diff --git a/code/game/machinery/washing_machine.dm b/code/game/machinery/washing_machine.dm
index 4eefbfe2685..6e3243d9c6b 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/washing_machine.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/washing_machine.dm
@@ -1,3 +1,12 @@
+#define OPEN_EMPTY		1
+#define CLOSED_EMPTY	2
+#define OPEN_FULL		3
+#define CLOSED_FULL		4
+#define RUNNING			5
+//#define OPEN_BLOODY	6 is tied to an unused icon state
+#define CLOSED_BLOODY	7
+#define RUNNING_BLOODY	8
+
 /obj/machinery/washing_machine
 	name = "washing machine"
 	desc = "Gets rid of those pesky bloodstains, or your money back!"
@@ -5,21 +14,42 @@
 	icon_state = "wm_10"
 	density = TRUE
 	anchored = TRUE
-	var/state = 1
-	//1 = empty, open door
-	//2 = empty, closed door
-	//3 = full, open door
-	//4 = full, closed door
-	//5 = running
-	//6 = blood, open door
-	//7 = blood, closed door
-	//8 = blood, running
+	/// Integer ID corresponding to whether the machine can accept more items, is running, will produce gibs, etc.
+	var/state = OPEN_EMPTY
 	var/panel = FALSE
-	//FALSE = closed
-	//TRUE = open
-	var/hacked = TRUE //Bleh, screw hacking, let's have it hacked by default.
-	var/gibs_ready = 0
+	var/gibs_ready = FALSE
 	var/obj/crayon
+	/// Typecache of washable items
+	var/list/can_be_washed = list(
+		/obj/item/stack/sheet/hairlesshide,
+		/obj/item/clothing/under,
+		/obj/item/clothing/mask,
+		/obj/item/clothing/head,
+		/obj/item/clothing/gloves,
+		/obj/item/clothing/shoes,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit,
+		/obj/item/bedsheet
+	)
+	/// Typecache of items that do not fit, overrides the whitelist
+	var/list/does_not_fit = list(
+		/obj/item/clothing/under/plasmaman,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit/space,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit/syndicatefake,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit/cyborg_suit,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit/bomb_suit,
+		/obj/item/clothing/suit/armor,
+		/obj/item/clothing/mask/gas,
+		/obj/item/clothing/mask/cigarette,
+		/obj/item/clothing/head/syndicatefake,
+		/obj/item/clothing/head/helmet,
+		/obj/item/clothing/gloves/furgloves
+	)
+
+/obj/machinery/washing_machine/Initialize(mapload)
+	. = ..()
+
+	can_be_washed = typecacheof(can_be_washed)
+	does_not_fit = typecacheof(does_not_fit)
 
 /obj/machinery/washing_machine/examine(mob/user)
 	. = ..()
@@ -31,52 +61,51 @@
 	start(user)
 
 /obj/machinery/washing_machine/proc/start(mob/user)
-	if(state != 4)
+	if(state != CLOSED_FULL)
 		to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>The washing machine cannot run in this state.</span>")
 		return
 
-	if(locate(/mob,contents))
-		state = 8
+	if(locate(/mob) in src)
+		state = RUNNING_BLOODY
 	else
-		state = 5
+		state = RUNNING
 	update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 	sleep(200)
-	for(var/atom/A in contents)
+	for(var/atom/A in src)
 		A.clean_blood()
 
 	//Tanning!
-	for(var/obj/item/stack/sheet/hairlesshide/HH in contents)
-		var/obj/item/stack/sheet/wetleather/WL = new(src)
-		WL.amount = HH.amount
+	for(var/obj/item/stack/sheet/hairlesshide/HH in src)
+		new /obj/item/stack/sheet/wetleather(src, HH.amount)
 		qdel(HH)
 
 
 	if(crayon)
 		var/wash_color
-		if(istype(crayon,/obj/item/toy/crayon))
+		if(istype(crayon, /obj/item/toy/crayon))
 			var/obj/item/toy/crayon/CR = crayon
 			wash_color = CR.colourName
-		else if(istype(crayon,/obj/item/stamp))
+		else if(istype(crayon, /obj/item/stamp))
 			var/obj/item/stamp/ST = crayon
 			wash_color = ST.item_color
 
 		if(wash_color)
-			var/new_jumpsuit_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_jumpsuit_item_state = ""
-			var/new_jumpsuit_name = ""
-			var/new_glove_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_glove_item_state = ""
-			var/new_glove_name = ""
-			var/new_bandana_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_bandana_item_state = ""
-			var/new_bandana_name = ""
-			var/new_shoe_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_shoe_name = ""
-			var/new_sheet_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_sheet_name = ""
-			var/new_sheet_item_state = ""
-			var/new_softcap_icon_state = ""
-			var/new_softcap_name = ""
+			var/new_jumpsuit_icon_state
+			var/new_jumpsuit_item_state
+			var/new_jumpsuit_name
+			var/new_glove_icon_state
+			var/new_glove_item_state
+			var/new_glove_name
+			var/new_bandana_icon_state
+			var/new_bandana_item_state
+			var/new_bandana_name
+			var/new_shoe_icon_state
+			var/new_shoe_name
+			var/new_sheet_icon_state
+			var/new_sheet_name
+			var/new_sheet_item_state
+			var/new_softcap_icon_state
+			var/new_softcap_name
 			var/new_desc = "The colors are a bit dodgy."
 			for(var/T in typesof(/obj/item/clothing/under))
 				var/obj/item/clothing/under/J = new T
@@ -131,7 +160,7 @@
 					break
 				qdel(H)
 			if(new_jumpsuit_icon_state && new_jumpsuit_item_state && new_jumpsuit_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/clothing/under/J in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/clothing/under/J in src)
 					if(!J.dyeable)
 						continue
 					J.item_state = new_jumpsuit_item_state
@@ -140,7 +169,7 @@
 					J.name = new_jumpsuit_name
 					J.desc = new_desc
 			if(new_glove_icon_state && new_glove_item_state && new_glove_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/clothing/gloves/color/G in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/clothing/gloves/color/G in src)
 					if(!G.dyeable)
 						continue
 					G.item_state = new_glove_item_state
@@ -150,19 +179,19 @@
 					if(!istype(G, /obj/item/clothing/gloves/color/black/thief))
 						G.desc = new_desc
 			if(new_shoe_icon_state && new_shoe_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/clothing/shoes/S in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/clothing/shoes/S in src)
 					if(!S.dyeable)
 						continue
-					if(S.chained == 1)
-						S.chained = 0
+					if(S.chained)
+						S.chained = FALSE
 						S.slowdown = SHOES_SLOWDOWN
-						new /obj/item/restraints/handcuffs( src )
+						new /obj/item/restraints/handcuffs(src)
 					S.icon_state = new_shoe_icon_state
 					S.item_color = wash_color
 					S.name = new_shoe_name
 					S.desc = new_desc
 			if(new_bandana_icon_state && new_bandana_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/clothing/mask/bandana/M in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/clothing/mask/bandana/M in src)
 					if(!M.dyeable)
 						continue
 					M.item_state = new_bandana_item_state
@@ -171,14 +200,14 @@
 					M.name = new_bandana_name
 					M.desc = new_desc
 			if(new_sheet_icon_state && new_sheet_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/bedsheet/B in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/bedsheet/B in src)
 					B.icon_state = new_sheet_icon_state
 					B.item_color = wash_color
 					B.item_state = new_sheet_item_state
 					B.name = new_sheet_name
 					B.desc = new_desc
 			if(new_softcap_icon_state && new_softcap_name)
-				for(var/obj/item/clothing/head/soft/H in contents)
+				for(var/obj/item/clothing/head/soft/H in src)
 					if(!H.dyeable)
 						continue
 					H.icon_state = new_softcap_icon_state
@@ -188,143 +217,103 @@
 		QDEL_NULL(crayon)
 
 
-	if(locate(/mob,contents))
-		state = 7
-		gibs_ready = 1
+	if(locate(/mob) in src)
+		state = CLOSED_BLOODY
+		gibs_ready = TRUE
 	else
-		state = 4
+		state = CLOSED_FULL
 	update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 
 /obj/machinery/washing_machine/update_icon_state()
 	icon_state = "wm_[state][panel]"
 
-/obj/machinery/washing_machine/attackby(obj/item/W as obj, mob/user as mob, params)
+/obj/machinery/washing_machine/attackby(obj/item/W, mob/user, params)
 	if(default_unfasten_wrench(user, W))
 		return
-	if(istype(W,/obj/item/toy/crayon) ||istype(W,/obj/item/stamp))
-		if(state in list(	1, 3, 6))
+	if(istype(W, /obj/item/toy/crayon) || istype(W, /obj/item/stamp))
+		if(state in list(OPEN_EMPTY, OPEN_FULL))
 			if(!crayon)
 				user.drop_item()
 				crayon = W
-				crayon.loc = src
+				crayon.forceMove(src)
 				update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 			else
 				return ..()
 		else
 			return ..()
-	else if(istype(W,/obj/item/grab))
-		if((state == 1) && hacked)
+	else if(istype(W, /obj/item/grab))
+		if(state == OPEN_EMPTY)
 			var/obj/item/grab/G = W
 			if(ishuman(G.assailant) && iscorgi(G.affecting))
-				G.affecting.loc = src
+				G.affecting.forceMove(src)
 				qdel(G)
-				state = 3
+				state = OPEN_FULL
 			update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 		else
 			return ..()
-	else if(istype(W,/obj/item/stack/sheet/hairlesshide) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/under) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/mask) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/head) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/gloves) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/shoes) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit) || \
-		istype(W,/obj/item/bedsheet))
-
-		//YES, it's hardcoded... saves a var/can_be_washed for every single clothing item.
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/under/plasmaman))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/space))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/syndicatefake))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-//		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/powered))
-//			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-//			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/cyborg_suit))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/bomb_suit))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/suit/armor))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/mask/gas))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/mask/cigarette))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/head/syndicatefake))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-//		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/head/powered))
-//			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-//			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/head/helmet))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
-			return
-		if(istype(W,/obj/item/clothing/gloves/furgloves))
-			to_chat(user, "This item does not fit.")
+	else if(is_type_in_typecache(W, can_be_washed))
+		if(is_type_in_typecache(W, does_not_fit))
+			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>This item does not fit.</span>")
 			return
 		if(istype(W, /obj/item/clothing/gloves/color/black/krav_maga/sec))
 			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>Washing these gloves would fry the electronics!</span>")
 			return
-		if(W.flags & NODROP) //if "can't drop" item
-			to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>\The [W] is stuck to your hand, you cannot put it in the washing machine!</span>")
+		if(W.flags & NODROP)
+			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>[W] is stuck to your hand!</span>")
 			return
 
-		if(contents.len < 5)
-			if(state in list(1, 3))
+		if(length(contents) < 5)
+			if(state in list(OPEN_EMPTY, OPEN_FULL))
 				user.drop_item()
-				W.loc = src
-				state = 3
+				W.forceMove(src)
+				state = OPEN_FULL
 			else
-				to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>You can't put the item in right now.</span>")
+				to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>The door is closed!</span>")
 		else
-			to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>The washing machine is full.</span>")
+			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>[src] is full!</span>")
 		update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 	else
 		return ..()
 
-/obj/machinery/washing_machine/attack_hand(mob/user as mob)
+/obj/machinery/washing_machine/attack_hand(mob/user)
 	switch(state)
-		if(1)
-			state = 2
-		if(2)
-			state = 1
-			for(var/atom/movable/O in contents)
-				O.loc = src.loc
-		if(3)
-			state = 4
-		if(4)
-			state = 3
-			for(var/atom/movable/O in contents)
-				O.loc = src.loc
+		if(OPEN_EMPTY)
+			state = CLOSED_EMPTY
+		if(CLOSED_EMPTY)
+			for(var/atom/movable/O in src)
+				O.forceMove(loc)
 			crayon = null
-			state = 1
-		if(5)
+			state = OPEN_EMPTY
+		if(OPEN_FULL)
+			state = CLOSED_FULL
+		if(CLOSED_FULL)
+			for(var/atom/movable/O in src)
+				O.forceMove(loc)
+			crayon = null
+			state = OPEN_EMPTY
+		if(RUNNING)
 			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>[src] is busy.</span>")
-		if(6)
-			state = 7
-		if(7)
+		if(CLOSED_BLOODY)
 			if(gibs_ready)
-				gibs_ready = 0
-				if(locate(/mob,contents))
-					var/mob/M = locate(/mob,contents)
+				gibs_ready = FALSE
+				if(locate(/mob) in src)
+					var/mob/M = locate() in src
 					M.gib()
-			for(var/atom/movable/O in contents)
-				O.loc = src.loc
+			for(var/atom/movable/O in src)
+				O.forceMove(loc)
 			crayon = null
-			state = 1
-
+			state = OPEN_EMPTY
 
 	update_icon(UPDATE_ICON_STATE)
 
 /obj/machinery/washing_machine/deconstruct(disassembled = TRUE)
 	new /obj/item/stack/sheet/metal(drop_location(), 2)
 	qdel(src)
+
+#undef OPEN_EMPTY
+#undef CLOSED_EMPTY
+#undef OPEN_FULL
+#undef CLOSED_FULL
+#undef RUNNING
+#undef CLOSED_BLOODY
+#undef RUNNING_BLOODY