diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/alien.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/alien.dm
index 62a3b5e767f..0f7cc35c778 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/alien.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/alien.dm
@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 25
 	melee_damage_upper = 25
 
-	attacktext = "slashed"
+	attacktext = list("slashed")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 	a_intent = I_HURT
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/creature.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/creature.dm
index 3de6d687af0..980623c0174 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/creature.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/creature.dm
@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 5
 	melee_damage_upper = 5
 
-	attacktext = "chomped"
+	attacktext = list("chomped")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	speak_emote = list("gibbers")
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/faithless.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/faithless.dm
index 24eacae40e9..09de8a24fbf 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/faithless.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/faithless.dm
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 5
 	melee_damage_upper = 5
 
-	attacktext = "gripped"
+	attacktext = list("gripped")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/hallucinations/growl1.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/hivebot.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/hivebot.dm
index 0a7fcd76130..03776d7178c 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/hivebot.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/hivebot.dm
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 15
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
 
-	attacktext = "clawed"
+	attacktext = list("clawed")
 	projectilesound = 'sound/weapons/Gunshot.ogg'
 	projectiletype = /obj/item/projectile/bullet/hivebot
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/mimic.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/mimic.dm
index 77ba92ff6a6..8230256086f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/mimic.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/mimic.dm
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 8
 	melee_damage_upper = 12
-	attacktext = "attacked"
+	attacktext = list("attacked")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 0
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@
 // Aggro when you try to open them. Will also pickup loot when spawns and drop it when dies.
 /mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/mimic/crate
 
-	attacktext = "bitten"
+	attacktext = list("bitten")
 
 	stop_automated_movement = 1
 	wander = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/shade.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/shade.dm
index 2d502bc10a6..e8da069e1dd 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/shade.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/aliens/shade.dm
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@
 
 	melee_damage_lower = 5
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
-	attacktext = "drained the life from"
+	attacktext = list("drained the life from")
 
 	minbodytemp = 0
 	maxbodytemp = 4000
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/bat.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/bat.dm
index a429b2ca7fa..726c94f1431 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/bat.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/bat.dm
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@
 	melee_damage_upper = 3
 	environment_smash = 1
 
-	attacktext = "bites"
+	attacktext = list("bites")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/carp.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/carp.dm
index ecb5e66f0da..4dc4daffdaf 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/carp.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/carp.dm
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 8
 	melee_damage_lower = 15
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
-	attacktext = "bitten"
+	attacktext = list("bitten")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	//Space carp aren't affected by atmos.
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/farm_animals.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/farm_animals.dm
index 2fe58dc76fb..213aff73bfc 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/farm_animals.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/farm_animals.dm
@@ -19,7 +19,7 @@
 
 	melee_damage_lower = 1
 	melee_damage_upper = 5
-	attacktext = "kicked"
+	attacktext = list("kicked")
 
 	speak_chance = 1
 	speak = list("EHEHEHEHEH","eh?")
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@
 	response_help  = "pets"
 	response_disarm = "gently pushes aside"
 	response_harm   = "kicks"
-	attacktext = "kicked"
+	attacktext = list("kicked")
 
 	speak_chance = 1
 	speak = list("moo?","moo","MOOOOOO")
@@ -168,7 +168,7 @@
 	response_help  = "pets"
 	response_disarm = "gently pushes aside"
 	response_harm   = "kicks"
-	attacktext = "kicked"
+	attacktext = list("kicked")
 
 	has_langs = list("Bird")
 	speak_chance = 2
@@ -216,7 +216,7 @@ var/global/chicken_count = 0
 	response_help  = "pets"
 	response_disarm = "gently pushes aside"
 	response_harm   = "kicks"
-	attacktext = "kicked"
+	attacktext = list("kicked")
 
 	has_langs = list("Bird")
 	speak_chance = 2
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/goose.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/goose.dm
index a2ac8515b87..dd3b93c4795 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/goose.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/goose.dm
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 5 //they're meant to be annoying, not threatening.
 	melee_damage_upper = 5 //unless there's like a dozen of them, then you're screwed.
-	attacktext = "pecked"
+	attacktext = list("pecked")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	//SPACE geese aren't affected by atmos.
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/lizard.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/lizard.dm
index e9032a96ef1..38822faf0df 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/lizard.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/lizard.dm
@@ -15,7 +15,7 @@
 	response_disarm = "shoos"
 	response_harm   = "stomps on"
 
-	attacktext = "bitten"
+	attacktext = list("bitten")
 	melee_damage_lower = 1
 	melee_damage_upper = 2
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/penguin.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/penguin.dm
index 13ecb0d0cad..4bb985d1acb 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/penguin.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/penguin.dm
@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 10
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
-	attacktext = "pecked"
+	attacktext = list("pecked")
 
 	has_langs = list("Bird")
 	speak_chance = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/spiderbot.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/spiderbot.dm
index ff3f03bf57c..7ae8edfb7a3 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/spiderbot.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/spiderbot.dm
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 
 	melee_damage_lower = 1
 	melee_damage_upper = 3
-	attacktext = "shocked"
+	attacktext = list("shocked")
 
 	min_oxy = 0
 	max_tox = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tomato.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tomato.dm
index d1bffc6fe13..48882fea57c 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tomato.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tomato.dm
@@ -18,6 +18,6 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
 	melee_damage_lower = 10
-	attacktext = "mauled"
+	attacktext = list("mauled")
 
 	meat_type = /obj/item/weapon/reagent_containers/food/snacks/tomatomeat
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tree.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tree.dm
index 3db514345f3..37169d42a18 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tree.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/tree.dm
@@ -22,7 +22,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 8
 	melee_damage_upper = 12
-	attacktext = "bitten"
+	attacktext = list("bitten")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bite.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/worm.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/worm.dm
index 48ed6039c55..da30dbf8fd1 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/worm.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/animals/worm.dm
@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@
 
 		melee_damage_lower = 10
 		melee_damage_upper = 15
-		attacktext = "bitten"
+		attacktext = list("bitten")
 
 		animate_movement = SLIDE_STEPS
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/borer/borer.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/borer/borer.dm
index e18a3450662..b89e2f2af67 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/borer/borer.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/borer/borer.dm
@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@
 	a_intent = I_HURT
 	stop_automated_movement = 1
 	status_flags = CANPUSH
-	attacktext = "nipped"
+	attacktext = list("nipped")
 	friendly = "prods"
 	wander = 0
 	pass_flags = PASSTABLE
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/constructs/constructs.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/constructs/constructs.dm
index 82d5376e394..c0034b19080 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/constructs/constructs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/constructs/constructs.dm
@@ -101,7 +101,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 0
 	melee_damage_lower = 30
 	melee_damage_upper = 30
-	attacktext = "smashed their armoured gauntlet into"
+	attacktext = list("smashed their armoured gauntlet into")
 	mob_size = MOB_HUGE
 	speed = 3
 	environment_smash = 2
@@ -153,7 +153,7 @@
 	health = 75
 	melee_damage_lower = 25
 	melee_damage_upper = 25
-	attacktext = "slashed"
+	attacktext = list("slashed")
 	speed = -1
 	environment_smash = 1
 	see_in_dark = 7
@@ -178,7 +178,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 5
 	melee_damage_upper = 5
-	attacktext = "rammed"
+	attacktext = list("rammed")
 	speed = 0
 	environment_smash = 1
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/rapidslice.ogg'
@@ -207,7 +207,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 0
 	melee_damage_lower = 50
 	melee_damage_upper = 50
-	attacktext = "brutally crushed"
+	attacktext = list("brutally crushed")
 	speed = 5
 	environment_smash = 2
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/heavysmash.ogg'
@@ -231,7 +231,7 @@
 	health = 150
 	melee_damage_lower = 25
 	melee_damage_upper = 25
-	attacktext = "violently stabbed"
+	attacktext = list("violently stabbed")
 	speed = -1
 	environment_smash = 1
 	see_in_dark = 7
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/clown.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/clown.dm
index ee1341ff38a..5751a058c48 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/clown.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/clown.dm
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 8
 	melee_damage_lower = 10
 	melee_damage_upper = 10
-	attacktext = "attacked"
+	attacktext = list("attacked")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/items/bikehorn.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 5
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/mechamobs.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/mechamobs.dm
index 975d938ea9b..c7645d2352a 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/mechamobs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/mechamobs.dm
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 0
 	melee_damage_lower = 35
 	melee_damage_upper = 35
-	attacktext = "slashed"
+	attacktext = list("slashed")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/pirate.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/pirate.dm
index f0c7c05ddc0..8921f3c519a 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/pirate.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/pirate.dm
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 30
 	melee_damage_upper = 30
-	attacktext = "slashed"
+	attacktext = list("slashed")
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 
 	min_oxy = 5
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/russian.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/russian.dm
index 1589fe2a7da..2c3fc68c713 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/russian.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/russian.dm
@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@
 	harm_intent_damage = 5
 	melee_damage_lower = 15
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
-	attacktext = "punched"
+	attacktext = list("punched")
 
 	min_oxy = 5
 	max_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/syndicate.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/syndicate.dm
index fa709138416..b525cf6141f 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/syndicate.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/humanoids/syndicate.dm
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 10
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
 	environment_smash = 1
-	attacktext = "punched"
+	attacktext = list("punched")
 
 	min_oxy = 5
 	max_oxy = 0
@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
 
 	melee_damage_lower = 20
 	melee_damage_upper = 25
-	attacktext = "slashed"
+	attacktext = list("slashed")
 
 	status_flags = 0
 
@@ -178,7 +178,7 @@
 	melee_damage_lower = 15
 	melee_damage_upper = 15
 	attack_sound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
-	attacktext = "cut"
+	attacktext = list("cut")
 
 	min_oxy = 0
 	max_oxy = 0
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
index 184176ec8ec..1f51a5ad782 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/simple_animal.dm
@@ -104,8 +104,8 @@
 	//Mob melee settings
 	var/melee_damage_lower = 2		// Lower bound of randomized melee damage
 	var/melee_damage_upper = 6		// Upper bound of randomized melee damage
-	var/attacktext = "attacked"		// "You are [attacktext] by the mob!"
-	var/friendly = "nuzzles"		// What mobs do to people when they aren't really hostile
+	var/list/attacktext = list("attacked") // "You are [attacktext] by the mob!"
+	var/list/friendly = list("nuzzles") // "The mob [friendly] the person."
 	var/attack_sound = null			// Sound to play when I attack
 	var/environment_smash = 0		// How much environment damage do I do when I hit stuff?
 	var/melee_miss_chance = 15		// percent chance to miss a melee attack.
@@ -1213,7 +1213,7 @@
 		if(H.check_shields(damage = damage_to_do, damage_source = src, attacker = src, def_zone = null, attack_text = "the attack"))
 			return FALSE
 
-	A.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, attacktext)
+	A.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, pick(attacktext))
 	return TRUE
 
 //The actual top-level ranged attack proc
@@ -1371,23 +1371,23 @@
 	for(var/obj/structure/window/obstacle in problem_turf)
 		if(obstacle.dir == reverse_dir[dir]) // So that windows get smashed in the right order
 			ai_log("DestroySurroundings() directional window hit",3)
-			obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, attacktext)
+			obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, pick(attacktext))
 			return
 		else if(obstacle.is_fulltile())
 			ai_log("DestroySurroundings() full tile window hit",3)
-			obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, attacktext)
+			obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, pick(attacktext))
 			return
 
 	var/obj/structure/obstacle = locate(/obj/structure, problem_turf)
 	if(istype(obstacle, /obj/structure/window) || istype(obstacle, /obj/structure/closet) || istype(obstacle, /obj/structure/table) || istype(obstacle, /obj/structure/grille))
 		ai_log("DestroySurroundings() generic structure hit [obstacle]",3)
-		obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do ,attacktext)
+		obstacle.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, pick(attacktext))
 		return
 
 	for(var/obj/machinery/door/baddoor in problem_turf) //Required since firelocks take up the same turf
 		if(baddoor.density)
 			ai_log("DestroySurroundings() door hit [baddoor]",3)
-			baddoor.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do ,attacktext)
+			baddoor.attack_generic(src, damage_to_do, pick(attacktext))
 			return
 
 //Check for shuttle bumrush