diff --git a/code/defines/obj/hydro.dm b/code/defines/obj/hydro.dm
index 731a4b2c33f..f3fd55b6677 100644
--- a/code/defines/obj/hydro.dm
+++ b/code/defines/obj/hydro.dm
@@ -1217,6 +1217,10 @@
 			reagents.add_reagent("pacid", round(potency, 1))
 			force = round((5+potency/2.5), 1)
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is eating some of the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS|TOXLOSS)
+
 // *************************************
 // Pestkiller defines for hydroponics
 // *************************************
@@ -1284,6 +1288,10 @@
 	var/toxicity = 4
 	var/WeedKillStr = 2
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is huffing the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (TOXLOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/pestspray // -- Skie
 	desc = "It's some pest eliminator spray! <I>Do not inhale!</I>"
 	icon = 'icons/obj/hydroponics.dmi'
@@ -1299,6 +1307,10 @@
 	var/toxicity = 4
 	var/PestKillStr = 2
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is huffing the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (TOXLOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/minihoe // -- Numbers
 	name = "mini hoe"
 	desc = "It's used for removing weeds or scratching your back."
diff --git a/code/defines/obj/weapon.dm b/code/defines/obj/weapon.dm
index 86e0bd32652..55d530bd9ee 100644
--- a/code/defines/obj/weapon.dm
+++ b/code/defines/obj/weapon.dm
@@ -223,6 +223,10 @@
 	desc = "A trap used to catch bears and other legged creatures."
 	var/armed = 0
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is putting the [src] on \his head! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/legcuffs/beartrap/attack_self(mob/user as mob)
 	..()
 	if(ishuman(user) && !user.stat && !user.restrained())
@@ -304,6 +308,11 @@
 	g_amt = 3750
 	attack_verb = list("stabbed", "slashed", "sliced", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("/red <b>[user] is slitting \his wrists with the shard of glass! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his throat with the shard of glass! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/shard/attack(mob/living/carbon/M as mob, mob/living/carbon/user as mob)
 	playsound(loc, 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg', 50, 1, -1)
 	return ..()
@@ -428,6 +437,9 @@
 	m_amt = 40
 	attack_verb = list("whipped", "lashed", "disciplined", "tickled")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is strangling \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (OXYLOSS)
 
 /obj/item/weapon/module
 	icon = 'icons/obj/module.dmi'
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items.dm b/code/game/objects/items.dm
index 8c2adf0fcdc..cccaee943e3 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items.dm
@@ -61,6 +61,16 @@
 /obj/item/blob_act()
 	return
 
+//user: The mob that is suiciding
+//damagetype: The type of damage the item will inflict on the user
+//bruteloss = 1
+//fireloss = 2
+//toxloss = 4
+//oxyloss = 8
+//This proc will return an array. The first element of the list should always be the suicide message that players will see, next is the damagetype
+/obj/item/proc/suicide_act(mob/user)
+	return
+
 /obj/item/verb/move_to_top()
 	set name = "Move To Top"
 	set category = "Object"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm b/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
index 7ed87a53c50..60d6b1bf221 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
@@ -193,7 +193,7 @@
  * Toy crossbow
  */
 
- /obj/item/toy/crossbow
+/obj/item/toy/crossbow
 	name = "foam dart crossbow"
 	desc = "A weapon favored by many overactive children. Ages 8 and up."
 	icon = 'icons/obj/gun.dmi'
@@ -368,6 +368,10 @@
 	var/instant = 0
 	var/colourName = "red" //for updateIcon purposes
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is jaming the [src] up \his nose and into \his brain. It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS|OXYLOSS)
+
 /*
  * Snap pops
  */
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/kitchen.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/kitchen.dm
index 7f8af111616..1233fa75174 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/kitchen.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/kitchen.dm
@@ -81,6 +81,12 @@
 	force = 10.0
 	throwforce = 10.0
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is slitting \his wrists with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his throat with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his stomach open with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit seppuku.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/kitchen/utensil/knife/attack(target as mob, mob/living/user as mob)
 	if ((CLUMSY in user.mutations) && prob(50))
 		user << "\red You accidentally cut yourself with the [src]."
@@ -107,6 +113,12 @@
 	origin_tech = "materials=1"
 	attack_verb = list("slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is slitting \his wrists with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his throat with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his stomach open with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit seppuku.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/kitchenknife/ritual
 	name = "ritual knife"
 	desc = "The unearthly energies that once powered this blade are now dormant."
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/energy.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/energy.dm
index 3b277e1abce..a5f74e0344f 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/energy.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/energy.dm
@@ -1,6 +1,11 @@
 /obj/item/weapon/melee/energy
 	var/active = 0
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is slitting \his stomach open with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit seppuku.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is falling on the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS|FIRELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/melee/energy/axe
 	name = "energy axe"
 	desc = "An energised battle axe."
@@ -14,6 +19,10 @@
 	origin_tech = "combat=3"
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "chopped", "cleaved", "torn", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] swings the [src] towards /his head! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS|FIRELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/melee/energy/sword
 	color
 	name = "energy sword"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/misc.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/misc.dm
index 2d09e6036b1..30ed99b4b77 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/misc.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/melee/misc.dm
@@ -9,4 +9,8 @@
 	throwforce = 7
 	w_class = 3
 	origin_tech = "combat=4"
-	attack_verb = list("flogged", "whipped", "lashed", "disciplined")
\ No newline at end of file
+	attack_verb = list("flogged", "whipped", "lashed", "disciplined")
+
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is strangling \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (OXYLOSS)
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/power_cells.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/power_cells.dm
index 3336e6c208c..7d4c50a01fe 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/power_cells.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/power_cells.dm
@@ -21,6 +21,10 @@
 	var/construction_cost = list("metal"=750,"glass"=75)
 	var/construction_time=100
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is licking the electrodes of the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (FIRELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/cell/crap
 	name = "\improper Nanotrasen brand rechargable AA battery"
 	desc = "You can't top the plasma top." //TOTALLY TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/stunbaton.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/stunbaton.dm
index 39584aea535..d9c8d96f3a4 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/stunbaton.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/stunbaton.dm
@@ -12,6 +12,9 @@
 	var/status = 0
 	origin_tech = "combat=2"
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is putting the live [src] in \his mouth! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (FIRELOSS)
 
 /obj/item/weapon/melee/baton/update_icon()
 	if(status)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/surgery_tools.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/surgery_tools.dm
index 4a28f6a29be..d8e0f1db995 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/surgery_tools.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/surgery_tools.dm
@@ -294,7 +294,10 @@
 	origin_tech = "materials=1;biotech=1"
 	attack_verb = list("drilled")
 
-
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("/red <b>[user] is pressing the [src] to \his temple and activating it! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"/red <b>[user] is pressing [src] to \his chest and activating it! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
 /*
  * Scalpel
  */
@@ -314,6 +317,12 @@
 	origin_tech = "materials=1;biotech=1"
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is slitting \his wrists with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his throat with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is slitting \his stomach open with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit seppuku.</b>")
+		return (BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/scalpel/attack(mob/living/carbon/M as mob, mob/living/carbon/user as mob)
 	if(!istype(M))
 		return ..()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/tools.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/tools.dm
index 95bec1f9e22..520bc803718 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/tools.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/tools.dm
@@ -48,6 +48,11 @@
 	m_amt = 75
 	attack_verb = list("stabbed")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << pick("\red <b>[user] is stabbing the [src] into \his temple! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[user] is stabbing the [src] into \his heart! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
+		return(BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/screwdriver/New()
 	switch(pick("red","blue","purple","brown","green","cyan","yellow"))
 		if ("red")
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/trashbag.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/trashbag.dm
index 0699132108e..de2a64d0018 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/trashbag.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/trashbag.dm
@@ -10,6 +10,10 @@
 	var/mode = 1		//0 = pick one at a time, 1 = pick all on tile
 	var/capacity = 25	//the amount of trash it can carry.
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "/red <b>[user] has put the [src] over \his head and is starting to hyperventilate! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return(OXYLOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/trashbag/update_icon()
 	if(contents.len == 0)
 		icon_state = "trashbag0"
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/weaponry.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/weaponry.dm
index f1bcd25aaac..229b7393856 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weapons/weaponry.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weapons/weaponry.dm
@@ -11,6 +11,10 @@
 	throw_range = 15
 	attack_verb = list("banned")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is hitting \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to ban \himself from life.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS|FIRELOSS|TOXLOSS|OXYLOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/nullrod
 	name = "null rod"
 	desc = "A rod of pure obsidian, its very presence disrupts and dampens the powers of Nar-Sie's followers."
@@ -24,6 +28,10 @@
 	throwforce = 10
 	w_class = 1
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is impaling \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return (BRUTELOSS|FIRELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/sord
 	name = "\improper SORD"
 	desc = "This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time even holding it."
@@ -36,6 +44,10 @@
 	w_class = 3
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is impaling \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return(BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/sord/attack(mob/living/carbon/M as mob, mob/living/carbon/user as mob)
 	playsound(loc, 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg', 50, 1, -1)
 	return ..()
@@ -55,6 +67,10 @@
 	IsShield()
 		return 1
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is falling on the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return(BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/claymore/attack(mob/living/carbon/M as mob, mob/living/carbon/user as mob)
 	playsound(loc, 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg', 50, 1, -1)
 	return ..()
@@ -71,6 +87,10 @@
 	w_class = 3
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is slitting \his stomach open with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit seppuku.</b>"
+		return(BRUTELOSS)
+
 /obj/item/weapon/katana/IsShield()
 		return 1
 
diff --git a/code/game/verbs/suicide.dm b/code/game/verbs/suicide.dm
index 38629d9d6cb..52fd93f0a41 100644
--- a/code/game/verbs/suicide.dm
+++ b/code/game/verbs/suicide.dm
@@ -22,8 +22,53 @@
 			src << "You can't commit suicide whilst restrained! ((You can type Ghost instead however.))"
 			return
 		suiciding = 1
-		//instead of killing them instantly, just put them at -175 health and let 'em gasp for a while
-		viewers(src) << "\red <b>[src] is attempting to bite \his tongue. It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		var/obj/item/held_item = get_active_hand()
+		if(held_item)
+			var/damagetype = held_item.suicide_act(src)
+			if(damagetype)
+				var/damage_mod = 1
+				switch(damagetype) //Sorry about the magic numbers.
+								   //brute = 1, burn = 2, tox = 4, oxy = 8
+					if(15) //4 damage types
+						damage_mod = 4
+
+					if(6, 11, 13, 14) //3 damage types
+						damage_mod = 3
+
+					if(3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12) //2 damage types
+						damage_mod = 2
+
+					if(1, 2, 4, 8) //1 damage type
+						damage_mod = 1
+
+					else //This should not happen, but if it does, everything should still work
+						damage_mod = 1
+
+				//Do 175 damage divided by the number of damage types applied.
+				if(damagetype & BRUTELOSS)
+					adjustBruteLoss(175/damage_mod)
+
+				if(damagetype & FIRELOSS)
+					adjustFireLoss(175/damage_mod)
+
+				if(damagetype & TOXLOSS)
+					adjustToxLoss(175/damage_mod)
+
+				if(damagetype & OXYLOSS)
+					adjustOxyLoss(175/damage_mod)
+
+				//If something went wrong, just do normal oxyloss
+				if(!(damagetype | BRUTELOSS) && !(damagetype | FIRELOSS) && !(damagetype | TOXLOSS) && !(damagetype | OXYLOSS))
+					adjustOxyLoss(max(175 - getToxLoss() - getFireLoss() - getBruteLoss() - getOxyLoss(), 0))
+
+				updatehealth()
+				return
+
+
+		viewers(src) << pick("\red <b>[src] is attempting to bite \his tongue off! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[src] is jamming \his thumbs into \his eye sockets! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[src] is twisting \his own neck! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>", \
+							"\red <b>[src] is holding \his breath! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>")
 		adjustOxyLoss(max(175 - getToxLoss() - getFireLoss() - getBruteLoss() - getOxyLoss(), 0))
 		updatehealth()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
index c2f6a904b69..33e2b5185b6 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
@@ -191,7 +191,7 @@
 			msg += "<span class='warning'>[t_He] [t_is] twitching ever so slightly.</span>\n"
 
 	if(suiciding)
-		msg += "<span class='warning'>[t_He] [t_has] bitten off [t_his] own tongue and [t_has] suffered major bloodloss!</span>\n"
+		msg += "<span class='warning'>[t_He] appears to have commited suicide... there is no hope of recovery.</span>\n"
 
 	if(stat == DEAD || (status_flags & FAKEDEATH))
 		if(brain_op_stage != 4)//Only perform these checks if there is no brain
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/parrot.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/parrot.dm
index c6c33b4a721..931c88587fd 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/parrot.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/parrot.dm
@@ -106,6 +106,10 @@
 	walk(src,0)
 	..()
 
+/mob/living/simple_animal/parrot/Stat()
+	..()
+	stat("Held Item", held_item)
+
 /*
  * Inventory
  */
diff --git a/code/modules/power/cable.dm b/code/modules/power/cable.dm
index fd99360fc0c..f44939e5ea7 100644
--- a/code/modules/power/cable.dm
+++ b/code/modules/power/cable.dm
@@ -172,6 +172,10 @@
 	item_state = "coil_red"
 	attack_verb = list("whipped", "lashed", "disciplined", "flogged")
 
+	suicide_act(mob/user)
+		viewers(user) << "\red <b>[user] is strangling \himself with the [src]! It looks like \he's trying to commit suicide.</b>"
+		return(OXYLOSS)
+
 
 /obj/item/weapon/cable_coil/New(loc, length = MAXCOIL, var/param_color = null)
 	..()
diff --git a/code/setup.dm b/code/setup.dm
index 44ece34e803..ed10df76b6d 100644
--- a/code/setup.dm
+++ b/code/setup.dm
@@ -409,6 +409,7 @@ var/list/global_mutations = list() // list of hidden mutation things
 
 
 //Damage things	//TODO: merge these down to reduce on defines
+//Way to waste perfectly good damagetype names (BRUTE) on this... If you were really worried about case sensitivity, you could have just used lowertext(damagetype) in the proc...
 #define BRUTE		"brute"
 #define BURN		"fire"
 #define TOX			"tox"
@@ -424,6 +425,12 @@ var/list/global_mutations = list() // list of hidden mutation things
 #define EYE_BLUR	"eye_blur"
 #define DROWSY		"drowsy"
 
+//I hate adding defines like this but I'd much rather deal with bitflags than lists and string searches
+#define BRUTELOSS 1
+#define FIRELOSS 2
+#define TOXLOSS 4
+#define OXYLOSS 8
+
 //Bitflags defining which status effects could be or are inflicted on a mob
 #define CANSTUN		1
 #define CANWEAKEN	2