diff --git a/code/ZAS/Airflow.dm b/code/ZAS/Airflow.dm
index a821df02e59..4ffc6490059 100644
--- a/code/ZAS/Airflow.dm
+++ b/code/ZAS/Airflow.dm
@@ -209,15 +209,6 @@ atom/movable/GotoAirflowDest(n)
 		if(od)
 			setDensity(FALSE)
 
-/atom/movable/to_bump(atom/Obstacle)
-	if(airflow_speed > 0 && airflow_dest)
-		airflow_hit(Obstacle)
-	else
-		airflow_speed = 0
-		airflow_time = 0
-		. = ..()
-	sound_override = 0
-
 /atom/movable/proc/airflow_hit(atom/A)
 	airflow_speed = 0
 	airflow_dest = null
diff --git a/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/cult_structures.dm b/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/cult_structures.dm
index f7dda17bca0..7f5a4c6f3af 100644
--- a/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/cult_structures.dm
+++ b/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/cult_structures.dm
@@ -128,16 +128,6 @@
 	plane = ABOVE_TURF_PLANE
 	var/spawnable = null
 
-/obj/effect/gateway/Bumped(mob/M as mob|obj)
-	spawn(0)
-		return
-	return
-
-/obj/effect/gateway/Crossed(AM as mob|obj)
-	spawn(0)
-		return
-	return
-
 /obj/effect/gateway/active
 	luminosity=5
 	light_color = LIGHT_COLOR_RED
diff --git a/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/narsie.dm b/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/narsie.dm
index bc56cb53bcf..5075e1a8e52 100644
--- a/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/narsie.dm
+++ b/code/datums/gamemode/factions/legacy_cult/narsie.dm
@@ -105,23 +105,6 @@ var/global/list/narsie_list = list()
 				to_chat(M, "<span class='danger'>You feel your sanity crumble away in an instant as you gaze upon [src.name]...</span>")
 				M.apply_effect(3, STUN)
 
-
-/obj/machinery/singularity/narsie/large/to_bump(atom/A)
-	if(!narnar)
-		return
-	if(isturf(A))
-		narsiewall(A)
-	else if(istype(A, /obj/structure/cult))
-		qdel(A)
-
-/obj/machinery/singularity/narsie/large/Bumped(atom/A)
-	if(!narnar)
-		return
-	if(isturf(A))
-		narsiewall(A)
-	else if(istype(A, /obj/structure/cult))
-		qdel(A)
-
 /obj/machinery/singularity/narsie/move(var/force_move = 0)
 	if(!move_self)
 		return 0
@@ -176,14 +159,6 @@ var/global/list/narsie_list = list()
 			T.icon_state = "cult-narsie"
 			T.luminosity = 1
 
-/obj/machinery/singularity/narsie/proc/narsiewall(var/turf/T)
-	T.desc = "An opening has been made on that wall, but who can say if what you seek truly lies on the other side?"
-	T.icon = 'icons/turf/walls.dmi'
-	T.icon_state = "cult-narsie"
-	T.opacity = 0
-	T.setDensity(FALSE)
-	luminosity = 1
-
 /obj/machinery/singularity/narsie/large/consume(const/atom/A) //Has its own consume proc because it doesn't need energy and I don't want BoHs to explode it. --NEO
 //NEW BEHAVIOUR
 	if(narsie_behaviour == "CultStation13")
diff --git a/code/game/atoms.dm b/code/game/atoms.dm
index b3d0d534510..8bf31cfce7b 100644
--- a/code/game/atoms.dm
+++ b/code/game/atoms.dm
@@ -177,7 +177,9 @@ var/global/list/ghdel_profiling = list()
 /atom/proc/on_reagent_change()
 	return
 
-/atom/proc/Bumped(AM as mob|obj)
+// This proc is intended to be called by `to_bump` whenever a movable
+// object bumps into this atom.
+/atom/proc/Bumped(atom/movable/AM)
 	return
 
 /atom/proc/setDensity(var/density)
@@ -830,8 +832,6 @@ its easier to just keep the beam vertical.
 	else
 		return TRUE
 
-/atom/proc/to_bump()
-	return
 
 /atom/proc/get_last_player_touched()	//returns a reference to the mob of the ckey that last touched the atom
 	for(var/client/C in clients)
diff --git a/code/game/atoms_movable.dm b/code/game/atoms_movable.dm
index b70714c9cdd..1a908478578 100644
--- a/code/game/atoms_movable.dm
+++ b/code/game/atoms_movable.dm
@@ -381,13 +381,23 @@
 /atom/movable/Crossed(atom/movable/AM)
 	return
 
-/atom/movable/to_bump(atom/Obstacle)
-	if(src.throwing)
-		src.throw_impact(Obstacle)
-		src.throwing = 0
-
-	if (Obstacle)
-		Obstacle.Bumped(src)
+// Always override this proc instead of BYOND-provided Bump().
+// This is a workaround for some dumb BYOND behavior:
+// The `Obstacle` argument passed to Bump() is the first dense object
+// in the turf's `contents`. The argument we provide to this proc
+// is instead the actual object that's blocking movement.
+/atom/movable/proc/to_bump(atom/Obstacle)
+	if(airflow_speed > 0 && airflow_dest)
+		airflow_hit(Obstacle)
+	else
+		airflow_speed = 0
+		airflow_time = 0
+		if(src.throwing)
+			src.throw_impact(Obstacle)
+			src.throwing = 0
+		if(Obstacle)
+			Obstacle.Bumped(src)
+	sound_override = 0
 
 // harderforce is for things like lighting overlays which should only be moved in EXTREMELY specific sitations.
 /atom/movable/proc/forceMove(atom/destination,var/no_tp=0, var/harderforce = FALSE, glide_size_override = 0)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/weapons.dm b/code/game/objects/weapons.dm
index 387d48faafe..df7ed56b0f7 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/weapons.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/weapons.dm
@@ -1,8 +1,3 @@
 /obj/item/weapon
 	name = "weapon"
 	icon = 'icons/obj/weapons.dmi'
-
-/obj/item/weapon/to_bump(mob/M as mob)
-	spawn(0)
-		..()
-	return
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice.dm
index 1a72bc0d666..f3343af104c 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice.dm
@@ -193,7 +193,7 @@
 	for(var/mob/living/L in loc)
 		movement_touch_check(L)
 
-/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice/Bump(mob/living/L)
+/mob/living/simple_animal/hostile/retaliate/cockatrice/to_bump(mob/living/L)
 	spawn()
 		movement_touch_check(L)
 
diff --git a/code/modules/projectiles/projectile/beams.dm b/code/modules/projectiles/projectile/beams.dm
index a5b1fdeaaf9..d429bd9ee20 100644
--- a/code/modules/projectiles/projectile/beams.dm
+++ b/code/modules/projectiles/projectile/beams.dm
@@ -867,7 +867,7 @@ var/list/laser_tag_vests = list(/obj/item/clothing/suit/tag/redtag, /obj/item/cl
 	damage = 0
 	fire_sound = 'sound/weapons/railgun_highpower.ogg'
 
-/obj/item/projectile/beam/combustion/Bump(atom/A)
+/obj/item/projectile/beam/combustion/to_bump(atom/A)
 	if(!A)
 		return
 	..()