diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/life.dm
index 429e82b3d0..9352ada1c5 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/life.dm
@@ -43,8 +43,6 @@
 		silent = 0
 	else
 		updatehealth()
-		handle_stunned()
-		handle_weakened()
 		if(health <= 0)
 			death()
 			blinded = 1
@@ -52,7 +50,6 @@
 			return 1
 
 		if(paralysis && paralysis > 0)
-			handle_paralysed()
 			blinded = 1
 			stat = UNCONSCIOUS
 			if(halloss > 0)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
index 283bb595c6..29ef1a2484 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
@@ -157,8 +157,6 @@
 					src << "\red All systems restored."
 					emp_damage -= 1
 
-		//Other
-		handle_statuses()
 	return 1
 
 /mob/living/carbon/brain/handle_regular_hud_updates()
@@ -254,4 +252,4 @@
 				emp_damage += rand(10,20)
 			if(3)
 				emp_damage += rand(0,10)
-	..()*/
+	..()*/
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
index 8d2bf94ed3..342fc9699f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
@@ -868,6 +868,7 @@
 
 	return //TODO: DEFERRED
 
+//DO NOT CALL handle_statuses() from this proc, it's called from living/Life() as long as this returns a true value.
 /mob/living/carbon/human/handle_regular_status_updates()
 	if(!handle_some_updates())
 		return 0
@@ -921,19 +922,16 @@
 			animate_tail_reset()
 			adjustHalLoss(-3)
 
-		if(paralysis)
-			AdjustParalysis(-1)
-
-		else if(sleeping)
-			speech_problem_flag = 1
-			handle_dreams()
-			if (mind)
-				//Are they SSD? If so we'll keep them asleep but work off some of that sleep var in case of stoxin or similar.
-				if(client || sleeping > 3)
-					AdjustSleeping(-1)
-			if( prob(2) && health && !hal_crit )
-				spawn(0)
-					emote("snore")
+			if(sleeping)
+				speech_problem_flag = 1
+				handle_dreams()
+				if (mind)
+					//Are they SSD? If so we'll keep them asleep but work off some of that sleep var in case of stoxin or similar.
+					if(client || sleeping > 3)
+						AdjustSleeping(-1)
+				if( prob(2) && health && !hal_crit )
+					spawn(0)
+						emote("snore")
 		//CONSCIOUS
 		else
 			stat = CONSCIOUS
@@ -1010,9 +1008,6 @@
 			jitteriness = max(0, jitteriness - 3)
 			adjustHalLoss(-1)
 
-		//Other
-		handle_statuses()
-
 		if (drowsyness)
 			drowsyness--
 			eye_blurry = max(2, eye_blurry)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
index 28a2f938dd..7db2bcf5c8 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/metroid/life.dm
@@ -106,14 +106,11 @@
 	else
 		if (src.paralysis || src.stunned || src.weakened || (status_flags && FAKEDEATH)) //Stunned etc.
 			if (src.stunned > 0)
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
 				src.stat = 0
 			if (src.weakened > 0)
-				AdjustWeakened(-1)
 				src.lying = 0
 				src.stat = 0
 			if (src.paralysis > 0)
-				AdjustParalysis(-1)
 				src.blinded = 0
 				src.lying = 0
 				src.stat = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/life.dm
index 5e7a6e2d90..c3162b030c 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/life.dm
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@
 
 	if(handle_regular_status_updates()) // Status & health update, are we dead or alive etc.
 		handle_disabilities() // eye, ear, brain damages
-		handle_status_effects() //all special effects, stunned, weakened, jitteryness, hallucination, sleeping, etc
+		handle_statuses() //all special effects, stunned, weakened, jitteryness, hallucination, sleeping, etc
 
 	handle_actions()
 
@@ -94,19 +94,55 @@
 			stat = CONSCIOUS
 		return 1
 
-//this updates all special effects: stunned, sleeping, weakened, druggy, stuttering, etc..
-/mob/living/proc/handle_status_effects()
-	if(paralysis)
-		paralysis = max(paralysis-1,0)
+/mob/living/proc/handle_statuses()
+	handle_stunned()
+	handle_weakened()
+	handle_paralysed()
+	handle_stuttering()
+	handle_silent()
+	handle_drugged()
+	handle_slurring()
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_stunned()
 	if(stunned)
-		stunned = max(stunned-1,0)
+		AdjustStunned(-1)
 		if(!stunned)
 			update_icons()
+	return stunned
 
+/mob/living/proc/handle_weakened()
 	if(weakened)
 		weakened = max(weakened-1,0)
 		if(!weakened)
 			update_icons()
+	return weakened
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_stuttering()
+	if(stuttering)
+		stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
+	return stuttering
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_silent()
+	if(silent)
+		silent = max(silent-1, 0)
+	return silent
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_drugged()
+	if(druggy)
+		druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+	return druggy
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_slurring()
+	if(slurring)
+		slurring = max(slurring-1, 0)
+	return slurring
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_paralysed()
+	if(paralysis)
+		AdjustParalysis(-1)
+		if(!paralysis)
+			update_icons()
+	return paralysis
 
 /mob/living/proc/handle_disabilities()
 	//Eyes
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
index 4503ae144b..c185f880cc 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
@@ -914,49 +914,6 @@ mob/proc/yank_out_object()
 			anchored = 0
 	return 1
 
-/mob/living/proc/handle_statuses()
-	handle_stunned()
-	handle_weakened()
-	handle_stuttering()
-	handle_silent()
-	handle_drugged()
-	handle_slurring()
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_stunned()
-	if(stunned)
-		AdjustStunned(-1)
-	return stunned
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_weakened()
-	if(weakened)
-		weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-	return weakened
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_stuttering()
-	if(stuttering)
-		stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-	return stuttering
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_silent()
-	if(silent)
-		silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-	return silent
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_drugged()
-	if(druggy)
-		druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
-	return druggy
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_slurring()
-	if(slurring)
-		slurring = max(slurring-1, 0)
-	return slurring
-
-/mob/living/proc/handle_paralysed() // Currently only used by simple_animal.dm, treated as a special case in other mobs
-	if(paralysis)
-		AdjustParalysis(-1)
-	return paralysis
-
 //Check for brain worms in head.
 /mob/proc/has_brain_worms()