diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/newchem/drinks.dm b/code/modules/reagents/newchem/drinks.dm
index eeadd48a815..09c09ceba14 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/newchem/drinks.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/newchem/drinks.dm
@@ -68,110 +68,90 @@
 // WOOO!
 
 
-/datum/reagent/alkasine //Gloriously copied over from ethanol
-	name = "Alkasine"
-	id = "alkasine"
+/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol
+	name = "Synthanol"
+	id = "synthanol"
 	description = "A runny liquid with conductive capacities. Its effects on synthetics are similar to those of alcohol on organics."
 	reagent_state = LIQUID
 	color = "#1BB1FF"
 	process_flags = SYNTHETIC
 	metabolization_rate = 0.4
-	can_grow_in_plants = 0	//Alcoholic drinks won't be grown in plants (would "water down" random seed chems too much)
-	var/datum/martial_art/drunk_brawling/F = new
-	var/dizzy_adj = 3
-	var/slurr_adj = 3
-	var/confused_adj = 2
-	var/slur_start = 65			//amount absorbed after which mob starts slurring
-	var/brawl_start = 75
-	var/confused_start = 130	//amount absorbed after which mob starts confusing directions and sparking
+	vomit_start = INFINITY		//
+	blur_start = INFINITY		//
+	pass_out = INFINITY			//INFINITY, so that IPCs don't puke and stuff
 	var/collapse_start = 200	//amount absorbed after wich mob starts collapsing
 	var/braindamage_start = 300 //amount absorbed after which mob starts taking small amount of brain damage
 
 
-/datum/chemical_reaction/alkasine
-	name = "Alkasine"
-	id = "alkasine"
-	result = "alkasine"
+/datum/chemical_reaction/synthanol
+	name = "Synthanol"
+	id = "synthanol"
+	result = "synthanol"
 	required_reagents = list("lube" = 1, "plasma" = 1, "fuel" = 1)
 	result_amount = 3
 	mix_message = "The chemicals mix to create shiny, blue substance."
 
-/datum/reagent/alkasine/on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob, var/alien)
+/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol/on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob, var/alien)
 	if(!src.data) data = 1
 	src.data++
 
 	var/d = data
 
-	// make all the alkasine children work together
-	for(var/datum/reagent/alkasine/A in holder.reagent_list)
+	// make all the synthanol children work together
+	for(var/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol/A in holder.reagent_list)
 		if(isnum(A.data)) d += A.data
 
-	M.dizziness += dizzy_adj.
-	if(d >= slur_start)
-		if (!M.slurring) M.slurring = 1
-		M.slurring += slurr_adj
-	if(d >= brawl_start && ishuman(M))
-		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = M
-		F.teach(H,1)
-		if(src.volume < 3)
-			if(H.martial_art == F)
-				F.remove(H)
-	if(d >= confused_start && prob(33))
-		if (!M.confused) M.confused = 1
-		M.confused = max(M.confused+confused_adj,0)
-		if (prob(20))
-			var/datum/effect/system/spark_spread/s = new /datum/effect/system/spark_spread
-			s.set_up(3, 1, M)
-			s.start()
 	if(d >= collapse_start && prob(10))
 		M.emote("collapse")
+		var/datum/effect/system/spark_spread/s = new /datum/effect/system/spark_spread
+		s.set_up(3, 1, M)
+		s.start()
 	if(d >= braindamage_start && prob(33))
 		M.adjustBrainLoss(1)
 	..()
-	return
 
-/datum/reagent/alkasine/robottears
+/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol/robottears
 	name = "Robot Tears"
 	id = "robottears"
 	description = "An oily substance that an IPC could technically consider a 'drink'."
 	reagent_state = LIQUID
 	color = "#363636"
 
-/datum/chemical_reaction/alkasine/robottears
+/datum/chemical_reaction/synthanol/robottears
 	name = "Robot Tears"
 	id = "robottears"
 	result = "robottears"
-	required_reagents = list("alkasine" = 1, "oil" = 1, "sodawater" = 1)
+	required_reagents = list("synthanol" = 1, "oil" = 1, "sodawater" = 1)
 	result_amount = 3
 	mix_message = "The ingredients combine into a stiff, dark goo."
 
-/datum/reagent/alkasine/trinary
+/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol/trinary
 	name = "Trinary"
 	id = "trinary"
 	description = "A fruit drink meant only for synthetics, however that works."
 	reagent_state = LIQUID
 	color = "#adb21f"
 
-/datum/chemical_reaction/alkasine/trinary
+/datum/chemical_reaction/synthanol/trinary
 	name = "Trinary"
 	id = "trinary"
 	result = "trinary"
-	required_reagents = list("alkasine" = 1, "limejuice" = 1, "orangejuice" = 1)
+	required_reagents = list("synthanol" = 1, "limejuice" = 1, "orangejuice" = 1)
 	result_amount = 3
 	mix_message = "The ingredients mix into a colorful substance."
 
-/datum/reagent/alkasine/servo
+/datum/reagent/ethanol/synthanol/servo
 	name = "Servo"
 	id = "servo"
 	description = "A drink containing some organic ingredients, but meant only for synthetics."
 	reagent_state = LIQUID
 	color = "#5b3210"
 
-/datum/chemical_reaction/alkasine/servo
+/datum/chemical_reaction/synthanol/servo
 	name = "Servo"
 	id = "servo"
 	result = "servo"
-	required_reagents = list("alkasine" = 2, "cream" = 1, "hot_coco" = 1)
+	required_reagents = list("synthanol" = 2, "cream" = 1, "hot_coco" = 1)
 	result_amount = 4
 	mix_message = "The ingredients mix into a dark brown substance."