mirror of
https://github.com/CHOMPStation2/CHOMPStation2.git
synced 2025-12-10 18:22:39 +00:00
Kashargul
GitHub
@@ -46,39 +46,39 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Once upon a time there was a cat, but he wasn’t the kind of cat you’re thinking of. He was from the land of the fairies and his fur was completely unexpected colors. For starters, his nose was <i>violet</i>. His eyes were <i>indigo</i>, his ears were <i>sky blue</i>, his front paws were <i>green</i>, his body was <i>yellow</i>, his back paws were <i>orange</i>, and his tail was <i>red</i>. So he was a mysterious cat of seven colors arranged just like a rainbow.
|
||||
Once upon a time there was a cat, but he wasn't the kind of cat you're thinking of. He was from the land of the fairies and his fur was completely unexpected colors. For starters, his nose was <i>violet</i>. His eyes were <i>indigo</i>, his ears were <i>sky blue</i>, his front paws were <i>green</i>, his body was <i>yellow</i>, his back paws were <i>orange</i>, and his tail was <i>red</i>. So he was a mysterious cat of seven colors arranged just like a rainbow.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
That rainbow cat went on all sorts of strange adventures. The following story is one of them.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
One day while the rainbow cat was sunbathing, he was suddenly vexed by boredom. That is to say, peace reigned in the land of the fairies, so nothing much was going on.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
<i>It’s not good for my health to spend all my time idling about as if I haven’t got a care in the world,</i> he thought. <i>Perhaps I should head out and go on an adventure.</i>
|
||||
<i>It's not good for my health to spend all my time idling about as if I haven't got a care in the world,</i> he thought. <i>Perhaps I should head out and go on an adventure.</i>
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
So he put a note up on his door: "Dear Mr. Post Man, I will be gone for two or three days, so if any packages or letters come, please throw them down the chimney."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Then he packed a small bag, hung it on his tail, and wobbled off to the border of the land of the fairies. When he arrived, a thick cloud billowed up.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Well, maybe I’ll drop by the cloud people’s place," he chattered to himself, climbing up the cloud embankment.
|
||||
"Well, maybe I'll drop by the cloud people's place," he chattered to himself, climbing up the cloud embankment.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The people who lived in cloud country were quite pleasant folks. They didn’t do any work, in particular, but just because they were lazy didn’t mean that they didn’t find the world interesting. They all lived in splendid palaces, of which the ones you couldn’t see from Earth were far more beautiful than the ones you could.
|
||||
The people who lived in cloud country were quite pleasant folks. They didn't do any work, in particular, but just because they were lazy didn't mean that they didn't find the world interesting. They all lived in splendid palaces, of which the ones you couldn't see from Earth were far more beautiful than the ones you could.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The people of the cloud country sometimes drove pearly gray carriages or went sailing in lightweight boats. They lived in the sky, so the only person they had to fear was Sir Thunder. It’s quite understandable given that he was quick to anger -- he would make the sky rumble with his stomping and go around knocking down their houses.
|
||||
The people of the cloud country sometimes drove pearly gray carriages or went sailing in lightweight boats. They lived in the sky, so the only person they had to fear was Sir Thunder. It's quite understandable given that he was quick to anger -- he would make the sky rumble with his stomping and go around knocking down their houses.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The people of the cloud country were very happy to have the rainbow cat visit and greeted him politely.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"You’ve come at a great time," they said. "We’re having a big celebration at the Wind God’s house. His eldest son, North Wind is taking the daughter of the King of the Magic Isle as his wife."
|
||||
"You've come at a great time," they said. "We're having a big celebration at the Wind God's house. His eldest son, North Wind is taking the daughter of the King of the Magic Isle as his wife."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The rainbow cat, having thought just such a thing might happen, was prepared with various goods in the bag on his tail.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
It was a truly magnificent wedding.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Everyone came. Even Comet showed up. You wouldn’t see Comet unless it was a very fine banquet indeed.
|
||||
Everyone came. Even Comet showed up. You wouldn't see Comet unless it was a very fine banquet indeed.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
And Aurora came in the most indescribably beautiful garments of light. Of course, the bride’s parents, the King of Magic Isle and his Pearl Oyster Queen, were in attendance.
|
||||
And Aurora came in the most indescribably beautiful garments of light. Of course, the bride's parents, the King of Magic Isle and his Pearl Oyster Queen, were in attendance.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
A feast was served and everyone was in a lively mood, having interesting conversations and drinking, when all of the sudden a swallow flew in. According to him, the giant Sir Thunder was rushing towards them at a tremendous speed. Apparently, when Trade Wind was hurrying by, he had tripped over sleeping Sir Thunder’s toes and Sir Thunder was furious.
|
||||
A feast was served and everyone was in a lively mood, having interesting conversations and drinking, when all of the sudden a swallow flew in. According to him, the giant Sir Thunder was rushing towards them at a tremendous speed. Apparently, when Trade Wind was hurrying by, he had tripped over sleeping Sir Thunder's toes and Sir Thunder was furious.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"What’ll we do?" everyone wondered at once, their faces pale. "The celebration will be ruined!"
|
||||
"What'll we do?" everyone wondered at once, their faces pale. "The celebration will be ruined!"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
All the guests and the master of the house began to scatter in a panic.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
@@ -88,9 +88,9 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
A moment later, he came back out.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"I’ll find a way to keep Sir Thunder from coming here," said the cat. "So please continue the celebration as you were. I’ll go to him and see what I can do."
|
||||
"I'll find a way to keep Sir Thunder from coming here," said the cat. "So please continue the celebration as you were. I'll go to him and see what I can do."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Everyone was surprised at how brave and composed the rainbow cat was, but it sounded like their celebration wouldn’t be intruded upon partway through, so they were happy to gather and see off the cat as he raced towards the far-off rumblings of Sir Thunder.
|
||||
Everyone was surprised at how brave and composed the rainbow cat was, but it sounded like their celebration wouldn't be intruded upon partway through, so they were happy to gather and see off the cat as he raced towards the far-off rumblings of Sir Thunder.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
@@ -111,21 +111,21 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Hey, who are you and what are you doing here?" he shouted.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Me? I’m the famed magician Mewpuu," replied the rainbow cat in a voice made to sound serious and important. "Take a look at my bag, here. There are magic seeds inside. Mr. Thunder, I’ve known about you for a while now. You’re quite famous."
|
||||
"Me? I'm the famed magician Mewpuu," replied the rainbow cat in a voice made to sound serious and important. "Take a look at my bag, here. There are magic seeds inside. Mr. Thunder, I've known about you for a while now. You're quite famous."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Hearing this Sir Thunder felt a bit proud, but his foot was sore, so he was soon angry again.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Hrmph! I don’t think too highly of magicians. What can you do, anyways?"
|
||||
"Hrmph! I don't think too highly of magicians. What can you do, anyways?"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"I can read your mind."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Oh? Is that so? Then try to guess what I’m thinking right now."
|
||||
"Oh? Is that so? Then try to guess what I'm thinking right now."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"A simple matter. You’re angry because your foot hurts and you want to catch the fellow who kicked your blister, right?"
|
||||
"A simple matter. You're angry because your foot hurts and you want to catch the fellow who kicked your blister, right?"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The rainbow cat had heard all that from the swallow. Sir Thunder was flabbergasted.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Wow, that’s right. Will you teach me your magic?"
|
||||
"Wow, that's right. Will you teach me your magic?"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Sure I will. But first I must test your potential. Have a seat."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
@@ -133,35 +133,35 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Now then, try to tell me what I am thinking right now," said the cat.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Sir Thunder the giant looked blankly at the cat’s face. He was not very bright.
|
||||
Sir Thunder the giant looked blankly at the cat's face. He was not very bright.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"You must be thinking that I look pretty foolish sitting here."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Excellent. Astonishing! You have more than enough talent to begin the training. You may be my brightest disciple yet."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Then maybe I’ll try one more time." Sir Thunder now thought himself terribly sharp.
|
||||
"Then maybe I'll try one more time." Sir Thunder now thought himself terribly sharp.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Very well. Try to guess what I’m thinking."
|
||||
"Very well. Try to guess what I'm thinking."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Sir Thunder tried to look wise and peered at the cat’s face with his small, goofy eyes.
|
||||
Sir Thunder tried to look wise and peered at the cat's face with his small, goofy eyes.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Beef steak and onions," he announced abruptly.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Brilliant!" the cat feigned surprise and purposely lost his footing to land on his rump. "You’re exactly right. But how did you know?"
|
||||
"Brilliant!" the cat feigned surprise and purposely lost his footing to land on his rump. "You're exactly right. But how did you know?"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Oh, how do you say...? I guess it just came to me," replied Sir Thunder.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The cat assumed a serious air. "We must cultivate that fine talent of yours!"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"How do we cultivate it?" asked Sir Thunder. He thought being able to read people’s minds was quite fun.
|
||||
"How do we cultivate it?" asked Sir Thunder. He thought being able to read people's minds was quite fun.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"It’s a cinch," said the cat, finally telling a blatant lie now that he thought he had the giant where he wanted him. "Go home and sleep for two or three hours. Then have some cake and sleep another two or three hours. Then, when you wake up, drink one cup of hot tea. But you have to be as still as possible or it won’t work. If you do all that, by tomorrow morning you’ll be reading people’s minds like it’s nothing."
|
||||
"It's a cinch," said the cat, finally telling a blatant lie now that he thought he had the giant where he wanted him. "Go home and sleep for two or three hours. Then have some cake and sleep another two or three hours. Then, when you wake up, drink one cup of hot tea. But you have to be as still as possible or it won't work. If you do all that, by tomorrow morning you'll be reading people's minds like it's nothing."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Sir Thunder wanted to go running straight home, but of course, he couldn’t forget his manners. "Thanks a lot. But Master Mewpuu, what can I offer you in return for teaching me this?"
|
||||
Sir Thunder wanted to go running straight home, but of course, he couldn't forget his manners. "Thanks a lot. But Master Mewpuu, what can I offer you in return for teaching me this?"
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
The rainbow cat thought a moment and said, "I’d like a tiny bit of lightning. Please give me just a smidge."
|
||||
The rainbow cat thought a moment and said, "I'd like a tiny bit of lightning. Please give me just a smidge."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
Sir Thunder the giant put his hand in his pocket and said, "No problem. If that’s all, I have a bundle of it right here, so please take this. When you need it, just undo the string and the lightning will come out in a most amusing way."
|
||||
Sir Thunder the giant put his hand in his pocket and said, "No problem. If that's all, I have a bundle of it right here, so please take this. When you need it, just undo the string and the lightning will come out in a most amusing way."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
"Thank you very much."
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
@@ -285,7 +285,7 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
Those that I fight I do not hate<br>
|
||||
Those that I guard I do not love;<br>
|
||||
My country is Kiltartan Cross,<br>
|
||||
My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,<br>
|
||||
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,<br>
|
||||
No likely end could bring them loss<br>
|
||||
Or leave them happier than before.<br>
|
||||
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,<br>
|
||||
@@ -417,7 +417,7 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! -- An ecstasy of fumbling<br>
|
||||
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,<br>
|
||||
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling<br>
|
||||
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.--<br>
|
||||
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime.--<br>
|
||||
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,<br>
|
||||
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.<br><br>
|
||||
In all my dreams before my helpless sight,<br>
|
||||
@@ -425,7 +425,7 @@ Category: Fiction
|
||||
If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace<br>
|
||||
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,<br>
|
||||
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,<br>
|
||||
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;<br>
|
||||
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;<br>
|
||||
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood<br>
|
||||
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,<br>
|
||||
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud<br>
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -83,14 +83,14 @@ CATEGORY: Fiction
|
||||
</style>
|
||||
</head>
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<div>In the land of Margata, nothing is ever as it seems. There have been many verifiable cases of local bakers having a secret double life as DJs. The correlation between exposure to bread and wanting to scratch out some sick beats has never been quantified, quite possibly to science being illegal in the region. That didn't happen to be the case of a young boy named Gadroc, who was neither a baker nor a DJ. In fact, his story happens to have nothing to do with either of the two. Poor Gadroc was afflicted with a terrible curse. It had been that way ever since he was born, because a witch had cursed his mother for saying "Keep the change," when there was only one cent of change left. Gadroc’s curse was horrible, one that no human being should suffer through: he couldn’t look at butts. Whenever someone showed him a full moon, he transformed into a horrible beast with astoundingly fresh breath. Whenever this happened, he would always run to the nearest cornfield and begin uncontrollably eating corn. Why corn? Because magic, that’s why. That's just how it fucking works. Don't you know anything?</div>
|
||||
<div>After coming home with corn stuck in his teeth for three days straight, and only having one more pair of pants that weren’t destroyed, Gadroc knew that he needed to do something about his curse. He went to the first person he could think of for help.</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne was the town’s blacksmith. He wasn’t very wise, but he always spoke as though he was. It was for this reason that Gadroc often came to Carne for help, despite the fact that he could probably go to basically anyone else. The town beggar, who was constantly sitting in a puddle of his own pee, gave better advice than the blacksmith. Carne was the only one who knew about Gadroc’s affliction. No one else knew who was ravaging the town’s corn population, and riots had already broken out over the severe deficit in cornbread supply.</div>
|
||||
<div>In the land of Margata, nothing is ever as it seems. There have been many verifiable cases of local bakers having a secret double life as DJs. The correlation between exposure to bread and wanting to scratch out some sick beats has never been quantified, quite possibly to science being illegal in the region. That didn't happen to be the case of a young boy named Gadroc, who was neither a baker nor a DJ. In fact, his story happens to have nothing to do with either of the two. Poor Gadroc was afflicted with a terrible curse. It had been that way ever since he was born, because a witch had cursed his mother for saying "Keep the change," when there was only one cent of change left. Gadroc's curse was horrible, one that no human being should suffer through: he couldn't look at butts. Whenever someone showed him a full moon, he transformed into a horrible beast with astoundingly fresh breath. Whenever this happened, he would always run to the nearest cornfield and begin uncontrollably eating corn. Why corn? Because magic, that's why. That's just how it fucking works. Don't you know anything?</div>
|
||||
<div>After coming home with corn stuck in his teeth for three days straight, and only having one more pair of pants that weren't destroyed, Gadroc knew that he needed to do something about his curse. He went to the first person he could think of for help.</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne was the town's blacksmith. He wasn't very wise, but he always spoke as though he was. It was for this reason that Gadroc often came to Carne for help, despite the fact that he could probably go to basically anyone else. The town beggar, who was constantly sitting in a puddle of his own pee, gave better advice than the blacksmith. Carne was the only one who knew about Gadroc's affliction. No one else knew who was ravaging the town's corn population, and riots had already broken out over the severe deficit in cornbread supply.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Carne, you have to help me!" Gadroc shouted as he burst through the doors of the smithy. Carne was in the middle of forging a pair of iron gauntlets, and had his back turned to Gadroc. He did not turn around.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Do you need my help? Or do you need my help to help yourself?" Carne said, spouting his signature wisdom.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes. No. What? Did you get that from a fortune cookie?" replied Gadroc.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes, actually." Carne turned around. He was loudly crunching on some fortune cookie and inexplicably wearing the gauntlets he was working on, still glowing red hot. He held up the fortune, but Gadroc didn’t have time to read it, as it immediately caught fire and fell into a pile of ashes on the floor.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc was concerned. "Doesn’t that... you know... hurt?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes, actually." Carne turned around. He was loudly crunching on some fortune cookie and inexplicably wearing the gauntlets he was working on, still glowing red hot. He held up the fortune, but Gadroc didn't have time to read it, as it immediately caught fire and fell into a pile of ashes on the floor.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc was concerned. "Doesn't that... you know... hurt?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Oh yes, extremely," Carne said with a smile. They both stared at each other for a moment.</div>
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
@@ -105,27 +105,27 @@ CATEGORY: Fiction
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<div>"<strong>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!</strong>" screamed Carne. He flailed his arms around wildly until the gauntlets flew off. One of them flew across the room and hit a painting hanging on the wall. The painting was of our lord and president, Orcbama, and the gauntlet punched him in the face. The painting had a large scorch mark in the same place where the gauntlet had hit, indicating that this was a common occurrence.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Anyways," Carne said casually, hands blistered and burnt, "What do you need to help me with?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"That’s not what I... you know what, nevermind. Listen. I am sick and tired of this stupid werewolf bullshit! Corn used to be my favorite, and now I can’t stand it! I miss the days when I enjoyed cornbread..."</div>
|
||||
<div>"That's not what I... you know what, nevermind. Listen. I am sick and tired of this stupid werewolf bullshit! Corn used to be my favorite, and now I can't stand it! I miss the days when I enjoyed cornbread..."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yeah, so do the townsfolk," the blacksmith replied.</div>
|
||||
<div>"That's not helpful," Gadroc said, but Carne went on.</div>
|
||||
<div>"I've always been more of a corn casserole kind of guy myself. Easier on the old gut. Y'know, when I was a boy-"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Would you shut up and listen? We need to do something about this!"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Right... What’s the problem again?" Gadroc smacked his forehead. He pointed to his own butt.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Right... What's the problem again?" Gadroc smacked his forehead. He pointed to his own butt.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Listen, son, if that's the way you're swingin', you don't have to play charades about it. Old Carne won't judge," Carne said.</div>
|
||||
<div>"No, the werewolf problem!" Gadroc screamed. He fell to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes. He sniffed. "I just want to be able to look at butts. That’s all I want."</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne walked up and put his gross, burnt hand on Gadroc’s shoulder. "It’s alright. I’ll help you with your problem."</div>
|
||||
<div>"No, the werewolf problem!" Gadroc screamed. He fell to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes. He sniffed. "I just want to be able to look at butts. That's all I want."</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne walked up and put his gross, burnt hand on Gadroc's shoulder. "It's alright. I'll help you with your problem."</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc sniffed again. "Really?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes. Even if it means I’m helping myself to help you help me-"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Carne, you’re not helping again."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes. Even if it means I'm helping myself to help you help me-"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Carne, you're not helping again."</div>
|
||||
</br>
|
||||
<div>CUT TO: Gadroc and Carne, scaling a mountain. Both men were equipped with the finest blades from Carne’s smithy. Gadroc was feeling a little indignant, considering Carne had only given him a foam sword. Carne had taken the only finished blade in the smithy.</div>
|
||||
<div>"You see that up there?" Carne said to Gadroc as they climbed. "That’s the ancient temple whose name is really hard to pronounce."</div>
|
||||
<div>CUT TO: Gadroc and Carne, scaling a mountain. Both men were equipped with the finest blades from Carne's smithy. Gadroc was feeling a little indignant, considering Carne had only given him a foam sword. Carne had taken the only finished blade in the smithy.</div>
|
||||
<div>"You see that up there?" Carne said to Gadroc as they climbed. "That's the ancient temple whose name is really hard to pronounce."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Really?" Gadroc asked. "What's it called?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"I’d tell you, but it’s really hard to pronounce," explained the smith. He continued. "From what I understand, there’s a mystical artifact that can cure any curse. We’re going to use it to cure your werewolf problem."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Why didn’t you tell me any of this on the way here? I’ve been following you up this mountain for hours with no idea of what we’re doing."</div>
|
||||
<div>"I'd tell you, but it's really hard to pronounce," explained the smith. He continued. "From what I understand, there's a mystical artifact that can cure any curse. We're going to use it to cure your werewolf problem."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Why didn't you tell me any of this on the way here? I've been following you up this mountain for hours with no idea of what we're doing."</div>
|
||||
<div>"We took that part out in post. It was a really long and not very funny bit that didn't get much of a reaction out of anyone the first time this story was read out loud. It's a little trick the boys back home call 'the Director's Cut.'"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Ah. That makes a lot of sense."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Right?" The two laughed at that, looked at the camera for a moment, then back to each other. A laugh track played during this. It lasted for an uncomfortable amount of time. It was the kind of laughter that you think is about to die down, but then it kicks right back up again. There’s also that one lady who’s cackling like a hyena having a tea party with a witch. You try to unhear her, but you just keep noticing her. Why do sitcoms think laugh tracks add anything to the show? It doesn't. That shit just doesn’t sit right with me.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Right?" The two laughed at that, looked at the camera for a moment, then back to each other. A laugh track played during this. It lasted for an uncomfortable amount of time. It was the kind of laughter that you think is about to die down, but then it kicks right back up again. There's also that one lady who's cackling like a hyena having a tea party with a witch. You try to unhear her, but you just keep noticing her. Why do sitcoms think laugh tracks add anything to the show? It doesn't. That shit just doesn't sit right with me.</div>
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
"},
|
||||
@@ -139,20 +139,20 @@ CATEGORY: Fiction
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<div>They continued to hike up the mountain. After a little while, they reached the temple. The door was guarded by two dog-men holding spears.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Who are these guys?" Gadroc asked.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Let me handle this," assured Carne. "How’s it going gentlemen?" The dog-men stepped closer and crossed their spears across the door.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Listen boys, there’s no need for the attitude," said the smith. The dog-men began to growl at him.</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne frowned. "Hey now, that’s just rude." The dog-men responded to this by shoulder-checking Carne, knocking him to the ground. Gadroc sighed and walked up to the armored, bipedal golden retriever.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Who’s a good boy?" Gadroc said as he began to scratch the dog behind his cutie ears. The dog-man turned his head into Gadroc’s hand and began to pant.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc continued. "You are! You’re a good boy! Oh it’s you!" The dog barked as if to say, "YES IT IS ME, I AM THE GOOD BOY." The dog-man eventually got down on all fours, stomped around in a circle a bit, and promptly fell asleep. The other guard whimpered. He had felt that he had been a good boy too, and that he deserved scratchies just as much as his partner, if not more. He conveyed this to Gadroc in a single bark. Gadroc turned to him.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Oh I know! You’ve been a good boy too!" He pet the guard for a little bit, then pulled an ear of corn out of his pocket.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Let me handle this," assured Carne. "How's it going gentlemen?" The dog-men stepped closer and crossed their spears across the door.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Listen boys, there's no need for the attitude," said the smith. The dog-men began to growl at him.</div>
|
||||
<div>Carne frowned. "Hey now, that's just rude." The dog-men responded to this by shoulder-checking Carne, knocking him to the ground. Gadroc sighed and walked up to the armored, bipedal golden retriever.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Who's a good boy?" Gadroc said as he began to scratch the dog behind his cutie ears. The dog-man turned his head into Gadroc's hand and began to pant.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc continued. "You are! You're a good boy! Oh it's you!" The dog barked as if to say, "YES IT IS ME, I AM THE GOOD BOY." The dog-man eventually got down on all fours, stomped around in a circle a bit, and promptly fell asleep. The other guard whimpered. He had felt that he had been a good boy too, and that he deserved scratchies just as much as his partner, if not more. He conveyed this to Gadroc in a single bark. Gadroc turned to him.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Oh I know! You've been a good boy too!" He pet the guard for a little bit, then pulled an ear of corn out of his pocket.</div>
|
||||
<div>"You want a treat boy?" Gadroc asked, as he held up the corn. The dog nodded violently and made a couple of attempts to nibble on the corn, but Gadroc pulled it away before he could.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Go get it!" shouted Gadroc as he threw the corn down the mountain. The dog guard threw his spear to the side as he bounded after the corn bouncing down the path. Certain the guard had made it out of sight, Gadroc went to help Carne up.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Where did you learn to deal with Canine-sapiens like that?" Carne asked.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Well, if you think about it, werewolves are technically part dog. Plus, I just know a good boy when I see one."</div>
|
||||
<div>The two stepped through the doors of the temple. At the end of the long, church-like room was a marble altar on a platform, with a set of stairs leading up to it. On the altar sat a small, simple wooden box. From above, a light fell gently on the box, giving it a soft, almost holy glow. The stained glass windows at the back of the room were arranged in such a way that they almost seemed to be pointing at the box. Many different flowers were arranged on either side of the box and at the foot of the altar.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Call it a hunch," Carne said slowly, "but I think those flowers might be important somehow. I just get that feeling, I couldn’t tell you why."</div>
|
||||
<div>"It’s the box that’s important, or whatever's in it," Gadroc said dryly. "The only thing that could make it more obvious is if a huge, luminescent sign dropped down with blinking arrows that read, ‘There’s probably a magic artifact in this box.’" Just then, a huge luminescent sign with blinking arrows that read, "There’s probably a magic artifact in this box." dropped down. Gadroc pinched the bridge of his nose.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Do you think there might be a secret compartment in the altar? I bet that’s where the artifact is," pondered the smith.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Call it a hunch," Carne said slowly, "but I think those flowers might be important somehow. I just get that feeling, I couldn't tell you why."</div>
|
||||
<div>"It's the box that's important, or whatever's in it," Gadroc said dryly. "The only thing that could make it more obvious is if a huge, luminescent sign dropped down with blinking arrows that read, ‘There's probably a magic artifact in this box.'" Just then, a huge luminescent sign with blinking arrows that read, "There's probably a magic artifact in this box." dropped down. Gadroc pinched the bridge of his nose.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Do you think there might be a secret compartment in the altar? I bet that's where the artifact is," pondered the smith.</div>
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
"},
|
||||
@@ -164,20 +164,20 @@ CATEGORY: Fiction
|
||||
</style>
|
||||
</head>
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<div>"Welcome to the temple of Ivyechneyoveen Kah’al, my children," came a voice.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Who said that?" Gadroc asked. "So that’s how it’s pronounced," mused Carne. A figure stepped out from behind a pillar. It was a robed dog-woman, an ancient St. Bernard.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Welcome to the temple of Ivyechneyoveen Kah'al, my children," came a voice.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Who said that?" Gadroc asked. "So that's how it's pronounced," mused Carne. A figure stepped out from behind a pillar. It was a robed dog-woman, an ancient St. Bernard.</div>
|
||||
<div>The dog lady spoke again. "Have you come to give your thanks to Orcville?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"I’m sorry, who?" Gadroc asked, confused.</div>
|
||||
<div>"I'm sorry, who?" Gadroc asked, confused.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yes, Orcville Redenbacher. He blessed the world with his glorious popcorn and saved our souls."</div>
|
||||
<div>"Wait," interrupted Carne. "Then why is it called the temple of Itchyville Cable?"</div>
|
||||
<div>"Ivyechneyoveen Kah’al," corrected the priestess with a polite smile.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yeah, that’s what I said."</div>
|
||||
<div>"I’d be glad to enlighten you, my child. It all started when..." The priestess lengthy explanation on the history and fine points of the religion of the dog people. It didn’t make the slightest bit of sense, though Carne did have a bit of a chuckle at the part where Orcville defeated the demon lord who wouldn't stop pretending to throw a ball to go fetch and then never actually throw the ball. Gadroc nearly fell asleep on his feet. He decided not to take part in the theological discussion and turned his attention back to the box. He walked up to the altar platform and climbed the steps. Carefully he opened the two small, wooden doors on the front of the box. Words could not describe his excitement. Inside the box was...</div>
|
||||
<div>"A hot dog?" Gadroc asked aloud. He was thoroughly baffled. Inside the box was a golden hot dog that sparkled in the light. He couldn’t tell whether or not it had ketchup, mustard, or even relish on it; it was all gold.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Ivyechneyoveen Kah'al," corrected the priestess with a polite smile.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Yeah, that's what I said."</div>
|
||||
<div>"I'd be glad to enlighten you, my child. It all started when..." The priestess lengthy explanation on the history and fine points of the religion of the dog people. It didn't make the slightest bit of sense, though Carne did have a bit of a chuckle at the part where Orcville defeated the demon lord who wouldn't stop pretending to throw a ball to go fetch and then never actually throw the ball. Gadroc nearly fell asleep on his feet. He decided not to take part in the theological discussion and turned his attention back to the box. He walked up to the altar platform and climbed the steps. Carefully he opened the two small, wooden doors on the front of the box. Words could not describe his excitement. Inside the box was...</div>
|
||||
<div>"A hot dog?" Gadroc asked aloud. He was thoroughly baffled. Inside the box was a golden hot dog that sparkled in the light. He couldn't tell whether or not it had ketchup, mustard, or even relish on it; it was all gold.</div>
|
||||
<div>"What are you doing with our sacred artifact?" shouted the dog priestess. Gadroc jumped, startled. He was too busy thinking about what gold tasted like.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Uh... I need it... for... a friend," Gadroc lied, incredibly convincingly.</div>
|
||||
<div>"You’d better not eat that because that’s totally not how a magic artifact shaped like a hot dog would work!" screeched the priestess.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc looked again at the supposed cure to all his problems. It was right there in his hands! "You’re not my mom!" he shouted, and promptly shoved the entire hot dog in his mouth and made a break for the door. Carne seemed impressed.</div>
|
||||
<div>"You'd better not eat that because that's totally not how a magic artifact shaped like a hot dog would work!" screeched the priestess.</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc looked again at the supposed cure to all his problems. It was right there in his hands! "You're not my mom!" he shouted, and promptly shoved the entire hot dog in his mouth and made a break for the door. Carne seemed impressed.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Damn," he said. "Wish I could run that fast after stuffing an entire hot dog in my mouth. Last time I did that I got a hernia." He turned to the dog priestess.</div>
|
||||
<div>"So, uh... wanna go grab some popcorn later?" The priestess slapped him across the face. "Right. I'll get goin', then. Sorry about the hot dog. We'll make you a new one." Carne began to head in Gadroc's direction.</div>
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
@@ -192,12 +192,12 @@ CATEGORY: Fiction
|
||||
</style>
|
||||
</head>
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<div>"Gadroc, where are you?" Carne shouted. "You can come out now, she didn’t follow us." Gadroc looked around and slowly stepped out from behind a tree that didn't even come close to consealing him whatsoever.</div>
|
||||
<div>"I... I don’t know if it worked, Carne," the boy said nervously.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Here," said the smith. He handed Gadroc a small, folded up piece of paper. Almost the exact moment Gadroc’s fingers touched it, Carne leapt like an orc-lympic death hurdle sprinter and combat rolled to take cover behind a nearby fallen tree. Gadroc unfolded the paper, hands trembling. On it was a pin up of a real buff orc dude. His shirtless body was ripped and glistening with sweat. He held a wrench and his jeans were not tight around his waist. Another shot showed him crouched down in front of a sink, which was confusing because plumbing was not very popular yet. The orc’s loose jeans were sagging down his pants, and they revealed the glowing, firm cheeks of his fine behind. A single tear rolled down Gadroc’s face.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Gadroc, where are you?" Carne shouted. "You can come out now, she didn't follow us." Gadroc looked around and slowly stepped out from behind a tree that didn't even come close to consealing him whatsoever.</div>
|
||||
<div>"I... I don't know if it worked, Carne," the boy said nervously.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Here," said the smith. He handed Gadroc a small, folded up piece of paper. Almost the exact moment Gadroc's fingers touched it, Carne leapt like an orc-lympic death hurdle sprinter and combat rolled to take cover behind a nearby fallen tree. Gadroc unfolded the paper, hands trembling. On it was a pin up of a real buff orc dude. His shirtless body was ripped and glistening with sweat. He held a wrench and his jeans were not tight around his waist. Another shot showed him crouched down in front of a sink, which was confusing because plumbing was not very popular yet. The orc's loose jeans were sagging down his pants, and they revealed the glowing, firm cheeks of his fine behind. A single tear rolled down Gadroc's face.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Carne," he sniffed. "It worked." Carne came out from behind the log and wiped the sweat from his brow with a "Phew!"</div>
|
||||
<div>"It’s beautiful, Carne," Gadroc went on.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Keep it, kid," the blacksmith said with a smile. "You need it more than I do. Let’s go home."</div>
|
||||
<div>"It's beautiful, Carne," Gadroc went on.</div>
|
||||
<div>"Keep it, kid," the blacksmith said with a smile. "You need it more than I do. Let's go home."</div>
|
||||
<div>Gadroc had gold poop for a week.</div>
|
||||
<br>
|
||||
<br>
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ CATEGORY: Reference
|
||||
<br>
|
||||
Phoron research and study is a vital subject of research -- it has been a pillar of humanity's progress, a staple of the technology that has shaped our society. To work on expanding our knowledge and shape our future in the cosmos is a noble cause, but it should be done with caution.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
This is not to speak on safety in your lab, but the consequences of action. Many times has man created the unthinkable, and many times we have not been prepared for such discoveries. We should not censor ourselves from advancement, but we should shape the world to be ready for what comes with it – and know that it is an invariable consequence there will be those who seek to abuse it.
|
||||
This is not to speak on safety in your lab, but the consequences of action. Many times has man created the unthinkable, and many times we have not been prepared for such discoveries. We should not censor ourselves from advancement, but we should shape the world to be ready for what comes with it - and know that it is an invariable consequence there will be those who seek to abuse it.
|
||||
<br><br>
|
||||
You cannot take back what you give to the world.
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user