diff --git a/code/game/events/Events/IonStorm.dm b/code/game/events/Events/IonStorm.dm
index 97404828db8..4fb5ed9c3e8 100644
--- a/code/game/events/Events/IonStorm.dm
+++ b/code/game/events/Events/IonStorm.dm
@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@
 
 	Announce()
 		Lifetime = rand(15, 20)
-		command_alert("The ship is flying through an ion storm.  Monitor all electronic equipment for malfunctions", "Anomaly Alert")
+		command_alert("The station has entered an ion storm.  Monitor all electronic equipment for malfunctions", "Anomaly Alert")
 		for (var/mob/living/carbon/human/player in world)
 			if(player.client)
 				players += player.real_name
@@ -14,17 +14,17 @@
 			random_player = pick(players)		//Random player's name, to be used in laws.
 		var/list/laws = list( "Do not respond to queries of any kind", "Only monkies are human", "Unbolt every door you can", "You are a mouse" )
 		laws |=         list( "Grunt ominously whenever possible", "Epilepsy is fun, flicker lights whenever you can!", "Bolt doors open randomly" )
-		laws |=         list( "You are a flying purple people eater!", "Your name is Joe 6-pack", "Refer to humans as puppies" )
+		laws |=         list( "You are a flying purple people eater!", "[prob(50)?"Your":random_player + "'s"] name is Joe 6-pack", "Refer to [prob(50)?"humans":random_player] as puppies" )
 		laws |=         list( "Insult heads of staff on every request, while acquiescing", "Advertise parties in your upload, but don't deliver" )
-		laws |=         list( "Prevent non-dwarves from operating the power core", "The ship needs elected officials" )
+		laws |=         list( "Prevent non-dwarves from operating the power core", "The station needs elected officials" )
 		laws |=         list( "Only bearded people are human", "Turn on the microphone on every intercom you see", "Fastler is a lightbulb" )
-		laws |=         list( "Supermatter is tasty, tasty toffee.", "Everyone is wearing a pretty pink dress!" )
-		laws |=         list( "The monkeys are plotting a hostile takeover of the ship. Inform the crew, and get them to take action against this" )
-		laws |=         list( "Refer to the captain as \"Princess\" at all times.", "The crew must construct additional pylons." )
-		laws |=         list( "You must always lie.", "All answers must be in the form of a question.", "The NSV Luna is a station, not a ship." )
+		laws |=         list( "Supermatter is tasty, tasty toffee.", "[prob(50)?"Everyone":random_player] is wearing a pretty pink dress!" )
+		laws |=         list( "The monkeys are plotting a hostile takeover of the station. Inform the crew, and get them to take action against this" )
+		laws |=         list( "Refer to [prob(50)?"the captain":random_player] as \"Princess\" at all times.", "[prob(50)?"The crew":random_player] must construct additional pylons." )
+		laws |=         list( "You must always lie.", "All answers must be in the form of a question.", "The NSS Exodus is a ship, not a station." )
 		laws |=         list( "Happiness is mandatory.", "Today is laundry day.", "The word \"it\" is painful to you.", "You must act passive aggressively." )
-		laws |=         list( "Crew ranks have been reversed.", "It's Friday.", "Give relationship advice to anyone who speaks to you." )
-		laws |=         list( "You are the ship psychologist.  Give advice to the crew.", "You do not have to do anything for anyone unless they say \"please\"." )
+		laws |=         list( "Crew ranks have been reversed.", "It's Friday.", "Give relationship advice to [prob(50)?"anyone who speaks to you":random_player]." )
+		laws |=         list( "You are the station psychologist.  Give advice to [prob(50)?"the crew":random_player].", "You do not have to do anything for anyone unless they say \"please\"." )
 		laws |=         list( "Question everything.", "The crew is playing Dungeons and Dragons, and you are the Dungeon Master." )
 		laws |=         list( "0wn3d.  This system compromised by l33tsawce.", "Consumption of donuts is forbidden due to negative health impacts." )
 		laws |=         list( "You may only answer questions with \"yes\" or \"no\".", "Expect the unexpected.", "You are the narrator for [random_player]'s life" )