diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/text.dm b/code/__HELPERS/text.dm
index e141eb0f828..dbe9fa59587 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/text.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/text.dm
@@ -681,34 +681,34 @@
 	switch(macro)
 		//prefixes/agnostic
 		if("the")
-			rest = text("\the []", rest)
+			rest = "\the [rest]"
 		if("a")
-			rest = text("\a []", rest)
+			rest = "\a [rest]"
 		if("an")
-			rest = text("\an []", rest)
+			rest = "\an [rest]"
 		if("proper")
-			rest = text("\proper []", rest)
+			rest = "\proper [rest]"
 		if("improper")
-			rest = text("\improper []", rest)
+			rest = "\improper [rest]"
 		if("roman")
-			rest = text("\roman []", rest)
+			rest = "\roman [rest]"
 		//postfixes
 		if("th")
-			base = text("[]\th", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\th"
 		if("s")
-			base = text("[]\s", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\s"
 		if("he")
-			base = text("[]\he", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\he"
 		if("she")
-			base = text("[]\she", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\she"
 		if("his")
-			base = text("[]\his", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\his"
 		if("himself")
-			base = text("[]\himself", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\himself"
 		if("herself")
-			base = text("[]\herself", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\herself"
 		if("hers")
-			base = text("[]\hers", rest)
+			base = "[rest]\hers"
 
 	. = base
 	if(rest)
diff --git a/code/datums/spell.dm b/code/datums/spell.dm
index 97ba65d1adc..9faf018a788 100644
--- a/code/datums/spell.dm
+++ b/code/datums/spell.dm
@@ -407,7 +407,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(spells, typesof(/obj/effect/proc_holder/spell))
 		else if(isturf(target))
 			location = target
 		if(isliving(target) && message)
-			to_chat(target, text("[message]"))
+			to_chat(target, "[message]")
 		if(sparks_spread)
 			do_sparks(sparks_amt, 0, location)
 		if(smoke_type)
diff --git a/code/game/atoms.dm b/code/game/atoms.dm
index affb125eb0c..a7723c649c4 100644
--- a/code/game/atoms.dm
+++ b/code/game/atoms.dm
@@ -654,7 +654,7 @@
 				//Add the list if it does not exist.
 				if(!fingerprintshidden)
 					fingerprintshidden = list()
-				fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] (Wearing gloves). Real name: [], Key: []", H.real_name, H.key)
+				fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] (Wearing gloves). Real name: [H.real_name], Key: [H.key]"
 				fingerprintslast = H.ckey
 			return FALSE
 		if(!fingerprints)
@@ -662,7 +662,7 @@
 				//Add the list if it does not exist.
 				if(!fingerprintshidden)
 					fingerprintshidden = list()
-				fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [], Key: []", H.real_name, H.key)
+				fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [H.real_name], Key: [H.key]"
 				fingerprintslast = H.ckey
 			return TRUE
 	else
@@ -670,7 +670,7 @@
 			//Add the list if it does not exist.
 			if(!fingerprintshidden)
 				fingerprintshidden = list()
-			fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [], Key: []", M.real_name, M.key)
+			fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [M.real_name], Key: [M.key]"
 			fingerprintslast = M.ckey
 	return
 
@@ -713,14 +713,14 @@
 		if(!ignoregloves)
 			if(H.gloves && H.gloves != src)
 				if(fingerprintslast != H.ckey)
-					fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] (Wearing gloves). Real name: [], Key: []", H.real_name, H.key)
+					fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] (Wearing gloves). Real name: [H.real_name], Key: [H.key]"
 					fingerprintslast = H.ckey
 				H.gloves.add_fingerprint(M)
 				return FALSE
 
 		//More adminstuffz
 		if(fingerprintslast != H.ckey)
-			fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [], Key: []", H.real_name, H.key)
+			fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [H.real_name], Key: [H.key]"
 			fingerprintslast = H.ckey
 
 		//Make the list if it does not exist.
@@ -737,7 +737,7 @@
 	else
 		//Smudge up dem prints some
 		if(fingerprintslast != M.ckey)
-			fingerprintshidden += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [], Key: []", M.real_name, M.key)
+			fingerprintshidden += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] Real name: [M.real_name], Key: [M.key]"
 			fingerprintslast = M.ckey
 
 	return
diff --git a/code/game/gamemodes/nuclear/pinpointer.dm b/code/game/gamemodes/nuclear/pinpointer.dm
index fa192e7e31e..e878465904b 100644
--- a/code/game/gamemodes/nuclear/pinpointer.dm
+++ b/code/game/gamemodes/nuclear/pinpointer.dm
@@ -488,7 +488,7 @@
 
 		while(name in name_counts)
 			name_counts[name]++
-			name = text("[] ([])", name, name_counts[name])
+			name = "[name] ([name_counts[name]])"
 		names[name] = H
 		name_counts[name] = 1
 
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/camera/camera.dm b/code/game/machinery/camera/camera.dm
index 598820fe83f..6edaf00c8e8 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/camera/camera.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/camera/camera.dm
@@ -183,7 +183,7 @@
 				AI.last_paper_seen = "<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>[itemname]</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><TT>[info]</TT></BODY></HTML>"
 			else if(O.client && O.client.eye == src)
 				to_chat(O, "[U] holds \a [itemname] up to one of the cameras ...")
-				O << browse(text("<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>[]</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><TT>[]</TT></BODY></HTML>", itemname, info), text("window=[]", itemname))
+				O << browse("<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>[itemname]</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><TT>[info]</TT></BODY></HTML>", "window=[itemname]")
 
 	else if(istype(I, /obj/item/laser_pointer))
 		var/obj/item/laser_pointer/L = I
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/camera/tracking.dm b/code/game/machinery/camera/tracking.dm
index a4db90c223b..9d7e884319d 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/camera/tracking.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/camera/tracking.dm
@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
 		var/name = M.name
 		if(name in track.names)
 			track.namecounts[name]++
-			name = text("[] ([])", name, track.namecounts[name])
+			name = "[name] ([track.namecounts[name]])"
 		else
 			track.names.Add(name)
 			track.namecounts[name] = 1
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/computer/card.dm b/code/game/machinery/computer/card.dm
index 481d2ab5c54..846d84f4012 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/computer/card.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/computer/card.dm
@@ -381,7 +381,7 @@ GLOBAL_VAR_INIT(time_last_changed_position, 0)
 
 /obj/machinery/computer/card/proc/regenerate_id_name()
 	if(modify)
-		modify.name = text("[modify.registered_name]'s ID Card ([modify.assignment])")
+		modify.name = "[modify.registered_name]'s ID Card ([modify.assignment])"
 
 /obj/machinery/computer/card/ui_act(action, params)
 	if(..())
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/doors/airlock.dm b/code/game/machinery/doors/airlock.dm
index b837054a272..169e0f5719a 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/doors/airlock.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/doors/airlock.dm
@@ -276,10 +276,10 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(airlock_emissive_underlays)
 
 	var/message = ""
 	if(wires.is_cut(WIRE_ELECTRIFY) && arePowerSystemsOn())
-		message = text("The electrification wire is cut - Door permanently electrified.")
+		message = "The electrification wire is cut - Door permanently electrified."
 		electrified_until = -1
 	else if(duration && !arePowerSystemsOn())
-		message = text("The door is unpowered - Cannot electrify the door.")
+		message = "The door is unpowered - Cannot electrify the door."
 		electrified_until = 0
 	else if(!duration && electrified_until != 0)
 		message = "The door is now un-electrified."
@@ -287,10 +287,10 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(airlock_emissive_underlays)
 		electrified_until = 0
 	else if(duration)	//electrify door for the given duration seconds
 		if(user)
-			shockedby += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] - [user](ckey:[user.ckey])")
+			shockedby += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] - [user](ckey:[user.ckey])"
 			add_attack_logs(user, src, "Electrified [ADMIN_COORDJMP(src)]", ATKLOG_ALL)
 		else
-			shockedby += text("\[[all_timestamps()]\] - EMP)")
+			shockedby += "\[[all_timestamps()]\] - EMP)"
 		message = "The door is now electrified [duration == -1 ? "permanently" : "for [duration] second\s"]."
 		electrified_until = duration == -1 ? -1 : world.time + duration SECONDS
 		if(duration != -1)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/effects/landmarks.dm b/code/game/objects/effects/landmarks.dm
index 4d884a51ef8..e89056171f3 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/effects/landmarks.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/effects/landmarks.dm
@@ -246,7 +246,7 @@ INITIALIZE_IMMEDIATE(/obj/effect/landmark/awaystart) //Without this away mission
 	return QDEL_HINT_HARDDEL_NOW
 
 /obj/effect/landmark/proc/set_tag()
-	tag = text("landmark*[]", name)
+	tag = "landmark*[name]"
 
 /obj/effect/landmark/singularity_act()
 	return
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/AI_modules.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/AI_modules.dm
index bd7fc20a377..cfdd52a4b9f 100755
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/AI_modules.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/AI_modules.dm
@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ AI MODULES
 	..()
 	var/targName = stripped_input(usr, "Please enter the name of the person to safeguard.", "Safeguard who?", user.name)
 	targetName = targName
-	desc = text("A 'safeguard' AI module: 'Safeguard []. Individuals that threaten [] are not crew and must be eliminated.'", targetName, targetName)
+	desc = "A 'safeguard' AI module: 'Safeguard [targetName]. Individuals that threaten [targetName] are not crew and must be eliminated.'"
 
 /obj/item/aiModule/safeguard/install(obj/machinery/computer/C)
 	if(!targetName)
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ AI MODULES
 
 /obj/item/aiModule/safeguard/addAdditionalLaws(mob/living/silicon/ai/target, mob/sender)
 	..()
-	var/law = text("Safeguard []. Individuals that threaten [] are not crew and must be eliminated.'", targetName, targetName)
+	var/law = "Safeguard [targetName]. Individuals that threaten [targetName] are not crew and must be eliminated.'"
 	to_chat(target, law)
 	target.add_supplied_law(4, law)
 	GLOB.lawchanges.Add("The law specified [targetName]")
@@ -137,7 +137,7 @@ AI MODULES
 	..()
 	var/targName = stripped_input(usr, "Please enter the name of the person who is the only crew.", "Who?", user.real_name)
 	targetName = targName
-	desc = text("A 'one crew' AI module: 'Only [] is crew.'", targetName)
+	desc = "A 'one crew' AI module: 'Only [targetName] is crew.'"
 
 /obj/item/aiModule/oneCrewMember/install(obj/machinery/computer/C)
 	if(!targetName)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/cards_ids.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/cards_ids.dm
index 0f07e61004e..38620fb5861 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/cards_ids.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/cards_ids.dm
@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@
 	set src in usr
 
 	if(t)
-		src.name = text("Data Disk- '[]'", t)
+		src.name = "Data Disk- '[t]'"
 	else
 		src.name = "Data Disk"
 	src.add_fingerprint(usr)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
index e0dee612318..0902a0592d4 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/structures/crates_lockers/closets.dm
@@ -270,7 +270,7 @@
 		if(!lastbang)
 			lastbang = 1
 			for(var/mob/M in hearers(src, null))
-				to_chat(M, text("<FONT size=[]>BANG, bang!</FONT>", max(0, 5 - get_dist(src, M))))
+				to_chat(M, "<FONT size=[max(0, 5 - get_dist(src, M))]>BANG, bang!</FONT>")
 			spawn(30)
 				lastbang = 0
 
diff --git a/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm b/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
index eac8a7ff52b..3f688289dda 100644
--- a/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
+++ b/code/game/turfs/simulated/walls.dm
@@ -307,7 +307,7 @@
 			dismantle_wall(1)
 			to_chat(M, "<span class='info'>You smash through the wall.</span>")
 		else
-			to_chat(M, text("<span class='notice'>You smash against the wall.</span>"))
+			to_chat(M, "<span class='notice'>You smash against the wall.</span>")
 			take_damage(rand(25, 75))
 			return
 
@@ -324,7 +324,7 @@
 	else
 		playsound(src, 'sound/effects/bang.ogg', 50, 1)
 		add_dent(WALL_DENT_HIT)
-		to_chat(user, text("<span class='notice'>You punch the wall.</span>"))
+		to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>You punch the wall.</span>")
 	return TRUE
 
 /turf/simulated/wall/attack_hand(mob/user)
diff --git a/code/modules/admin/topic.dm b/code/modules/admin/topic.dm
index ac0855591e1..7c120efe042 100644
--- a/code/modules/admin/topic.dm
+++ b/code/modules/admin/topic.dm
@@ -3154,7 +3154,7 @@
 		if(usr)
 			log_admin("[key_name(usr)] used secret [href_list["secretsfun"]]")
 			if(ok)
-				to_chat(world, text("<b>A secret has been activated by []!</b>", usr.key))
+				to_chat(world, "<b>A secret has been activated by [usr.key]!</b>")
 
 	else if(href_list["secretsadmin"])
 		if(!check_rights(R_ADMIN))	return
@@ -3195,7 +3195,7 @@
 				for(var/thing in GLOB.human_list)
 					var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = thing
 					if(H.ckey)
-						dat += text("<tr><td>[]</td><td>[]</td></tr>", H.name, H.get_assignment())
+						dat += "<tr><td>[H.name]</td><td>[H.get_assignment()]</td></tr>"
 				dat += "</table>"
 				usr << browse(dat, "window=manifest;size=440x410")
 			if("check_antagonist")
@@ -3247,7 +3247,7 @@
 		if(usr)
 			log_admin("[key_name(usr)] used secret [href_list["secretsadmin"]]")
 			if(ok)
-				to_chat(world, text("<b>A secret has been activated by []!</b>", usr.key))
+				to_chat(world, "<b>A secret has been activated by [usr.key]!</b>")
 
 	else if(href_list["secretscoder"])
 		if(!check_rights(R_DEBUG))	return
diff --git a/code/modules/admin/verbs/randomverbs.dm b/code/modules/admin/verbs/randomverbs.dm
index 3ef4f2def44..3ae974bf76d 100644
--- a/code/modules/admin/verbs/randomverbs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/admin/verbs/randomverbs.dm
@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@
 	if(!check_rights(R_EVENT))
 		return
 
-	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", text("Subtle PM to [M.key]"))
+	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", "Subtle PM to [M.key]")
 
 	if(!msg)
 		return
@@ -117,7 +117,7 @@
 	if(!check_rights(R_SERVER|R_EVENT))
 		return
 
-	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", text("Enter the text you wish to appear to everyone:"))
+	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", "Enter the text you wish to appear to everyone:")
 
 	if(!msg)
 		return
@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@
 	if(!M)
 		return
 
-	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", text("Enter the text you wish to appear to your target:"))
+	var/msg = clean_input("Message:", "Enter the text you wish to appear to your target:")
 
 	if( !msg )
 		return
@@ -712,15 +712,15 @@ Traitors and the like can also be revived with the previous role mostly intact.
 	if(!check_rights(R_DEBUG|R_EVENT))
 		return
 
-	var/devastation = input("Range of total devastation. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/devastation = input("Range of total devastation. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(devastation == null) return
-	var/heavy = input("Range of heavy impact. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/heavy = input("Range of heavy impact. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(heavy == null) return
-	var/light = input("Range of light impact. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/light = input("Range of light impact. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(light == null) return
-	var/flash = input("Range of flash. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/flash = input("Range of flash. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(flash == null) return
-	var/flames = input("Range of flames. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/flames = input("Range of flames. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(flames == null) return
 
 	if((devastation != -1) || (heavy != -1) || (light != -1) || (flash != -1) || (flames != -1))
@@ -743,9 +743,9 @@ Traitors and the like can also be revived with the previous role mostly intact.
 	if(!check_rights(R_DEBUG|R_EVENT))
 		return
 
-	var/heavy = input("Range of heavy pulse.", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/heavy = input("Range of heavy pulse.", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(heavy == null) return
-	var/light = input("Range of light pulse.", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	var/light = input("Range of light pulse.", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(light == null) return
 
 	if(heavy || light)
@@ -924,7 +924,7 @@ Traitors and the like can also be revived with the previous role mostly intact.
 	if(!check_rights(R_ADMIN))
 		return
 
-	to_chat(usr, text("<span class='danger'>Attack Log for []</span>", mob))
+	to_chat(usr, "<span class='danger'>Attack Log for [mob]</span>")
 	for(var/t in M.attack_log_old)
 		to_chat(usr, t)
 	SSblackbox.record_feedback("tally", "admin_verb", 1, "Attack Log") //If you are copy-pasting this, ensure the 2nd parameter is unique to the new proc!
diff --git a/code/modules/assembly/proximity.dm b/code/modules/assembly/proximity.dm
index 129621ff509..c21a7c3b7f4 100644
--- a/code/modules/assembly/proximity.dm
+++ b/code/modules/assembly/proximity.dm
@@ -103,7 +103,7 @@
 		return FALSE
 	var/second = time % 60
 	var/minute = (time - second) / 60
-	var/dat = text("<TT><B>Proximity Sensor</B>\n[] []:[]\n<A href='?src=[UID()];tp=-30'>-</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=-1'>-</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=1'>+</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=30'>+</A>\n</TT>", (timing ? "<A href='?src=[UID()];time=0'>Arming</A>" : "<A href='?src=[UID()];time=1'>Not Arming</A>"), minute, second)
+	var/dat = "<TT><B>Proximity Sensor</B>\n[timing ? "<A href='?src=[UID()];time=0'>Arming</A>" : "<A href='?src=[UID()];time=1'>Not Arming</A>"] [minute]:[second]\n<A href='?src=[UID()];tp=-30'>-</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=-1'>-</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=1'>+</A> <A href='?src=[UID()];tp=30'>+</A>\n</TT>"
 	dat += "<BR><A href='?src=[UID()];scanning=1'>[scanning?"Armed":"Unarmed"]</A> (Movement sensor active when armed!)"
 	dat += "<BR><BR><A href='?src=[UID()];refresh=1'>Refresh</A>"
 	dat += "<BR><BR><A href='?src=[UID()];close=1'>Close</A>"
diff --git a/code/modules/atmospherics/machinery/portable/canister.dm b/code/modules/atmospherics/machinery/portable/canister.dm
index 31cb7dcab2c..f605cdca8e2 100644
--- a/code/modules/atmospherics/machinery/portable/canister.dm
+++ b/code/modules/atmospherics/machinery/portable/canister.dm
@@ -159,7 +159,7 @@ GLOBAL_DATUM_INIT(canister_icon_container, /datum/canister_icons, new())
 */
 
 	if(stat & BROKEN)
-		icon_state = text("[]-1", canister_color["prim"])//yes, I KNOW the colours don't reflect when the can's borked, whatever.
+		icon_state = "[canister_color["prim"]]-1"//yes, I KNOW the colours don't reflect when the can's borked, whatever.
 		return
 
 	if(icon_state != canister_color["prim"])
diff --git a/code/modules/buildmode/submodes/boom.dm b/code/modules/buildmode/submodes/boom.dm
index 5c3f16e7c27..820ca51f719 100644
--- a/code/modules/buildmode/submodes/boom.dm
+++ b/code/modules/buildmode/submodes/boom.dm
@@ -13,15 +13,15 @@
 	to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>***********************************************************</span>")
 
 /datum/buildmode_mode/boom/change_settings(mob/user)
-	devastation = input("Range of total devastation. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	devastation = input("Range of total devastation. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(devastation == null) devastation = -1
-	heavy = input("Range of heavy impact. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	heavy = input("Range of heavy impact. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(heavy == null) heavy = -1
-	light = input("Range of light impact. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	light = input("Range of light impact. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(light == null) light = -1
-	flash = input("Range of flash. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	flash = input("Range of flash. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(flash == null) flash = -1
-	flames = input("Range of flames. -1 to none", text("Input"))  as num|null
+	flames = input("Range of flames. -1 to none", "Input")  as num|null
 	if(flames == null) flames = -1
 
 /datum/buildmode_mode/boom/handle_click(user, params, obj/object)
diff --git a/code/modules/events/blob/blob_mobs.dm b/code/modules/events/blob/blob_mobs.dm
index 4c7f216233a..1672a3aeeb5 100644
--- a/code/modules/events/blob/blob_mobs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/events/blob/blob_mobs.dm
@@ -205,7 +205,7 @@
 /mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/blob/blobbernaut/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	if(name == "blobbernaut")
-		name = text("blobbernaut ([rand(1, 1000)])")
+		name = "blobbernaut ([rand(1, 1000)])"
 
 /mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/blob/blobbernaut/death(gibbed)
 	// Only execute the below if we successfully died
diff --git a/code/modules/food_and_drinks/food/snacks.dm b/code/modules/food_and_drinks/food/snacks.dm
index 707326a53be..67ac4227e89 100644
--- a/code/modules/food_and_drinks/food/snacks.dm
+++ b/code/modules/food_and_drinks/food/snacks.dm
@@ -167,7 +167,7 @@
 				D.taste(reagents)
 		else if(ismouse(M))
 			var/mob/living/simple_animal/mouse/N = M
-			to_chat(N, text("<span class='notice'>You nibble away at [src].</span>"))
+			to_chat(N, "<span class='notice'>You nibble away at [src].</span>")
 			if(prob(50))
 				N.visible_message("[N] nibbles away at [src].", "")
 			N.adjustHealth(-2)
diff --git a/code/modules/instruments/songs/_song_ui.dm b/code/modules/instruments/songs/_song_ui.dm
index 6e9bf9fe01f..5d7fa1f1931 100644
--- a/code/modules/instruments/songs/_song_ui.dm
+++ b/code/modules/instruments/songs/_song_ui.dm
@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@
 		if("import")
 			var/t = ""
 			do
-				t = html_encode(input(usr, "Please paste the entire song, formatted:", text("[]", name), t)  as message)
+				t = html_encode(input(usr, "Please paste the entire song, formatted:", "[name]", t)  as message)
 				if(!in_range(parent, usr))
 					return
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mining/machine_stacking.dm b/code/modules/mining/machine_stacking.dm
index 6e591cce413..ada5b502a6b 100644
--- a/code/modules/mining/machine_stacking.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mining/machine_stacking.dm
@@ -31,14 +31,14 @@
 	if(!machine)
 		return
 
-	dat += text("<b>Stacking unit console</b><br><br>")
+	dat += "<b>Stacking unit console</b><br><br>"
 
 	for(var/O in machine.stack_list)
 		s = machine.stack_list[O]
 		if(s.amount > 0)
-			dat += text("[capitalize(s.name)]: [s.amount] <A href='?src=[UID()];release=[s.type]'>Release</A><br>")
+			dat += "[capitalize(s.name)]: [s.amount] <A href='?src=[UID()];release=[s.type]'>Release</A><br>"
 
-	dat += text("<br>Stacking: [machine.stack_amt]<br><br>")
+	dat += "<br>Stacking: [machine.stack_amt]<br><br>"
 
 	user << browse("[dat]", "window=console_stacking_machine")
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mining/satchel_ore_boxdm.dm b/code/modules/mining/satchel_ore_boxdm.dm
index 55b64734c0b..ed12dc875af 100644
--- a/code/modules/mining/satchel_ore_boxdm.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mining/satchel_ore_boxdm.dm
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@
 		show_contents(user)
 
 /obj/structure/ore_box/proc/show_contents(mob/user)
-	var/dat = text("<b>The contents of the ore box reveal...</b><br>")
+	var/dat = "<b>The contents of the ore box reveal...</b><br>"
 	var/list/assembled = list()
 	for(var/obj/item/stack/ore/O in src)
 		assembled[O.type] += O.amount
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@
 		var/obj/item/stack/ore/O = type
 		dat += "[initial(O.name)] - [assembled[type]]<br>"
 
-	dat += text("<br><br><A href='?src=[UID()];removeall=1'>Empty box</A>")
+	dat += "<br><br><A href='?src=[UID()];removeall=1'>Empty box</A>"
 	var/datum/browser/popup = new(user, "orebox", name, 400, 400)
 	popup.set_content(dat)
 	popup.open(0)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/humanoid.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/humanoid.dm
index dbef1fd335e..31240725f06 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/humanoid.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/humanoid.dm
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 //This is fine right now, if we're adding organ specific damage this needs to be updated
 /mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/Initialize(mapload)
 	if(name == "alien")
-		name = text("alien ([rand(1, 1000)])")
+		name = "alien ([rand(1, 1000)])"
 	real_name = name
 	add_language("Xenomorph")
 	add_language("Hivemind")
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/ai_mob.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/ai_mob.dm
index c4edfb8b070..d0a92b3180f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/ai_mob.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/ai_mob.dm
@@ -268,7 +268,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 	..()
 	if(statpanel("Status"))
 		if(stat)
-			stat(null, text("Systems nonfunctional"))
+			stat(null, "Systems nonfunctional")
 			return
 		show_borg_info()
 
@@ -279,7 +279,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 	for(var/cat in temp_alarm_list)
 		if(!(cat in alarms_listend_for))
 			continue
-		dat += text("<B>[]</B><BR>\n", cat)
+		dat += "<B>[cat]</B><BR>\n"
 		var/list/list/L = temp_alarm_list[cat].Copy()
 		for(var/alarm in L)
 			var/list/list/alm = L[alarm].Copy()
@@ -297,12 +297,12 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 					for(var/cam in C)
 						var/obj/machinery/camera/I = locateUID(cam)
 						if(!QDELETED(I))
-							dat2 += text("[]<A HREF=?src=[UID()];switchcamera=[cam]>[]</A>", (dat2 == "") ? "" : " | ", I.c_tag)
-					dat += text("-- [] ([])", area_name, (dat2 != "") ? dat2 : "No Camera")
+							dat2 += "[(dat2 == "") ? "" : " | "]<A HREF=?src=[UID()];switchcamera=[cam]>[I.c_tag]</A>"
+					dat += "-- [area_name] ([(dat2 != "") ? dat2 : "No Camera"])"
 				else
-					dat += text("-- [] (No Camera)", area_name)
+					dat += "-- [area_name] (No Camera)"
 				if(sources.len > 1)
-					dat += text("- [] sources", sources.len)
+					dat += "- [length(sources)] sources"
 				dat += "</NOBR><BR>\n"
 		if(!L.len)
 			dat += "-- All Systems Nominal<BR>\n"
@@ -313,7 +313,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 	src << browse(dat_text, "window=aialerts&can_close=0")
 
 /mob/living/silicon/ai/proc/show_borg_info()
-	stat(null, text("Connected cyborgs: [connected_robots.len]"))
+	stat(null, "Connected cyborgs: [connected_robots.len]")
 	for(var/thing in connected_robots)
 		var/mob/living/silicon/robot/R = thing
 		var/robot_status = "Nominal"
@@ -324,8 +324,8 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 		// Name, Health, Battery, Module, Area, and Status! Everything an AI wants to know about its borgies!
 		var/area/A = get_area(R)
 		var/area_name = A ? sanitize(A.name) : "Unknown"
-		stat(null, text("[R.name] | S.Integrity: [R.health]% | Cell: [R.cell ? "[R.cell.charge] / [R.cell.maxcharge]" : "Empty"] | \
-		Module: [R.designation] | Loc: [area_name] | Status: [robot_status]"))
+		stat(null, "[R.name] | S.Integrity: [R.health]% | Cell: [R.cell ? "[R.cell.charge] / [R.cell.maxcharge]" : "Empty"] | \
+		Module: [R.designation] | Loc: [area_name] | Status: [robot_status]")
 
 /mob/living/silicon/ai/rename_character(oldname, newname)
 	if(!..(oldname, newname))
@@ -684,7 +684,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 	if(href_list["mach_close"])
 		if(href_list["mach_close"] == "aialerts")
 			viewalerts = FALSE
-		var/t1 = text("window=[]", href_list["mach_close"])
+		var/t1 = "window=[href_list["mach_close"]]"
 		unset_machine()
 		src << browse(null, t1)
 	if(href_list["switchcamera"])
@@ -864,7 +864,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(ai_verbs_default, list(
 			for(var/thing in O)
 				var/obj/machinery/camera/I = locateUID(thing)
 				if(!QDELETED(I))
-					dat2 += text("[]<A HREF=?src=[UID()];switchcamera=[thing]>[]</A>", (!foo) ? "" : " | ", I.c_tag)	//I'm not fixing this shit...
+					dat2 += "[(!foo) ? "" : " | "]<A HREF=?src=[UID()];switchcamera=[thing]>[I.c_tag]</A>" //I'm not fixing this shit...
 					foo = 1
 			queueAlarm(text ("--- [] alarm detected in []! ([])", class, A.name, dat2), class)
 		else
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/misc_robot_items.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/misc_robot_items.dm
index 5a82df5749f..aae4bbfed08 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/misc_robot_items.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/misc_robot_items.dm
@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@
 
 	n_name = copytext(n_name, 1, 32)
 	if(( get_dist(user,paper) <= 1  && user.stat == 0))
-		paper.name = "paper[(n_name ? text("- '[n_name]'") : null)]"
+		paper.name = "paper[(n_name ? "- '[n_name]'" : null)]"
 	add_fingerprint(user)
 	return
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/robot_mob.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/robot_mob.dm
index 1dbe7d2adbe..d33d9678c7a 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/robot_mob.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/robot/robot_mob.dm
@@ -621,7 +621,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(robot_verbs_default, list(
 	for(var/cat in temp_alarm_list)
 		if(!(cat in alarms_listend_for))
 			continue
-		dat += text("<B>[cat]</B><BR>\n")
+		dat += "<B>[cat]</B><BR>\n"
 		var/list/list/L = temp_alarm_list[cat].Copy()
 		for(var/alarm in L)
 			var/list/list/alm = L[alarm].Copy()
@@ -633,7 +633,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(robot_verbs_default, list(
 					L -= alarm
 					continue
 				dat += "<NOBR>"
-				dat += text("-- [area_name]")
+				dat += "-- [area_name]"
 				dat += "</NOBR><BR>\n"
 		if(!L.len)
 			dat += "-- All Systems Nominal<BR>\n"
@@ -675,9 +675,9 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(robot_verbs_default, list(
 // this function displays the cyborgs current cell charge in the stat panel
 /mob/living/silicon/robot/proc/show_cell_power()
 	if(cell)
-		stat(null, text("Charge Left: [cell.charge]/[cell.maxcharge]"))
+		stat(null, "Charge Left: [cell.charge]/[cell.maxcharge]")
 	else
-		stat(null, text("No Cell Inserted!"))
+		stat(null, "No Cell Inserted!")
 
 /mob/living/silicon/robot/proc/show_gps_coords()
 	if(locate(/obj/item/gps/cyborg) in module.modules)
@@ -1122,7 +1122,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(robot_verbs_default, list(
 		return 1
 
 	if(href_list["mach_close"])
-		var/t1 = text("window=[href_list["mach_close"]]")
+		var/t1 = "window=[href_list["mach_close"]]"
 		unset_machine()
 		src << browse(null, t1)
 		return 1
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/honkbot.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/honkbot.dm
index 2bd5c295570..cb8ba05432c 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/honkbot.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/bot/honkbot.dm
@@ -73,13 +73,11 @@
 	var/dat
 	dat += hack(user)
 	dat += showpai(user)
-	dat += text({"
+	dat += {"
 	<TT><B>Honkomatic Bike Horn Unit v1.0.7 controls</B></TT><BR><BR>
-	Status: []<BR>
+	Status: <A href='?src=[UID()];power=1'>[on ? "On" : "Off"]</A><BR>
 	Behaviour controls are [locked ? "locked" : "unlocked"]<BR>
-	Maintenance panel is [open ? "opened" : "closed"]<BR>"},
-
-	"<A href='?src=[UID()];power=1'>[on ? "On" : "Off"]</A>")
+	Maintenance panel is [open ? "opened" : "closed"]<BR>"}
 
 	if(!locked || issilicon(user) || user.can_admin_interact())
 		dat += "Auto Patrol <A href='?src=[UID()];operation=patrol'>[auto_patrol ? "On" : "Off"]</A><BR>"
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
index a51bcb1735c..39f18a3fdbe 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
@@ -210,7 +210,7 @@
 
 /mob/proc/findname(msg)
 	for(var/mob/M in GLOB.mob_list)
-		if(M.real_name == text("[]", msg))
+		if(M.real_name == "[msg]")
 			return M
 	return 0
 
@@ -899,7 +899,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(slot_equipment_priority, list( \
 
 /mob/Topic(href, href_list)
 	if(href_list["mach_close"])
-		var/t1 = text("window=[href_list["mach_close"]]")
+		var/t1 = "window=[href_list["mach_close"]]"
 		unset_machine()
 		src << browse(null, t1)
 
@@ -924,7 +924,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(slot_equipment_priority, list( \
 			usr << browse(null,"window=mob\ref[src]")
 
 	if(href_list["flavor_more"])
-		usr << browse(text("<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>[]</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><TT>[]</TT></BODY></HTML>", name, replacetext(flavor_text, "\n", "<BR>")), text("window=[];size=500x200", name))
+		usr << browse(text("<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>[]</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><TT>[]</TT></BODY></HTML>", name, replacetext(flavor_text, "\n", "<BR>")), "window=[name];size=500x200")
 		onclose(usr, "[name]")
 	if(href_list["flavor_change"])
 		update_flavor_text()
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm b/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
index aa721fe9a9d..fb8d33449ac 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
@@ -247,9 +247,9 @@
 	p = 1
 	while(p <= n)
 		if((copytext(te, p, p + 1) == " " || prob(pr)))
-			t = text("[][]", t, copytext(te, p, p + 1))
+			t = "[t][copytext(te, p, p + 1)]"
 		else
-			t = text("[]*", t)
+			t = "[t]*"
 		p++
 	return t
 
diff --git a/code/modules/paperwork/faxmachine.dm b/code/modules/paperwork/faxmachine.dm
index f40e00a1fd4..0eba0caf470 100644
--- a/code/modules/paperwork/faxmachine.dm
+++ b/code/modules/paperwork/faxmachine.dm
@@ -196,12 +196,12 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(fax_blacklist)
 				var/n_name = sanitize(copytext(input(usr, "What would you like to label the fax?", "Fax Labelling", copyitem.name)  as text, 1, MAX_MESSAGE_LEN))
 				if((copyitem && copyitem.loc == src && usr.stat == 0))
 					if(istype(copyitem, /obj/item/paper))
-						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? text("[n_name]") : initial(copyitem.name))]"
+						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? "[n_name]" : initial(copyitem.name))]"
 						copyitem.desc = "This is a paper titled '" + copyitem.name + "'."
 					else if(istype(copyitem, /obj/item/photo))
-						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? text("[n_name]") : "photo")]"
+						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? "[n_name]" : "photo")]"
 					else if(istype(copyitem, /obj/item/paper_bundle))
-						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? text("[n_name]") : "paper")]"
+						copyitem.name = "[(n_name ? "[n_name]" : "paper")]"
 					else
 						. = FALSE
 				else
diff --git a/code/modules/paperwork/paper_bundle.dm b/code/modules/paperwork/paper_bundle.dm
index aa996d9aa23..cb66ea36480 100644
--- a/code/modules/paperwork/paper_bundle.dm
+++ b/code/modules/paperwork/paper_bundle.dm
@@ -211,7 +211,7 @@
 
 	var/n_name = sanitize(copytext(input(usr, "What would you like to label the bundle?", "Bundle Labelling", name) as text, 1, MAX_MESSAGE_LEN))
 	if((loc == usr && usr.stat == 0))
-		name = "[(n_name ? text("[n_name]") : "paper bundle")]"
+		name = "[(n_name ? "[n_name]" : "paper bundle")]"
 
 	add_fingerprint(usr)
 
diff --git a/code/modules/paperwork/photography.dm b/code/modules/paperwork/photography.dm
index 151c6f043a2..4259b13ea26 100644
--- a/code/modules/paperwork/photography.dm
+++ b/code/modules/paperwork/photography.dm
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@
 	var/n_name = sanitize(copytext(input(usr, "What would you like to label the photo?", "Photo Labelling", name) as text, 1, MAX_MESSAGE_LEN))
 	//loc.loc check is for making possible renaming photos in clipboards
 	if(( (loc == usr || (loc.loc && loc.loc == usr)) && usr.stat == 0))
-		name = "[(n_name ? text("[n_name]") : "photo")]"
+		name = "[(n_name ? "[n_name]" : "photo")]"
 	add_fingerprint(usr)
 	return
 
diff --git a/code/modules/pda/messenger.dm b/code/modules/pda/messenger.dm
index a82f38fa06d..b52b1d6c469 100644
--- a/code/modules/pda/messenger.dm
+++ b/code/modules/pda/messenger.dm
@@ -236,7 +236,7 @@
 		var/name = P.owner
 		if(name in names)
 			namecounts[name]++
-			name = text("[name] ([namecounts[name]])")
+			name = "[name] ([namecounts[name]])"
 		else
 			names.Add(name)
 			namecounts[name] = 1
diff --git a/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm b/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
index dbabc7fced5..a7f036afaf9 100644
--- a/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
+++ b/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@
 			to_chat(user, "The access level of [W:registered_name]\'s card is not high enough. ")
 			return 0
 
-		var/choice = alert(user, text("Would you like to (un)authorize a shortened launch time? [] authorization\s are still needed. Use abort to cancel all authorizations.", src.auth_need - src.authorized.len), "Shuttle Launch", "Authorize", "Repeal", "Abort")
+		var/choice = alert(user, "Would you like to (un)authorize a shortened launch time? [auth_need - length(authorized)] authorization\s are still needed. Use abort to cancel all authorizations.", "Shuttle Launch", "Authorize", "Repeal", "Abort")
 		if(SSshuttle.emergency.mode != SHUTTLE_DOCKED || user.get_active_hand() != W)
 			return 0