diff --git a/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm b/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
index 01dd5d8f3de..757095315be 100644
--- a/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
+++ b/code/datums/status_effects/debuffs.dm
@@ -848,6 +848,7 @@
 #define FAKE_FOOD_POISONING 2
 #define FAKE_RETRO_VIRUS 3
 #define FAKE_TURBERCULOSIS 4
+#define FAKE_BRAINROT 5
 
 /datum/status_effect/fake_virus
 	id = "fake_virus"
@@ -865,7 +866,7 @@
 	var/list/fake_emote
 
 /datum/status_effect/fake_virus/on_creation()
-	current_fake_disease = pick(FAKE_COLD, FAKE_FOOD_POISONING, FAKE_RETRO_VIRUS, FAKE_TURBERCULOSIS)
+	current_fake_disease = pick(FAKE_COLD, FAKE_FOOD_POISONING, FAKE_RETRO_VIRUS, FAKE_TURBERCULOSIS, FAKE_BRAINROT)
 	switch(current_fake_disease)
 		if(FAKE_COLD)
 			fake_msg = list(
@@ -900,7 +901,7 @@
 						list(),
 						list()
 			)
-		else
+		if(FAKE_TURBERCULOSIS)
 			fake_msg = list(
 						list("<span class='danger'>Your chest hurts.</span>", "<span class='danger'>Your stomach violently rumbles!</span>", "<span class='danger'>You feel a cold sweat form.</span>"),
 						list("<span class='danger'>You feel a sharp pain from your lower chest!</span>", "<span class='danger'>You feel air escape from your lungs painfully.</span>"),
@@ -911,6 +912,17 @@
 						list("gasp"),
 						list()
 			)
+		else // FAKE_BRAINROT
+			fake_msg = list(
+						list("<span class='danger'>You don't feel like yourself.</span>"),
+						list("<span class='danger'>Your try to remember something important...but can't.</span>"),
+						list("<span class='danger'>Strange buzzing fills your head, removing all thoughts.</span>")
+			)
+			fake_emote = list(
+						list("blink", "yawn"),
+						list("stare", "drool"),
+						list("stare", "drool")
+			)
 	. = ..()
 
 /datum/status_effect/fake_virus/tick()
@@ -946,6 +958,7 @@
 #undef FAKE_FOOD_POISONING
 #undef FAKE_RETRO_VIRUS
 #undef FAKE_TURBERCULOSIS
+#undef FAKE_BRAINROT
 
 /datum/status_effect/cryo_beam
 	id = "cryo beam"
diff --git a/code/modules/events/fake_virus.dm b/code/modules/events/fake_virus.dm
index 36061e293b0..d8f33867b4b 100644
--- a/code/modules/events/fake_virus.dm
+++ b/code/modules/events/fake_virus.dm
@@ -1,28 +1,33 @@
 /datum/event/fake_virus/start()
-	var/list/fake_virus_victims = list()
+	var/list/valid_targets = list()
 	for(var/mob/living/carbon/human/victim in shuffle(GLOB.player_list))
 		if(HAS_TRAIT(victim, TRAIT_VIRUSIMMUNE))
 			continue
 		if(victim.stat == DEAD || victim.InCritical() || victim.mind?.assigned_role == victim.mind?.special_role || victim.mind?.offstation_role)
 			continue
-		fake_virus_victims += victim
+		valid_targets += victim
 
-	//first we do hard status effect victims
-	var/defacto_min = min(3, length(fake_virus_victims))
-	if(defacto_min) // event will hit 1-3 people by default, but will do 1-2 or just 1 if only those many candidates are available
-		for(var/i in 1 to rand(1, defacto_min))
-			var/mob/living/carbon/human/hypochondriac = pick(fake_virus_victims)
-			hypochondriac.apply_status_effect(STATUS_EFFECT_FAKE_VIRUS)
-			hypochondriac.create_log(MISC_LOG, "[hypochondriac] has contracted a fake virus.")
-			fake_virus_victims -= hypochondriac
-			notify_ghosts("[hypochondriac] now has a fake virus!")
-	//then we do light one-message victims who simply cough or whatever once (have to repeat the process since the last operation modified our candidates list)
-	defacto_min = min(5, length(fake_virus_victims))
-	if(defacto_min)
-		for(var/i in 1 to rand(1, defacto_min))
-			var/mob/living/carbon/human/onecoughman = pick(fake_virus_victims)
-			if(prob(25)) //1/4 odds to get a spooky message instead of coughing out loud
-				addtimer(CALLBACK(GLOBAL_PROC, PROC_REF(to_chat), onecoughman, "<span class='warning'>[pick("Your head hurts.", "Your head pounds.")]</span>"), rand(30, 150))
-			else
-				addtimer(CALLBACK(onecoughman, TYPE_PROC_REF(/mob/, emote), pick("cough", "sniff", "sneeze")), rand(30, 150)) //deliver the message with a slightly randomized time interval so there arent multiple people coughing at the exact same time
-			fake_virus_victims -= onecoughman
+	if(!length(valid_targets))
+		return
+
+	// First we do hard status effect victims
+	var/fake_virus_victims = max(1, 0.05 * length(valid_targets)) // Event will affect 5% of valid crewmembers
+	for(var/i in 1 to rand(1, fake_virus_victims))
+		var/mob/living/carbon/human/hypochondriac = pick(valid_targets)
+		hypochondriac.apply_status_effect(STATUS_EFFECT_FAKE_VIRUS)
+		hypochondriac.create_log(MISC_LOG, "[hypochondriac] has contracted a fake virus.")
+		valid_targets -= hypochondriac
+		notify_ghosts("[hypochondriac] now has a fake virus!")
+
+	if(!length(valid_targets)) // List has been modified, lets check again
+		return
+
+	// Then we do light one-message victims who simply cough or whatever once (have to repeat the process since the last operation modified our candidates list)
+	fake_virus_victims = max(1, 0.1 * length(valid_targets)) // 10% of the victims remaining
+	for(var/i in 1 to rand(1, fake_virus_victims))
+		var/mob/living/carbon/human/one_cough_man = pick(valid_targets)
+		if(prob(25)) // 1/4 odds to get a spooky message instead of coughing out loud
+			addtimer(CALLBACK(GLOBAL_PROC, PROC_REF(to_chat), one_cough_man, "<span class='warning'>[pick("Your head hurts.", "Your head pounds.")]</span>"), rand(1, 120) SECONDS)
+		else
+			addtimer(CALLBACK(one_cough_man, TYPE_PROC_REF(/mob/, emote), pick("cough", "sniff", "sneeze", "yawn")), rand(1, 120) SECONDS) // Deliver the message with a randomized time interval so there arent multiple people coughing at the same time
+		valid_targets -= one_cough_man