diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/achievements.dm b/code/__DEFINES/achievements.dm
index 3873b1af7b2..b610eb50cc1 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/achievements.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/achievements.dm
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+// Keep the identifiers here below 32 characters, you can put the full display name in the actual achievement datum
+
 #define ACHIEVEMENT_DEFAULT "default"
 #define ACHIEVEMENT_SCORE "score"
 
@@ -10,6 +12,13 @@
 #define MEDAL_THANKSALOT 		"The Best Driver"
 #define MEDAL_HELBITALJANKEN	"Hel-bent on Winning"
 #define MEDAL_MATERIALCRAFT 	"Getting an Upgrade"
+#define MEDAL_DISKPLEASE	 	"Disk, Please!"
+#define MEDAL_GAMER			 	"I'm Not Important"
+#define MEDAL_VENDORSQUISH		"Teenage Anarchist"
+#define MEDAL_SWIRLIE			"Bowl-d"
+#define MEDAL_SELFOUCH			"Hands???"
+#define MEDAL_SANDMAN			"Mister Sandman"
+#define MEDAL_CLEANBOSS			"Cleanboss"
 
 
 //Boss medals
diff --git a/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm b/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
index 99194a4f52a..20c3a3c39ee 100644
--- a/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
+++ b/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
@@ -65,6 +65,9 @@
 	M.lastattacker = user.real_name
 	M.lastattackerckey = user.ckey
 
+	if(force && M == user && user.client)
+		user.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/selfouch, user)
+
 	user.do_attack_animation(M)
 	M.attacked_by(src, user)
 
diff --git a/code/datums/achievements/misc_achievements.dm b/code/datums/achievements/misc_achievements.dm
index 51e72555d16..a4f65925d27 100644
--- a/code/datums/achievements/misc_achievements.dm
+++ b/code/datums/achievements/misc_achievements.dm
@@ -35,8 +35,43 @@
 	name = "Helbitaljanken"
 	desc = "You janked hard"
 	database_id = MEDAL_HELBITALJANKEN
-	
+
 /datum/award/achievement/misc/getting_an_upgrade
 	name = "Getting an upgrade"
 	desc = "Make your first unique material item!"
 	database_id = MEDAL_MATERIALCRAFT
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/rocket_holdup
+	name = "Disk, Please!"
+	desc = "Is the man currently pointing a loaded rocket launcher at your head point blank really dumb enough to pull the trigger? Do you really want to find out?"
+	database_id = MEDAL_DISKPLEASE
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/gamer
+	name = "My Watchlist Status is Not Important"
+	desc = "You may be under the impression that violent video games are a harmless pastime, but the security and medical personnel swarming your location with batons and knockout gas look like they disagree."
+	database_id = MEDAL_GAMER
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/vendor_squish
+	name = "I Was a Teenage Anarchist"
+	desc = "You were doing a great job sticking it to the system until that vending machine decided to fight back."
+	database_id = MEDAL_VENDORSQUISH
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/swirlie
+	name = "A Bowl-d New World"
+	desc = "There's a lot of grisly ways to kick it on the Spinward Periphery, but drowning to death in a toilet probably wasn't what you had in mind. Probably."
+	database_id = MEDAL_SWIRLIE
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/selfouch
+	name = "How Do I Switch Hands???"
+	desc = "If you saw someone casually club themselves upside the head with a toolbox anywhere in the galaxy but here, you'd probably be pretty concerned for them."
+	database_id = MEDAL_SELFOUCH
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/sandman
+	name = "Mister Sandman"
+	desc = "Mechanically speaking, there's no real benefit to being unconscious during surgery. Weird how insistent this doctor is about using the N2O anyway though, huh?"
+	database_id = MEDAL_SANDMAN
+
+/datum/award/achievement/misc/cleanboss
+	name = "One Lean, Mean, Cleaning Machine"
+	desc = "How does it feel to know that your workplace values a mop bucket on wheels more than you?" // i can do better than this give me time
+	database_id = MEDAL_CLEANBOSS
diff --git a/code/datums/components/gunpoint.dm b/code/datums/components/gunpoint.dm
index 165df2ef9ae..31a01809204 100644
--- a/code/datums/components/gunpoint.dm
+++ b/code/datums/components/gunpoint.dm
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@
 	target = targ
 	weapon = wep
 	RegisterSignal(targ, list(COMSIG_MOB_ATTACK_HAND, COMSIG_MOB_ITEM_ATTACK, COMSIG_MOVABLE_MOVED, COMSIG_MOB_FIRED_GUN), .proc/trigger_reaction)
-	
+
 	RegisterSignal(weapon, list(COMSIG_ITEM_DROPPED, COMSIG_ITEM_EQUIPPED), .proc/cancel)
 
 	shooter.visible_message("<span class='danger'>[shooter] aims [weapon] point blank at [target]!</span>", \
@@ -36,11 +36,9 @@
 	shooter.apply_status_effect(STATUS_EFFECT_HOLDUP)
 	target.apply_status_effect(STATUS_EFFECT_HELDUP)
 
-	/*
 	if(target.job == "Captain" && target.stat == CONSCIOUS && is_nuclear_operative(shooter))
 		if(istype(weapon, /obj/item/gun/ballistic/rocketlauncher) && weapon.chambered)
 			shooter.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/rocket_holdup, shooter)
-	*/
 
 	target.do_alert_animation(target)
 	target.playsound_local(target.loc, 'sound/machines/chime.ogg', 50, TRUE)
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm b/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
index e8bd40f8960..3268f5d9763 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
@@ -506,6 +506,8 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(arcade_prize_pool, list(
 
 		gamers[gamer] = -1
 
+		gamer.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/gamer, gamer) // PSYCH REPORT NOTE: patient kept rambling about how they did it for an "achievement", recommend continued holding for observation
+
 		if(!isnull(GLOB.data_core.general))
 			for(var/datum/data/record/R in GLOB.data_core.general)
 				if(R.fields["name"] == gamer.name)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/structures/watercloset.dm b/code/game/objects/structures/watercloset.dm
index 9db8b147083..9ca3810c6c1 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/structures/watercloset.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/structures/watercloset.dm
@@ -39,6 +39,7 @@
 				if(open)
 					GM.visible_message("<span class='danger'>[user] starts to give [GM] a swirlie!</span>", "<span class='userdanger'>[user] starts to give you a swirlie...</span>")
 					swirlie = GM
+					var/was_alive = (swirlie.stat != DEAD)
 					if(do_after(user, 30, 0, target = src))
 						GM.visible_message("<span class='danger'>[user] gives [GM] a swirlie!</span>", "<span class='userdanger'>[user] gives you a swirlie!</span>", "<span class='hear'>You hear a toilet flushing.</span>")
 						if(iscarbon(GM))
@@ -47,6 +48,8 @@
 								C.adjustOxyLoss(5)
 						else
 							GM.adjustOxyLoss(5)
+					if(was_alive && swirlie.stat == DEAD && swirlie.client)
+						swirlie.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/swirlie, swirlie) // just like space high school all over again!
 					swirlie = null
 				else
 					playsound(src.loc, 'sound/effects/bang.ogg', 25, TRUE)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot.dm
index a38a6efc903..1ea96fed27f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot.dm
@@ -50,6 +50,8 @@
 	var/list/prefixes
 	var/list/suffixes
 
+	var/ascended = FALSE // if we have all the top titles, grant achievements to living mobs that gaze upon our cleanbot god
+
 
 /mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot/proc/deputize(obj/item/W, mob/user)
 	if(in_range(src, user))
@@ -64,6 +66,8 @@
 /mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot/proc/update_titles()
 	var/working_title = ""
 
+	ascended = TRUE
+
 	for(var/pref in prefixes)
 		for(var/title in pref)
 			if(title in stolen_valor)
@@ -71,6 +75,8 @@
 				if(title in officers)
 					commissioned = TRUE
 				break
+			else
+				ascended = FALSE // we didn't have the first entry in the list if we got here, so we're not achievement worthy yet
 
 	working_title += chosen_name
 
@@ -79,6 +85,8 @@
 			if(title in stolen_valor)
 				working_title += " " + suf[title]
 				break
+			else
+				ascended = FALSE
 
 	name = working_title
 
@@ -87,6 +95,9 @@
 	if(weapon)
 		. += " <span class='warning'>Is that \a [weapon] taped to it...?</span>"
 
+		if(ascended && user.stat == CONSCIOUS && user.client)
+			user.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/cleanboss, user)
+
 /mob/living/simple_animal/bot/cleanbot/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/surgery/surgery_step.dm b/code/modules/surgery/surgery_step.dm
index ab5b6be6ba6..caeadcf1ebd 100644
--- a/code/modules/surgery/surgery_step.dm
+++ b/code/modules/surgery/surgery_step.dm
@@ -86,6 +86,8 @@
 	if(iscyborg(user))//any immunities to surgery slowdown should go in this check.
 		modded_time = time
 
+	var/was_sleeping = (target.stat != DEAD && target.IsSleeping())
+
 	if(do_after(user, modded_time, target = target))
 
 		var/chem_check_result = chem_check(target)
@@ -104,6 +106,9 @@
 			if(surgery.status > surgery.steps.len)
 				surgery.complete()
 
+	if(target.stat == DEAD && was_sleeping && user.client)
+		user.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/sandman, user)
+
 	surgery.step_in_progress = FALSE
 	return advance
 
diff --git a/code/modules/vending/_vending.dm b/code/modules/vending/_vending.dm
index be0e8e98c38..ee176efa608 100644
--- a/code/modules/vending/_vending.dm
+++ b/code/modules/vending/_vending.dm
@@ -474,6 +474,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(vending_products)
 
 	if(in_range(fatty, src))
 		for(var/mob/living/L in get_turf(fatty))
+			var/was_alive = (L.stat != DEAD)
 			var/mob/living/carbon/C = L
 
 			if(istype(C))
@@ -531,6 +532,9 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(vending_products)
 				if(crit_case)
 					L.apply_damage(squish_damage, forced=TRUE)
 
+			if(was_alive && L.stat == DEAD && L.client)
+				L.client.give_award(/datum/award/achievement/misc/vendor_squish, L) // good job losing a fight with an inanimate object idiot
+
 			L.Paralyze(60)
 			L.emote("scream")
 			playsound(L, 'sound/effects/blobattack.ogg', 40, TRUE)