diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/stacks/sheets/glass.dm b/code/game/objects/items/stacks/sheets/glass.dm
index bbb8e32736..cac3fffad7 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/stacks/sheets/glass.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/stacks/sheets/glass.dm
@@ -175,6 +175,7 @@
 	matter = list("glass" = 7500)
 	origin_tech = "materials=3;phorontech=2"
 	created_window = /obj/structure/window/phoronbasic
+	sheettype = "phoronglass"
 
 /obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/phoronglass/attackby(obj/item/W, mob/user)
 	..()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/shards.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/shards.dm
index a383d8fb0c..593b3d019d 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/shards.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/shards.dm
@@ -1,19 +1,22 @@
 // Glass shards
 
 /obj/item/weapon/shard
-	name = "glass shard"
+	name = "shard"
 	icon = 'icons/obj/shards.dmi'
 	icon_state = "large"
 	sharp = 1
 	edge = 1
-	desc = "Could probably be used as ... a throwing weapon?"
+	desc = "Made of nothing. How does this even exist?" // set based on material, if this desc is visible it's a bug (shards default to being made of glass)
 	w_class = 2.0
 	force = 5.0
 	throwforce = 8.0
 	item_state = "shard-glass"
-	matter = list("glass" = 3750)
+	//matter = list("glass" = 3750) // Weld it into sheets before you use it!
 	attack_verb = list("stabbed", "slashed", "sliced", "cut")
 
+	gender = "neuter"
+	var/material/material = null
+
 /obj/item/weapon/shard/suicide_act(mob/user)
 		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is slitting \his wrists with \the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
 							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his throat with \the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
@@ -34,36 +37,54 @@
 		return
 	return
 
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/New()
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/New(loc, material/material)
+	..(loc)
 
-	src.icon_state = pick("large", "medium", "small")
-	switch(src.icon_state)
-		if("small")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-12, 12)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-12, 12)
-		if("medium")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-8, 8)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-8, 8)
-		if("large")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-5, 5)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-5, 5)
+	if(!material || !istype(material)) // We either don't have a material or we've been passed an invalid material. Use glass instead.
+		material = get_material_by_name("glass")
+
+	set_material(material)
+
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/proc/set_material(material/material)
+	if(istype(material))
+		src.material = material
+		icon_state = "[material.shard_icon][pick("large", "medium", "small")]"
+		pixel_x = rand(-8, 8)
+		pixel_y = rand(-8, 8)
+		update_material()
+		update_icon()
+
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/proc/update_material()
+	if(material)
+		if(material.shard_type)
+			name = "[material.display_name] [material.shard_type]"
+			desc = "A small piece of [material.display_name]. It looks sharp, you wouldn't want to step on it barefoot. Could probably be used as ... a throwing weapon?"
+			switch(material.shard_type)
+				if(SHARD_SPLINTER, SHARD_SHRAPNEL)
+					gender = "plural"
+				else
+					gender = "neuter"
 		else
-	return
+			qdel(src)
+			return
+	else
+		name = initial(name)
+		desc = initial(desc)
+
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/update_icon()
+	if(material)
+		color = material.icon_colour
+		// 1-(1-x)^2, so that glass shards with 0.3 opacity end up somewhat visible at 0.51 opacity
+		alpha = 255 * (1 - (1 - material.opacity)*(1 - material.opacity))
+	else
+		color = "#ffffff"
+		alpha = 255
 
 /obj/item/weapon/shard/attackby(obj/item/weapon/W as obj, mob/user as mob)
-	..()
-	if ( istype(W, /obj/item/weapon/weldingtool))
+	if(istype(W, /obj/item/weapon/weldingtool) && material.shard_can_repair)
 		var/obj/item/weapon/weldingtool/WT = W
 		if(WT.remove_fuel(0, user))
-			var/obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/NG = new (user.loc)
-			for (var/obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/G in user.loc)
-				if(G==NG)
-					continue
-				if(G.amount>=G.max_amount)
-					continue
-				G.attackby(NG, user)
-				usr << "You add the newly-formed glass to the stack. It now contains [NG.amount] sheets."
-			//SN src = null
+			material.place_sheet(loc)
 			qdel(src)
 			return
 	return ..()
@@ -90,26 +111,10 @@
 					H.Weaken(3)
 	..()
 
-// Shrapnel
+// Preset types - left here for the code that uses them
 
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/shrapnel
-	name = "shrapnel"
-	icon = 'icons/obj/shards.dmi'
-	icon_state = "shrapnellarge"
-	desc = "A bunch of tiny bits of shattered metal."
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/shrapnel/New(loc)
+	..(loc, get_material_by_name("steel"))
 
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/shrapnel/New()
-
-	src.icon_state = pick("shrapnellarge", "shrapnelmedium", "shrapnelsmall")
-	switch(src.icon_state)
-		if("shrapnelsmall")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-12, 12)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-12, 12)
-		if("shrapnelmedium")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-8, 8)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-8, 8)
-		if("shrapnellarge")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-5, 5)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-5, 5)
-		else
-	return
+/obj/item/weapon/shard/phoron/New(loc)
+	..(loc, get_material_by_name("phoron glass"))
diff --git a/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm b/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
index 52086c6228..928dbaf36a 100644
--- a/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
+++ b/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
@@ -189,7 +189,7 @@ var/list/global/wall_cache = list()
 		new/obj/effect/overlay/wallrot(src)
 
 /turf/simulated/wall/proc/can_melt()
-	if(material.unmeltable)
+	if(material.flags & MATERIAL_UNMELTABLE)
 		return 0
 	return 1
 
diff --git a/code/modules/materials/materials.dm b/code/modules/materials/materials.dm
index c791a8b560..d8309e5d6f 100644
--- a/code/modules/materials/materials.dm
+++ b/code/modules/materials/materials.dm
@@ -27,11 +27,11 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 /material
 	var/name	          // Tag for use in overlay generation/list population	.
 	var/display_name
+	var/flags = 0
 	var/icon_base = "metal"
 	var/icon_colour
 	var/icon_reinf = "reinf_metal"
 	var/stack_type
-	var/unmeltable
 	var/cut_delay = 0
 	var/radioactivity
 	var/ignition_point
@@ -41,11 +41,17 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	var/rotting_touch_message = "crumbles under your touch"
 	var/opacity = 1
 	var/explosion_resistance = 5
+	var/shard_type = SHARD_SHRAPNEL
+	var/shard_icon
+	var/shard_can_repair = 1
+	var/tableslam_noise = 'sound/weapons/tablehit1.ogg'
 
 /material/New()
 	..()
 	if(!display_name)
 		display_name = name
+	if(!shard_icon)
+		shard_icon = shard_type
 
 /material/proc/place_dismantled_girder(var/turf/target, var/material/reinf_material)
 	var/obj/structure/girder/G = new(target)
@@ -59,7 +65,14 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 
 /material/proc/place_sheet(var/turf/target)
 	if(stack_type)
-		new stack_type(target)
+		return new stack_type(target)
+
+/material/proc/place_shard(var/turf/target)
+	if(shard_type)
+		return new /obj/item/weapon/shard(target, src)
+
+/material/proc/is_brittle()
+	return !!(flags & MATERIAL_BRITTLE)
 
 /material/uranium
 	name = "uranium"
@@ -72,10 +85,12 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 /material/diamond
 	name = "diamond"
 	stack_type = /obj/item/stack/sheet/mineral/diamond
-	unmeltable = 1
+	flags = MATERIAL_UNMELTABLE
 	cut_delay = 60
 	icon_colour = "#00FFE1"
 	opacity = 0.4
+	shard_type = SHARD_SHARD
+	tableslam_noise = 'sound/effects/Glasshit.ogg'
 
 /material/gold
 	name = "gold"
@@ -93,6 +108,7 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	ignition_point = 300
 	icon_base = "stone"
 	icon_colour = "#FC2BC5"
+	shard_type = SHARD_SHARD
 
 /material/sandstone
 	name = "sandstone"
@@ -100,6 +116,7 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	icon_base = "stone"
 	icon_reinf = "reinf_stone"
 	icon_colour = "#D9C179"
+	shard_type = SHARD_STONE_PIECE
 
 /material/steel
 	name = DEFAULT_WALL_MATERIAL
@@ -112,6 +129,7 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	name = "holographic " + DEFAULT_WALL_MATERIAL
 	display_name = DEFAULT_WALL_MATERIAL
 	stack_type = null
+	shard_type = SHARD_NONE
 
 /material/plasteel
 	name = "plasteel"
@@ -126,13 +144,25 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 /material/glass
 	name = "glass"
 	stack_type = /obj/item/stack/sheet/glass
+	flags = MATERIAL_BRITTLE
 	icon_colour = "#00E1FF"
 	opacity = 0.3
 	integrity = 100
+	shard_type = SHARD_SHARD
+	tableslam_noise = 'sound/effects/Glasshit.ogg'
+
+/material/glass/phoron
+	name = "phoron glass"
+	stack_type = /obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/phoronglass
+	flags = MATERIAL_BRITTLE
+	ignition_point = 300
+	integrity = 200 // idk why but phoron windows are strong, so.
+	icon_colour = "#FC2BC5"
 
 /material/plastic
 	name = "plastic"
 	stack_type = /obj/item/stack/sheet/mineral/plastic
+	flags = MATERIAL_BRITTLE
 	icon_base = "solid"
 	icon_reinf = "reinf_over"
 	icon_colour = "#CCCCCC"
@@ -169,11 +199,14 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	integrity = 25
 	icon_base = "solid"
 	explosion_resistance = 2
+	shard_type = SHARD_SPLINTER
+	shard_can_repair = 0 // you can't weld splinters back into planks
 
 /material/wood/holographic
 	name = "holographic wood"
 	display_name = "wood"
 	stack_type = null
+	shard_type = SHARD_NONE
 
 /material/cult
 	name = "cult"
@@ -181,6 +214,7 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	icon_base = "cult"
 	icon_colour = "#402821"
 	icon_reinf = "reinf_cult"
+	shard_type = SHARD_STONE_PIECE
 
 /material/cult/place_dismantled_girder(var/turf/target)
 	new /obj/structure/girder/cult(target)
@@ -193,4 +227,4 @@ var/list/name_to_material
 	display_name = "human remains"
 
 /material/cult/reinf/place_dismantled_product(var/turf/target)
-	new /obj/effect/decal/remains/human(target)
\ No newline at end of file
+	new /obj/effect/decal/remains/human(target)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/xenomorphs/alien_powers.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/xenomorphs/alien_powers.dm
index 7bab6d074c..bee6928a23 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/xenomorphs/alien_powers.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species/xenomorphs/alien_powers.dm
@@ -142,7 +142,7 @@
 	else
 		if(istype(O, /turf/simulated/wall))
 			var/turf/simulated/wall/W = O
-			if(W.material.unmeltable)
+			if(W.material.flags & MATERIAL_UNMELTABLE)
 				cannot_melt = 1
 		else if(istype(O, /turf/simulated/floor/engine))
 			cannot_melt = 1
diff --git a/code/modules/research/xenoarchaeology/finds/finds_misc.dm b/code/modules/research/xenoarchaeology/finds/finds_misc.dm
index 8b7dd3fdfa..f494505b63 100644
--- a/code/modules/research/xenoarchaeology/finds/finds_misc.dm
+++ b/code/modules/research/xenoarchaeology/finds/finds_misc.dm
@@ -1,46 +1,5 @@
 
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/phoron
-	name = "phoron shard"
-	desc = "A shard of phoron glass. Considerably tougher then normal glass shards. Apparently not tough enough to be a window."
-	force = 8.0
-	throwforce = 15.0
-	icon_state = "phoronlarge"
-	sharp = 1
-	edge = 1
-
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/phoron/New()
-
-	src.icon_state = pick("phoronlarge", "phoronmedium", "phoronsmall")
-	switch(src.icon_state)
-		if("phoronsmall")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-12, 12)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-12, 12)
-		if("phoronmedium")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-8, 8)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-8, 8)
-		if("phoronlarge")
-			src.pixel_x = rand(-5, 5)
-			src.pixel_y = rand(-5, 5)
-		else
-	return
-
-/obj/item/weapon/shard/phoron/attackby(obj/item/weapon/W as obj, mob/user as mob)
-	..()
-	if ( istype(W, /obj/item/weapon/weldingtool))
-		var/obj/item/weapon/weldingtool/WT = W
-		if(WT.remove_fuel(0, user))
-			var/obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/phoronglass/NG = new (user.loc)
-			for (var/obj/item/stack/sheet/glass/phoronglass/G in user.loc)
-				if(G==NG)
-					continue
-				if(G.amount>=G.max_amount)
-					continue
-				G.attackby(NG, user)
-				usr << "You add the newly-formed phoron glass to the stack. It now contains [NG.amount] sheets."
-			//SN src = null
-			qdel(src)
-			return
-	return ..()
+// Phoron shards have been moved to code/game/objects/items/weapons/shards.dm
 
 //legacy crystal
 /obj/machinery/crystal
diff --git a/code/modules/tables/interactions.dm b/code/modules/tables/interactions.dm
index 7eed01c237..09e32deebe 100644
--- a/code/modules/tables/interactions.dm
+++ b/code/modules/tables/interactions.dm
@@ -83,8 +83,19 @@
 					if (prob(15))	M.Weaken(5)
 					M.apply_damage(8,def_zone = "head")
 					visible_message("<span class='danger'>[G.assailant] slams [G.affecting]'s face against \the [src]!</span>")
-					playsound(src.loc, 'sound/weapons/tablehit1.ogg', 50, 1)
-					take_damage(rand(1,5))
+					if(material)
+						playsound(loc, material.tableslam_noise, 50, 1)
+					else
+						playsound(loc, 'sound/weapons/tablehit1.ogg', 50, 1)
+					var/list/L = take_damage(rand(1,5))
+					// Shards. Extra damage, plus potentially the fact YOU LITERALLY HAVE A PIECE OF GLASS/METAL/WHATEVER IN YOUR FACE
+					for(var/obj/item/weapon/shard/S in L)
+						if(prob(50))
+							M.visible_message("<span class='danger'>\The [S] slices [M]'s face messily!</span>",
+							                   "<span class='danger'>\The [S] slices your face messily!</span>")
+							M.apply_damage(10, def_zone = "head")
+							if(prob(2))
+								M.embed(S, def_zone = "head")
 				else
 					user << "<span class='danger'>You need a better grip to do that!</span>"
 					return
diff --git a/code/modules/tables/tables.dm b/code/modules/tables/tables.dm
index c5a1abc9c9..88042181a1 100644
--- a/code/modules/tables/tables.dm
+++ b/code/modules/tables/tables.dm
@@ -41,10 +41,17 @@
 	health += maxhealth - old_maxhealth
 
 /obj/structure/table/proc/take_damage(amount)
+	// If the table is made of a brittle material, and is *not* reinforced with a non-brittle material, damage is multiplied by TABLE_BRITTLE_MATERIAL_MULTIPLIER
+	if(material && material.is_brittle())
+		if(reinforced)
+			if(reinforced.is_brittle())
+				amount *= TABLE_BRITTLE_MATERIAL_MULTIPLIER
+		else
+			amount *= TABLE_BRITTLE_MATERIAL_MULTIPLIER
 	health -= amount
 	if(health <= 0)
 		visible_message("<span class='warning'>\The [src] breaks down!</span>")
-		break_to_parts()
+		return break_to_parts() // if we break and form shards, return them to the caller to do !FUN! things with
 
 /obj/structure/table/New()
 	..()
@@ -68,6 +75,7 @@
 
 /obj/structure/table/Destroy()
 	material = null
+	reinforced = null
 	update_connections(1) // Update tables around us to ignore us (material=null forces no connections)
 	for(var/obj/structure/table/T in oview(src, 1))
 		T.update_icon()
@@ -247,17 +255,39 @@
 	qdel(src)
 	return
 
+// Returns a list of /obj/item/weapon/shard objects that were created as a result of this table's breakage.
+// Used for !fun! things such as embedding shards in the faces of tableslammed people.
+
+// The repeated
+//     S = [x].place_shard(loc)
+//     if(S) shards += S
+// is to avoid filling the list with nulls, as place_shard won't place shards of certain materials (holo-wood, holo-steel)
+
 /obj/structure/table/proc/break_to_parts(full_return = 0)
-	if(reinforced && reinforced.stack_type && (full_return || prob(25)))
-		new reinforced.stack_type(src.loc)
-	if(material && material.stack_type && (full_return || prob(50)))
-		new material.stack_type(src.loc)
-	if(carpeted && (full_return || prob(50)))
+	var/list/shards = list()
+	var/obj/item/weapon/shard/S = null
+	if(reinforced)
+		if(reinforced.stack_type && (full_return || prob(20)))
+			reinforced.place_sheet(loc)
+		else
+			S = reinforced.place_shard(loc)
+			if(S) shards += S
+	if(material)
+		if(material.stack_type && (full_return || prob(20)))
+			material.place_sheet(loc)
+		else
+			S = material.place_shard(loc)
+			if(S) shards += S
+	if(carpeted && (full_return || prob(50))) // Higher chance to get the carpet back intact, since there's no non-intact option
 		new /obj/item/stack/tile/carpet(src.loc)
-	if(full_return || prob(50))
+	if(full_return || prob(20))
 		new /obj/item/stack/sheet/metal(src.loc)
+	else
+		var/material/M = get_material_by_name(DEFAULT_WALL_MATERIAL)
+		S = M.place_shard(loc)
+		if(S) shards += S
 	qdel(src)
-	return
+	return shards
 
 /obj/structure/table/update_icon()
 	if(flipped != 1)
diff --git a/code/setup.dm b/code/setup.dm
index 7cbcf93bdd..2942d7447d 100644
--- a/code/setup.dm
+++ b/code/setup.dm
@@ -969,4 +969,15 @@ var/list/be_special_flags = list(
 #endif
 #ifndef CUSTOM_ITEM_MOB
 #define CUSTOM_ITEM_MOB 'icons/mob/custom_items_mob.dmi'
-#endif
\ No newline at end of file
+#endif
+
+#define SHARD_SHARD "shard"
+#define SHARD_SHRAPNEL "shrapnel"
+#define SHARD_STONE_PIECE "piece"
+#define SHARD_SPLINTER "splinters"
+#define SHARD_NONE ""
+
+#define MATERIAL_UNMELTABLE 1
+#define MATERIAL_BRITTLE 2
+
+#define TABLE_BRITTLE_MATERIAL_MULTIPLIER 4 // Amount table damage is multiplied by if it is made of a brittle material (e.g. glass)
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/icons/obj/shards.dmi b/icons/obj/shards.dmi
index 22f5e98314..e8bee2d57f 100644
Binary files a/icons/obj/shards.dmi and b/icons/obj/shards.dmi differ