diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/inventory.dm b/code/__DEFINES/inventory.dm
index 649e0a029b..7b727fcc5a 100644
--- a/code/__DEFINES/inventory.dm
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/inventory.dm
@@ -159,6 +159,18 @@
 #define TINT_DARKENED 2			//Threshold of tint level to apply weld mask overlay
 #define TINT_BLIND 3			//Threshold of tint level to obscure vision fully
 
+// defines for AFK theft
+/// How many messages you can remember while logged out before you stop remembering new ones
+#define AFK_THEFT_MAX_MESSAGES 10
+/// If someone logs back in and there are entries older than this, just tell them they can't remember who it was or when
+#define AFK_THEFT_FORGET_DETAILS_TIME 5 MINUTES
+/// The index of the entry in 'afk_thefts' with the person's visible name at the time
+#define AFK_THEFT_NAME 1
+/// The index of the entry in 'afk_thefts' with the text
+#define AFK_THEFT_MESSAGE 2
+/// The index of the entry in 'afk_thefts' with the time it happened
+#define AFK_THEFT_TIME 3
+
 //Allowed equipment lists for security vests and hardsuits.
 
 GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(advanced_hardsuit_allowed, typecacheof(list(
diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/_lists.dm b/code/__HELPERS/_lists.dm
index 7e2abebcf9..2d0601d839 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/_lists.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/_lists.dm
@@ -19,6 +19,8 @@
 #define LAZYACCESS(L, I) (L ? (isnum(I) ? (I > 0 && I <= length(L) ? L[I] : null) : L[I]) : null)
 #define LAZYSET(L, K, V) if(!L) { L = list(); } L[K] = V;
 #define LAZYLEN(L) length(L)
+//Sets a list to null
+#define LAZYNULL(L) L = null
 #define LAZYCLEARLIST(L) if(L) L.Cut()
 #define SANITIZE_LIST(L) ( islist(L) ? L : list() )
 #define reverseList(L) reverseRange(L.Copy())
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/human_defines.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/human_defines.dm
index ac456ead3f..de934318b3 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/human_defines.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/human_defines.dm
@@ -51,6 +51,9 @@
 	var/obj/item/l_store = null
 	var/obj/item/s_store = null
 
+	/// When an braindead player has their equipment fiddled with, we log that info here for when they come back so they know who took their ID while they were DC'd for 30 seconds
+	var/list/afk_thefts
+
 	var/special_voice = "" // For changing our voice. Used by a symptom.
 
 	var/bleedsuppress = 0 //for stopping bloodloss, eventually this will be limb-based like bleeding
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/login.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/login.dm
index a89921143a..ebf76eeafa 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/login.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/login.dm
@@ -2,3 +2,33 @@
 	..()
 	if(dna?.species?.has_field_of_vision && CONFIG_GET(flag/use_field_of_vision))
 		LoadComponent(/datum/component/field_of_vision, field_of_vision_type)
+
+	if(!LAZYLEN(afk_thefts))
+		return
+
+	var/list/print_msg = list()
+	print_msg += "<span class='info'>*---------*</span>"
+	print_msg += "<span class='userdanger'>As you snap back to consciousness, you recall people messing with your stuff...</span>"
+
+	afk_thefts = reverseRange(afk_thefts)
+
+	for(var/list/iter_theft as anything in afk_thefts)
+		if(!islist(iter_theft) || LAZYLEN(iter_theft) != AFK_THEFT_TIME)
+			stack_trace("[src] ([ckey]) returned to their body and had a null/malformed afk_theft entry. Contents: [json_encode(iter_theft)]")
+			continue
+
+		var/thief_name = iter_theft[AFK_THEFT_NAME]
+		var/theft_message = iter_theft[AFK_THEFT_MESSAGE]
+		var/time_since = world.time - iter_theft[AFK_THEFT_TIME]
+
+		if(time_since > AFK_THEFT_FORGET_DETAILS_TIME)
+			print_msg += "\t<span class='danger'><b>Someone [theft_message], but it was at least [DisplayTimeText(AFK_THEFT_FORGET_DETAILS_TIME)] ago.</b></span>"
+		else
+			print_msg += "\t<span class='danger'><b>[thief_name] [theft_message] roughly [DisplayTimeText(time_since, 10)] ago.</b></span>"
+
+	if(LAZYLEN(afk_thefts) >= AFK_THEFT_MAX_MESSAGES)
+		print_msg += "<span class='warning'>There may have been more, but that's all you can remember...</span>"
+	print_msg += "<span class='info'>*---------*</span>"
+
+	to_chat(src, print_msg.Join("\n"))
+	LAZYNULL(afk_thefts)
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/living.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/living.dm
index b0d340eed0..a3e6b28fd6 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/living.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/living.dm
@@ -911,6 +911,12 @@
 					"<span class='userdanger'>[src] tries to remove your [what.name].</span>", target = src,
 					target_message = "<span class='danger'>You try to remove [who]'s [what.name].</span>")
 		what.add_fingerprint(src)
+		if(ishuman(who))
+			var/mob/living/carbon/human/victim_human = who
+			if(victim_human.key && !victim_human.client) // AKA braindead
+				if(victim_human.stat <= SOFT_CRIT && LAZYLEN(victim_human.afk_thefts) <= AFK_THEFT_MAX_MESSAGES)
+					var/list/new_entry = list(list(src.name, "tried unequipping your [what]", world.time))
+					LAZYADD(victim_human.afk_thefts, new_entry)
 	else
 		to_chat(src,"<span class='notice'>You try to remove [who]'s [what.name].</span>")
 		what.add_fingerprint(src)
@@ -957,6 +963,13 @@
 			to_chat(src, "<span class='warning'>\The [what.name] doesn't fit in that place!</span>")
 			return
 
+		if(ishuman(who))
+			var/mob/living/carbon/human/victim_human = who
+			if(victim_human.key && !victim_human.client) // AKA braindead
+				if(victim_human.stat <= SOFT_CRIT && LAZYLEN(victim_human.afk_thefts) <= AFK_THEFT_MAX_MESSAGES)
+					var/list/new_entry = list(list(src.name, "tried equipping you with [what]", world.time))
+					LAZYADD(victim_human.afk_thefts, new_entry)
+
 		who.visible_message("<span class='notice'>[src] tries to put [what] on [who].</span>",
 			"<span class='notice'>[src] tries to put [what] on you.</span>", target = src,
 			target_message = "<span class='notice'>You try to put [what] on [who].</span>")