/proc/EquipCustomItems(mob/living/carbon/human/M)
//	testing("\[CustomItem\] Checking for custom items for [M.ckey] ([M.real_name])...")
	spawn()
		if(!SSdbcore.Connect())
			return

		// SCHEMA
		/**
		* customitems
		*
		* cuiCKey VARCHAR(36) NOT NULL,
		* cuiRealName VARCHAR(60) NOT NULL,
		* cuiPath VARCHAR(255) NOT NULL,
		* cuiDescription TEXT NOT NULL,
		* cuiReason TEXT NOT NULL,
		* cuiPropAdjust TEXT NOT NULL,
		* cuiJobMask TEXT NOT NULL,
		* PRIMARY KEY(cuiCkey,cuiRealName,cuiPath)
		*/

		// Grab the info we want.
		var/datum/DBQuery/query = SSdbcore.NewQuery("SELECT cuiPath, cuiPropAdjust, cuiJobMask FROM customitems WHERE cuiCKey=:ckey AND (cuiRealName=:real_name OR cuiRealName='*')",
			list(
				"ckey" = "[M.ckey]",
				"real_name" = "[M.real_name]"
		))
		if(!query.Execute())
			message_admins("Error: [query.ErrorMsg()]")
			log_sql("Error: [query.ErrorMsg()]")
			qdel(query)
			return

		while(query.NextRow())
			var/path = text2path(query.item[1])
			var/propadjust = query.item[2]
			var/jobmask = query.item[3]
	//		testing("\[CustomItem\] Setting up [path] for [M.ckey] ([M.real_name]).  jobmask=[jobmask];propadjust=[propadjust]")
			var/ok=0
			if(jobmask!="*")
				var/allowed_jobs = splittext(jobmask,",")
				var/alt_blocked=0
				if(M.mind.role_alt_title)
					if(!(M.mind.role_alt_title in allowed_jobs))
						alt_blocked=1
				if(!(M.mind.assigned_role in allowed_jobs) || alt_blocked)
	//				testing("Failed to apply custom item for [M.ckey]: Role(s) [M.mind.assigned_role][M.mind.role_alt_title ? " (nor "+M.mind.role_alt_title+")" : ""] are not in allowed_jobs ([english_list(allowed_jobs)])")
					continue


			var/obj/item/Item = new path()
	//		testing("Adding new custom item [query.item[1]] to [key_name_admin(M)]...")
			if(istype(Item,/obj/item/weapon/card/id))
				var/obj/item/weapon/card/id/I = Item
				for(var/obj/item/weapon/card/id/C in M)
					//default settings
					I.name = "[M.real_name]'s ID Card ([M.mind.role_alt_title ? M.mind.role_alt_title : M.mind.assigned_role])"
					I.registered_name = M.real_name
					I.access = C.access
					I.assignment = C.assignment
					I.blood_type = C.blood_type
					I.dna_hash = C.dna_hash
					I.fingerprint_hash = C.fingerprint_hash
					//I.pin = C.pin
					//replace old ID
					qdel(C)
					C = null
					ok = M.equip_if_possible(I, slot_wear_id, 0)	//if 1, last argument deletes on fail
					break
	//			testing("Replaced ID!")
			else if(istype(M.back, /obj/item/weapon/storage)) // Try to place it in something on the mob's back
				var/obj/item/weapon/storage/backpack = M.back
				if(backpack.contents.len < backpack.storage_slots)
					Item.forceMove(M.back)
					ok = 1
		//			testing("Added to [M.back.name]!")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='notice'>Your [Item.name] has been added to your [M.back.name].</span>")
			else
				for(var/obj/item/weapon/storage/S in M.contents) // Try to place it in any item that can store stuff, on the mob.
					if (S.contents.len < S.storage_slots)
						Item.forceMove(S)
						ok = 1
	//					testing("Added to [S]!")
						to_chat(M, "<span class='notice'>Your [Item.name] has been added to your [S.name].</span>")
						break

			//skip:
			if (ok == 0) // Finally, since everything else failed, place it on the ground
	//			testing("Plopped onto the ground!")
				Item.forceMove(get_turf(M.loc))

			HackProperties(Item,propadjust)
		qdel(query)

	// This is hacky, but since it's difficult as fuck to make a proper parser in BYOND without killing the server, here it is. - N3X
/proc/HackProperties(var/mob/living/carbon/human/M,var/obj/item/I,var/script)
	/*
	A=string:b lol {REALNAME} {ROLE} {ROLE_ALT};
	B=icon:icons/dmi/lol.dmi:STATE;
	B=number:29;
	*/
	var/list/statements=splittext(script,";")
	if(statements.len==0)
		return // Don't even bother.
	for(var/statement in statements)
		var/list/assignmentChunks = splittext(statement,"=")
		var/varname = assignmentChunks[1]
		//var/operator = "="

		var/list/typeChunks=splittext(script,":")
		var/desiredType=typeChunks[1]
		//var/value
		switch(desiredType)
			if("string")
				var/output = typeChunks[2]
				output = replacetext(output,"{REALNAME}", M.real_name)
				output = replacetext(output,"{ROLE}",     M.mind.assigned_role)
				output = replacetext(output,"{ROLE_ALT}", "[M.mind.role_alt_title ? M.mind.role_alt_title : M.mind.assigned_role]")
				I.vars[varname]=output
			if("number")
				I.vars[varname]=text2num(typeChunks[2])
			if("icon")
				if(typeChunks.len==2)
					I.vars[varname]=new /icon(typeChunks[2])
				if(typeChunks.len==3)
					I.vars[varname]=new /icon(typeChunks[2],typeChunks[3])