diff --git a/code/modules/clothing/head/misc.dm b/code/modules/clothing/head/misc.dm
index 48bb5c11362..cf0086a34a7 100644
--- a/code/modules/clothing/head/misc.dm
+++ b/code/modules/clothing/head/misc.dm
@@ -295,23 +295,23 @@
 	loose = 35
 
 /obj/item/clothing/head/stalhelm
-	name = "Stalhelm"
-	desc = "Ein Helm, um die Nazi-Interesse an fremden Raumstationen zu sichern."
+	name = "Clown Stalhelm"
+	desc = "The typical clown soldier's helmet."
 	icon_state = "stalhelm"
 	item_state = "stalhelm"
 	flags = FPRINT | TABLEPASS | BLOCKHAIR
 	flags_inv = HIDEEARS
 
 /obj/item/clothing/head/panzer
-	name = "Panzer Cap"
-	desc = "Ein Hut passen nur für die größten Tanks."
+	name = "Clown HONKMech Cap"
+	desc = "The softcap worn by HONK Mech pilots."
 	icon_state = "panzercap"
 	item_state = "panzercap"
 	flags = FPRINT | TABLEPASS | BLOCKHAIR
 
 /obj/item/clothing/head/naziofficer
-	name = "Officer Cap"
-	desc = "Ein Hut von Offizieren in der Nazi-Partei getragen."
+	name = "Clown Officer Cap"
+	desc = "The peaked clown officer's cap, disturbingly similar to the warden's."
 	icon_state = "officercap"
 	item_state = "officercap"
 	flags = FPRINT | TABLEPASS | BLOCKHAIR
diff --git a/code/modules/clothing/suits/miscellaneous.dm b/code/modules/clothing/suits/miscellaneous.dm
index b0774315bda..b3a83a9dc20 100644
--- a/code/modules/clothing/suits/miscellaneous.dm
+++ b/code/modules/clothing/suits/miscellaneous.dm
@@ -409,13 +409,13 @@
 	body_parts_covered = UPPER_TORSO|ARMS
 
 /obj/item/clothing/suit/officercoat
-	name = "Officer's Coat"
-	desc = "Ein Mantel gemacht, um die Juden zu bestrafen."
+	name = "Clown Officer's Coat"
+	desc = "A classy clown officer's overcoat, also designed by Hugo Boss."
 	icon_state = "officersuit"
 	item_state = "officersuit"
 
 /obj/item/clothing/suit/soldiercoat
-	name = "Soldier's Coat"
-	desc = "Ein Mantel gemacht, um die Verbündeten zu zerstören."
+	name = "Clown Soldier's Coat"
+	desc = "An overcoat for the clown soldier, to keep him warm during those cold winter nights on the front."
 	icon_state = "soldiersuit"
 	item_state = "soldiersuit"
diff --git a/code/modules/clothing/under/miscellaneous.dm b/code/modules/clothing/under/miscellaneous.dm
index f110dbd5e31..92748c02980 100644
--- a/code/modules/clothing/under/miscellaneous.dm
+++ b/code/modules/clothing/under/miscellaneous.dm
@@ -506,15 +506,15 @@
 	_color = "colin_earle"
 
 /obj/item/clothing/under/officeruniform
-	name = "Officer's Uniform"
-	desc = "Bestraft die Juden für ihre Verbrechen."
+	name = "Clown Officer's Uniform"
+	desc = "For Clown officers, this uniform was designed by the great clown designer Hugo Boss."
 	icon_state = "officeruniform"
 	_color = "officeruniform"
 	body_parts_covered = UPPER_TORSO|LOWER_TORSO
 
 /obj/item/clothing/under/soldieruniform
-	name = "Soldier's Uniform"
-	desc = "Bestraft die Verbündeten für ihren Widerstand."
+	name = "Clown Soldier's Uniform"
+	desc = "For the basic grunt of the Clown army."
 	icon_state = "soldieruniform"
 	_color = "soldieruniform"
 	body_parts_covered = UPPER_TORSO|LOWER_TORSO