diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/cmp.dm b/code/__HELPERS/cmp.dm
index c0501b4e41..87f3a32b0d 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/cmp.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/cmp.dm
@@ -85,6 +85,9 @@ GLOBAL_VAR_INIT(cmp_field, "name")
 /proc/cmp_job_display_asc(datum/job/A, datum/job/B)
 	return A.display_order - B.display_order
 
+/proc/cmp_uplink_items_dsc(datum/uplink_item/A, datum/uplink_item/B)
+	return sorttext(initial(B.name), initial(A.name))
+
 /proc/cmp_numbered_displays_name_asc(datum/numbered_display/A, datum/numbered_display/B)
 	return sorttext(A.sample_object.name, B.sample_object.name)
 
diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/global_lists.dm b/code/__HELPERS/global_lists.dm
index 7852251230..a7bf5da17f 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/global_lists.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/global_lists.dm
@@ -97,6 +97,16 @@
 		var/datum/emote/E = new path()
 		E.emote_list[E.key] = E
 
+	//Uplink Items
+	for(var/path in subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
+		var/datum/uplink_item/I = path
+		if(!initial(I.item)) //We add categories to a separate list.
+			GLOB.uplink_categories |= initial(I.category)
+			continue
+		GLOB.uplink_items += path
+	//(sub)typesof entries are listed by the order they are loaded in the code, so we'll have to rearrange them here.
+	GLOB.uplink_items = sortList(GLOB.uplink_items, /proc/cmp_uplink_items_dsc)
+
 	init_subtypes(/datum/crafting_recipe, GLOB.crafting_recipes)
 
 //creates every subtype of prototype (excluding prototype) and adds it to list L.
diff --git a/code/_globalvars/lists/objects.dm b/code/_globalvars/lists/objects.dm
index 14c752613b..fa68fab85f 100644
--- a/code/_globalvars/lists/objects.dm
+++ b/code/_globalvars/lists/objects.dm
@@ -19,6 +19,8 @@ GLOBAL_LIST(chemical_reagents_list)				//list of all /datum/reagent datums index
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(materials_list)				//list of all /datum/material datums indexed by material id.
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(tech_list)					//list of all /datum/tech datums indexed by id.
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(surgeries_list)				//list of all surgeries by name, associated with their path.
+GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(uplink_items)					//list of all uplink item typepaths, ascendingly sorted by their initial name.
+GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(uplink_categories)			//list of all uplink categories, listed by the order they are loaded in code. Be careful.
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(crafting_recipes)				//list of all table craft recipes
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(rcd_list)					//list of Rapid Construction Devices.
 GLOBAL_LIST_EMPTY(apcs_list)					//list of all Area Power Controller machines, separate from machines for powernet speeeeeeed.
diff --git a/code/modules/holiday/halloween/halloween.dm b/code/modules/holiday/halloween/halloween.dm
index 5b9b2ac21d..24225c1a20 100644
--- a/code/modules/holiday/halloween/halloween.dm
+++ b/code/modules/holiday/halloween/halloween.dm
@@ -252,12 +252,11 @@
 // Spooky Uplink Items //
 /////////////////////////
 
-/datum/uplink_item/dangerous/crossbow/candy
+/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/crossbow/candy
 	name = "Candy Corn Crossbow"
 	desc = "A standard miniature energy crossbow that uses a hard-light projector to transform bolts into candy corn. Happy Halloween!"
 	category = "Holiday"
 	item = /obj/item/gun/energy/kinetic_accelerator/crossbow/halloween
-	cost = 12
 	surplus = 0
 
 /datum/uplink_item/device_tools/emag/hack_o_lantern
diff --git a/code/modules/uplink/uplink_items.dm b/code/modules/uplink/uplink_items.dm
index aef3b31895..cf663e353f 100644
--- a/code/modules/uplink/uplink_items.dm
+++ b/code/modules/uplink/uplink_items.dm
@@ -1,13 +1,9 @@
-GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
-
-/proc/get_uplink_items(var/datum/game_mode/gamemode = null, allow_sales = TRUE, allow_restricted = TRUE)
-	var/list/filtered_uplink_items = list()
+/proc/get_uplink_items(datum/game_mode/gamemode, allow_sales = TRUE, allow_restricted = TRUE)
+	var/list/filtered_uplink_items = GLOB.uplink_categories.Copy() // list of uplink categories without associated values.
 	var/list/sale_items = list()
 
 	for(var/path in GLOB.uplink_items)
 		var/datum/uplink_item/I = new path
-		if(!I.item)
-			continue
 		if(I.include_modes.len)
 			if(!gamemode && SSticker.mode && !(SSticker.mode.type in I.include_modes))
 				continue
@@ -23,9 +19,8 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 		if (I.restricted && !allow_restricted)
 			continue
 
-		if(!filtered_uplink_items[I.category])
-			filtered_uplink_items[I.category] = list()
-		filtered_uplink_items[I.category][I.name] = I
+		LAZYSET(filtered_uplink_items[I.category], I.name, I)
+
 		if(I.limited_stock < 0 && !I.cant_discount && I.item && I.cost > 1)
 			sale_items += I
 	if(allow_sales)
@@ -45,9 +40,12 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 			A.desc += " Normally costs [initial(A.cost)] TC. All sales final. [pick(disclaimer)]"
 			A.item = I.item
 
-			if(!filtered_uplink_items[A.category])
-				filtered_uplink_items[A.category] = list()
-			filtered_uplink_items[A.category][A.name] = A
+			LAZYSET(filtered_uplink_items[A.category], A.name, A)
+
+	for(var/category in filtered_uplink_items)
+		if(!filtered_uplink_items[category]) //empty categories with no associated uplink item. Remove.
+			filtered_uplink_items -= category
+
 	return filtered_uplink_items
 
 
@@ -106,16 +104,77 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 	to_chat(user, "[A] materializes onto the floor.")
 	return A
 
-//Discounts (dynamically filled above)
-/datum/uplink_item/discounts
-	category = "Discounted Gear"
+/*
+	Uplink Categories:
+	Due to how the typesof() in-built byond proc works, it should be kept in mind
+	the order categories are displayed in the uplink UI is same to the order they are loaded in the code.
+	I trust no extra filter is needed as long as they are all contained within the following lines.
+	When adding new uplink categories, please keep them separate from their sub paths here and without set item.
+	Failure to comply may result in the new categories being listed at the bottom of the UI.
+*/
+
+/datum/uplink_item/holiday
+	category = "Holiday"
 
-//All bundles and telecrystals
 /datum/uplink_item/bundles_TC
 	category = "Bundles and Telecrystals"
 	surplus = 0
 	cant_discount = TRUE
 
+/datum/uplink_item/dangerous
+	category = "Conspicuous and Dangerous Weapons"
+
+/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons
+	category = "Stealthy and Inconspicuous Weapons"
+
+/datum/uplink_item/ammo
+	category = "Ammunition"
+	surplus = 40
+
+/datum/uplink_item/explosives
+	category = "Grenades and Explosives"
+
+/datum/uplink_item/support
+	category = "Support and Mechanized Exosuits"
+	surplus = 0
+	include_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear)
+
+/datum/uplink_item/suits
+	category = "Space Suits, Hardsuits and Clothing"
+	surplus = 40
+
+/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_tools
+	category = "Stealth and Camouflage Items"
+
+/datum/uplink_item/device_tools
+	category = "Devices and Tools"
+
+/datum/uplink_item/implants
+	category = "Implants"
+	surplus = 50
+
+/datum/uplink_item/role_restricted
+	category = "Role-Restricted"
+	exclude_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear, /datum/game_mode/nuclear/clown_ops)
+	surplus = 0
+
+/datum/uplink_item/badass
+	category = "(Pointless) Badassery"
+	surplus = 0
+
+//Discounts (dynamically filled above)
+/datum/uplink_item/discounts
+	category = "Discounted Gear"
+
+
+/*
+	Uplink Items:
+	Unlike categories, uplink item entries are automatically sorted alphabetically on server init in a global list,
+	When adding new entries to the file, please keep them sorted by category.
+*/
+
+//All bundles and telecrystals
+
 /datum/uplink_item/bundles_TC/chemical
 	name = "Bioterror bundle"
 	desc = "For the madman: Contains a handheld Bioterror chem sprayer, a Bioterror foam grenade, a box of lethal chemicals, a dart pistol, \
@@ -288,8 +347,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 	cost = 20
 
 // Dangerous Items
-/datum/uplink_item/dangerous
-	category = "Conspicuous and Dangerous Weapons"
 
 /datum/uplink_item/dangerous/pistol
 	name = "Stechkin Pistol"
@@ -544,8 +601,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 	surplus = 10
 
 // Stealthy Weapons
-/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons
-	category = "Stealthy and Inconspicuous Weapons"
 
 /datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/combatglovesplus
 	name = "Combat Gloves Plus"
@@ -564,12 +619,6 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(uplink_items, subtypesof(/datum/uplink_item))
 	cost = 13
 	surplus = 0
 
-/datum/uplink_item/dangerous/phantomthief
-	name = "Syndicate Mask"
-	desc = "A cheap plastic mask fitted with an adrenaline autoinjector, which can be used by simply tensing your muscles"
-	item = /obj/item/clothing/glasses/phantomthief/syndicate
-	cost = 2
-
 /datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/dart_pistol
 	name = "Dart Pistol"
 	desc = "A miniaturized version of a normal syringe gun. It is very quiet when fired and can fit into any \
@@ -671,9 +720,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	cost = 6
 
 // Ammunition
-/datum/uplink_item/ammo
-	category = "Ammunition"
-	surplus = 40
 
 /datum/uplink_item/ammo/pistol
 	name = "10mm Handgun Magazine"
@@ -923,8 +969,7 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	cost = 1
 	include_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear)
 
-/datum/uplink_item/explosives
-	category = "Grenades and Explosives"
+//Grenades and Explosives
 
 /datum/uplink_item/explosives/bioterrorfoam
 	name = "Bioterror Foam Grenade"
@@ -1081,10 +1126,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 
 
 //Support and Mechs
-/datum/uplink_item/support
-	category = "Support and Mechanized Exosuits"
-	surplus = 0
-	include_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear)
 
 /datum/uplink_item/support/clown_reinforcement
 	name = "Clown Reinforcements"
@@ -1155,8 +1196,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	cost = 140
 
 // Stealth Items
-/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_tools
-	category = "Stealth and Camouflage Items"
 
 /datum/uplink_item/stealthy_tools/agent_card
 	name = "Agent Identification Card"
@@ -1266,17 +1305,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	item = /obj/item/jammer
 	cost = 5
 
-/*/datum/uplink_item/stealthy_tools/syndi_borer
-	name = "Syndicate Brain Slug"
-	desc = "A small cortical borer, modified to be completely loyal to the owner. \
-			Genetically infertile, these brain slugs can assist medically in a support role, or take direct action \
-			to assist their host."
-	item = /obj/item/antag_spawner/syndi_borer
-	refundable = TRUE
-	cost = 10
-	surplus = 20 //Let's not have this be too common
-	exclude_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear) */
-
 /datum/uplink_item/stealthy_tools/smugglersatchel
 	name = "Smuggler's Satchel"
 	desc = "This satchel is thin enough to be hidden in the gap between plating and tiling; great for stashing \
@@ -1287,9 +1315,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	surplus = 30
 
 //Space Suits and Hardsuits
-/datum/uplink_item/suits
-	category = "Space Suits, Hardsuits and Clothing"
-	surplus = 40
 
 /datum/uplink_item/suits/turtlenck
 	name = "Tactical Turtleneck"
@@ -1364,8 +1389,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	exclude_modes = list()
 
 // Devices and Tools
-/datum/uplink_item/device_tools
-	category = "Devices and Tools"
 
 /datum/uplink_item/device_tools/emag
 	name = "Cryptographic Sequencer"
@@ -1380,6 +1403,12 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	item = /obj/item/emagrecharge
 	cost = 2
 
+/datum/uplink_item/device_tools/phantomthief
+	name = "Syndicate Mask"
+	desc = "A cheap plastic mask fitted with an adrenaline autoinjector, which can be used by simply tensing your muscles"
+	item = /obj/item/clothing/glasses/phantomthief/syndicate
+	cost = 2
+
 /datum/uplink_item/device_tools/cutouts
 	name = "Adaptive Cardboard Cutouts"
 	desc = "These cardboard cutouts are coated with a thin material that prevents discoloration and makes the images on them appear more lifelike. \
@@ -1599,9 +1628,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 
 
 // Implants
-/datum/uplink_item/implants
-	category = "Implants"
-	surplus = 50
 
 /datum/uplink_item/implants/adrenal
 	name = "Adrenal Implant"
@@ -1698,10 +1724,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	include_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear)
 
 // Role-specific items
-/datum/uplink_item/role_restricted
-	category = "Role-Restricted"
-	exclude_modes = list(/datum/game_mode/nuclear, /datum/game_mode/nuclear/clown_ops)
-	surplus = 0
 
 /datum/uplink_item/role_restricted/ancient_jumpsuit
 	name = "Ancient Jumpsuit"
@@ -1929,10 +1951,7 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	item = /obj/item/gun/energy/emitter
 	restricted_roles = list("Chief Engineer", "Station Engineer", "Atmospheric Technician")
 
-// Pointless
-/datum/uplink_item/badass
-	category = "(Pointless) Badassery"
-	surplus = 0
+// Pointless (Badassery)
 
 /datum/uplink_item/badass/costumes/obvious_chameleon
 	name = "Broken Chameleon Kit"
@@ -1986,12 +2005,6 @@ datum/uplink_item/stealthy_weapons/taeclowndo_shoes
 	item = /obj/item/storage/secure/briefcase/syndie
 	cost = 1
 
-/datum/uplink_item/badass/phantomthief
-	name = "Syndicate Mask"
-	desc = "A cheap plastic mask fitted with an adrenaline autoinjector, which can be used by simply tensing your muscles"
-	item = /obj/item/clothing/glasses/phantomthief/syndicate
-	cost = 2
-
 /datum/uplink_item/badass/syndiecards
 	name = "Syndicate Playing Cards"
 	desc = "A special deck of space-grade playing cards with a mono-molecular edge and metal reinforcement, \