diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/devices/scanners.dm b/code/game/objects/items/devices/scanners.dm
index ada6dcfce83..d6446c64134 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/devices/scanners.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/devices/scanners.dm
@@ -92,6 +92,23 @@ REAGENT SCANNER
 					M.invisibility = INVISIBILITY_LEVEL_TWO
 
 
+/proc/chemscan(var/mob/living/user, var/mob/living/M)
+	if(ishuman(M))
+		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = M
+		if(H.reagents)
+			if(H.reagents.reagent_list.len)
+				user.show_message("<span class='notice'>Subject contains the following reagents:</span>")
+				for(var/datum/reagent/R in H.reagents.reagent_list)
+					user.show_message("<span class='notice'>[R.volume]u of [R.name][R.overdosed == 1 ? "</span> - <span class = 'boldannounce'>OVERDOSING</span>" : ".</span>"]")
+			else
+				user.show_message("<span class = 'notice'>Subject contains no reagents.</span>")
+			if(H.reagents.addiction_list.len)
+				user.show_message("<span class='boldannounce'>Subject is addicted to the following reagents:</span>")
+				for(var/datum/reagent/R in H.reagents.addiction_list)
+					user.show_message("<span class='danger'>[R.name]</span>")
+			else
+				user.show_message("<span class='notice'>Subject is not addicted to any reagents.</span>")
+
 /obj/item/device/healthanalyzer
 	name = "Health Analyzer"
 	icon_state = "health"
@@ -172,12 +189,8 @@ REAGENT SCANNER
 		OX = fake_oxy > 50 ? 		"\red Severe oxygen deprivation detected\blue" 	: 	"Subject bloodstream oxygen level normal"
 	user.show_message("[OX] | [TX] | [BU] | [BR]")
 	if (istype(M, /mob/living/carbon))
-		if(M:reagents.total_volume > 0 && upgraded)
-			user.show_message("\blue Reagents detected in subject's blood:")
-			for(var/A in M.reagents.reagent_list)
-				var/datum/reagent/R = A
-				user.show_message("\t \blue [M.reagents.get_reagent_amount(R.id)]u [R.name]")
-		if(M:virus2.len)
+		chemscan(user, M)
+		if(M:virus2.len) // WHAT IS TYPECASTING
 			var/mob/living/carbon/C = M
 			for (var/ID in C.virus2)
 				if (ID in virusDB)
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/Chemistry-Reagents.dm b/code/modules/reagents/Chemistry-Reagents.dm
index bd7e7b9fba6..e1fc9891302 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/Chemistry-Reagents.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/Chemistry-Reagents.dm
@@ -22,7 +22,6 @@ datum
 		var/volume = 0
 		var/nutriment_factor = 0
 		var/metabolization_rate = REAGENTS_METABOLISM
-		var/scannable = 1 //shows up on health analyzers
 		//var/list/viruses = list()
 		var/color = "#000000" // rgb: 0, 0, 0 (does not support alpha channels - yet!)
 
@@ -89,6 +88,7 @@ datum
 					return //Noticed runtime errors from pacid trying to damage ghosts, this should fix. --NEO
 							// Certain elements in too large amounts cause side-effects
 				holder.remove_reagent(src.id, metabolization_rate) //By default it slowly disappears.
+				current_cycle++
 				return
 
 			// Called when two reagents of the same are mixing.
@@ -1035,14 +1035,9 @@ datum
 			description = "Most probably know this as Tylenol, but this chemical is a mild, simple painkiller."
 			reagent_state = LIQUID
 			color = "#C855DC"
-<<<<<<< HEAD
-			scannable = 1
 			metabolization_rate = 0.2 // Lasts 2.5 minutes for 15 units
-=======
-			custom_metabolism = 0.2 // Lasts 2.5 minutes for 15 units
->>>>>>> 8c265bf6aac1e630b2627439f8a95d5e2d917aab
 
-			on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob)
+			on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob) // what the fuck are you idiots smoking
 				if(!M) M = holder.my_atom
 				..()
 				return
@@ -1080,12 +1075,7 @@ datum
 			description = "A simple, yet effective painkiller."
 			reagent_state = LIQUID
 			color = "#C8A5DC"
-<<<<<<< HEAD
-			scannable = 1
 			metabolization_rate = 0.2 // Lasts 2.5 minutes for 15 units
-=======
-			custom_metabolism = 0.2 // Lasts 2.5 minutes for 15 units
->>>>>>> 8c265bf6aac1e630b2627439f8a95d5e2d917aab
 
 			on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob)
 				if(!M) M = holder.my_atom
@@ -1099,12 +1089,7 @@ datum
 			description = "An effective and very addictive painkiller."
 			reagent_state = LIQUID
 			color = "#C805DC"
-<<<<<<< HEAD
 			metabolization_rate = 0.3 // Lasts 1.5 minutes for 15 units
-			scannable = 1
-=======
-			custom_metabolism = 0.3 // Lasts 1.5 minutes for 15 units
->>>>>>> 8c265bf6aac1e630b2627439f8a95d5e2d917aab
 
 			on_mob_life(var/mob/living/M as mob)
 				if(!M) M = holder.my_atom
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/newchem/newchem_procs.dm b/code/modules/reagents/newchem/newchem_procs.dm
index a061f2c3ffe..9ed35668e76 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/newchem/newchem_procs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/newchem/newchem_procs.dm
@@ -9,9 +9,6 @@ datum/reagents
 	var/addiction_tick = 1
 	var/list/datum/reagent/addiction_list = new/list()
 
-datum/reagent/on_mob_life()
-	current_cycle++
-
 datum/reagents/proc/metabolize(var/mob/M)
 	if(M)
 		chem_temp = M.bodytemperature