diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/citadel_defines.dm b/code/__DEFINES/citadel_defines.dm
index 6e21fbe06a..da5981ff8a 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/citadel_defines.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/citadel_defines.dm
@@ -123,7 +123,6 @@
 #define STAMINA_CRIT						140 //crit for stamina damage. forces a rest, and stops movement until stamina goes back to stamina softcrit
 #define STAMINA_SOFTCRIT_TRADITIONAL		0	//same as STAMINA_SOFTCRIT except for the more traditional health calculations
 #define STAMINA_CRIT_TRADITIONAL			-40 //ditto, but for STAMINA_CRIT
-#define MIN_MELEE_STAMCOST					1.25 //Minimum cost for swinging items around. Will be extra useful when stats and skills are introduced.
 
 #define CRAWLUNDER_DELAY							30 //Delay for crawling under a standing mob
 
diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/combat.dm b/code/__DEFINES/combat.dm
index 7cab82149d..e31d2a278e 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/combat.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/combat.dm
@@ -183,4 +183,16 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(shove_disarming_types, typecacheof(list(
 #define BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_R_FOOT	"r_foot"
 
 //We will round to this value in damage calculations.
-#define DAMAGE_PRECISION 0.1
\ No newline at end of file
+#define DAMAGE_PRECISION 0.1
+
+//items total mass, used to calculate their attacks' stamina costs. If not defined, the cost will be (w_class * 1.25)
+#define TOTAL_MASS_TINY_ITEM		1.25
+#define TOTAL_MASS_SMALL_ITEM		2.5
+#define TOTAL_MASS_NORMAL_ITEM		3.75
+#define TOTAL_MASS_BULKY_ITEM		5
+#define TOTAL_MASS_HUGE_ITEM		6.25
+#define TOTAL_MASS_GIGANTIC_ITEM	7.5
+
+#define TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT	5 //standard punching stamina cost. most hand replacements are huge items anyway.
+#define TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON	3.6 //very, very generic average sword/warpick/etc. weight in pounds.
+#define TOTAL_MASS_TOY_SWORD 1.5
diff --git a/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm b/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
index 3896c3eac3..6455b4ccb6 100644
--- a/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
+++ b/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
@@ -171,3 +171,7 @@
 		if(prob(2))
 			playsound(src, 'sound/weapons/dink.ogg', 30, 1)
 	return 1
+
+/obj/item/proc/getweight()
+	return total_mass || w_class * 1.25
+
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm b/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
index e38445f606..4bce450359 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/computer/arcade.dm
@@ -45,8 +45,8 @@
 		/obj/item/gun/ballistic/automatic/toy/pistol/unrestricted = ARCADE_WEIGHT_TRICK,
 		/obj/item/hot_potato/harmless/toy = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
 		/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/toy = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
-		/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
-		/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
+		/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
+		/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow = ARCADE_WEIGHT_RARE,
 
 		/obj/item/storage/box/snappops = ARCADE_WEIGHT_TRICK,
 		/obj/item/clothing/under/syndicate/tacticool = ARCADE_WEIGHT_TRICK,
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items.dm b/code/game/objects/items.dm
index e17fe20977..566a64577d 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items.dm
@@ -33,6 +33,7 @@ GLOBAL_VAR_INIT(rpg_loot_items, FALSE)
 	var/usesound = null
 	var/throwhitsound = null
 	var/w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_NORMAL
+	var/total_mass //Total mass in arbitrary pound-like values. If there's no balance reasons for an item to have otherwise, this var should be the item's weight in pounds.
 	var/slot_flags = 0		//This is used to determine on which slots an item can fit.
 	pass_flags = PASSTABLE
 	pressure_resistance = 4
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/his_grace.dm b/code/game/objects/items/his_grace.dm
index 65a4bd542b..c6f246ab97 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/his_grace.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/his_grace.dm
@@ -14,6 +14,7 @@
 	icon = 'icons/obj/items_and_weapons.dmi'
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_GIGANTIC
 	force = 12
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_NORMAL_ITEM // average toolbox
 	attack_verb = list("robusted")
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/smash.ogg'
 	var/awakened = FALSE
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/holy_weapons.dm b/code/game/objects/items/holy_weapons.dm
index 0e8a9fef9e..ad4384f9f5 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/holy_weapons.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/holy_weapons.dm
@@ -285,14 +285,12 @@
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/sear.ogg'
 	damtype = BURN
 	attack_verb = list("punched", "cross countered", "pummeled")
-
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/godhand/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
 	ADD_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_NODROP, HAND_REPLACEMENT_TRAIT)
 
-
-
 /obj/item/nullrod/staff
 	icon_state = "godstaff-red"
 	item_state = "godstaff-red"
@@ -330,6 +328,7 @@
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/claymore/hit_reaction(mob/living/carbon/human/owner, atom/movable/hitby, attack_text = "the attack", final_block_chance = 0, damage = 0, attack_type = MELEE_ATTACK)
 	if(attack_type == PROJECTILE_ATTACK)
@@ -523,6 +522,7 @@
 	slot_flags = ITEM_SLOT_BELT
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_HUGE
 	attack_verb = list("smashed", "bashed", "hammered", "crunched")
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/chainsaw
 	name = "chainsaw hand"
@@ -536,6 +536,7 @@
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
 	attack_verb = list("sawed", "torn", "cut", "chopped", "diced")
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/chainsawhit.ogg'
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/chainsaw/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -612,6 +613,7 @@
 	item_flags = ABSTRACT
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_HUGE
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/armblade/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -672,6 +674,7 @@
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 	item_flags = SLOWS_WHILE_IN_HAND
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_NORMAL_ITEM
 
 /obj/item/nullrod/tribal_knife/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm b/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm
index 935d2a007e..d854ab9f5a 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm
@@ -5,9 +5,12 @@
 	armor = list("melee" = 0, "bullet" = 0, "laser" = 0, "energy" = 0, "bomb" = 0, "bio" = 0, "rad" = 0, "fire" = 100, "acid" = 30)
 	resistance_flags = FIRE_PROOF
 	var/brightness_on = 3
+	total_mass = 0.4 //Survival flashlights typically weigh around 5 ounces.
+
 
 /obj/item/melee/transforming/energy/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
+	total_mass_on = (total_mass_on ? total_mass_on : (w_class_on * 0.75))
 	if(active)
 		set_light(brightness_on)
 		START_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
@@ -79,6 +82,7 @@
 	attack_verb_off = list("attacked", "chopped", "cleaved", "torn", "cut")
 	attack_verb_on = list()
 	light_color = "#40ceff"
+	total_mass = null
 
 /obj/item/melee/transforming/energy/axe/suicide_act(mob/user)
 	user.visible_message("<span class='suicide'>[user] swings [src] towards [user.p_their()] head! It looks like [user.p_theyre()] trying to commit suicide!</span>")
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/melee/misc.dm b/code/game/objects/items/melee/misc.dm
index daeceb7f87..cdb9c146e2 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/melee/misc.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/melee/misc.dm
@@ -44,6 +44,7 @@
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "impaled", "stabbed", "sliced", "torn", "ripped", "diced", "cut")
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/melee/synthetic_arm_blade/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -67,6 +68,7 @@
 	attack_verb = list("slashed", "cut")
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/rapierhit.ogg'
 	materials = list(MAT_METAL = 1000)
+	total_mass = 3.4
 
 /obj/item/melee/sabre/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -155,6 +157,7 @@
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_BULKY
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP_ACCURATE //It cant be sharpend cook -_-
 	attack_verb = list("slashed", "cut", "pierces", "pokes")
+	total_mass = 3.4
 
 /obj/item/melee/rapier/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -242,6 +245,7 @@
 	item_flags = NONE
 	force = 0
 	on = FALSE
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_SMALL_ITEM
 
 /obj/item/melee/classic_baton/telescopic/suicide_act(mob/user)
 	var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = user
@@ -402,6 +406,7 @@
 	var/static/list/ovens
 	var/on = FALSE
 	var/datum/beam/beam
+	total_mass = 2.5
 
 /obj/item/melee/roastingstick/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm b/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm
index 0d39e6c847..aabb930bb2 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm
@@ -13,6 +13,7 @@
 	var/list/nemesis_factions //Any mob with a faction that exists in this list will take bonus damage/effects
 	var/w_class_on = WEIGHT_CLASS_BULKY
 	var/clumsy_check = TRUE
+	var/total_mass_on //Total mass in ounces when transformed. Primarily for balance purposes. Don't think about it too hard.
 
 /obj/item/melee/transforming/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -46,6 +47,7 @@
 	active = !active
 	if(active)
 		force = force_on
+		total_mass = total_mass_on
 		throwforce = throwforce_on
 		hitsound = hitsound_on
 		throw_speed = 4
@@ -62,6 +64,7 @@
 			attack_verb = attack_verb_off
 		icon_state = initial(icon_state)
 		w_class = initial(w_class)
+		total_mass = initial(total_mass)
 	if(is_sharp())
 		var/datum/component/butchering/BT = LoadComponent(/datum/component/butchering)
 		BT.butchering_enabled = TRUE
@@ -84,4 +87,4 @@
 /obj/item/melee/transforming/proc/clumsy_transform_effect(mob/living/user)
 	if(clumsy_check && HAS_TRAIT(user, TRAIT_CLUMSY) && prob(50))
 		to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You accidentally cut yourself with [src], like a doofus!</span>")
-		user.take_bodypart_damage(5,5)
+		user.take_bodypart_damage(5,5)
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/singularityhammer.dm b/code/game/objects/items/singularityhammer.dm
index 1fe57d151f..b6559c9091 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/singularityhammer.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/singularityhammer.dm
@@ -16,6 +16,7 @@
 	armor = list("melee" = 50, "bullet" = 50, "laser" = 50, "energy" = 0, "bomb" = 50, "bio" = 0, "rad" = 0, "fire" = 100, "acid" = 100)
 	resistance_flags = FIRE_PROOF | ACID_PROOF
 	force_string = "LORD SINGULOTH HIMSELF"
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/singularityhammer/New()
 	..()
@@ -84,6 +85,7 @@
 	throwforce = 30
 	throw_range = 7
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_HUGE
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/mjollnir/proc/shock(mob/living/target)
 	target.Stun(60)
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm b/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
index 9ac5261e5f..46fabea8b0 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/toys.dm
@@ -30,6 +30,7 @@
 	throw_speed = 3
 	throw_range = 7
 	force = 0
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_TINY_ITEM
 
 
 /*
@@ -112,10 +113,6 @@
 /obj/item/toy/syndicateballoon
 	name = "syndicate balloon"
 	desc = "There is a tag on the back that reads \"FUK NT!11!\"."
-	throwforce = 0
-	throw_speed = 3
-	throw_range = 7
-	force = 0
 	icon = 'icons/obj/items_and_weapons.dmi'
 	icon_state = "syndballoon"
 	item_state = "syndballoon"
@@ -225,6 +222,8 @@
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_SMALL
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "struck", "hit")
 	var/hacked = FALSE
+	total_mass = 0.4
+	var/total_mass_on = TOTAL_MASS_TOY_SWORD
 
 /obj/item/toy/sword/attack_self(mob/user)
 	active = !( active )
@@ -274,6 +273,9 @@
 	else
 		return ..()
 
+/obj/item/toy/sword/getweight()
+	return (active ? total_mass_on : total_mass) || w_class *1.25
+
 /*
  * Foam armblade
  */
@@ -327,12 +329,13 @@
 	force_unwielded = 0
 	force_wielded = 0
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "struck", "hit")
+	total_mass_on = TOTAL_MASS_TOY_SWORD
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/toy/hit_reaction(mob/living/carbon/human/owner, atom/movable/hitby, attack_text = "the attack", final_block_chance = 0, damage = 0, attack_type = MELEE_ATTACK)
-	return 0
+	return FALSE
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/toy/IsReflect()//Stops Toy Dualsabers from reflecting energy projectiles
-	return 0
+	return FALSE
 
 /obj/item/toy/katana
 	name = "replica katana"
@@ -346,6 +349,7 @@
 	slot_flags = ITEM_SLOT_BELT | ITEM_SLOT_BACK
 	force = 5
 	throwforce = 5
+	total_mass = null
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_NORMAL
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced")
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/bladeslice.ogg'
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/twohanded.dm b/code/game/objects/items/twohanded.dm
index bf63a96f05..781a82513e 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/twohanded.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/twohanded.dm
@@ -28,6 +28,8 @@
 	var/force_wielded = 0
 	var/wieldsound = null
 	var/unwieldsound = null
+	var/slowdown_wielded = 0
+	item_flags = SLOWS_WHILE_IN_HAND
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/proc/unwield(mob/living/carbon/user, show_message = TRUE)
 	if(!wielded || !user)
@@ -55,7 +57,7 @@
 	var/obj/item/twohanded/offhand/O = user.get_inactive_held_item()
 	if(O && istype(O))
 		O.unwield()
-	return
+	slowdown -= slowdown_wielded
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/proc/wield(mob/living/carbon/user)
 	if(wielded)
@@ -85,7 +87,7 @@
 	O.desc = "Your second grip on [src]."
 	O.wielded = TRUE
 	user.put_in_inactive_hand(O)
-	return
+	slowdown += slowdown_wielded
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dropped(mob/user)
 	. = ..()
@@ -279,6 +281,7 @@
 	wieldsound = 'sound/weapons/saberon.ogg'
 	unwieldsound = 'sound/weapons/saberoff.ogg'
 	hitsound = "swing_hit"
+	var/hitsound_on = 'sound/weapons/blade1.ogg'
 	armour_penetration = 35
 	item_color = "green"
 	light_color = "#00ff00"//green
@@ -290,8 +293,10 @@
 	var/hacked = FALSE
 	var/brightness_on = 6 //TWICE AS BRIGHT AS A REGULAR ESWORD
 	var/list/possible_colors = list("red", "blue", "green", "purple")
-	total_mass = 0.375 //Survival flashlights typically weigh around 5 ounces.
-	var/total_mass_on = 3.4 //The typical medieval sword, on the other hand, weighs roughly 3 pounds. //Values copied from the regular e-sword
+	var/list/rainbow_colors = list(LIGHT_COLOR_RED, LIGHT_COLOR_GREEN, LIGHT_COLOR_LIGHT_CYAN, LIGHT_COLOR_LAVENDER)
+	var/spinnable = TRUE
+	total_mass = 0.4 //Survival flashlights typically weigh around 5 ounces.
+	var/total_mass_on = 3.4
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/suicide_act(mob/living/carbon/user)
 	if(wielded)
@@ -353,7 +358,7 @@
 	if(HAS_TRAIT(user, TRAIT_CLUMSY) && (wielded) && prob(40))
 		impale(user)
 		return
-	if((wielded) && prob(50))
+	if(spinnable && (wielded) && prob(50))
 		INVOKE_ASYNC(src, .proc/jedi_spin, user)
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/proc/jedi_spin(mob/living/user)
@@ -406,11 +411,14 @@
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/process()
 	if(wielded)
 		if(hacked)
-			light_color = pick(LIGHT_COLOR_RED, LIGHT_COLOR_GREEN, LIGHT_COLOR_LIGHT_CYAN, LIGHT_COLOR_LAVENDER)
+			rainbow_process()
 		open_flame()
 	else
 		STOP_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
 
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/proc/rainbow_process()
+	light_color = pick(rainbow_colors)
+
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/IsReflect()
 	if(wielded)
 		return 1
@@ -428,7 +436,8 @@
 	playsound(loc, hitsound, get_clamped_volume(), 1, -1)
 	add_fingerprint(user)
 	// Light your candles while spinning around the room
-	INVOKE_ASYNC(src, .proc/jedi_spin, user)
+	if(spinnable)
+		INVOKE_ASYNC(src, .proc/jedi_spin, user)
 
 /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/green
 	possible_colors = list("green")
diff --git a/code/game/objects/items/weaponry.dm b/code/game/objects/items/weaponry.dm
index 48681c3d6d..560731edfd 100644
--- a/code/game/objects/items/weaponry.dm
+++ b/code/game/objects/items/weaponry.dm
@@ -69,6 +69,7 @@ for further reading, please see: https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/301
 	max_integrity = 200
 	armor = list("melee" = 0, "bullet" = 0, "laser" = 0, "energy" = 0, "bomb" = 0, "bio" = 0, "rad" = 0, "fire" = 100, "acid" = 50)
 	resistance_flags = FIRE_PROOF
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/claymore/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
@@ -223,6 +224,7 @@ for further reading, please see: https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/301
 	max_integrity = 200
 	armor = list("melee" = 0, "bullet" = 0, "laser" = 0, "energy" = 0, "bomb" = 0, "bio" = 0, "rad" = 0, "fire" = 100, "acid" = 50)
 	resistance_flags = FIRE_PROOF
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_MEDIEVAL_WEAPON
 
 /obj/item/katana/cursed
 	slot_flags = null
@@ -431,6 +433,7 @@ for further reading, please see: https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/301
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
 	attack_verb = list("sawed", "torn", "cut", "chopped", "diced")
 	hitsound = 'sound/weapons/chainsawhit.ogg'
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/mounted_chainsaw/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/antagonists/changeling/powers/mutations.dm b/code/modules/antagonists/changeling/powers/mutations.dm
index 893ee16d6b..c428c56d45 100644
--- a/code/modules/antagonists/changeling/powers/mutations.dm
+++ b/code/modules/antagonists/changeling/powers/mutations.dm
@@ -167,6 +167,7 @@
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
 	var/can_drop = FALSE
 	var/fake = FALSE
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/melee/arm_blade/Initialize(mapload,silent,synthetic)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/antagonists/cult/cult_items.dm b/code/modules/antagonists/cult/cult_items.dm
index dc2c29eb6d..25e3663c0b 100644
--- a/code/modules/antagonists/cult/cult_items.dm
+++ b/code/modules/antagonists/cult/cult_items.dm
@@ -105,7 +105,6 @@
 	inhand_x_dimension = 64
 	inhand_y_dimension = 64
 	actions_types = list()
-	item_flags = SLOWS_WHILE_IN_HAND
 	var/datum/action/innate/dash/cult/jaunt
 	var/datum/action/innate/cult/spin2win/linked_action
 	var/spinning = FALSE
diff --git a/code/modules/awaymissions/capture_the_flag.dm b/code/modules/awaymissions/capture_the_flag.dm
index fcfdd7c455..84f08197b4 100644
--- a/code/modules/awaymissions/capture_the_flag.dm
+++ b/code/modules/awaymissions/capture_the_flag.dm
@@ -24,7 +24,6 @@
 	armour_penetration = 1000
 	resistance_flags = INDESTRUCTIBLE
 	anchored = TRUE
-	item_flags = SLOWS_WHILE_IN_HAND
 	var/team = WHITE_TEAM
 	var/reset_cooldown = 0
 	var/anyonecanpickup = TRUE
diff --git a/code/modules/mining/lavaland/necropolis_chests.dm b/code/modules/mining/lavaland/necropolis_chests.dm
index abcb6d5911..7add723a06 100644
--- a/code/modules/mining/lavaland/necropolis_chests.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mining/lavaland/necropolis_chests.dm
@@ -641,6 +641,8 @@
 	nemesis_factions = list("mining", "boss")
 	var/transform_cooldown
 	var/swiping = FALSE
+	total_mass = 2.75
+	total_mass_on = 5
 
 /obj/item/melee/transforming/cleaving_saw/examine(mob/user)
 	..()
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/shadowpeople.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/shadowpeople.dm
index 11a25cea6c..754c48c3bd 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/shadowpeople.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/species_types/shadowpeople.dm
@@ -174,6 +174,7 @@
 	item_flags = ABSTRACT | DROPDEL
 	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_HUGE
 	sharpness = IS_SHARP
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/light_eater/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/research/xenobiology/crossbreeding/_weapons.dm b/code/modules/research/xenobiology/crossbreeding/_weapons.dm
index 53857b214c..4753abff97 100644
--- a/code/modules/research/xenobiology/crossbreeding/_weapons.dm
+++ b/code/modules/research/xenobiology/crossbreeding/_weapons.dm
@@ -15,6 +15,7 @@
 	recharge_rate = 1
 	ammo_type = /obj/item/ammo_casing/magic/bloodchill
 	fire_sound = 'sound/effects/attackblob.ogg'
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/gun/magic/bloodchill/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/modules/zombie/items.dm b/code/modules/zombie/items.dm
index 9a2455f56d..ae53f29a55 100644
--- a/code/modules/zombie/items.dm
+++ b/code/modules/zombie/items.dm
@@ -13,6 +13,7 @@
 	hitsound = 'sound/hallucinations/growl1.ogg'
 	force = 21 // Just enough to break airlocks with melee attacks
 	damtype = "brute"
+	total_mass = TOTAL_MASS_HAND_REPLACEMENT
 
 /obj/item/zombie_hand/Initialize()
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm b/modular_citadel/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
index dcc9f567e2..80281ee084 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/_onclick/item_attack.dm
@@ -17,9 +17,3 @@
 
 /obj/item/proc/altafterattack(atom/target, mob/user, proximity_flag, click_parameters)
 	return FALSE
-
-/obj/item/proc/getweight()
-	if(total_mass)
-		return max(total_mass,MIN_MELEE_STAMCOST)
-	else
-		return w_class*1.25
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/game/machinery/wishgranter.dm b/modular_citadel/code/game/machinery/wishgranter.dm
index f7c2c57d08..f24062a126 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/game/machinery/wishgranter.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/game/machinery/wishgranter.dm
@@ -95,7 +95,7 @@
 					killwish.grasp_range = 6
 					killwish.melee_damage_upper = 30
 					killwish.grasp_chance = 50
-					killwish.loot = list(/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic)
+					killwish.loot = list(/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic)
 					charges--
 					insisting = FALSE
 					if(!charges)
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items.dm b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items.dm
index 337db986b0..c94923f9de 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items.dm
@@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
 /obj/item
-	var/total_mass //Total mass in arbitrary pound-like values. If there's no balance reasons for an item to have otherwise, this var should be the item's weight in pounds.
-
 	var/list/alternate_screams = list() //REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
 
 // lazy for screaming.
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm
deleted file mode 100644
index c37f88eacf..0000000000
--- a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/energy.dm
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,3 +0,0 @@
-/obj/item/melee/transforming/energy/sword
-	total_mass = 0.375 //Survival flashlights typically weigh around 5 ounces.
-	total_mass_on = 3.4 //The typical medieval sword, on the other hand, weighs roughly 3 pounds.
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/eutactic_blades.dm b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/eutactic_blades.dm
index 6e28a3115f..68ab229f0a 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/eutactic_blades.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/eutactic_blades.dm
@@ -124,7 +124,7 @@
 			return
 		else
 			to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>You combine the two light swords, making a single supermassive blade! You're cool.</span>")
-			new /obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic(user.drop_location())
+			new /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic(user.drop_location())
 			qdel(W)
 			qdel(src)
 	else
@@ -233,7 +233,7 @@
 			return
 		else
 			to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>You combine the two plastic swords, making a single supermassive toy! You're fake-cool.</span>")
-			new /obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy(user.loc)
+			new /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy(user.loc)
 			qdel(W)
 			qdel(src)
 	else
@@ -247,7 +247,7 @@
 //	HYPEREUTACTIC Blades	/////////////////////////
 /////////////////////////////////////////////////////
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic
 	icon = 'modular_citadel/icons/eutactic/item/hypereutactic.dmi'
 	icon_state = "hypereutactic"
 	lefthand_file = 'modular_citadel/icons/eutactic/mob/hypereutactic_left.dmi'
@@ -258,58 +258,29 @@
 	name = "hypereutactic blade"
 	desc = "A supermassive weapon envisioned to cleave the very fabric of space and time itself in twain, the hypereutactic blade dynamically flash-forges a hypereutactic crystaline nanostructure capable of passing through most known forms of matter like a hot knife through butter."
 	force = 7
-	throwforce = 5
-	throw_speed = 3
-	throw_range = 5
-	w_class = WEIGHT_CLASS_SMALL
-	var/w_class_on = WEIGHT_CLASS_BULKY
 	force_unwielded = 7
 	force_wielded = 40
 	wieldsound = 'sound/weapons/nebon.ogg'
 	unwieldsound = 'sound/weapons/neboff.ogg'
-	hitsound = "swing_hit"
+	hitsound_on = 'sound/weapons/nebhit.ogg'
+	slowdown_wielded = 1
 	armour_penetration = 60
 	light_color = "#37FFF7"
+	rainbow_colors = list("#FF0000", "#FFFF00", "#00FF00", "#00FFFF", "#0000FF","#FF00FF", "#3399ff", "#ff9900", "#fb008b", "#9800ff", "#00ffa3", "#ccff00")
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "slashed", "stabbed", "sliced", "destroyed", "ripped", "devastated", "shredded")
-	block_chance = 75
-	max_integrity = 200
-	armor = list(melee = 0, bullet = 0, laser = 0, energy = 0, bomb = 0, bio = 0, rad = 0, fire = 100, acid = 70)
-	resistance_flags = FIRE_PROOF
-	var/brightness_on = 6 //TWICE AS BRIGHT AS A REGULAR ESWORD
-	item_flags = SLOWS_WHILE_IN_HAND
+	spinnable = FALSE
+	total_mass_on = 4
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/pre_altattackby(atom/A, mob/living/user, params)	//checks if it can do right click memes
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/pre_altattackby(atom/A, mob/living/user, params)	//checks if it can do right click memes
 	altafterattack(A, user, TRUE, params)
 	return TRUE
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/altafterattack(atom/target, mob/living/carbon/user, proximity_flag, click_parameters)	//does right click memes
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/altafterattack(atom/target, mob/living/user, proximity_flag, click_parameters)	//does right click memes
 	if(istype(user))
 		user.visible_message("<span class='notice'>[user] points the tip of [src] at [target].</span>", "<span class='notice'>You point the tip of [src] at [target].</span>")
 	return TRUE
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/wield(mob/living/carbon/M) //Specific wield () hulk checks due to reflection chance for balance issues and switches hitsounds.
-	if(M.has_dna())
-		if(M.dna.check_mutation(HULK))
-			to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>You lack the grace to wield this!</span>")
-			return
-	..()
-	if(wielded)
-		sharpness = IS_SHARP
-		w_class = w_class_on
-		hitsound = 'sound/weapons/nebhit.ogg'
-		START_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
-		set_light(brightness_on)
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/unwield() //Specific unwield () to switch hitsounds.
-	sharpness = initial(sharpness)
-	w_class = initial(w_class)
-	..()
-	hitsound = "swing_hit"
-	STOP_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
-	set_light(0)
-	slowdown = initial(slowdown)
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/update_icon()
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/update_icon()
 	var/mutable_appearance/blade_overlay = mutable_appearance('modular_citadel/icons/eutactic/item/hypereutactic.dmi', "hypereutactic_blade")
 	var/mutable_appearance/gem_overlay = mutable_appearance('modular_citadel/icons/eutactic/item/hypereutactic.dmi', "hypereutactic_gem")
 
@@ -329,21 +300,21 @@
 
 	SEND_SIGNAL(src, COMSIG_COMPONENT_CLEAN_ACT, CLEAN_STRENGTH_BLOOD)//blood overlays get weird otherwise, because the sprite changes. (retained from original desword because I have no idea what this is)
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/AltClick(mob/living/user)
-	if(!in_range(src, user))	//Basic checks to prevent abuse
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/AltClick(mob/living/user)
+	if(!user.canUseTopic(src, BE_CLOSE, FALSE) || hacked)
 		return
 	if(user.incapacitated() || !istype(user))
 		to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You can't do that right now!</span>")
 		return
-
 	if(alert("Are you sure you want to recolor your blade?", "Confirm Repaint", "Yes", "No") == "Yes")
 		var/energy_color_input = input(usr,"","Choose Energy Color",light_color) as color|null
-		if(energy_color_input)
-			light_color = sanitize_hexcolor(energy_color_input, desired_format=6, include_crunch=1)
+		if(!energy_color_input || !user.canUseTopic(src, BE_CLOSE, FALSE) || hacked)
+			return
+		light_color = sanitize_hexcolor(energy_color_input, desired_format=6, include_crunch=1)
 		update_icon()
 		update_light()
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/worn_overlays(isinhands, icon_file)
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/worn_overlays(isinhands, icon_file)
 	. = ..()
 	if(isinhands)
 		var/mutable_appearance/gem_inhand = mutable_appearance(icon_file, "hypereutactic_gem")
@@ -354,70 +325,19 @@
 			blade_inhand.color = light_color
 			. += blade_inhand
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/examine(mob/user)
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/examine(mob/user)
 	..()
-	to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>Alt-click to recolor it.</span>")
+	if(!hacked)
+		to_chat(user, "<span class='notice'>Alt-click to recolor it.</span>")
 
-////////// stuff beneath this is all taken from the desword ////////////  wow very professional such OOP wow
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/attack(mob/target, mob/living/carbon/human/user)
-	if(user.has_dna())
-		if(user.dna.check_mutation(HULK))
-			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You grip the blade too hard and accidentally close it!</span>")
-			unwield()
-			return
-	..()
-	if(HAS_TRAIT(user, TRAIT_CLUMSY) && (wielded) && prob(40))
-		impale(user)
-		return
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/Destroy()
-	STOP_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/rainbow_process()
 	. = ..()
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/proc/impale(mob/living/user)
-	to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You spin around a bit before losing your balance and impaling yourself on [src].</span>")
-	if (force_wielded)
-		user.take_bodypart_damage(20,25)
-	else
-		user.adjustStaminaLoss(25)
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/hit_reaction(mob/living/carbon/human/owner, atom/movable/hitby, attack_text = "the attack", final_block_chance = 0, damage = 0, attack_type = MELEE_ATTACK)
-	if(wielded)
-		return ..()
-	return FALSE
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/attack_hulk(mob/living/carbon/human/user, does_attack_animation = 0)  //In case thats just so happens that it is still activated on the groud, prevents hulk from picking it up
-	if(wielded)
-		to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You can't pick up such dangerous item with your meaty hands without losing fingers, better not to!</span>")
-		return TRUE
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/process()
-	if(wielded)
-		open_flame()
-	else
-		STOP_PROCESSING(SSobj, src)
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/IsReflect()
-	if(wielded)
-		return TRUE
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/ignition_effect(atom/A, mob/user)
-	// same as /obj/item/melee/transforming/energy, mostly
-	if(!wielded)
-		return ""
-	var/in_mouth = ""
-	if(iscarbon(user))
-		var/mob/living/carbon/C = user
-		if(C.wear_mask == src)
-			in_mouth = ", barely missing their nose"
-	. = "<span class='warning'>[user] swings [user.p_their()] [src][in_mouth]. [user.p_they()] light[user.p_s()] [A] in the process.</span>"
-	playsound(loc, hitsound, get_clamped_volume(), 1, -1)
-	add_fingerprint(user)
+	update_icon()
+	update_light()
 
 //////////////////	TOY VERSION	/////////////////////////////
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy
 	name = "\improper DX Hyper-Euplastic LightSword"
 	desc = "A supermassive toy envisioned to cleave the very fabric of space and time itself in twain. Realistic visuals and sounds! Ages 8 and up."
 	force = 0
@@ -427,11 +347,13 @@
 	force_unwielded = 0
 	force_wielded = 0
 	attack_verb = list("attacked", "struck", "hit")
+	total_mass_on = TOTAL_MASS_TOY_SWORD
+	slowdown_wielded = 0
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/hit_reaction(mob/living/carbon/human/owner, atom/movable/hitby, attack_text = "the attack", final_block_chance = 0, damage = 0, attack_type = MELEE_ATTACK)
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy/hit_reaction(mob/living/carbon/human/owner, atom/movable/hitby, attack_text = "the attack", final_block_chance = 0, damage = 0, attack_type = MELEE_ATTACK)
 	return FALSE
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/IsReflect()//Stops it from reflecting energy projectiles
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy/IsReflect()//Stops it from reflecting energy projectiles
 	return FALSE
 
 ////////		Tatortot NEB		/////////////// (same stats as regular esword)
@@ -455,17 +377,7 @@
 
 //RAINBOW MEMES
 
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow
+/obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow
 	name = "\improper Hyper-Euclidean Reciprocating Trigonometric Zweihander"
 	desc = "A custom-built toy with fancy rainbow lights built-in."
-	var/list/rainbow_colors = list("#FF0000", "#FFFF00", "#00FF00", "#00FFFF", "#0000FF","#FF00FF", "#3399ff", "#ff9900", "#fb008b", "#9800ff", "#00ffa3", "#ccff00")
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow/process()
-	. = ..()
-	var/set_color = pick(rainbow_colors)
-	light_color = set_color
-	update_light()
-	update_icon()
-
-/obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow/AltClick(mob/living/user)
-	return
+	hacked = TRUE
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm b/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm
deleted file mode 100644
index 46610f4e54..0000000000
--- a/modular_citadel/code/game/objects/items/melee/transforming.dm
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,15 +0,0 @@
-/obj/item/melee/transforming
-	var/total_mass_on //Total mass in ounces when transformed. Primarily for balance purposes. Don't think about it too hard.
-
-/obj/item/melee/transforming/getweight()
-	if(total_mass && total_mass_on)
-		if(active)
-			return max(total_mass_on,MIN_MELEE_STAMCOST)
-		else
-			return max(total_mass,MIN_MELEE_STAMCOST)
-	else
-		return initial(w_class)*1.25
-
-/obj/item/melee/transforming/cleaving_saw
-	total_mass = 2.75
-	total_mass_on = 5
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/modules/awaymissions/citadel_ghostrole_spawners.dm b/modular_citadel/code/modules/awaymissions/citadel_ghostrole_spawners.dm
index f6991f1d9f..ccbf9a42fe 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/modules/awaymissions/citadel_ghostrole_spawners.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/modules/awaymissions/citadel_ghostrole_spawners.dm
@@ -49,7 +49,7 @@
 
 /datum/outfit/lavaknight/captain
 	name ="Cydonian Knight Captain"
-	l_pocket = /obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic
+	l_pocket = /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic
 
 /datum/outfit/lavaknight/captain/post_equip(mob/living/carbon/human/H, visualsOnly = FALSE)
 	if(visualsOnly)
diff --git a/modular_citadel/code/modules/client/loadout/__donator.dm b/modular_citadel/code/modules/client/loadout/__donator.dm
index e3dbbbd490..cc156adc4b 100644
--- a/modular_citadel/code/modules/client/loadout/__donator.dm
+++ b/modular_citadel/code/modules/client/loadout/__donator.dm
@@ -220,7 +220,7 @@
 /datum/gear/torisword
 	name = "Rainbow Zweihander"
 	category = SLOT_IN_BACKPACK
-	path = /obj/item/twohanded/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow
+	path = /obj/item/twohanded/dualsaber/hypereutactic/toy/rainbow
 	ckeywhitelist = list("annoymous35")
 
 /datum/gear/darksabre
diff --git a/tgstation.dme b/tgstation.dme
index e2c4ff105a..dc4e981a4f 100755
--- a/tgstation.dme
+++ b/tgstation.dme
@@ -2901,10 +2901,8 @@
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\devices\radio\encryptionkey.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\devices\radio\headset.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\devices\radio\shockcollar.dm"
-#include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\melee\energy.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\melee\eutactic_blades.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\melee\misc.dm"
-#include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\melee\transforming.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\robot\robot_upgrades.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\items\storage\firstaid.dm"
 #include "modular_citadel\code\game\objects\structures\tables_racks.dm"