Tree stuck in tajaran; firefighters baffled.
Armadillos want aardvarks removed from dictionary claims 'here first'.
Angel found dancing on pinhead ordered to stop; cited for public nuisance.
Letters claim they are better than numbers; 'Always have been'.
Pens proclaim pencils obsolete, 'lead is dead'.
Rock and paper sues scissors for discrimination.
Steak tell-all book reveals he never liked sitting by potato.
Woodchuck stops counting how many times he’s chucked 'Never again'.
{{AFFECTED}} clerk first person able to pronounce '@*$%!'.
{{AFFECTED}} delis serving boiled paperback dictionaries, 'Adjectives chewy' customers declare.
{{AFFECTED}} weather deemed 'boring'; meteors and rad storms to be imported.
Most {{AFFECTED}} security officers prefer cream over sugar.
Palindrome speakers conference in {{AFFECTED}}; 'Wow!' says Otto.
Question mark worshipped as deity by ancient {{AFFECTED}} dwellers.
Spilled milk causes whole {{AFFECTED}} populace to cry.
World largest carp patty at display on {{AFFECTED}}.
'Here kitty kitty' no longer preferred tajaran retrieval technique.
Man travels 7000 light years to retrieve lost hankie, 'It was my favourite'.
New bowling lane that shoots mini-meteors at bowlers very popular.
Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest 'Asteroid tickles most'.
Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest 'Starship tickles most'.
Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest 'Star tickles most'.
Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest 'CentComm tickles most'.
Skrell marries computer; wedding attended by 100 modems.
Chef reports successfully using harmonica as cheese grater.
Nanotrasen invents handkerchief that says 'Bless you' after sneeze.
Clone accused of posing for other clones’s school photo.
Clone accused of stealing other clones’s employee of the month award.
Woman robs station with hair dryer; crewmen love new style.
This space for rent.
{{AFFECTED}} Baker Wins Pickled Crumpet Toss Three Years Running
Skrell Scientist Discovers Abacus Can Be Used To Dry Towels
Survey: 'Cheese Louise' Voted Best Pizza Restaurant In Tau Ceti
I Was Framed, jokes {{AFFECTED}} artist
Mysterious Loud Rumbling Noises In {{AFFECTED}} Found To Be Mysterious Loud Rumblings
Alien ambassador becomes lost on {{AFFECTED}}, refuses to ask for directions
Swamp Gas Verified To Be Exhalations Of Stars--Movie Stars--Long Passed
Tainted Broccoli Weapon Of Choice For Syndicate Assassins
Chefs Find Broccoli Effective Tool For Cutting Cheese
Broccoli Found To Cause Grumpiness In Monkeys
Survey: 80% Of People on {{AFFECTED}} Love Clog-Dancing
Giant Hairball Has Perfect Grammar But Rolls rr's Too Much, Linguists Say
{{AFFECTED}} Phonebooks Print All Wrong Numbers; Results In 15 New Marriages
Tajaran Burglar Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}, Mistaken For Dalmatian
Gibson Gazette Updates Frequently Absurd, Poll Indicates
Esoteric Verbosity Culminates In Communicative Ennui, {{AFFECTED}} Academics Note
Taj Demand Longer Breaks, Cleaner Litter, Slower Mice
Survey: 3 Out Of 5 Skrell Loathe Modern Art
Skrell Scientist Discovers Gravity While Falling Down Stairs
Boy Saves Tajaran From Tree on {{AFFECTED}}, Thousands Cheer
Shipment Of Apples Overturns, {{AFFECTED}} Diner Offers Applesauce Special
Spotted Owl Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}
Humans Everywhere Agree: Purring Tajarans Are Happy Tajarans
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: One Word In This Gazette Is Sdrawkcab
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Hard To Have Too Much Shelf Space
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Wine And Friendships Get Better With Age
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: The Insides Of Golf Balls Are Mostly Rubber Bands
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Don't Have To Fool All The People, Just The Right Ones
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: If You Made The Mess, You Clean It Up
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It Is Easier To Get Forgiveness Than Permission
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Check Your Facts Before Making A Fool Of Yourself
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Can't Outwait A Bureaucracy
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Better To Yield Right Of Way Than To Demand It
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: A Person Who Likes Cats Can't Be All Bad
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Help Is The Sunny Side Of Control
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Two Points Determine A Straight Line
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Reading Improves The Mind And Lifts The Spirit
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Better To Aim High And Miss Then To Aim Low And Hit
From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Meteors Often Strike The Same Place More Than Once
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Look Both Ways Before Boarding The Shuttle
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Hold On; Sudden Stops Sometimes Necessary
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Keep Fingers Away From Moving Panels
Tommy B. Saif Sez: No Left Turn, Except Shuttles
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Return Seats And Trays To Their Proper Upright Position
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Eating And Drinking In Docking Bays Is Prohibited
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Accept No Substitutes, And Don't Be Fooled By Imitations
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty Of Law
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Always Mix Thoroughly When So Instructed
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Try To Keep Six Month's Expenses In Reserve
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Change Not Given Without Purchase
Tommy B. Saif Sez: If You Break It, You Buy It
Tommy B. Saif Sez: Reservations Must Be Cancelled 48 Hours Prior To Event To Obtain Refund
Doughnuts: Is There Anything They Can't Do
If Tin Whistles Are Made Of Tin, What Do They Make Foghorns Out Of?
Broccoli discovered to be colonies of tiny aliens with murder on their minds