diff --git a/code/modules/chemical/Chemistry-Recipes.dm b/code/modules/chemical/Chemistry-Recipes.dm
index 89f116aee8d..617cfe5bdad 100644
--- a/code/modules/chemical/Chemistry-Recipes.dm
+++ b/code/modules/chemical/Chemistry-Recipes.dm
@@ -660,9 +660,55 @@ datum
 									sleep(20)
 									M.client.screen -= blueeffect
 									del(blueeffect)
+		metroidcrit
+			name = "Metroid Crit"
+			id = "m_tele"
+			result = null
+			required_reagents = list("cryoxadone" = 1, "plasma" = 1, "mutagen" = 1, "uranium" = 1, "blood" = 1)
+			result_amount = 1
+			required_container = /obj/item/metroid_core
+			required_other = 4
+			on_reaction(var/datum/reagents/holder, var/created_volume)
 
+				var/list/critters = typesof(/obj/critter) - /obj/critter // list of possible critters
 
+				playsound(get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom), 'phasein.ogg', 100, 1)
 
+				for(var/mob/living/carbon/M in viewers(get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom), null))
+					flick("e_flash", M.flash)
+
+				for(var/i = 1, i <= created_volume, i++)
+					var/chosen = pick(critters)
+					var/obj/critter/C = new chosen
+					C.loc = get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom)
+					if(prob(50))
+						for(var/j = 1, j <= rand(1, 3), j++)
+							step(C, pick(NORTH,SOUTH,EAST,WEST))
+		metroidbork
+			name = "Metroid Bork"
+			id = "m_tele"
+			result = null
+			required_reagents = list("sugar" = 1, "water" = 1)
+			result_amount = 2
+			required_container = /obj/item/metroid_core
+			required_other = 4
+			on_reaction(var/datum/reagents/holder, var/created_volume)
+
+				var/list/borks = typesof(/obj/item/weapon/reagent_containers/food/snacks) - /obj/item/weapon/reagent_containers/food/snacks
+				// BORK BORK BORK
+
+				playsound(get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom), 'phasein.ogg', 100, 1)
+
+				for(var/mob/living/carbon/M in viewers(get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom), null))
+					flick("e_flash", M.flash)
+
+				for(var/i = 1, i <= created_volume, i++)
+					var/chosen = pick(borks)
+					var/obj/B = new chosen
+					B.loc = get_turf_loc(holder.my_atom)
+					if(prob(50))
+						for(var/j = 1, j <= rand(1, 3), j++)
+							step(B, pick(NORTH,SOUTH,EAST,WEST))
 
 
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
index cf74e60080d..5df8d7d35d2 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
@@ -155,8 +155,6 @@
 
 
 
-
-
 			if((hungry || starving) && targets.len > 0)
 				if(!istype(src, /mob/living/carbon/metroid/adult))
 					if(!starving)
@@ -216,7 +214,7 @@
 
 		AIprocess()  // the master AI process
 
-			if(AIproc) return
+			if(AIproc || stat == 2) return
 
 			var/hungry = 0
 			var/starving = 0
@@ -476,6 +474,9 @@
 
 
 		handle_nutrition()
+
+			if(stat == 2) return // haha wow
+
 			if(prob(20))
 				if(istype(src, /mob/living/carbon/metroid/adult)) nutrition-=rand(4,6)
 				else nutrition-=rand(2,3)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/powers.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/powers.dm
index e38b557427f..136487e4695 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/powers.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/powers.dm
@@ -217,6 +217,11 @@
 		if(amount_grown >= 10)
 			switch(input("Are you absolutely sure you want to reproduce? Your current body will cease to be, but your consciousness will be transferred into a produced metroid.") in list("Yes","No"))
 				if("Yes")
+
+					if(stat)
+						src << "<i>I must be conscious to do this...</i>"
+						return
+
 					var/number = pick(2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,3,4)
 					var/list/babies = list()
 					for(var/i=1,i<=number,i++) // reproduce (has a small chance of producing 3 or 4 offspring)