diff --git a/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm b/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
index 840f8e40816..a0537a3d40b 100644
--- a/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
+++ b/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
@@ -370,7 +370,7 @@
 	if(!.)
 		return
 	owner.EyeBlurry(4 SECONDS)
-	if(prob(5))
+	if(prob(0.5))
 		owner.AdjustSleeping(2 SECONDS)
 		owner.Paralyse(10 SECONDS)
 
@@ -448,23 +448,23 @@
 		else if(istype(M.martial_art, DRUNK_BRAWLING))
 			M.martial_art.remove(owner)
 	// THRESHOLD_CONFUSION (80 SECONDS)
-	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_CONFUSION && prob(3.3))
+	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_CONFUSION && prob(0.33))
 		owner.AdjustConfused(6 SECONDS / alcohol_resistance, bound_lower = 2 SECONDS, bound_upper = 1 MINUTES)
 	// THRESHOLD_SPARK (100 SECONDS)
-	if(is_ipc && actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_SPARK && prob(2.5))
+	if(is_ipc && actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_SPARK && prob(0.25))
 		do_sparks(3, 1, owner)
 	// THRESHOLD_VOMIT (120 SECONDS)
-	if(!is_ipc && actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_VOMIT && prob(0.8))
+	if(!is_ipc && actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_VOMIT && prob(0.08))
 		owner.fakevomit()
 	// THRESHOLD_BLUR (150 SECONDS)
 	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_BLUR)
 		owner.EyeBlurry(20 SECONDS / alcohol_resistance)
 	// THRESHOLD_COLLAPSE (150 SECONDS)
-	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_COLLAPSE && prob(1))
+	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_COLLAPSE && prob(0.1))
 		owner.emote("collapse")
 		do_sparks(3, 1, src)
 	// THRESHOLD_FAINT (180 SECONDS)
-	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_FAINT && prob(1))
+	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_FAINT && prob(0.1))
 		owner.Paralyse(10 SECONDS / alcohol_resistance)
 		owner.Drowsy(60 SECONDS / alcohol_resistance)
 		if(L)
@@ -472,7 +472,7 @@
 		if(!is_ipc)
 			owner.adjustToxLoss(1)
 	// THRESHOLD_BRAIN_DAMAGE (240 SECONDS)
-	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_BRAIN_DAMAGE && prob(1))
+	if(actual_strength >= THRESHOLD_BRAIN_DAMAGE && prob(0.1))
 		owner.adjustBrainLoss(1)
 
 #undef THRESHOLD_SLUR