diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/life.dm
index 15ff3dd721..defcc968d1 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/life.dm
@@ -357,22 +357,7 @@
 				ear_damage = max(ear_damage-0.05, 0)
 
 			//Other
-			if(stunned)
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
-				if(!stunned)
-					update_icons()
-
-			if(weakened)
-				weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-
-			if(stuttering)
-				stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-
-			if(silent)
-				silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-
-			if(druggy)
-				druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+			handle_statuses()
 		return 1
 
 
@@ -461,3 +446,8 @@
 						if(!(status_flags & GODMODE))
 							M.adjustBruteLoss(5)
 						nutrition += 10
+
+/mob/living/carbon/alien/humanoid/handle_stunned()
+	if(stunned && !..())
+		update_icons()
+	return stunned
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/larva/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/larva/life.dm
index cc9dbaea98..9bb6ae4376 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/larva/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/alien/larva/life.dm
@@ -274,20 +274,7 @@ FUCK YOU MORE FAT CODE -Hawk*/
 				ear_damage = max(ear_damage-0.05, 0)
 
 			//Other
-			if(stunned)
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
-
-			if(weakened)
-				weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-
-			if(stuttering)
-				stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-
-			if(silent)
-				silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-
-			if(druggy)
-				druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+			handle_statuses()
 		return 1
 
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
index 1943242bce..89cf9faa97 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/brain/life.dm
@@ -186,20 +186,7 @@
 						emp_damage -= 1
 
 			//Other
-			if(stunned)
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
-
-			if(weakened)
-				weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-
-			if(stuttering)
-				stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-
-			if(silent)
-				silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-
-			if(druggy)
-				druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+			handle_statuses()
 		return 1
 
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
index 0aff39fe28..8f7837bd99 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/life.dm
@@ -1180,25 +1180,7 @@
 				ear_damage = max(ear_damage-0.05, 0)
 
 			//Other
-			if(stunned)
-				speech_problem_flag = 1
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
-
-			if(weakened)
-				weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-
-			if(stuttering)
-				speech_problem_flag = 1
-				stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-			if (slurring)
-				speech_problem_flag = 1
-				slurring = max(slurring-1, 0)
-			if(silent)
-				speech_problem_flag = 1
-				silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-
-			if(druggy)
-				druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+			handle_statuses()
 
 			// If you're dirty, your gloves will become dirty, too.
 			if(gloves && germ_level > gloves.germ_level && prob(10))
@@ -1826,6 +1808,25 @@
 			hud_list[SPECIALROLE_HUD] = holder
 	hud_updateflag = 0
 
+/mob/living/carbon/human/handle_silent()
+	if(..())
+		speech_problem_flag = 1
+	return silent
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/handle_slurring()
+	if(..())
+		speech_problem_flag = 1
+	return slurring
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/handle_stunned()
+	if(..())
+		speech_problem_flag = 1
+	return stunned
+
+/mob/living/carbon/human/handle_stuttering()
+	if(..())
+		speech_problem_flag = 1
+	return stuttering
 
 #undef HUMAN_MAX_OXYLOSS
 #undef HUMAN_CRIT_MAX_OXYLOSS
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/monkey/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/monkey/life.dm
index 091c563030..08bd3cd97e 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/monkey/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/monkey/life.dm
@@ -555,20 +555,7 @@
 				ear_damage = max(ear_damage-0.05, 0)
 
 			//Other
-			if(stunned)
-				AdjustStunned(-1)
-
-			if(weakened)
-				weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
-
-			if(stuttering)
-				stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
-
-			if(silent)
-				silent = max(silent-1, 0)
-
-			if(druggy)
-				druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+			handle_statuses()
 		return 1
 
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/life.dm
index 17f273e966..d0c6c767fc 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/ai/life.dm
@@ -36,8 +36,7 @@
 			adjustOxyLoss(-1)
 
 		// Handle EMP-stun
-		if(stunned)
-			AdjustStunned(-1)
+		handle_stunned()
 
 		//stage = 1
 		//if (istype(src, /mob/living/silicon/ai)) // Are we not sure what we are?
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/pai/life.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/pai/life.dm
index 2ed190fc06..cebdf2a535 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/pai/life.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/silicon/pai/life.dm
@@ -17,6 +17,7 @@
 		if(world.timeofday >= silence_time)
 			silence_time = null
 			src << "<font color=green>Communication circuit reinitialized. Speech and messaging functionality restored.</font>"
+	handle_statuses()
 
 /mob/living/silicon/pai/updatehealth()
 	if(status_flags & GODMODE)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
index 628534e75b..5abbe38e28 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
@@ -87,12 +87,9 @@
 	if(health > maxHealth)
 		health = maxHealth
 
-	if(stunned)
-		AdjustStunned(-1)
-	if(weakened)
-		AdjustWeakened(-1)
-	if(paralysis)
-		AdjustParalysis(-1)
+	handle_stunned()
+	handle_weakened()
+	handle_paralysed()
 
 	//Movement
 	if(!client && !stop_automated_movement && wander && !anchored)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
index 5a5fda48e3..8887fefd15 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/mob.dm
@@ -991,3 +991,46 @@ mob/proc/yank_out_object()
 		if(!pinned.len)
 			anchored = 0
 	return 1
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_statuses()
+	handle_stunned()
+	handle_weakened()
+	handle_stuttering()
+	handle_silent()
+	handle_drugged()
+	handle_slurring()
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_stunned()
+	if(stunned)
+		AdjustStunned(-1)
+	return stunned
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_weakened()
+	if(weakened)
+		weakened = max(weakened-1,0)	//before you get mad Rockdtben: I done this so update_canmove isn't called multiple times
+	return weakened
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_stuttering()
+	if(stuttering)
+		stuttering = max(stuttering-1, 0)
+	return stuttering
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_silent()
+	if(silent)
+		silent = max(silent-1, 0)
+	return silent
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_drugged()
+	if(druggy)
+		druggy = max(druggy-1, 0)
+	return druggy
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_slurring()
+	if(slurring)
+		slurring = max(slurring-1, 0)
+	return slurring
+
+/mob/living/proc/handle_paralysed() // Currently only used by simple_animal.dm, treated as a special case in other mobs
+	if(paralysis)
+		AdjustParalysis(-1)
+	return paralysis