diff --git a/code/datums/action.dm b/code/datums/action.dm
index 85899857516..36f9c9455c4 100644
--- a/code/datums/action.dm
+++ b/code/datums/action.dm
@@ -555,8 +555,8 @@
 		return FALSE
 	if(istype(owner.loc, /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/agent))
 		var/obj/structure/closet/cardboard/agent/box = owner.loc
-		owner.playsound_local(box, 'sound/misc/box_deploy.ogg', 50, TRUE)
-		box.open()
+		if(box.open())
+			owner.playsound_local(box, 'sound/misc/box_deploy.ogg', 50, TRUE)
 		return
 	//Box closing from here on out.
 	if(!isturf(owner.loc)) //Don't let the player use this to escape mechs/welded closets.
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_stealth.dm b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_stealth.dm
index 7ef672e63c7..514db174d9e 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_stealth.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/implants/implant_stealth.dm
@@ -26,6 +26,10 @@
 
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/agent/open(mob/living/user, force = FALSE)
 	. = ..()
+
+	if(!.)
+		return
+
 	qdel(src)
 
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/agent/process()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
index 8c5695d6185..3614936bb4f 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
@@ -251,11 +251,11 @@
 
 /obj/structure/closet/proc/open(mob/living/user, force = FALSE)
 	if(!can_open(user, force))
-		return
+		return FALSE
 	if(opened)
-		return
+		return FALSE
 	if(SEND_SIGNAL(src, COMSIG_CLOSET_PRE_OPEN, user, force) & BLOCK_OPEN)
-		return
+		return FALSE
 	welded = FALSE
 	locked = FALSE
 	playsound(loc, open_sound, open_sound_volume, TRUE, -3)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets/cardboardbox.dm b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets/cardboardbox.dm
index 058665c4437..467bf426fdc 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets/cardboardbox.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets/cardboardbox.dm
@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-#define SNAKE_SPAM_TICKS 600 //how long between cardboard box openings that trigger the '!'
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard
 	name = "large cardboard box"
 	desc = "Just a box..."
@@ -20,9 +19,14 @@
 	door_anim_time = 0 // no animation
 	var/move_speed_multiplier = 1
 	var/move_delay = FALSE
-	var/egged = 0
 	can_install_electronics = FALSE
 
+	/// Cooldown controlling when the box can trigger the Metal Gear Solid-style '!' alert.
+	COOLDOWN_DECLARE(alert_cooldown)
+
+	/// How much time must pass before the box can trigger the next Metal Gear Solid-style '!' alert.
+	var/time_between_alerts = 60 SECONDS
+
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/relaymove(mob/living/user, direction)
 	if(opened || move_delay || user.incapacitated() || !isturf(loc) || !has_gravity(loc))
 		return
@@ -38,25 +42,33 @@
 	move_delay = FALSE
 
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/open(mob/living/user, force = FALSE)
-	if(opened || !can_open(user, force))
-		return FALSE
-	var/list/alerted = null
-	if(egged < world.time)
-		var/mob/living/Snake = null
-		for(var/mob/living/L in src.contents)
-			Snake = L
-			break
-		if(Snake)
-			alerted = viewers(7,src)
-	..()
-	if(LAZYLEN(alerted))
-		egged = world.time + SNAKE_SPAM_TICKS
-		for(var/mob/living/L in alerted)
-			if(!L.stat)
-				if(!L.incapacitated(IGNORE_RESTRAINTS))
-					L.face_atom(src)
-				L.do_alert_animation()
-		playsound(loc, 'sound/machines/chime.ogg', 50, FALSE, -5)
+	var/do_alert = (COOLDOWN_FINISHED(src, alert_cooldown) && (locate(/mob/living) in contents))
+
+	if(!do_alert)
+		return ..()
+
+	// Cache the list before we open the box.
+	var/list/alerted = viewers(7, src)
+
+	// There are no mobs to alert?
+	if(!(locate(/mob/living) in alerted))
+		return ..()
+
+	. = ..()
+
+	// Box didn't open?
+	if(!.)
+		return
+
+	COOLDOWN_START(src, alert_cooldown, time_between_alerts)
+
+	for(var/mob/living/alerted_mob in alerted)
+		if(alerted_mob.stat == CONSCIOUS)
+			if(!alerted_mob.incapacitated(IGNORE_RESTRAINTS))
+				alerted_mob.face_atom(src)
+			alerted_mob.do_alert_animation()
+
+	playsound(loc, 'sound/machines/chime.ogg', 50, FALSE, -5)
 
 /// Does the MGS ! animation
 /atom/proc/do_alert_animation()
@@ -66,7 +78,6 @@
 	alert_image.alpha = 0
 	animate(alert_image, pixel_z = 32, alpha = 255, time = 5, easing = ELASTIC_EASING)
 
-
 /obj/structure/closet/cardboard/metal
 	name = "large metal box"
 	desc = "THE COWARDS! THE FOOLS!"
@@ -81,4 +92,3 @@
 	open_sound_volume = 35
 	close_sound_volume = 50
 	material_drop = /obj/item/stack/sheet/plasteel
-#undef SNAKE_SPAM_TICKS