diff --git a/config/news/trivial.txt b/config/news/trivial.txt
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+Tree stuck in tajaran; firefighters baffled.
+Armadillos want aardvarks removed from dictionary claims 'here first'.
+Angel found dancing on pinhead ordered to stop; cited for public nuisance.
+Letters claim they are better than number; 'Always have been'.
+Pens proclaim pencils obsolete, 'lead is dead'.
+Rock and paper sues scissors for discrimination.
+Steak tell-all book reveals he never liked sitting by potato.
+Woodchuck stops counting how many times he’s chucked 'Never again'.
+{{AFFECTED}} clerk first person able to pronounce '@*$%!'.
+{{AFFECTED}} delis serving boiled paperback dictionaries, 'Adjectives chewy' customers declare.
+{{AFFECTED}} weather deemed 'boring'; meteors and rad storms to be imported.
+Most {{AFFECTED}} security officers prefer cream over sugar.
+Palindrome speakers conference in {{AFFECTED}}; 'Wow!' says Otto.
+Question mark worshipped as deity by ancient {{AFFECTED}} dwellers.
+Spilled milk causes whole {{AFFECTED}} populace to cry.
+World largest carp patty at display on {{AFFECTED}}.
+'Here kitty kitty' no longer preferred tajaran retrieval technique.
+Man travels 7000 light years to retrieve lost hankie, 'It was my favourite'.
+New bowling lane that shoots mini-meteors at bowlers very popular.
+Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest '[pick("CentComm","star","starship","asteroid")] tickles most'.
+Skrell marries computer; wedding attended by 100 modems.
+Chef reports successfully using harmonica as cheese grater.
+Nanotrasen invents handkerchief that says 'Bless you' after sneeze.
+Clone accused of posing for other clones’s school photo.
+Clone accused of stealing other clones’s employee of the month award.
+Woman robs station with hair dryer; crewmen love new style.
+This space for rent.
+{{AFFECTED}} Baker Wins Pickled Crumpet Toss Three Years Running
+Skrell Scientist Discovers Abacus Can Be Used To Dry Towels
+Survey: 'Cheese Louise' Voted Best Pizza Restaurant In Tau Ceti
+I Was Framed, jokes {{AFFECTED}} artist
+Mysterious Loud Rumbling Noises In {{AFFECTED}} Found To Be Mysterious Loud Rumblings
+Alien ambassador becomes lost on {{AFFECTED}}, refuses to ask for directions
+Swamp Gas Verified To Be Exhalations Of Stars--Movie Stars--Long Passed
+Tainted Broccoli Weapon Of Choice For Syndicate Assassins
+Chefs Find Broccoli Effective Tool For Cutting Cheese
+Broccoli Found To Cause Grumpiness In Monkeys
+Survey: 80% Of People on {{AFFECTED}} Love Clog-Dancing
+Giant Hairball Has Perfect Grammar But Rolls rr's Too Much, Linguists Say
+{{AFFECTED}} Phonebooks Print All Wrong Numbers; Results In 15 New Marriages
+Tajaran Burglar Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}, Mistaken For Dalmatian
+Gibson Gazette Updates Frequently Absurd, Poll Indicates
+Esoteric Verbosity Culminates In Communicative Ennui, {{AFFECTED}} Academics Note
+Taj Demand Longer Breaks, Cleaner Litter, Slower Mice
+Survey: 3 Out Of 5 Skrell Loathe Modern Art
+Skrell Scientist Discovers Gravity While Falling Down Stairs
+Boy Saves Tajaran From Tree on {{AFFECTED}}, Thousands Cheer
+Shipment Of Apples Overturns, {{AFFECTED}} Diner Offers Applesauce Special
+Spotted Owl Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}
+Humans Everywhere Agree: Purring Tajarans Are Happy Tajarans
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: One Word In This Gazette Is Sdrawkcab
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Hard To Have Too Much Shelf Space
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Wine And Friendships Get Better With Age
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: The Insides Of Golf Balls Are Mostly Rubber Bands
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Don't Have To Fool All The People, Just The Right Ones
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: If You Made The Mess, You Clean It Up
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It Is Easier To Get Forgiveness Than Permission
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Check Your Facts Before Making A Fool Of Yourself
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Can't Outwait A Bureaucracy
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Better To Yield Right Of Way Than To Demand It
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: A Person Who Likes Cats Can't Be All Bad
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Help Is The Sunny Side Of Control
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Two Points Determine A Straight Line
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Reading Improves The Mind And Lifts The Spirit
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Better To Aim High And Miss Then To Aim Low And Hit
+From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Meteors Often Strike The Same Place More Than Once
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Look Both Ways Before Boarding The Shuttle
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Hold On; Sudden Stops Sometimes Necessary
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Keep Fingers Away From Moving Panels
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: No Left Turn, Except Shuttles
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Return Seats And Trays To Their Proper Upright Position
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Eating And Drinking In Docking Bays Is Prohibited
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Accept No Substitutes, And Don't Be Fooled By Imitations
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty Of Law
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Always Mix Thoroughly When So Instructed
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Try To Keep Six Month's Expenses In Reserve
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Change Not Given Without Purchase
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: If You Break It, You Buy It
+Tommy B. Saif Sez: Reservations Must Be Cancelled 48 Hours Prior To Event To Obtain Refund
+Doughnuts: Is There Anything They Can't Do
+If Tin Whistles Are Made Of Tin, What Do They Make Foghorns Out Of?
+Broccoli discovered to be colonies of tiny aliens with murder on their minds