diff --git a/code/_globalvars/lists/names.dm b/code/_globalvars/lists/names.dm
index 834f4aa8dd6b..9aa8b5e07e25 100644
--- a/code/_globalvars/lists/names.dm
+++ b/code/_globalvars/lists/names.dm
@@ -11,9 +11,10 @@ var/list/lizard_names_male = file2list("config/names/lizard_male.txt")
 var/list/lizard_names_female = file2list("config/names/lizard_female.txt")
 var/list/clown_names = file2list("config/names/clown.txt")
 var/list/mime_names = file2list("config/names/mime.txt")
+var/list/golem_names = file2list("config/names/golem.txt")
 
 
 var/list/verbs = file2list("config/names/verbs.txt")
 var/list/adjectives = file2list("config/names/adjectives.txt")
 //loaded on startup because of "
-//would include in rsc if ' was used
\ No newline at end of file
+//would include in rsc if ' was used
diff --git a/code/modules/ruins/lavaland_ruin_code.dm b/code/modules/ruins/lavaland_ruin_code.dm
index 258d354257b2..ca4dcf650040 100644
--- a/code/modules/ruins/lavaland_ruin_code.dm
+++ b/code/modules/ruins/lavaland_ruin_code.dm
@@ -327,8 +327,26 @@
 		notify_ghosts("A golem shell has been completed in \the [A.name].", source = src, attack_not_jump = 1)
 
 /obj/effect/mob_spawn/human/golem/special(mob/living/new_spawn)
-	var/golem_name = pick("Quartz", "Crystal", "Boulder", "Mountain", "Rock", "Stalagmite", "Stalagtite", "Sediment", "Geode", "Igneous", "Quarry", "Shale", "Obsidian", "Chasm", "Stone", "Oynx", "Iron", "Quake", "Grotto","Landslide","Mineral", "Slag", "Pebble", "Gravel", "Pyrite", "Flint", "Sand")
-	new_spawn.real_name = golem_name
+	var/golem_surname = pick(golem_names)
+	// 3% chance that our golem has a human surname, because
+	// cultural contamination
+	if(prob(3))
+		golem_surname = pick(last_names)
+
+	var/datum/species/X = mob_species
+	var/golem_forename = initial(X.id)
+
+	// The id of golem species is either their material "diamond","gold",
+	// or just "golem" for the plain ones. So we're using it for naming.
+
+	if(golem_forename == "golem")
+		golem_forename = "iron"
+
+	new_spawn.real_name = "[capitalize(golem_forename)] [golem_surname]"
+	// This means golems have names like Iron Forge, or Diamond Quarry
+	// also a tiny chance of being called "Plasma Meme"
+	// which is clearly a feature
+
 	new_spawn << "Build golem shells in the autolathe, and feed refined mineral sheets to the shells to bring them to life! You are generally a peaceful group unless provoked."
 	if(ishuman(new_spawn))
 		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = new_spawn
diff --git a/config/names/golem.txt b/config/names/golem.txt
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..7cfcefa899da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/config/names/golem.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,157 @@
+Ablation
+Alabaster
+Alunite
+Andesite
+Anyhdrite
+Basalt
+Basin
+Bauxite
+Bedrock
+Bismuth
+Bismuthinite
+Bituminous Coal
+Borax
+Boulder
+Brimstone
+Brittle
+Calcite
+Cassiterite
+Cenozoic
+Chalk
+Chasm
+Cheridite
+Chert
+Chromite
+Cinnabar
+Claystone
+Coast
+Cobaltite
+Column
+Conglomerate
+Core
+Crevasse
+Crust
+Cryolite
+Crystal
+Dacite
+Diorite
+Dolomite
+Dolostone
+Dragonforce
+Earthflow
+Epoch
+Eutrophication
+Fault
+Flint
+Foliation
+Foreshock
+Fossil
+Gabbro
+Galena
+Garnierite
+Geode
+Geoge
+Gneiss
+Granite
+Graphite
+Gravel
+Groove
+Grotto
+Gypsum
+Hematite
+Hornblende
+Humus
+Igneous
+Ilmenite
+Iron
+Island
+Jasper
+Jet
+Kaolinite
+Kettle
+Kimberlite
+Komatiite
+Landslide
+Levee
+Lignite
+Limestone
+Limonite
+Luster
+Madidite
+Magnetite
+Magnitude
+Malachite
+Mantle
+Marble
+Marcasite
+Melange
+Meme
+Mica
+Microcline
+Migmatite
+Mineral
+Mountain
+Mudstone
+Obsidian
+Olivine
+Ore
+Orpiment
+Orthoclase
+Outwash
+Oxbow Lake
+Oynx
+Pahoehoe
+Pebble
+Pegmatite
+Periclase
+Petrified Wood
+Phyllite
+Pitchblende
+Plate
+Pothole
+Puddingstone
+Pyrite
+Pyrolusite
+Quake
+Quarry
+Quartz
+Quartzite
+Realgar
+Reservoir
+Rhyolite
+Rock
+Rock Salt
+Rockfall
+Rutile
+Saltpeter
+Sand
+Sandstone
+Satinspar
+Schist
+Sediment
+Seismic
+Selenite
+Serpentine
+Shale
+Shore
+Siltstone
+Slag
+Slate
+Sphalerite
+Stack
+Stalactite
+Stalagmite
+Stibnite
+Stone
+Stress
+Subduction
+Sylvite
+Talc
+Tetrahedrite
+Tidal
+Trench
+Valley
+Volcano
+Xenolith
+Yardang
+Zone