?
+	var/overflow_lienency = 2
+	/// List of type -> list(insertion callback, removal callback) callbacks for insertion/removal to use.
+	/// Set in setup_callbacks, used in canonization.
+	var/list/initial_callbacks = list()
+	/// Canonical list of types required to fill all preloaded stocks once.
+	/// Type -> list(count, last inspection timestamp, call on insert, call on removal)
+	var/list/canon_minimum = list()
+	/// List of types to load. Type -> count //(I'd do a list of lists but this needs to be refillable)
+	var/list/order_list = list()
+	/// List of lists. Contains our preloaded atoms. Type -> list(last inspect time, list(instances))
+	var/list/preloaded_stock = list()
+	/// The last time we inspected our stock
+	var/last_inspect_time = 0
+	/// How often to inspect our stock, in deciseconds
+	var/inspect_delay = 30 SECONDS
+	/// What we're currently doing
+	var/current_task = SSWARDROBE_STOCK
+	/// How many times we've had to generate a stock item on request
+	var/stock_miss = 0
+	/// How many times we've successfully returned a cached item
+	var/stock_hit = 0
+	/// How many items would we make just by loading the master list once?
+	var/one_go_master = 0
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/Initialize(start_timeofday)
+	. = ..()
+	setup_callbacks()
+	load_outfits()
+	load_species()
+	load_pda_nicknacks()
+	load_storage_contents()
+	hard_refresh_queue()
+	stock_hit = 0
+	stock_miss = 0
+
+/// Resets the load queue to the master template, accounting for the existing stock
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/hard_refresh_queue()
+	for(var/datum/type_to_queue as anything in canon_minimum)
+		var/list/master_info = canon_minimum[type_to_queue]
+		var/amount_to_load = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] * cache_intensity
+
+		var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[type_to_queue]
+		if(stock_info) // If we already have stuff, reduce the amount we load
+			amount_to_load -= length(stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS])
+		set_queue_item(type_to_queue, amount_to_load)
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/stat_entry(msg)
+	var/total_provided = max(stock_hit + stock_miss, 1)
+	var/current_max_store = (one_go_master * cache_intensity) + (overflow_lienency * length(canon_minimum))
+	msg += " P:[length(canon_minimum)] Q:[length(order_list)] S:[length(preloaded_stock)] I:[cache_intensity] O:[overflow_lienency]"
+	msg += " H:[stock_hit] M:[stock_miss] T:[total_provided] H/T:[PERCENT(stock_hit / total_provided)]% M/T:[PERCENT(stock_miss / total_provided)]%"
+	msg += " MAX:[current_max_store]"
+	msg += " ID:[inspect_delay] NI:[last_inspect_time + inspect_delay]"
+	return ..()
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/fire(resumed=FALSE)
+	if(current_task != SSWARDROBE_INSPECT && world.time - last_inspect_time >= inspect_delay)
+		current_task = SSWARDROBE_INSPECT
+
+	switch(current_task)
+		if(SSWARDROBE_STOCK)
+			stock_wardrobe()
+		if(SSWARDROBE_INSPECT)
+			run_inspection()
+			if(state != SS_RUNNING)
+				return
+			current_task = SSWARDROBE_STOCK
+			last_inspect_time = world.time
+
+/// Turns the order list into actual loaded items, this is where most work is done
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/stock_wardrobe()
+	for(var/atom/movable/type_to_stock as anything in order_list)
+		var/amount_to_stock = order_list[type_to_stock]
+		for(var/i in 1 to amount_to_stock)
+			if(MC_TICK_CHECK)
+				order_list[type_to_stock] = (amount_to_stock - (i - 1)) // Account for types we've already created
+				return
+			var/atom/movable/new_member = new type_to_stock()
+			stash_object(new_member)
+
+		order_list -= type_to_stock
+		if(MC_TICK_CHECK)
+			return
+
+/// Once every medium while, go through the current stock and make sure we don't have too much of one thing
+/// Or that we're not too low on some other stock
+/// This exists as a failsafe, so the wardrobe doesn't just end up generating too many items or accidentially running out somehow
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/run_inspection()
+	for(var/datum/loaded_type as anything in canon_minimum)
+		var/list/master_info = canon_minimum[loaded_type]
+		var/last_looked_at = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_LAST_INSPECT]
+		if(last_looked_at == last_inspect_time)
+			continue
+
+		var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[loaded_type]
+		var/amount_held = 0
+		if(stock_info)
+			var/list/held_objects = stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS]
+			amount_held = length(held_objects)
+
+		var/target_stock = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] * cache_intensity
+		var/target_delta = amount_held - target_stock
+		// If we've got too much
+		if(target_delta > overflow_lienency)
+			unload_stock(loaded_type, target_delta - overflow_lienency)
+			if(state != SS_RUNNING)
+				return
+
+		// If we have more then we target, just don't you feel me?
+		target_delta = min(target_delta, 0) //I only want negative numbers to matter here
+
+		// If we don't have enough, queue enough to make up the remainder
+		// If we have too much in the queue, cull to 0. We do this so time isn't wasted creating and destroying entries
+		set_queue_item(loaded_type, abs(target_delta))
+
+		master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_LAST_INSPECT] = last_inspect_time
+
+		if(MC_TICK_CHECK)
+			return
+
+/// Takes a path to get the callback owner for
+/// Returns the deepest path in our callback store that matches the input
+/// The hope is this will prevent dumb conflicts, since the furthest down is always going to be the most relevant
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/get_callback_type(datum/to_check)
+	var/longest_path
+	var/longest_path_length = 0
+	for(var/datum/path as anything in initial_callbacks)
+		if(ispath(to_check, path))
+			var/stringpath = "[path]"
+			var/pathlength = length(splittext(stringpath, "/")) // We get the "depth" of the path
+			if(pathlength < longest_path_length)
+				continue
+			longest_path = path
+			longest_path_length = pathlength
+	return longest_path
+
+/**
+ * Canonizes the type, which means it's now managed by the subsystem, and will be created deleted and passed out to comsumers
+ *
+ * Arguments:
+ * * type to stock - What type exactly do you want us to remember?
+ *
+*/
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/canonize_type(type_to_stock)
+	if(!type_to_stock)
+		return
+	if(!ispath(type_to_stock))
+		stack_trace("Non path [type_to_stock] attempted to canonize itself. Something's fucky")
+	var/list/master_info = canon_minimum[type_to_stock]
+	if(!master_info)
+		master_info = new /list(WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_REMOVAL)
+		master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] = 0
+		//Decide on the appropriate callbacks to use
+		var/callback_type = get_callback_type(type_to_stock)
+		var/list/callback_info = initial_callbacks[callback_type]
+		if(callback_info)
+			master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_INSERT] = callback_info[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_INSERT]
+			master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_REMOVAL] = callback_info[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE]
+		canon_minimum[type_to_stock] = master_info
+	master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] += 1
+	one_go_master++
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/add_queue_item(queued_type, amount)
+	var/amount_held = order_list[queued_type] || 0
+	set_queue_item(queued_type, amount_held + amount)
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/remove_queue_item(queued_type, amount)
+	var/amount_held = order_list[queued_type]
+	if(!amount_held)
+		return
+	set_queue_item(queued_type, amount_held - amount)
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/set_queue_item(queued_type, amount)
+	var/list/master_info = canon_minimum[queued_type]
+	if(!master_info)
+		stack_trace("We just tried to queue a type \[[queued_type]\] that's not stored in the master canon")
+		return
+
+	var/target_amount = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] * cache_intensity
+	var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[queued_type]
+	if(stock_info)
+		target_amount -= length(stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS])
+
+	amount = min(amount, target_amount) // If we're trying to set more then we need, don't!
+
+	if(amount <= 0) // If we already have all we need, end it
+		order_list -= queued_type
+		return
+
+	order_list[queued_type] = amount
+
+/// Take an existing object, and insert it into our storage
+/// If we can't or won't take it, it's deleted. You do not own this object after passing it in
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/stash_object(atom/movable/object)
+	var/object_type = object.type
+	var/list/master_info = canon_minimum[object_type]
+	// I will not permit objects you didn't reserve ahead of time
+	if(!master_info)
+		qdel(object)
+		return
+
+	var/stock_target = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_COUNT] * cache_intensity
+	var/amount_held = 0
+	var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[object_type]
+	if(stock_info)
+		amount_held = length(stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS])
+
+	// Doublely so for things we already have too much of
+	if(amount_held - stock_target >= overflow_lienency)
+		qdel(object)
+		return
+	// Fuck off
+	if(QDELETED(object))
+		stack_trace("We tried to stash a qdeleted object, what did you do")
+		return
+
+	if(!stock_info)
+		stock_info = new /list(WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_REMOVAL)
+		stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS] = list()
+		stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_INSERT] = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_INSERT]
+		stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_REMOVAL] = master_info[WARDROBE_CACHE_CALL_REMOVAL]
+		preloaded_stock[object_type] = stock_info
+
+	var/datum/callback/do_on_insert = stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_INSERT]
+	if(do_on_insert)
+		do_on_insert.object = object
+		do_on_insert.Invoke()
+		do_on_insert.object = null
+
+	object.moveToNullspace()
+	stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS] += object
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/provide_type(datum/requested_type, atom/movable/location)
+	var/atom/movable/requested_object
+	var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[requested_type]
+	if(!stock_info)
+		stock_miss++
+		requested_object = new requested_type(location)
+		return requested_object
+
+	var/list/contents = stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS]
+	var/contents_length = length(contents)
+	requested_object = contents[contents_length]
+	contents.len--
+
+	if(QDELETED(requested_object))
+		stack_trace("We somehow ended up with a qdeleted or null object in SSwardrobe's stock. Something's weird, likely to do with reinsertion. Typepath of [requested_type]")
+		stock_miss++
+		requested_object = new requested_type(location)
+		return requested_object
+
+	if(location)
+		requested_object.forceMove(location)
+
+	var/datum/callback/do_on_removal = stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CALL_REMOVAL]
+	if(do_on_removal)
+		do_on_removal.object = requested_object
+		do_on_removal.Invoke()
+		do_on_removal.object = null
+
+	stock_hit++
+	add_queue_item(requested_type, 1) // Requeue the item, under the assumption we'll never see it again
+	if(!(contents_length - 1))
+		preloaded_stock -= requested_type
+
+	return requested_object
+
+/// Unloads an amount of some type we have in stock
+/// Private function, for internal use only
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/unload_stock(datum/unload_type, amount, force = FALSE)
+	var/list/stock_info = preloaded_stock[unload_type]
+	if(!stock_info)
+		return
+
+	var/list/unload_from = stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS]
+	for(var/i in 1 to min(amount, length(unload_from)))
+		var/datum/nuke = unload_from[unload_from.len]
+		unload_from.len--
+		qdel(nuke)
+		if(!force && MC_TICK_CHECK && length(unload_from))
+			return
+
+	if(!length(stock_info[WARDROBE_STOCK_CONTENTS]))
+		preloaded_stock -= unload_type
+
+/// Sets up insertion and removal callbacks by typepath
+/// We will always use the deepest path. So /obj/item/blade/knife superceeds the entries of /obj/item and /obj/item/blade
+/// Mind this
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/setup_callbacks()
+	var/list/play_with = new /list(WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE) // Turns out there's a global list of pdas. Let's work around that yeah?
+	play_with[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_INSERT] = CALLBACK(null, /obj/item/pda/proc/display_pda)
+	play_with[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE] = CALLBACK(null, /obj/item/pda/proc/cloak_pda)
+	initial_callbacks[/obj/item/pda] = play_with
+
+	play_with = new /list(WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE) // Don't want organs rotting on the job
+	play_with[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_INSERT] = CALLBACK(null, /obj/item/organ/proc/enter_wardrobe)
+	play_with[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE] = CALLBACK(null, /obj/item/organ/proc/exit_wardrobe)
+	initial_callbacks[/obj/item/organ] = play_with
+
+	play_with = new /list(WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE)
+	play_with[WARDROBE_CALLBACK_REMOVE] = CALLBACK(null, /obj/item/storage/box/survival/proc/wardrobe_removal)
+	initial_callbacks[/obj/item/storage/box/survival] = play_with
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/load_outfits()
+	for(var/datum/outfit/to_stock as anything in subtypesof(/datum/outfit))
+		if(!initial(to_stock.preload)) // Clearly not interested
+			continue
+		var/datum/outfit/hang_up = new to_stock()
+		for(var/datum/outfit_item as anything in hang_up.get_types_to_preload())
+			canonize_type(outfit_item)
+		CHECK_TICK
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/load_species()
+	for(var/datum/species/to_record as anything in subtypesof(/datum/species))
+		if(!initial(to_record.preload))
+			continue
+		var/datum/species/fossil_record = new to_record()
+		for(var/obj/item/species_request as anything in fossil_record.get_types_to_preload())
+			for(var/i in 1 to 5) // Store 5 of each species, since that seems on par with 1 of each outfit
+				canonize_type(species_request)
+		CHECK_TICK
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/load_pda_nicknacks()
+	for(var/obj/item/pda/pager as anything in typesof(/obj/item/pda))
+		var/obj/item/pda/flip_phone = new pager()
+		for(var/datum/outfit_item_type as anything in flip_phone.get_types_to_preload())
+			canonize_type(outfit_item_type)
+		qdel(flip_phone)
+		CHECK_TICK
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/wardrobe/proc/load_storage_contents()
+	for(var/obj/item/storage/crate as anything in subtypesof(/obj/item/storage))
+		if(!initial(crate.preload))
+			continue
+		var/obj/item/pda/another_crate = new crate()
+		//Unlike other uses, I really don't want people being lazy with this one.
+		var/list/somehow_more_boxes = another_crate.get_types_to_preload()
+		if(!length(somehow_more_boxes))
+			stack_trace("You appear to have set preload to true on [crate] without defining get_types_to_preload. Please be more strict about your scope, this stuff is spooky")
+		for(var/datum/a_really_small_box as anything in somehow_more_boxes)
+			canonize_type(a_really_small_box)
+		qdel(another_crate)
diff --git a/code/datums/components/storage/storage.dm b/code/datums/components/storage/storage.dm
index fddca983f16..c878ee4d125 100644
--- a/code/datums/components/storage/storage.dm
+++ b/code/datums/components/storage/storage.dm
@@ -115,14 +115,33 @@
 /datum/component/storage/PreTransfer()
 	update_actions()
 
-/datum/component/storage/proc/set_holdable(can_hold_list, cant_hold_list)
-	can_hold_description = generate_hold_desc(can_hold_list)
+/// Almost 100% of the time the lists passed into set_holdable are reused for each instance of the component
+/// Just fucking cache it 4head
+/// Yes I could generalize this, but I don't want anyone else using it. in fact, DO NOT COPY THIS
+/// If you find yourself needing this pattern, you're likely better off using static typecaches
+/// I'm not because I do not trust implementers of the storage component to use them, BUT
+/// IF I FIND YOU USING THIS PATTERN IN YOUR CODE I WILL BREAK YOU ACROSS MY KNEES
+/// ~Lemon
+GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(cached_storage_typecaches)
 
-	if (can_hold_list != null)
-		can_hold = string_list(typecacheof(can_hold_list))
+/datum/component/storage/proc/set_holdable(list/can_hold_list, list/cant_hold_list)
+	if(!islist(can_hold_list))
+		can_hold_list = list(can_hold_list)
+	if(!islist(cant_hold_list))
+		cant_hold_list = list(cant_hold_list)
+
+	can_hold_description = generate_hold_desc(can_hold_list)
+	if (can_hold_list)
+		var/unique_key = can_hold_list.Join("-")
+		if(!GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key])
+			GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key] = typecacheof(can_hold_list)
+		can_hold = GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key]
 
 	if (cant_hold_list != null)
-		cant_hold = string_list(typecacheof(cant_hold_list))
+		var/unique_key = cant_hold_list.Join("-")
+		if(!GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key])
+			GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key] = typecacheof(cant_hold_list)
+		cant_hold = GLOB.cached_storage_typecaches[unique_key]
 
 /datum/component/storage/proc/generate_hold_desc(can_hold_list)
 	var/list/desc = list()
diff --git a/code/datums/outfit.dm b/code/datums/outfit.dm
index ce34a5ed17f..4fd196670de 100755
--- a/code/datums/outfit.dm
+++ b/code/datums/outfit.dm
@@ -117,6 +117,9 @@
 	/// Should the toggle helmet proc be called on the helmet during equip
 	var/toggle_helmet = TRUE
 
+	///Should we preload some of this job's items?
+	var/preload = FALSE
+
 	/// Any undershirt. While on humans it is a string, here we use paths to stay consistent with the rest of the equips.
 	var/datum/sprite_accessory/undershirt = null
 
@@ -163,35 +166,35 @@
 
 	//Start with uniform,suit,backpack for additional slots
 	if(uniform)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new uniform(H),ITEM_SLOT_ICLOTHING, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(uniform, H), ITEM_SLOT_ICLOTHING, TRUE)
 	if(suit)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new suit(H),ITEM_SLOT_OCLOTHING, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(suit, H), ITEM_SLOT_OCLOTHING, TRUE)
 	if(back)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new back(H),ITEM_SLOT_BACK, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(back, H), ITEM_SLOT_BACK, TRUE)
 	if(belt)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new belt(H),ITEM_SLOT_BELT, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(belt, H), ITEM_SLOT_BELT, TRUE)
 	if(gloves)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new gloves(H),ITEM_SLOT_GLOVES, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(gloves, H), ITEM_SLOT_GLOVES, TRUE)
 	if(shoes)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new shoes(H),ITEM_SLOT_FEET, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(shoes, H), ITEM_SLOT_FEET, TRUE)
 	if(head)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new head(H),ITEM_SLOT_HEAD, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(head, H), ITEM_SLOT_HEAD, TRUE)
 	if(mask)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new mask(H),ITEM_SLOT_MASK, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(mask, H), ITEM_SLOT_MASK, TRUE)
 	if(neck)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new neck(H),ITEM_SLOT_NECK, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(neck, H), ITEM_SLOT_NECK, TRUE)
 	if(ears)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new ears(H),ITEM_SLOT_EARS, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(ears, H), ITEM_SLOT_EARS, TRUE)
 	if(glasses)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new glasses(H),ITEM_SLOT_EYES, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(glasses, H), ITEM_SLOT_EYES, TRUE)
 	if(id)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new id(H),ITEM_SLOT_ID, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(id, H), ITEM_SLOT_ID, TRUE) //We don't provide ids (Fix this?)
 	if(!visualsOnly && id_trim && H.wear_id)
 		var/obj/item/card/id/id_card = H.wear_id
 		if(istype(id_card) && !SSid_access.apply_trim_to_card(id_card, id_trim))
 			WARNING("Unable to apply trim [id_trim] to [id_card] in outfit [name].")
 	if(suit_store)
-		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new suit_store(H),ITEM_SLOT_SUITSTORE, TRUE)
+		H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(suit_store, H), ITEM_SLOT_SUITSTORE, TRUE)
 
 	if(undershirt)
 		H.undershirt = initial(undershirt.name)
@@ -199,20 +202,20 @@
 	if(accessory)
 		var/obj/item/clothing/under/U = H.w_uniform
 		if(U)
-			U.attach_accessory(new accessory(H))
+			U.attach_accessory(SSwardrobe.provide_type(accessory, H))
 		else
 			WARNING("Unable to equip accessory [accessory] in outfit [name]. No uniform present!")
 
 	if(l_hand)
-		H.put_in_l_hand(new l_hand(H))
+		H.put_in_l_hand(SSwardrobe.provide_type(l_hand, H))
 	if(r_hand)
-		H.put_in_r_hand(new r_hand(H))
+		H.put_in_r_hand(SSwardrobe.provide_type(r_hand, H))
 
 	if(!visualsOnly) // Items in pockets or backpack don't show up on mob's icon.
 		if(l_pocket)
-			H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new l_pocket(H),ITEM_SLOT_LPOCKET, TRUE)
+			H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(l_pocket, H), ITEM_SLOT_LPOCKET, TRUE)
 		if(r_pocket)
-			H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new r_pocket(H),ITEM_SLOT_RPOCKET, TRUE)
+			H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(r_pocket, H), ITEM_SLOT_RPOCKET, TRUE)
 
 		if(box)
 			if(!backpack_contents)
@@ -226,7 +229,7 @@
 				if(!isnum(number))//Default to 1
 					number = 1
 				for(var/i in 1 to number)
-					H.equip_to_slot_or_del(new path(H),ITEM_SLOT_BACKPACK, TRUE)
+					H.equip_to_slot_or_del(SSwardrobe.provide_type(path, H), ITEM_SLOT_BACKPACK, TRUE)
 
 	if(!H.head && toggle_helmet && istype(H.wear_suit, /obj/item/clothing/suit/space/hardsuit))
 		var/obj/item/clothing/suit/space/hardsuit/HS = H.wear_suit
@@ -241,13 +244,13 @@
 			H.update_action_buttons_icon()
 		if(implants)
 			for(var/implant_type in implants)
-				var/obj/item/implant/I = new implant_type(H)
+				var/obj/item/implant/I = SSwardrobe.provide_type(implant_type, H)
 				I.implant(H, null, TRUE)
 
 		// Insert the skillchips associated with this outfit into the target.
 		if(skillchips)
 			for(var/skillchip_path in skillchips)
-				var/obj/item/skillchip/skillchip_instance = new skillchip_path()
+				var/obj/item/skillchip/skillchip_instance = SSwardrobe.provide_type(skillchip_path)
 				var/implant_msg = H.implant_skillchip(skillchip_instance)
 				if(implant_msg)
 					stack_trace("Failed to implant [H] with [skillchip_instance], on job [src]. Failure message: [implant_msg]")
@@ -352,6 +355,42 @@
 	list_clear_nulls(types)
 	return types
 
+/// Return a list of types to pregenerate for later equipping
+/// This should not be things that do unique stuff in Initialize() based off their location, since we'll be storing them for a while
+/datum/outfit/proc/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/preload = list()
+	preload += id
+	preload += uniform
+	preload += suit
+	preload += suit_store
+	preload += back
+	//Load in backpack gear and shit
+	for(var/datum/type_to_load in backpack_contents)
+		for(var/i in 1 to backpack_contents[type_to_load])
+			preload += type_to_load
+	preload += belt
+	preload += ears
+	preload += glasses
+	preload += gloves
+	preload += head
+	preload += mask
+	preload += neck
+	preload += shoes
+	preload += l_pocket
+	preload += r_pocket
+	preload += l_hand
+	preload += r_hand
+	preload += accessory
+	preload += box
+	for(var/implant_type in implants)
+		preload += implant_type
+	for(var/skillpath in skillchips)
+		preload += skillpath
+
+	preload -= typesof(/obj/item/clothing/under/color/random) // SKYRAT EDIT - Don't preload random jumpsuit spawners that delete themselves
+
+	return preload
+
 /// Return a json list of this outfit
 /datum/outfit/proc/get_json_data()
 	. = list()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/body_egg.dm b/code/game/objects/items/body_egg.dm
index dc769ead283..296aebc40a7 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/body_egg.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/body_egg.dm
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 	name = "body egg"
 	desc = "All slimy and yuck."
 	icon_state = "innards"
+	visual = TRUE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_CHEST
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_PARASITE_EGG
 
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA.dm b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA.dm
index 01f519f9eb8..c2fe14d28fe 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA.dm
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 
 	/// String name of owner
 	var/owner = null
-	/// Access level defined by cartridge
+	/// Typepath of the default cartridge to use
 	var/default_cartridge = 0
 	/// Current cartridge
 	var/obj/item/cartridge/cartridge = null
@@ -97,8 +97,10 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 	var/datum/picture/picture //Scanned photo
 
 	var/list/contained_item = list(/obj/item/pen, /obj/item/toy/crayon, /obj/item/lipstick, /obj/item/flashlight/pen, /obj/item/clothing/mask/cigarette)
-	var/obj/item/inserted_item //Used for pen, crayon, and lipstick insertion or removal. Same as above.
-
+	//This is the typepath to load "into" the pda
+	var/obj/item/insert_type = /obj/item/pen
+	//This is the currently inserted item
+	var/obj/item/inserted_item
 	var/underline_flag = TRUE //flag for underline
 
 /obj/item/pda/suicide_act(mob/living/carbon/user)
@@ -128,15 +130,26 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 
 	GLOB.PDAs += src
 	if(default_cartridge)
-		cartridge = new default_cartridge(src)
-	if(inserted_item)
-		inserted_item = new inserted_item(src)
-	else
-		inserted_item = new /obj/item/pen(src)
+		cartridge = SSwardrobe.provide_type(default_cartridge, src)
+		cartridge.host_pda = src
+	if(insert_type)
+		inserted_item = SSwardrobe.provide_type(insert_type, src)
 	RegisterSignal(src, COMSIG_LIGHT_EATER_ACT, .proc/on_light_eater)
 
 	update_appearance()
 
+/obj/item/pda/Destroy()
+	GLOB.PDAs -= src
+	if(istype(id))
+		QDEL_NULL(id)
+	if(istype(cartridge))
+		QDEL_NULL(cartridge)
+	if(istype(pai))
+		QDEL_NULL(pai)
+	if(istype(inserted_item))
+		QDEL_NULL(inserted_item)
+	return ..()
+
 /obj/item/pda/equipped(mob/user, slot)
 	. = ..()
 	if(!equipped)
@@ -163,6 +176,14 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 					font_mode = FONT_MONO
 			equipped = TRUE
 
+/obj/item/pda/Exited(atom/movable/gone, direction)
+	. = ..()
+	if(gone == cartridge)
+		cartridge.host_pda = null
+		cartridge = null
+	if(gone == inserted_item)
+		inserted_item = null
+
 /obj/item/pda/proc/update_label()
 	name = "PDA-[owner] ([ownjob])" //Name generalisation
 
@@ -976,9 +997,8 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 		return
 
 	if(inserted_item)
-		user.put_in_hands(inserted_item)
 		to_chat(user, span_notice("You remove [inserted_item] from [src]."))
-		inserted_item = null
+		user.put_in_hands(inserted_item) //Don't need to manage the pen ref, handled on Exited()
 		update_appearance()
 		playsound(src, 'sound/machines/pda_button2.ogg', 50, TRUE)
 	else
@@ -988,11 +1008,9 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 	if(issilicon(user) || !user.canUseTopic(src, BE_CLOSE, FALSE, NO_TK)) //TK disabled to stop cartridge teleporting into hand
 		return
 	if (!isnull(cartridge))
-		user.put_in_hands(cartridge)
 		to_chat(user, span_notice("You eject [cartridge] from [src]."))
+		user.put_in_hands(cartridge) //We don't manage reference clearing here, dealt with in Exited()
 		scanmode = PDA_SCANNER_NONE
-		cartridge.host_pda = null
-		cartridge = null
 		updateSelfDialog()
 		update_appearance()
 
@@ -1191,18 +1209,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 			explosion(src, devastation_range = -1, heavy_impact_range = -1, light_impact_range = 2, flash_range = 3)
 	qdel(src)
 
-/obj/item/pda/Destroy()
-	GLOB.PDAs -= src
-	if(istype(id))
-		QDEL_NULL(id)
-	if(istype(cartridge))
-		QDEL_NULL(cartridge)
-	if(istype(pai))
-		QDEL_NULL(pai)
-	if(istype(inserted_item))
-		QDEL_NULL(inserted_item)
-	return ..()
-
 //AI verb and proc for sending PDA messages.
 
 /obj/item/pda/ai/verb/cmd_toggle_pda_receiver()
@@ -1306,6 +1312,23 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(PDAs)
 	SIGNAL_HANDLER
 	return COMPONENT_PDA_NO_DETONATE
 
+/// Return a list of types you want to pregenerate and use later
+/// Do not pass in things that care about their init location, or expect extra input
+/// Also as a curtiousy to me, don't pass in any bombs
+/obj/item/pda/proc/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/preload = list()
+	preload += default_cartridge
+	preload += insert_type
+	return preload
+
+/// Callbacks for preloading pdas
+/obj/item/pda/proc/display_pda()
+	GLOB.PDAs += src
+
+/// See above, we don't want jerry from accounting to try and message nullspace his new bike
+/obj/item/pda/proc/cloak_pda()
+	GLOB.PDAs -= src
+
 #undef PDA_SCANNER_NONE
 #undef PDA_SCANNER_MEDICAL
 #undef PDA_SCANNER_FORENSICS
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA_types.dm b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA_types.dm
index 9b5db73659e..0242f9a1fad 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA_types.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/PDA_types.dm
@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@
 /obj/item/pda/clown
 	name = "clown PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/virus/clown
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/toy/crayon/rainbow
+	insert_type = /obj/item/toy/crayon/rainbow
 	icon_state = "pda-clown"
 	greyscale_config = null
 	greyscale_config = null
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@
 /obj/item/pda/mime
 	name = "mime PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/virus/mime
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/toy/crayon/mime
+	insert_type = /obj/item/toy/crayon/mime
 	greyscale_config = /datum/greyscale_config/pda/mime
 	greyscale_colors = "#e2e2e2#cc4242"
 	desc = "A portable microcomputer by Thinktronic Systems, LTD. The hardware has been modified for compliance with the vows of silence."
@@ -147,14 +147,14 @@
 /obj/item/pda/heads/rd
 	name = "research director PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/rd
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/fountain
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/fountain
 	greyscale_config = /datum/greyscale_config/pda/stripe_thick/head
 	greyscale_colors = "#e2e2e2#000099#9F5CA5"
 
 /obj/item/pda/captain
 	name = "captain PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/captain
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/fountain/captain
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/fountain/captain
 	greyscale_config = /datum/greyscale_config/pda/captain
 	greyscale_colors = "#2C7CB2#FF0000#FFFFFF#F5D67B"
 
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@
 /obj/item/pda/quartermaster
 	name = "quartermaster PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/quartermaster
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/survival
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/survival
 	greyscale_config = /datum/greyscale_config/pda/stripe_thick
 	greyscale_colors = "#D6B328#6506ca#927444"
 
@@ -195,7 +195,7 @@
 /obj/item/pda/lawyer
 	name = "lawyer PDA"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/lawyer
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/fountain
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/fountain
 	greyscale_colors = "#5B74A5#f7e062"
 	ttone = "objection"
 
@@ -219,7 +219,7 @@
 	icon_pai = "pai_overlay_library"
 	icon_inactive_pai = "pai_off_overlay_library"
 	default_cartridge = /obj/item/cartridge/curator
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/fountain
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/fountain
 	desc = "A portable microcomputer by Thinktronic Systems, LTD. This model is a WGW-11 series e-reader."
 	note = "Congratulations, your station has chosen the Thinktronic 5290 WGW-11 Series E-reader and Personal Data Assistant!"
 	silent = TRUE //Quiet in the library!
@@ -239,7 +239,7 @@
 /obj/item/pda/bar
 	name = "bartender PDA"
 	greyscale_colors = "#333333#c7c7c7"
-	inserted_item = /obj/item/pen/fountain
+	insert_type = /obj/item/pen/fountain
 
 /obj/item/pda/atmos
 	name = "atmospherics PDA"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/cart.dm b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/cart.dm
index 1ed0538c371..f28c6527f4d 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/cart.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/devices/PDA/cart.dm
@@ -34,12 +34,6 @@
 	var/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/active_bot
 	var/list/botlist = list()
 
-/obj/item/cartridge/Initialize(mapload)
-	. = ..()
-	var/obj/item/pda/pda = loc
-	if(istype(pda))
-		host_pda = pda
-
 /obj/item/cartridge/engineering
 	name = "\improper Power-ON cartridge"
 	icon_state = "cart-e"
@@ -137,8 +131,6 @@
 	. = ..()
 	radio = new(src)
 
-
-
 /obj/item/cartridge/quartermaster
 	name = "space parts & space vendors cartridge"
 	desc = "Perfect for the Quartermaster on the go!"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_track.dm b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_track.dm
index 3b362f2fe72..76244f23f30 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_track.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_track.dm
@@ -6,21 +6,25 @@
 	var/lifespan_postmortem = 6000
 	///will people implanted with this act as teleporter beacons?
 	var/allow_teleport = TRUE
-	///The id of the timer that's qdeleting us
-	var/timerid
 
 /obj/item/implant/tracking/c38
 	name = "TRAC implant"
 	desc = "A smaller tracking implant that supplies power for only a few minutes."
 	var/lifespan = 3000 //how many deciseconds does the implant last?
+	///The id of the timer that's qdeleting us
+	var/timerid
 	allow_teleport = FALSE
 
-/obj/item/implant/tracking/c38/Initialize(mapload)
+/obj/item/implant/tracking/c38/implant(mob/living/target, mob/user, silent, force)
 	. = ..()
 	timerid = QDEL_IN(src, lifespan)
 
-/obj/item/implant/tracking/c38/Destroy()
+/obj/item/implant/tracking/c38/removed(mob/living/source, silent, special)
+	. = ..()
 	deltimer(timerid)
+	timerid = null
+
+/obj/item/implant/tracking/c38/Destroy()
 	return ..()
 
 /obj/item/implant/tracking/Initialize(mapload)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implantuplink.dm b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implantuplink.dm
index 349b9b7f21f..0ff9be3f7bc 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implantuplink.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implantuplink.dm
@@ -11,6 +11,8 @@
 
 /obj/item/implant/uplink/Initialize(mapload, owner, uplink_flag)
 	. = ..()
+	if(!uplink_flag)
+		uplink_flag = src.uplink_flag
 	var/datum/component/uplink/new_uplink = AddComponent(/datum/component/uplink, _owner = owner, _lockable = TRUE, _enabled = FALSE, uplink_flag = uplink_flag, starting_tc = starting_tc)
 	new_uplink.unlock_text = "Your Syndicate Uplink has been cunningly implanted in you, for a small TC fee. Simply trigger the uplink to access it."
 	RegisterSignal(src, COMSIG_COMPONENT_REMOVING, .proc/_component_removal)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/storage/belt.dm b/code/game/objects/items/storage/belt.dm
index 64458dbd2dc..993b63286dd 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/storage/belt.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/storage/belt.dm
@@ -81,24 +81,52 @@
 	inhand_icon_state = "utility_ce"
 	worn_icon_state = "utility_ce"
 
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/chief/full
+	preload = TRUE
+
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/chief/full/PopulateContents()
-	new /obj/item/screwdriver/power(src)
-	new /obj/item/crowbar/power(src)
-	new /obj/item/weldingtool/electric(src) // SKYRAT EDIT - original: 	new /obj/item/weldingtool/experimental(src)
-	new /obj/item/multitool(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/cable_coil(src)
-	new /obj/item/extinguisher/mini(src)
-	new /obj/item/analyzer/ranged(src)	//SKYRAT EDIT - original: new /obj/item/analyzer(src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/screwdriver/power, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/crowbar/power, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/weldingtool/electric, src)//This can be changed if this is too much //It's been 5 years // SKYRAT EDIT - ORIGINAL: SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/weldingtool/experimental, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/multitool, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/cable_coil, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/extinguisher/mini, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/analyzer/ranged, src) //SKYRAT EDIT - ORIGINAL: SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/analyzer, src)
 	//much roomier now that we've managed to remove two tools
 
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/chief/full/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_preload = list() //Yes this is a pain. Yes this is the point
+	to_preload += /obj/item/screwdriver/power
+	to_preload += /obj/item/crowbar/power
+	to_preload += /obj/item/weldingtool/electric // SKYRAT EDIT - Electric welder
+	to_preload += /obj/item/multitool
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/cable_coil
+	to_preload += /obj/item/extinguisher/mini
+	to_preload += /obj/item/analyzer/ranged // SKYRAT EDIT - Ranged Analyzer
+	return to_preload
+
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/PopulateContents()
-	new /obj/item/screwdriver(src)
-	new /obj/item/wrench(src)
-	new /obj/item/weldingtool(src)
-	new /obj/item/crowbar(src)
-	new /obj/item/wirecutters(src)
-	new /obj/item/multitool(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/cable_coil(src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/screwdriver, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wrench, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/weldingtool, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/crowbar, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wirecutters, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/multitool, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/cable_coil, src)
+
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_preload = list() //Yes this is a pain. Yes this is the point
+	to_preload += /obj/item/screwdriver
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wrench
+	to_preload += /obj/item/weldingtool
+	to_preload += /obj/item/crowbar
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wirecutters
+	to_preload += /obj/item/multitool
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/cable_coil
+	return to_preload
+
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/powertools
+	preload = FALSE
 
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/powertools/PopulateContents()
 	new /obj/item/screwdriver/power(src)
@@ -119,22 +147,47 @@
 	new /obj/item/stack/cable_coil(src)
 
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/engi/PopulateContents()
-	new /obj/item/screwdriver(src)
-	new /obj/item/wrench(src)
-	new /obj/item/weldingtool/largetank(src)
-	new /obj/item/crowbar(src)
-	new /obj/item/wirecutters(src)
-	new /obj/item/multitool(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/cable_coil(src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/screwdriver, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wrench, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/weldingtool/largetank, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/crowbar, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wirecutters, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/multitool, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/cable_coil, src)
+
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/full/engi/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_preload = list() //Yes this is a pain. Yes this is the point
+	to_preload += /obj/item/screwdriver
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wrench
+	to_preload += /obj/item/weldingtool/largetank
+	to_preload += /obj/item/crowbar
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wirecutters
+	to_preload += /obj/item/multitool
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/cable_coil
+	return to_preload
 
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/atmostech/PopulateContents()
-	new /obj/item/screwdriver(src)
-	new /obj/item/wrench(src)
-	new /obj/item/weldingtool(src)
-	new /obj/item/crowbar(src)
-	new /obj/item/wirecutters(src)
-	new /obj/item/t_scanner(src)
-	new /obj/item/extinguisher/mini(src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/screwdriver, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wrench, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/weldingtool, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/crowbar, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/wirecutters, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/t_scanner, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/extinguisher/mini, src)
+
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/atmostech/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_preload = list() //Yes this is a pain. Yes this is the point
+	to_preload += /obj/item/screwdriver
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wrench
+	to_preload += /obj/item/weldingtool
+	to_preload += /obj/item/crowbar
+	to_preload += /obj/item/wirecutters
+	to_preload += /obj/item/t_scanner
+	to_preload += /obj/item/extinguisher/mini
+	return to_preload
+
+/obj/item/storage/belt/utility/syndicate
+	preload = FALSE
 
 /obj/item/storage/belt/utility/syndicate/PopulateContents()
 	new /obj/item/screwdriver/nuke(src)
@@ -215,16 +268,30 @@
 		/obj/item/stack/sticky_tape //surgical tape
 		))
 
+/obj/item/storage/belt/medical/paramedic
+	preload = TRUE
+
 /obj/item/storage/belt/medical/paramedic/PopulateContents()
-	new /obj/item/sensor_device(src)
-	new /obj/item/pinpointer/crew/prox(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/medical/gauze/twelve(src)
-	new /obj/item/reagent_containers/syringe(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/medical/bone_gel(src)
-	new /obj/item/stack/sticky_tape/surgical(src)
-	new /obj/item/reagent_containers/glass/bottle/formaldehyde(src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/sensor_device, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/pinpointer/crew/prox, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/medical/gauze/twelve, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/reagent_containers/syringe, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/medical/bone_gel, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/stack/sticky_tape/surgical, src)
+	SSwardrobe.provide_type(/obj/item/reagent_containers/glass/bottle/formaldehyde, src)
 	update_appearance()
 
+/obj/item/storage/belt/medical/paramedic/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_preload = list() //Yes this is a pain. Yes this is the point
+	to_preload += /obj/item/sensor_device
+	to_preload += /obj/item/pinpointer/crew/prox
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/medical/gauze/twelve
+	to_preload += /obj/item/reagent_containers/syringe
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/medical/bone_gel
+	to_preload += /obj/item/stack/sticky_tape/surgical
+	to_preload += /obj/item/reagent_containers/glass/bottle/formaldehyde
+	return to_preload
+
 /obj/item/storage/belt/security
 	name = "security belt"
 	desc = "Can hold security gear like handcuffs and flashes."
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/storage/boxes.dm b/code/game/objects/items/storage/boxes.dm
index 1fdc907798b..3265c4bc0fc 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/storage/boxes.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/storage/boxes.dm
@@ -141,6 +141,15 @@
 	..() // we want the survival stuff too.
 	new /obj/item/radio/off(src)
 
+/obj/item/storage/box/survival/proc/wardrobe_removal()
+	if(!isplasmaman(loc)) //We need to specially fill the box with plasmaman gear, since it's intended for one
+		return
+	var/obj/item/mask = locate(mask_type) in src
+	var/obj/item/internals = locate(internal_type) in src
+	new /obj/item/tank/internals/plasmaman/belt(src)
+	qdel(mask) // Get rid of the items that shouldn't be
+	qdel(internals)
+
 // Mining survival box
 /obj/item/storage/box/survival/mining
 	mask_type = /obj/item/clothing/mask/gas/explorer
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/storage/storage.dm b/code/game/objects/items/storage/storage.dm
index eeaf6772a8b..f5b1c1830e4 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/storage/storage.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/storage/storage.dm
@@ -4,6 +4,10 @@
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_NORMAL
 	var/rummage_if_nodrop = TRUE
 	var/component_type = /datum/component/storage/concrete
+	/// Should we preload the contents of this type?
+	/// BE CAREFUL, THERE'S SOME REALLY NASTY SHIT IN THIS TYPEPATH
+	/// SANTA IS EVIL
+	var/preload = FALSE
 
 /obj/item/storage/get_dumping_location(obj/item/storage/source,mob/user)
 	return src
@@ -54,3 +58,9 @@
 			continue
 		important_thing.forceMove(drop_location())
 	return ..()
+
+/// Returns a list of object types to be preloaded by our code
+/// I'll say it again, be very careful with this. We only need it for a few things
+/// Don't do anything stupid, please
+/obj/item/storage/proc/get_types_to_preload()
+	return
diff --git a/code/modules/antagonists/nightmare/nightmare_organs.dm b/code/modules/antagonists/nightmare/nightmare_organs.dm
index f1a77d69b76..711cbef4ac7 100644
--- a/code/modules/antagonists/nightmare/nightmare_organs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/antagonists/nightmare/nightmare_organs.dm
@@ -30,6 +30,7 @@
 	desc = "An alien organ that twists and writhes when exposed to light."
 	icon = 'icons/obj/surgery.dmi'
 	icon_state = "demon_heart-on"
+	visual = TRUE
 	color = "#1C1C1C"
 	decay_factor = 0
 	/// How many life ticks in the dark the owner has been dead for. Used for nightmare respawns.
diff --git a/code/modules/client/preferences.dm b/code/modules/client/preferences.dm
index 4b2270bbafd..6b06597c7d1 100644
--- a/code/modules/client/preferences.dm
+++ b/code/modules/client/preferences.dm
@@ -561,6 +561,7 @@ INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/atom/movable/screen/character_preview_view)
 	character.dna.real_name = character.real_name
 
 	if(icon_updates)
+		character.icon_render_key = null //turns out if you don't set this to null update_body_parts does nothing, since it assumes the operation was cached
 		character.update_body()
 		character.update_hair()
 		character.update_body_parts()
diff --git a/code/modules/clothing/spacesuits/hardsuit.dm b/code/modules/clothing/spacesuits/hardsuit.dm
index 7b56a9e6a73..845380117ab 100644
--- a/code/modules/clothing/spacesuits/hardsuit.dm
+++ b/code/modules/clothing/spacesuits/hardsuit.dm
@@ -575,7 +575,7 @@
 	SIGNAL_HANDLER
 
 	var/turf/T = get_turf(src)
-	if(T.z != epicenter.z)
+	if(T?.z != epicenter.z)
 		return
 	if(get_dist(epicenter, T) > explosion_detection_dist)
 		return
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
index cd409d9d438..4e552b5bd6a 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/_job.dm
@@ -258,6 +258,8 @@
 	shoes = /obj/item/clothing/shoes/sneakers/black
 	box = /obj/item/storage/box/survival
 
+	preload = TRUE // These are used by the prefs ui, and also just kinda could use the extra help at roundstart
+
 	var/backpack = /obj/item/storage/backpack
 	var/satchel = /obj/item/storage/backpack/satchel
 	var/duffelbag = /obj/item/storage/backpack/duffelbag
@@ -333,6 +335,16 @@
 	types += duffelbag
 	return types
 
+/datum/outfit/job/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/preload = ..()
+	preload += backpack
+	preload += satchel
+	preload += duffelbag
+	preload += /obj/item/storage/backpack/satchel/leather
+	var/skirtpath = "[uniform]/skirt"
+	preload += text2path(skirtpath)
+	return preload
+
 /// An overridable getter for more dynamic goodies.
 /datum/job/proc/get_mail_goodies(mob/recipient)
 	return mail_goodies
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
index 012c41a9905..98c12de01e0 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/assistant.dm
@@ -58,6 +58,8 @@ Assistant
 
 	var/index = (jumpsuit_number % GLOB.colored_assistant.jumpsuits.len) + 1
 
+	//We don't cache these, because they can delete on init
+	//Too fragile, better to just eat the cost
 	if (target.jumpsuit_style == PREF_SUIT)
 		uniform = GLOB.colored_assistant.jumpsuits[index]
 	else
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
index e6b93620858..e40064cf6f8 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/clown.dm
@@ -75,6 +75,11 @@
 	if(HAS_TRAIT(SSstation, STATION_TRAIT_BANANIUM_SHIPMENTS))
 		backpack_contents[/obj/item/stack/sheet/mineral/bananium/five] = 1
 
+/datum/outfit/job/clown/get_types_to_preload()
+	. = ..()
+	if(HAS_TRAIT(SSstation, STATION_TRAIT_BANANIUM_SHIPMENTS))
+		. += /obj/item/stack/sheet/mineral/bananium/five
+
 /datum/outfit/job/clown/post_equip(mob/living/carbon/human/H, visualsOnly = FALSE)
 	..()
 	if(visualsOnly)
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
index 37ddab85974..b90f5d84202 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/cook.dm
@@ -110,3 +110,8 @@
 			head = /obj/item/clothing/head/soft/mime
 		if(!visualsOnly)
 			J.cooks++
+
+/datum/outfit/job/cook/get_types_to_preload()
+	. = ..()
+	. += /obj/item/clothing/suit/apron/chef
+	. += /obj/item/clothing/head/soft/mime
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/janitor.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/janitor.dm
index cc00c5cef5d..2d709cf41ba 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/janitor.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/janitor.dm
@@ -48,3 +48,9 @@
 	if(GARBAGEDAY in SSevents.holidays)
 		backpack_contents += /obj/item/gun/ballistic/revolver
 		r_pocket = /obj/item/ammo_box/a357
+
+/datum/outfit/job/janitor/get_types_to_preload()
+	. = ..()
+	if(GARBAGEDAY in SSevents.holidays)
+		. += /obj/item/gun/ballistic/revolver
+		. += /obj/item/ammo_box/a357
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
index 1d9bfbff66a..be4ed72678a 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/lawyer.dm
@@ -56,3 +56,8 @@
 	else
 		use_purple_suit = TRUE
 	..()
+
+/datum/outfit/job/lawyer/get_types_to_preload()
+	. = ..()
+	. += /obj/item/clothing/under/rank/civilian/lawyer/purpsuit
+	. += /obj/item/clothing/suit/toggle/lawyer/purple
diff --git a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/scientist.dm b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/scientist.dm
index c198986badd..53b19952c0c 100644
--- a/code/modules/jobs/job_types/scientist.dm
+++ b/code/modules/jobs/job_types/scientist.dm
@@ -56,3 +56,7 @@
 	..()
 	if(prob(0.4))
 		neck = /obj/item/clothing/neck/tie/horrible
+
+/datum/outfit/job/scientist/get_types_to_preload()
+	. = ..()
+	. += /obj/item/clothing/neck/tie/horrible
diff --git a/code/modules/mining/equipment/regenerative_core.dm b/code/modules/mining/equipment/regenerative_core.dm
index 1f34d10dbac..0cb38a5b6c9 100644
--- a/code/modules/mining/equipment/regenerative_core.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mining/equipment/regenerative_core.dm
@@ -24,6 +24,7 @@
 	name = "regenerative core"
 	desc = "All that remains of a hivelord. It can be used to help keep your body going, but it will rapidly decay into uselessness."
 	icon_state = "roro core 2"
+	visual = FALSE
 	item_flags = NOBLUDGEON
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_REGENERATIVE_CORE
 	organ_flags = NONE
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/brain/brain_item.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/brain/brain_item.dm
index 53c73da528f..9d957a753f0 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/brain/brain_item.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/brain/brain_item.dm
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 	name = "brain"
 	desc = "A piece of juicy meat found in a person's head."
 	icon_state = "brain"
+	visual = TRUE
 	throw_speed = 3
 	throw_range = 5
 	layer = ABOVE_MOB_LAYER
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/organs.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/organs.dm
index d4c5a44f237..9b909dc9783 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/organs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/organs.dm
@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
 /obj/item/organ/alien
 	icon_state = "xgibmid2"
+	visual = FALSE
 	food_reagents = list(/datum/reagent/consumable/nutriment = 5, /datum/reagent/toxin/acid = 10)
 	var/list/alien_powers = list()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
index 1d79fe2842b..5559f7d2101 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/carbon_defines.dm
@@ -106,6 +106,9 @@
 	/// Can other carbons be shoved into this one to make it fall?
 	var/can_be_shoved_into = FALSE
 
+	/// Only load in visual organs
+	var/visual_only_organs = FALSE
+
 	COOLDOWN_DECLARE(bleeding_message_cd)
 
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy.dm
index fc2fd152fdd..381d883fb12 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy.dm
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 	real_name = "Test Dummy"
 	status_flags = GODMODE|CANPUSH
 	mouse_drag_pointer = MOUSE_INACTIVE_POINTER
+	visual_only_organs = TRUE
 	var/in_use = FALSE
 
 INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy)
@@ -17,6 +18,60 @@ INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy)
 /mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/attach_rot(mapload)
 	return
 
+/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/set_species(datum/species/mrace, icon_update = TRUE, pref_load = FALSE)
+	harvest_organs()
+	return ..()
+
+///Let's extract our dummies organs and limbs for storage, to reduce the cache missed that spamming a dummy cause
+/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/proc/harvest_organs()
+	for(var/slot in list(ORGAN_SLOT_BRAIN, ORGAN_SLOT_HEART, ORGAN_SLOT_LUNGS, ORGAN_SLOT_APPENDIX, \
+		ORGAN_SLOT_EYES, ORGAN_SLOT_EARS, ORGAN_SLOT_TONGUE, ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER, ORGAN_SLOT_STOMACH))
+		var/obj/item/organ/current_organ = getorganslot(slot) //Time to cache it lads
+		if(current_organ)
+			current_organ.Remove(src, special = TRUE) //Please don't somehow kill our dummy
+			SSwardrobe.stash_object(current_organ)
+
+	var/datum/species/current_species = dna.species
+	for(var/organ_path in current_species.mutant_organs)
+		var/obj/item/organ/current_organ = getorgan(organ_path)
+		if(current_organ)
+			current_organ.Remove(src, special = TRUE) //Please don't somehow kill our dummy
+			SSwardrobe.stash_object(current_organ)
+
+	for(var/obj/item/organ/external/organ in internal_organs)
+		if(organ.type in current_species.external_organs)
+			organ.Remove(src)
+			SSwardrobe.stash_object(organ)
+
+//Instead of just deleting our equipment, we save what we can and reinsert it into SSwardrobe's store
+//Hopefully this makes preference reloading not the worst thing ever
+/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/delete_equipment()
+	var/list/items_to_check = get_all_slots() + held_items
+	var/list/to_nuke = list() //List of items queued for deletion, can't qdel them before iterating their contents in case they hold something
+	///Travel to the bottom of the contents chain, expanding it out
+	for(var/i = 1; i <= length(items_to_check); i++) //Needs to be a c style loop since it can expand
+		var/obj/item/checking = items_to_check[i]
+		if(!checking) //Nulls in the list, depressing
+			continue
+		if(!isitem(checking)) //What the fuck are you on
+			to_nuke += checking
+			continue
+
+		var/list/contents = checking.contents
+		if(length(contents))
+			items_to_check |= contents //Please don't make an infinite loop somehow thx
+			to_nuke += checking //Goodbye
+			continue
+
+		//I'm making the bet that if you're empty of other items you're not going to OOM if reapplied. I assume you're here because I was wrong
+		if(ismob(checking.loc))
+			var/mob/checkings_owner = checking.loc
+			checkings_owner.temporarilyRemoveItemFromInventory(checking, TRUE) //Clear out of there yeah?
+		SSwardrobe.stash_object(checking)
+
+	for(var/obj/item/delete as anything in to_nuke)
+		qdel(delete)
+
 /mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/has_equipped(obj/item/item, slot, initial = FALSE)
 	return item.visual_equipped(src, slot, initial)
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species.dm
index 4304017ef63..28b769125ab 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species.dm
@@ -212,6 +212,9 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 	///List of visual overlays created by handle_body()
 	var/list/body_vis_overlays = list()
 
+	//Should we preload this species's organs?
+	var/preload = TRUE
+
 ///////////
 // PROCS //
 ///////////
@@ -311,8 +314,9 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
  * * old_species - datum, used when regenerate organs is called in a switching species to remove old mutant organs.
  * * replace_current - boolean, forces all old organs to get deleted whether or not they pass the species' ability to keep that organ
  * * excluded_zones - list, add zone defines to block organs inside of the zones from getting handled. see headless mutation for an example
+ * * visual_only - boolean, only load organs that change how the species looks. Do not use for normal gameplay stuff
  */
-/datum/species/proc/regenerate_organs(mob/living/carbon/C,datum/species/old_species,replace_current=TRUE,list/excluded_zones)
+/datum/species/proc/regenerate_organs(mob/living/carbon/C, datum/species/old_species, replace_current = TRUE, list/excluded_zones, visual_only = FALSE)
 	//what should be put in if there is no mutantorgan (brains handled separately)
 	var/list/slot_mutantorgans = list(ORGAN_SLOT_BRAIN = mutantbrain, ORGAN_SLOT_HEART = mutantheart, ORGAN_SLOT_LUNGS = mutantlungs, ORGAN_SLOT_APPENDIX = mutantappendix, \
 	ORGAN_SLOT_EYES = mutanteyes, ORGAN_SLOT_EARS = mutantears, ORGAN_SLOT_TONGUE = mutanttongue, ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER = mutantliver, ORGAN_SLOT_STOMACH = mutantstomach)
@@ -322,8 +326,12 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 
 		var/obj/item/organ/oldorgan = C.getorganslot(slot) //used in removing
 		var/obj/item/organ/neworgan = slot_mutantorgans[slot] //used in adding
+
+		if(visual_only && !initial(neworgan.visual))
+			continue
+
 		var/used_neworgan = FALSE
-		neworgan = new neworgan()
+		neworgan = SSwardrobe.provide_type(neworgan)
 		var/should_have = neworgan.get_availability(src) //organ proc that points back to a species trait (so if the species is supposed to have this organ)
 
 		if(oldorgan && (!should_have || replace_current) && !(oldorgan.zone in excluded_zones) && !(oldorgan.organ_flags & ORGAN_UNREMOVABLE))
@@ -339,7 +347,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 				oldorgan.Remove(C,TRUE)
 				QDEL_NULL(oldorgan) //we cannot just tab this out because we need to skip the deleting if it is a decoy brain.
 
-
 		if(oldorgan)
 			oldorgan.setOrganDamage(0)
 		else if(should_have && !(initial(neworgan.zone) in excluded_zones))
@@ -363,7 +370,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 	for(var/organ_path in mutant_organs)
 		var/obj/item/organ/current_organ = C.getorgan(organ_path)
 		if(!current_organ || replace_current)
-			var/obj/item/organ/replacement = new organ_path()
+			var/obj/item/organ/replacement = SSwardrobe.provide_type(organ_path)
 			// If there's an existing mutant organ, we're technically replacing it.
 			// Let's abuse the snowflake proc that skillchips added. Basically retains
 			// feature parity with every other organ too.
@@ -406,7 +413,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 
 	C.mob_biotypes = inherent_biotypes
 
-	regenerate_organs(C,old_species)
+	regenerate_organs(C, old_species, visual_only = C.visual_only_organs)
 
 	if(exotic_bloodtype && C.dna.blood_type != exotic_bloodtype)
 		C.dna.blood_type = exotic_bloodtype
@@ -426,6 +433,16 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 			else //Entries in the list should only ever be items or null, so if it's not an item, we can assume it's an empty hand
 				INVOKE_ASYNC(C, /mob/proc/put_in_hands, new mutanthands)
 
+	if(ishuman(C))
+		var/mob/living/carbon/human/human = C
+		for(var/obj/item/organ/external/organ_path as anything in external_organs)
+			//Load a persons preferences from DNA
+			var/feature_key_name = human.dna.features[initial(organ_path.feature_key)]
+
+			var/obj/item/organ/external/new_organ = SSwardrobe.provide_type(organ_path)
+			new_organ.set_sprite(feature_key_name)
+			new_organ.Insert(human)
+
 	for(var/X in inherent_traits)
 		ADD_TRAIT(C, X, SPECIES_TRAIT)
 
@@ -2249,3 +2266,21 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(features_by_species)
 /// Returns the species's scream sound.
 /datum/species/proc/get_scream_sound(mob/living/carbon/human/human)
 	return
+
+/datum/species/proc/get_types_to_preload()
+	var/list/to_store = list()
+	to_store += mutant_organs
+	for(var/obj/item/organ/external/horny as anything in external_organs)
+		to_store += horny //Haha get it?
+
+	//Don't preload brains, cause reuse becomes a horrible headache
+	to_store += mutantheart
+	to_store += mutantlungs
+	to_store += mutanteyes
+	to_store += mutantears
+	to_store += mutanttongue
+	to_store += mutantliver
+	to_store += mutantstomach
+	to_store += mutantappendix
+	//We don't cache mutant hands because it's not constrained enough, too high a potential for failure
+	return to_store
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/flypeople.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/flypeople.dm
index 7be67c4ab28..8221228ff4b 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/flypeople.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/flypeople.dm
@@ -99,6 +99,7 @@
 //useless organs we throw in just to fuck with surgeons a bit more
 /obj/item/organ/fly
 	desc = "You have no idea what the hell this is, or how it manages to keep something alive in any capacity."
+	visual = FALSE
 
 /obj/item/organ/fly/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/mothmen.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/mothmen.dm
index 1b39e832edc..e7e180131bc 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/mothmen.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/mothmen.dm
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@
 	payday_modifier = 0.75
 	family_heirlooms = list(/obj/item/flashlight/lantern/heirloom_moth)
 
-/datum/species/moth/regenerate_organs(mob/living/carbon/C,datum/species/old_species,replace_current=TRUE,list/excluded_zones)
+/datum/species/moth/regenerate_organs(mob/living/carbon/C, datum/species/old_species, replace_current= TRUE, list/excluded_zones, visual_only)
 	. = ..()
 	if(ishuman(C))
 		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = C
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/appendix.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/appendix.dm
index 4d26156adb6..7bc0acba3bb 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/appendix.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/appendix.dm
@@ -6,6 +6,7 @@
 	name = "appendix"
 	icon_state = "appendix"
 	base_icon_state = "appendix"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_GROIN
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_APPENDIX
 	food_reagents = list(/datum/reagent/consumable/nutriment = 5, /datum/reagent/toxin/bad_food = 5)
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/augments_internal.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/augments_internal.dm
index 8b46c4d7ea8..2832ca9696d 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/augments_internal.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/augments_internal.dm
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/cyberimp
 	name = "cybernetic implant"
 	desc = "A state-of-the-art implant that improves a baseline's functionality."
+	visual = FALSE
 	status = ORGAN_ROBOTIC
 	organ_flags = ORGAN_SYNTHETIC
 	var/implant_color = "#FFFFFF"
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/ears.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/ears.dm
index f1d966b5c55..27e421f0250 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/ears.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/ears.dm
@@ -4,6 +4,7 @@
 	desc = "There are three parts to the ear. Inner, middle and outer. Only one of these parts should be normally visible."
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_HEAD
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_EARS
+	visual = FALSE
 	gender = PLURAL
 
 	healing_factor = STANDARD_ORGAN_HEALING
@@ -63,6 +64,7 @@
 	name = "cat ears"
 	icon = 'icons/obj/clothing/hats.dmi'
 	icon_state = "kitty"
+	visual = TRUE
 	damage_multiplier = 2
 
 //SKYRAT EDIT REMOVAL BEGIN - CUSTOMIZATION
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/external/_external_organs.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/external/_external_organs.dm
index 8d39a36dfec..dae67fc039e 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/external/_external_organs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/external/_external_organs.dm
@@ -9,6 +9,7 @@
 
 	///Unremovable is until the features are completely finished
 	organ_flags = ORGAN_UNREMOVABLE | ORGAN_EDIBLE
+	visual = TRUE
 
 	///Sometimes we need multiple layers, for like the back, middle and front of the person
 	var/layers
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/eyes.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/eyes.dm
index cf4ffb4a419..c09c97a5c08 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/eyes.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/eyes.dm
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 	name = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES
 	icon_state = "eyeballs"
 	desc = "I see you!"
+	visual = TRUE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_EYES
 	gender = PLURAL
@@ -44,7 +45,6 @@
 		old_eye_color = human_owner.eye_color
 		if(eye_color)
 			human_owner.eye_color = eye_color
-			human_owner.regenerate_icons()
 		else
 			eye_color = human_owner.eye_color
 		if(HAS_TRAIT(human_owner, TRAIT_NIGHT_VISION) && !lighting_alpha)
@@ -62,7 +62,6 @@
 			is_emissive = TRUE
 		if(eye_color)
 			affected_human.eye_color = eye_color
-			affected_human.regenerate_icons()
 		else
 			eye_color = affected_human.eye_color
 		if(HAS_TRAIT(affected_human, TRAIT_NIGHT_VISION) && !lighting_alpha)
@@ -79,7 +78,7 @@
 	if(ishuman(eye_owner) && eye_color)
 		var/mob/living/carbon/human/human_owner = eye_owner
 		human_owner.eye_color = old_eye_color
-		human_owner.regenerate_icons()
+		human_owner.update_body()
 	eye_owner.cure_blind(EYE_DAMAGE)
 	eye_owner.cure_nearsighted(EYE_DAMAGE)
 	eye_owner.set_blindness(0)
@@ -88,6 +87,10 @@
 	eye_owner.update_sight()
 	is_emissive = FALSE
 
+//Gotta reset the eye color, because that persists
+/obj/item/organ/eyes/enter_wardrobe()
+	. = ..()
+	eye_color = initial(eye_color)
 
 /obj/item/organ/eyes/on_life(delta_time, times_fired)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/heart.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/heart.dm
index 52c2fa74102..f1cbb1220f8 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/heart.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/heart.dm
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 	desc = "I feel bad for the heartless bastard who lost this."
 	icon_state = "heart-on"
 	base_icon_state = "heart"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_CHEST
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_HEART
 
@@ -256,6 +257,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/heart/ethereal
 	name = "crystal core"
 	icon_state = "ethereal_heart" //Welp. At least it's more unique in functionaliy.
+	visual = TRUE //This is used by the ethereal species for color
 	desc = "A crystal-like organ that functions similarly to a heart for Ethereals. It can revive its owner."
 
 	///Cooldown for the next time we can crystalize
@@ -273,7 +275,6 @@
 	. = ..()
 	add_atom_colour(ethereal_color, FIXED_COLOUR_PRIORITY)
 
-
 /obj/item/organ/heart/ethereal/Insert(mob/living/carbon/owner, special = 0)
 	. = ..()
 	RegisterSignal(owner, COMSIG_MOB_STATCHANGE, .proc/on_stat_change)
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
index 7c5b867ddf5..f148b74a509 100755
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/liver.dm
@@ -4,6 +4,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/liver
 	name = "liver"
 	icon_state = "liver"
+	visual = FALSE
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_SMALL
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_CHEST
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_LIVER
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/lungs.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/lungs.dm
index 049bd168ea5..76a002bc40d 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/lungs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/lungs.dm
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 	var/operated = FALSE //whether we can still have our damages fixed through surgery
 	name = "lungs"
 	icon_state = "lungs"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_CHEST
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_LUNGS
 	gender = PLURAL
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/organ_internal.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/organ_internal.dm
index b1fec6f9d3e..54e3a22865f 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/organ_internal.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/organ_internal.dm
@@ -33,6 +33,8 @@
 	var/reagent_vol = 10
 
 	var/failure_time = 0
+	///Do we effect the appearance of our mob. Used to save time in preference code
+	var/visual = TRUE
 
 // Players can look at prefs before atoms SS init, and without this
 // they would not be able to see external organs, such as moth wings.
@@ -42,6 +44,7 @@ INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/obj/item/organ)
 
 /obj/item/organ/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
+	START_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
 	if(organ_flags & ORGAN_EDIBLE)
 		AddComponent(/datum/component/edible,\
 			initial_reagents = food_reagents,\
@@ -153,10 +156,14 @@ INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/obj/item/organ)
 	if(damage > high_threshold)
 		. += span_warning("[src] is starting to look discolored.")
 
-/obj/item/organ/Initialize(mapload)
-	. = ..()
+///Used as callbacks by object pooling
+/obj/item/organ/proc/exit_wardrobe()
 	START_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
 
+//See above
+/obj/item/organ/proc/enter_wardrobe()
+	STOP_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
+
 /obj/item/organ/Destroy()
 	if(owner)
 		// The special flag is important, because otherwise mobs can die
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/stomach/_stomach.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/stomach/_stomach.dm
index 812de868568..536489915dc 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/stomach/_stomach.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/stomach/_stomach.dm
@@ -4,6 +4,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/stomach
 	name = "stomach"
 	icon_state = "stomach"
+	visual = FALSE
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_SMALL
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_CHEST
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_STOMACH
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/tails.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/tails.dm
index 49cfafb3d2a..9d7b309f34e 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/tails.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/tails.dm
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/tail
 	name = "tail"
 	desc = "A severed tail. What did you cut this off of?"
+	visual = TRUE
 	icon_state = "severedtail"
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_GROIN
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_TAIL
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/tongue.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/tongue.dm
index 6ed3b926ff3..5b02e379923 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/tongue.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/tongue.dm
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 	name = "tongue"
 	desc = "A fleshy muscle mostly used for lying."
 	icon_state = "tonguenormal"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_TONGUE
 	attack_verb_continuous = list("licks", "slobbers", "slaps", "frenches", "tongues")
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/organs/vocal_cords.dm b/code/modules/surgery/organs/vocal_cords.dm
index 535615b789a..7d7ffbb6a82 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/organs/vocal_cords.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/organs/vocal_cords.dm
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/vocal_cords //organs that are activated through speech with the :x/MODE_KEY_VOCALCORDS channel
 	name = "vocal cords"
 	icon_state = "appendix"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_VOICE
 	gender = PLURAL
@@ -18,6 +19,7 @@
 	owner.say(message, spans = spans, sanitize = FALSE)
 
 /obj/item/organ/adamantine_resonator
+	visual = FALSE
 	name = "adamantine resonator"
 	desc = "Fragments of adamantine exist in all golems, stemming from their origins as purely magical constructs. These are used to \"hear\" messages from their leaders."
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_HEAD
diff --git a/code/modules/unit_tests/_unit_tests.dm b/code/modules/unit_tests/_unit_tests.dm
index a35e369d533..882950ddc7f 100644
--- a/code/modules/unit_tests/_unit_tests.dm
+++ b/code/modules/unit_tests/_unit_tests.dm
@@ -62,6 +62,7 @@
 #include "crayons.dm"
 #include "create_and_destroy.dm"
 #include "designs.dm"
+#include "dummy_spawn.dm"
 #include "dynamic_ruleset_sanity.dm"
 #include "egg_glands.dm"
 #include "emoting.dm"
diff --git a/code/modules/unit_tests/dummy_spawn.dm b/code/modules/unit_tests/dummy_spawn.dm
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..f708cd181da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/code/modules/unit_tests/dummy_spawn.dm
@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
+///This set of tests is focused on ensuring the stability of preference dummies
+///And by extension the hacks built to make them fast
+///Organ consistency, object pooling via the wardrobe ss, etc
+
+//Test spawning one of every species
+/datum/unit_test/dummy_spawn_species
+
+/datum/unit_test/dummy_spawn_species/Run()
+	var/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/lad = allocate(/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy)
+	for(var/datum/species/testing_testing as anything in subtypesof(/datum/species))
+		lad.set_species(testing_testing, icon_update = FALSE, pref_load = TRUE) //I wonder if I should somehow hook into the species pref here
+
+///Equips and devests our dummy of one of every job outfit
+/datum/unit_test/dummy_spawn_outfit
+
+/datum/unit_test/dummy_spawn_outfit/Run()
+	var/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy/lad = allocate(/mob/living/carbon/human/dummy)
+	for(var/datum/job/one_two_three as anything in subtypesof(/datum/job))
+		var/datum/job/can_you_hear_this = SSjob.GetJobType(one_two_three)
+		if(!can_you_hear_this)
+			log_world("Job type [one_two_three] could not be retrieved from SSjob")
+			continue
+		lad.job = can_you_hear_this
+		lad.dress_up_as_job(can_you_hear_this, TRUE)
+		lad.wipe_state() //Nuke it all
diff --git a/code/modules/wiremod/shell/brain_computer_interface.dm b/code/modules/wiremod/shell/brain_computer_interface.dm
index 36cc2aa9656..853c9ba9857 100644
--- a/code/modules/wiremod/shell/brain_computer_interface.dm
+++ b/code/modules/wiremod/shell/brain_computer_interface.dm
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 	desc = "An implant that can be placed in a user's head to control circuits using their brain."
 	icon = 'icons/obj/wiremod.dmi'
 	icon_state = "bci"
+	visual = FALSE
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_HEAD
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_TINY
 
diff --git a/code/modules/zombie/organs.dm b/code/modules/zombie/organs.dm
index 9da0053701a..42cec530da3 100644
--- a/code/modules/zombie/organs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/zombie/organs.dm
@@ -4,6 +4,7 @@
 	zone = BODY_ZONE_HEAD
 	slot = ORGAN_SLOT_ZOMBIE
 	icon_state = "blacktumor"
+	visual = FALSE
 	var/causes_damage = TRUE
 	var/datum/species/old_species = /datum/species/human
 	var/living_transformation_time = 30
diff --git a/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/datums/dna.dm b/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/datums/dna.dm
index e848f45b07b..340b49a8334 100644
--- a/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/datums/dna.dm
+++ b/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/datums/dna.dm
@@ -182,7 +182,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(total_uf_len_by_block)
 	holder.transform = holder.transform.Translate(0, translate)
 	current_body_size = features["body_size"]
 
-/mob/living/carbon/set_species(datum/species/mrace, icon_update = TRUE, var/list/override_features, var/list/override_mutantparts, var/list/override_markings, retain_features = FALSE, retain_mutantparts = FALSE)
+/mob/living/carbon/set_species(datum/species/mrace, icon_update = TRUE, pref_load = FALSE, var/list/override_features, var/list/override_mutantparts, var/list/override_markings, retain_features = FALSE, retain_mutantparts = FALSE)
 	if(QDELETED(src))
 		CRASH("You're trying to change your species post deletion, this is a recipe for madness")
 	if(mrace && has_dna())
@@ -194,7 +194,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(total_uf_len_by_block)
 		else
 			return
 		deathsound = new_race.deathsound
-		dna.species.on_species_loss(src, new_race)
+		dna.species.on_species_loss(src, new_race, pref_load)
 		var/datum/species/old_species = dna.species
 		dna.species = new_race
 
@@ -221,7 +221,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(total_uf_len_by_block)
 
 		dna.update_body_size()
 
-		dna.species.on_species_gain(src, old_species)
+		dna.species.on_species_gain(src, old_species, pref_load)
 
 
 		if(ishuman(src))
diff --git a/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/robotic.dm b/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/robotic.dm
index 18bbdd51224..140b07d25af 100644
--- a/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/robotic.dm
+++ b/modular_skyrat/modules/customization/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/robotic.dm
@@ -62,6 +62,9 @@
 	randname = "[randname]-[rand(100, 999)]"
 	return randname
 
+/datum/species/robotic/get_types_to_preload()
+	return ..() - typesof(/obj/item/organ/cyberimp/arm/power_cord) // Don't cache things that lead to hard deletions.
+
 /datum/species/robotic/ipc
 	name = "I.P.C."
 	id = SPECIES_IPC
diff --git a/tgstation.dme b/tgstation.dme
index 6a70854986c..b0fc4f61c5c 100644
--- a/tgstation.dme
+++ b/tgstation.dme
@@ -511,6 +511,7 @@
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\title.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\vis_overlays.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\vote.dm"
+#include "code\controllers\subsystem\wardrobe.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\weather.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\wiremod_composite.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystem\processing\acid.dm"