CHOMPStation2/modular_chomp/code/modules/paperwork/paper.dm

//Used in  modular_chomp/maps/overmap/space_pois/dj_31x28
/obj/item/paper/djstation/poi
	info = span_bold("Welcome new owner!") + "<BR><BR>You have purchased the latest in listening equipment. The telecommunication setup we created is the best in listening to common and private radio fequencies. Here is a step by step guide to start listening in on those saucy radio channels:<br><ol><li>Equip yourself with a multi-tool</li><li>Use the multitool on each machine, that is the broadcaster, receiver and the relay.</li><li>Turn all the machines on, it has already been configured for you to listen on.</li></ol> Simple as that. Now to listen to the private channels, you'll have to configure the intercoms, located on the front desk. Here is a list of frequencies for you to listen on.<br><ul><li>145.7 - Common Channel</li><li>144.7 - Private AI Channel</li><li>135.9 - Security Channel</li><li>135.7 - Engineering Channel</li><li>135.5 - Medical Channel</li><li>135.3 - Command Channel</li><li>135.1 - Science Channel</li><li>134.7 - Supply Channel</li>"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/update
	info = "Station has stopped responding to my reports for about the past month. I assume Vostok just has his knickers in a twist.<br><br>Hell, not my problem. Got all the vodka and cigarettes I need to last me a year."
	name = "communications update"

//Used in modular_chomp\maps\overmap\space_pois\oldstation_80x45.dmm
/obj/item/paper/cryo_awaken
	info = span_bold("**WARNING**") + "<BR><BR>Catastrophic damage sustained to station. Powernet exhausted to reawaken crew.<BR><BR>Immediate Objectives<br><br>1: Activate emergency power generator<br>2: Lift station lockdown on the bridge<br><br>Please locate the 'Damage Report' on the bridge for a detailed situation report."
	name = "Cryo Awakening Alert"

/obj/item/paper/singularity
	info = span_bold("*Singularity Generator*") + "<br><br>Modern power generation typically comes in two forms, a Fusion Generator or a Fission Generator. Fusion provides the best space to power ratio, and is typically seen on military or high security ships and stations, however Fission reactors require the usage of expensive, and rare, materials in its construction.. Fission generators are massive and bulky, and require a large reserve of uranium to power, however they are extremely cheap to operate and oft need little maintenance once operational.<br><br>The Singularity aims to alter this, a functional Singularity is essentially a controlled Black Hole, a Black Hole that generates far more power than Fusion or Fission generators can ever hope to produce. "
	name = "Singularity Generator"

/obj/item/paper/k14
	info = span_bold("*K14-Multiphase Energy Gun*") + "<br><br>The K14 Prototype Energy Gun is the first Energy Rifle that has been successfully been able to not only hold a larger ammo charge than other gun models, but is capable of swapping between different energy projectile types on command with no incidents.<br><br>The weapon still suffers several drawbacks, its alternative, non laser fire mode, can only fire one round before exhausting the energy cell, the weapon also remains prohibitively expensive, nonetheless NT Market Research fully believe this weapon will form the backbone of our Energy weapon catalogue.<br><br>The K14 is expected to undergo revision to fix the ammo issues, the K15 is expected to replace the 'stun' setting with a 'disable' setting in an attempt to bypass the ammo issues."
	name = "K14 Energy Gun Report"

/obj/item/paper/health_analyzer
	info = span_bold("*Health Analyser*") + "<br><br>The portable Health Analyser is essentially a handheld variant of a health analyser. Years of research have concluded with this device which is capable of diagnosing even the most critical, obscure or technical injuries any humanoid entity is suffering in an easy to understand format that even a non-trained health professional can understand.<br><br>The health analyser is expected to go into full production as standard issue medical kit."
	name = "Health Analyser Report"

/obj/item/paper/b01rig
	info = span_bold("*Prototype Hardsuit*") + "<br><br>The B01-RIG Hardsuit is a prototype powered exoskeleton. Based off of a recovered pre-void war era united Earth government powered military exosuit, the RIG Hardsuit is a breakthrough in Hardsuit technology, and is the first post-void war era Hardsuit that can be safely used by an operator.<br><br>The B01 however suffers a myriad of constraints. It is slow and bulky to move around, it lacks any significant armor plating against direct attacks and its internal heads up display is unfinished,  resulting in the user being unable to see long distances.<br><br>The B01 is unlikely to see any form of mass production, but will serve as a base for future Hardsuit developments."
	name = "B01-RIG Hardsuit Report"

//Used in modular_chomp\maps\overmap\space_pois\ussp_84x90.dmm
/obj/item/paper/djstation/relay_reports
	info = span_bold("Aug. 28th, 2532") + "<hr><small>Our listening outpost has relayed some alarming reports about TSF activity in the sector. While intercepted communications suggests it's a simple research effort, I can't shake the feeling that those dogged bastards have finally chased us down.<br><br>The Captain assures me that there's nothing to worry about, but I find it hard to take a man who's paranoid of a powered shower door seriously.<br><br><i>- Comms Officer Vostok</i></small>"
	name = "personal log"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/commendation_recommendation
	info = span_bold("Recommended Party") + "Comrade Blyatski<br>" + span_bold("Signing Officer:") + "Mikail Gogochev<hr><small>Captain,<br><br>I recognize the nature of this request my seem strange, but please, hear me out. Comrade Blyatski, though he is but a wee bot, is like iron fist of Commissar Grigor himself! Just the other day he chased that useless bastard Totstoi clean out of brig, you should have seen the way that drunkard whimpered! Like a dog with his tail between his legs.<br><br>Anyways, I digress! If any one is worth of recognition, it is our ever-vigilant and beloved Blyatski, true champion of USSP.<br><br>If you wish to, perhaps, see his vigilance and dedication in person, well! You need only come to inspect armoury.<br><br>Comrade Blyatski awaits your decision."
	name = "recommendation for commendation"

/obj/item/paper/crumpled/cyka
	info = span_bold("I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO THREW AWAY MY LUCKY UNDERWEAR THIS TIME. I SWEAR, IF I SEE YOUR SKINNY RAT NECK AROUND I AM GOING TO WRING IT UNTIL YOU GO PURPLE!<br><br>NOBODY! NOBODY TOUCHES BORIS' LUCKY UNDERWEAR WITHOUT SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES!")
	name = "LISTEN UP CYKA"

/obj/item/paper/crumpled/desist
	info = "<i>This note has been effaced with all manner of crude drawings that are too vile to properly give a description to.</i><br><small>Totstoi,<br><br>I know it's you who's been feeding my cats alcohol, I do not care what your reasons are but you are getting in the way of important research. This is the fifth cat that I've had to replace this month because of your crude sense of humour, and I will be speaking with Chief Borachov if you don't stop.<br><br>- <i>Nikolai Kartov</i>, Deputy Researcher";
	name = "Desist at once!"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/visitor_log
	info = "August 21 - Most Excellent Commissar Grigor<br>August 22 - Nobody<br>August 23 - Nobody<br>August 24 - Nobody<br>August 25 - Why do I even bother?<br>August 26 - Nobody<br>August 27 -"
	name = "visitor log"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/experiment
	info = "We have finally hit upon it, no more shall Katerina look past me in favor of other company! Experiment 432-A shows an incredible rate of cellular regeneration, and I posit that we have finally breaken down the great boundary between life and death--true biological immortality!<br><br>Of course, the aggressive behaviour is an undue side-effect, but it is only cat after all. I am certain a few sedative-laced cat treats will suffice to prep for autopsy."
	name = "Experiment 432-A"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/maint_report
	info = "This is the fifth time this month I've had to replace the cabling to the damn lockdown circuit. It's bad enough the condensor is constantly on the fritz and the damn systems take nearly a week to cycle and reboot, but now I've got the captain breathing down my neck over his stupid shower and Commissar Grigor. Mikail was telling me the man's face went so red when the lights popped that you could see him glowing in the dark.<br><br>If he thought that was bad, well, if I hadn't installed an override in the mess hall we would have been sitting in the dark for the week.<br><br>Rusthven says we should be getting a new shipment of cabling, though I'm not sure we'll ever have enough supplies to keep this place properly operational."
	name = "maintenance report"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/forgive_me_father
	info = "Father Gregor,<br><br>You will have to forgive me, but I am unable to get your order for one of those 'veil shifters' like you asked. I am admittedly unsure what you planned to do with it, the business of the clergy is not mine, but Vostok was quick to put the kaibosh on your order after we lost the last shipment.<br><br>The boys are still reeling from the headaches from last time, and Khoma complains that he sees the blue lights whenever he closes his eyes.<br><br>I am not one to question a man of God but I beg of you, please do not try to order any more of these artifacts. They are cursed, and all manner of demons seem to follow in their wake.<br><br>- <small><i>Andrei Vostovich</i></small>, Supply Technician";
	name = "My apologies, father"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/babyman
	info = "<i>A primitive rendition of a crying egg being stomped on by a boot has been scribbled in the right-hand margin of the paper.</i><br><br>Wahwahwah! True egghead! I do not give two shits about your cats or 'syence,' if you write to Chief I will tell that bitch Katerina about your baby boy crush.<br><br>Also, why you sign name on paper? I am next door, fuckhead, I know baby man note is yours as soon as I see it. You write girly letter like I am your lover, maybe if you spend less time in corner with cat you would be real man? Of course, you would still look like camel shit stuck to Totstoi's boot!"
	name = "dear baby man"

/obj/item/paper/crumpled/love_poem
	info = "<i>This note has been crossed out so many times it's hard to make out its contents.</i><br><small>Katerina,<br><br><s>Your eyes are like diamonds,<br>Forged in the very fire of Cygni-A.<br>My heart yearns for you,<br>For your soft beauty<br>Fuckfucknothat'sbad.<br><br>Your voice is like liquid gold,<br>Smothering me in its delicate contours.<br>Never before had I known,<br>The touch,<br>The touch!<br>The touch of an angel's voice</s><br><br>note to self: stick to science, poetry is not my forte.</small>"
	name = "love poem"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/unknown_report
	info = "Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. I knew this mission was a mistake, that idiot Thomas got himself killed by some angry Russian security bot in the armoury, and the Lt. ran into the annex like a moron and got himself trapped. Now I'm just sitting on my god damn hands because this shuttle won't bloody move. Stupid USSP piece of shit docking arm must be jammed and I don't have the kit to go out and fix it.<br><br>Who the hell attacks a space station without EVA gear anyways? It's not like you can just bloody well waltz out into space with a hot coffee and shrug it off."
	name = "unknown report"

/obj/item/paper/djstation/confession
	info = "I am worried about Totstoi. It is the fifth time this week he has been sent to the drunk tank, and no matter how many times I come to him he can only seem to find God at the bottom of a glass of Tunguska.<br><br>All this drinking, I hate to think poorly of the USSP but, in placing no cost on such things are we not just as bad as the TSF? Many have even forgotten their true heritage in favour of Galactic Common. Such indulgence, such forgetfulness, it can not be good for the spirits, let alone the soul."
	name = "a confession"

/obj/item/paper/crumpled/button
	info = "That idiot bastard Totstoi found my button. Stupid drunk was trying to put change into the free cigarette machine and dropped it. Lo' and behold, dumbass decides to look under the machine for his precious rubles.<br><br>Thankfully that green-livered swine cares more about drink than anything else, managed to buy him off. Will have to move the switch somewhere else now, but where?"
	name = "worn paper"

//Used in modular_chomp\maps\overmap\space_pois\wizardcrash_20x35.dmm
/obj/item/paper/zap_brief
	info = "To the Magnificent Z.A.P.<BR>A small mining base has been created within our territory by wandless scum. Send them a message from the wizard federation they will not forget. I know your kind is rather fragile, but a group of lightly armed miners should not pose any threat to you at all. Just be warned they have a security cyborg for self defence, you might want to tune your spells to that threat. I look forward to hearing of your success.<BR>Grand Magus Abra the Wonderous"
	name = "Mission Briefing"